Surviving the Rain
by wandb
Summary: Extreme circumstances force Bella and Edward into an intense relationship amidst devastation, but will their foundation be enough to survive reality? AH. B/E. Rated M.
1. Chapter 1 Breaking Point

**A/N: Hi everyone! It's time to embark on a new journey! I hope you enjoy this.**

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.

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**Chapter 1: Breaking Point**

"Please don't do this," I begged, but he just wouldn't let it go. I hated this. I hated the look of contempt on his face. Gone were the sweet and endearing looks of the past. They had been replaced by scorn, anger and hurt.

"What did you expect?" he asked firmly. "Did you think that I'd be okay being a widower to your job? That I'd be okay being your occasional sidekick for parties, but then ignored every other minute? You know, I have needs, too."

"Please don't…it's been unusually busy. It won't always be this way, I promise. I'm doing the best I can. I'm doing this for us!" I sobbed, reaching out for him, but he pulled away from my touch.

"No, you're not. If I meant anything to you, you'd have met me halfway. There were plenty of opportunities and yet nothing has changed." He briefly made eye contact, and then looked down at the floor. He was never one for being open about his feelings.

"How can you say that? How can you question my feelings? You know how much you mean to me."

"No, Bella. I don't," he deadpanned.

How had it come to this between us? We'd been through so much together. I was so hurt and confused.

"I wasn't good enough for you?" I didn't want him to answer because I had the distinct feeling that I already knew what he was going to say.

"I loved you once and I'm sorry that it's come down to this, but I don't think we can go back from here. I wouldn't even know where to start. It's just been too long and so much has changed between us. I think once you calm down and think about it, you'll see that this is for the best."

"Don't say that. I don't want you to leave. Please don't leave me. How can you walk out on me after everything we've been through?" The words were barely comprehensible as I sobbed.

"I'm sorry. I have to go."

He turned on his heels, grabbed his bag and left. The door echoed as it slammed in our now empty house, reminding me of my solitude.

I sank to the floor, bringing my knees up to my chest as I laid my head down on them in despair.

I couldn't imagine a future without him. I drove him away. My obsession with my career had driven a wedge between us and that was the last thing I wanted. I did this. I didn't mean to do it, but I had all the same and that thought haunted me.

How had I not seen the distance growing between us? What kind of person was I when I didn't even know that he was so miserable that he had to leave just to feel alive?

I had no sense of time as I sat in the foyer, crying. My life as I knew it was over. I feared that even if he had stayed and talked that I'd never be able to get him back, yet I still clung to that hope.

A knock on the door jolted me. For the briefest of moments, I thought it might be him, telling me that he'd made a mistake. I hoped that he'd come around and realized that he did love me and that we could work through this together.

My hopes were dashed as I flung open the door to see a police officer on my porch. I wiped my eyes, trying to compose myself, despite my shock and disheveled state.

"Can I help you?" I asked, through my sniffles.

"Yes, ma'am. I'm sorry about the late hour, but I'm afraid I have some bad news." He had a hint of a southern accent and his demeanor was calm and professional.

I felt the hair on my neck stand on end as his words sunk in.

Bad news.

"Please come in," I said, standing to the side to allow the officer to pass.

He nodded and walked into the dimly lit foyer, removing his hat politely.

"I'm afraid there's been an accident," he started. My heart sank as he said his next words. "Your husband was driving on Pacific Coast Hwy and was hit by a drunk driver. He was taken to the hospital and they did everything they could to revive him, but his injuries were just too great. I'm very sorry to say that he died."

The air flew from my lungs and it felt like I couldn't breathe. I couldn't move. I was stunned; praying silently that this was a mistake.

_Maybe they have the wrong house. This can't be right._

"No…it's not possible…he was just here…he was fine." The officer gave me a sympathetic look and handed me a card. He explained again about the details of the crash and checked my ID, confirming my identity.

There was no mistake. It was really him.

"I'm sorry, ma'am. This is my contact information if you need anything at all. But for now, I do need to ask you to come with me to identify the body," he said. "I know it's hard, but we need your help, and of course, your permission to release the body."

_The body? This was my husband!_

I didn't bother to argue with the officer. I was too numb.

"Is there someone you want to call? To be with you?"

"No. There's no one."

The reality of that statement hit me hard and a new wave of tears fell from my eyes.

We arrived at the station and I was shuffled to the morgue through a crowd of criminals and officers. It was all a big blur; fuzzy like it wasn't really happening. I felt like I was watching someone else go through this instead of living it myself. Everything around me was like white noise, it was there in the background but I didn't notice anything, couldn't decipher it, and couldn't feel anything.

The morgue attendant briefly conferred with the officers while I wrapped my arms around my middle in an attempt to crawl into myself and hide from reality.

Together we walked over to a small, elevated, refrigerator-looking door, and the attendant opened it, revealing a sheet-covered body. I gasped, knowing what I was about to see. I'd been around death before, but this was excruciating.

_I can't do this._

He pulled back the sheet to reveal my husband's face. He was badly bruised and cut, but there was no mistaking him. His once lively features were still. His face, which only earlier this evening held so much contempt and emotion, was stoic, unfeeling. His skin was ashen, the life it contained no longer there.

I let out a loud wail and rested my cheek on his cold chest.

"I'm so sorry." It was all I could say. "For everything."

He was gone. There would be no chance for reconciliation, as I hoped for earlier. He died harboring horrible thoughts about me. He died because I wasn't a good enough wife to keep him happy. This was my fault and I would never forget that his life ended because of me.

I was so angry. Angry with him for leaving. Angry with the doctors for not saving him. Angry that they hadn't contacted me sooner. Angry with myself for not being able to stop it.

One minute I thought I had it all, and the next everything was gone. That night showed me just how deep my failures ran. In spite of all my planning, all my hard work, everything I thought I knew was a lie. I was helpless to the hands of fate.

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**A/N: So, what did you think? That would be a tough thing to get over, wouldn't it? **

**Leave me review to let me know your thoughts. I write for you guys, so it's nice to know if it's resonating. **

**As usual for me, I'll be giving teasers for reviews! **

**I can't say enough about all the help I got from my betas. This story has already gone through multiple iterations, and I'm only on the first chapter. So, scsquared and TwiHeart, THANK YOU for talking me down off the ledge and putting up with my neurotic behavior. I love you guys! **

**Also, thanks to my pre-readers, Sunfeathers, jermak99 and ellierk for making me feel not so nervous! **


	2. Chapter 2 Escape

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. **

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**Chapter 2: Escape**

**Edward**

My life had gotten crazy in the past few years, to the point that I no longer recognized it; like I was living someone else's life. I was constantly shuttled from event to event, having my ass kissed by everyone I met and having to kiss my fair share as well.

As a writer, I always preferred solitude to most social situations. I'd thought about teaching or pursing my PhD but decided to take some time off to pursue my passion. When I wrote, I was inspired. I could escape into my mind and let my words have meaning, instead of the useless tripe being spouted everywhere I went. I published my first book last year and since then, everything I loved about writing had gone away. In its place was a nonstop barrage of book signings and publicity tours. I barely had time to think much less do what I loved.

It wasn't that I was anti-social but I much preferred small groups to large crowds. Unfortunately, it seemed that lately, I'd had more than my share of large crowds and huge parties. The conversations were insincere most of the time and I felt like I was going through the motions instead of actually forming relationships.

The success of the book definitely had perks. I could support myself doing what I loved. I could share my passion with people and I was always amazed at hearing readers' stories about how I entertained them, or touched their lives in some way.

Unfortunately, there was also a downside to celebrity that was much more difficult than I'd imagined. People recognized me from my book cover and talk shows. They took my picture no matter where I was or what I was doing. I had no privacy. Nothing was mine anymore. My life felt completely fake much of the time and I had to endure it alone.

I would have loved to date more and find someone I could be close with, but even if I had the time, it seemed like everyone I met had an agenda and some preconceived idea about me. Women threw themselves at me, having never spoken a word to me.

The book tour and publicity commitments were winding down, but my publisher was pressuring me to start another book so we could keep up the momentum from the first book's success. I didn't like the pressure and I didn't want to become a machine. I wanted to write when I felt inspired, not when my demanding publisher dictated it. Victoria meant well, but her pushy nature had begun to rub me the wrong way.

I scheduled a trip to visit my brother and parents in Washington State. I needed to put my life into perspective. Being at home was the only time and place where I felt normal, happy. They didn't treat me differently and I never realized just how much I needed that.

"Dude, you look like shit," Jasper said when he picked me up from the airport.

"Thanks, asshole," I answered with a smile. It was good to be home.

He pulled me into a one-armed guy hug and I reciprocated.

We grabbed my bag and headed toward his car.

"So, you gonna tell me why you're here?" he asked once we were on the road to his house.

"What? I'm not allowed to visit you?" I asked, knowing I wasn't being entirely honest.

"You never come to visit anymore. Come on, what's going on?" he asked, seeing through me.

"I just needed to get away," I sighed as I ran my hands through my hair, a nervous habit I found myself doing when frustrated and something I'd been doing a lot lately. "Victoria's got me running all over the fucking place and I just wanted a break."

He nodded and fidgeted with his fingers on the steering wheel. "Well, whatever it is, it's good to see you."

We spent the remainder of the car ride catching up with each other. Jasper was two years younger than me and we'd always been close. He lived in Seattle, a relatively short drive from where we grew up. My parents still lived there, in a town called Forks. It was really small and had an odd mix of people who called it home. My parents loved it, but Jasper and I couldn't wait to get out, so we both moved upon graduation. It was ironic that I was so anxious back then to get out and see the world, and now I was living in New York, longing for the quiet and peace of home.

That night, Jasper and I went out for a while to play pool. It was nice to be able to talk to someone and do normal things. Even though I could see people taking pictures of me with their phones, my brother was there and that made me feel normal.

"Are you Edward Cullen?" a woman asked, just as I was lining up the balls.

"Uh…yeah…" I replied, setting down the cue stick, not able to complete my shot.

She started screaming at the top of her lungs and motioning towards her friends. People were staring, wondering what caused the commotion. The noise was piercing and I became extremely embarrassed. I had just wanted a nice night out away from all of this.

"Ohmiodohmigodohmigod! I knew it was you, but my girlfriend insisted that you lived in New York. I just knew it," she babbled, pulling out her phone to take pictures of me.

Meanwhile, her friends joined her and I began to feel like an animal at the zoo, on display for all to see. I fucking hated this. I really wanted to just hang out with Jasper and feel normal. Other authors didn't have to deal with this. Part of me blamed Victoria, as she had my face plastered on every street corner and mode of mass transportation for publicity.

Jasper just chuckled and watched me getting practically molested by these drunk girls. I managed to extricate myself from their clutches without offending anyone, or telling them I was gay, so I could get back to the game. This was a special talent I had mastered over the last year. I always felt a little bit drained after this type of encounter.

"So, tell me what else is going on with you? You seeing anyone? Making any friends?" Jasper asked as he waited for me to finally take my shot.

I laughed as I took a swig of my beer. "Are you kidding me? I haven't got time to even think about dating. Besides, I wouldn't know who the hell to ask out."

"Edward, you're famous. You have hot chicks throwing themselves at you all the time. That cute blond girl seemed to be pretty in to you," Jasper said with a hint of jealousy in his voice, nodding towards where the women were still giggling across the bar.

I chuckled. "Yeah, but her friend made my ears bleed. It's not all it's cracked up to be. The opportunity is definitely there, but those girls aren't interested in me. Not really. They're interested in me to the extent that they've seen my face on a book jacket or on a television show, not me as a person."

"I know you've never been the type to sleep around, but you should at least have some fun. New York is huge. There's got to be some nice girls out there."

"Ah, who the hell cares? I don't have time to date, anyway."

Jasper set his cue stick down and gazed at me, his expression serious. "This is your life we're talking about. You don't have to live that way."

"No offense, but it's hard for you to understand. People like you for you, not what you can do for them. You have your privacy. I don't."

He shook his head and sighed. "Look, don't patronize me. I know you better than anyone and I've never seen you so unhappy. If your celebrity status is making you miserable, then take a break. Go somewhere where people don't know you. Do something for you for a change."

"Oh yeah, right. I'm just supposed to up and leave? Where would I go?"

"I don't know. Go on a trip. Do something fun. You've mentioned those relief organizations that work abroad before. Why not do something like that? You'd get the break you need and help people at the same time. It'd be rewarding. You might actually enjoy yourself. All I know is that what you're doing now isn't working and life's too short to be miserable."

He knew me so well and could obviously see that I was a stone's throw away from losing it. I was a ticking time bomb. This trip was a last ditch effort to find some peace in my life. But Jasper had planted an interesting seed in my mind. I'd felt so trapped, but he was right. This was _my_ life. Maybe I _could_ make a change.

For the next month after I got back from Washington, I researched aid organizations and made some contacts. I had always wanted to help people, but never knew how and as a result was easily overwhelmed by all the options. Still, my parents raised me to be charitable and I knew how fortunate I was to be living in the United States and enjoy the privileges I'd had growing up and that fame provided. The idea of going abroad began to make a lot of sense to me.

I found an organization out of San Francisco called the World Food Program or WFP for short, which worked with third world countries. They provided a multitude of services ranging from medical care to water treatment to crisis preparation. I read testimonials and talked to several people who had volunteered and finally decided to make the leap and sign up.

It felt good to be doing something outside of my crazy, over-scheduled life. My parents always taught me that there was no greater sense of satisfaction than that from helping others. I finally understood what that meant.

I'd chosen Central America, because I'd heard it was beautiful and the people were among the most malnourished in the world. It broke my heart to think about people literally starving while I had so much excess around me. I hoped that I could make a difference. The fact that I spoke a little Spanish was also a plus.

"You've got to be fucking kidding me," Victoria said, seething into the phone. "Guatemala? Are you going through some sort of early mid-life crisis or some such bullshit?"

"I don't expect you to understand," I said, exasperated. "This is something I need to do for me. Do you know when the last time I did something for me was?"

"All right, Edward," she acquiesced, "I'll play along. When?"

"When I wrote my book. That's the last time I can remember being happy. Look, I'm not talking about forever, but I just need a break. I want to do something bigger than all of this. Can you understand that?"

"You will come back, though, right? I'm not going to have to fetch you down in Central America, am I? You won't go all Dances with Wolves on me now and join up with some native clan, will you?"

"I promise I'll be back," I reassured her.

So, that was how I came to be on this particular boat on some isolated river in Guatemala. I'd never felt so hot in my life. It was almost unbearable. There was no breeze at all, and the air was thick with humidity. The bugs nipped at my neck and I struggled to keep them at bay. The scenery was green and lush from the excessive rains. I looked around nervously at the faces of the others on the boat and realized just how far I'd come.

This was certainly a far cry from the bustling streets of New York, and if I was being honest, I already felt more relaxed.

The boat docked and I climbed out onto a dock, which was suspended just inches above the muddy river's edge. I was greeted by smiles from the locals, and I nervously smiled back. I had no idea where to go.

I was told that a representative from WFP would meet me, but as I looked around, all I saw were the adorable faces of the local children and their mothers. A few men worked the docks, but there didn't appear to be anyone interested in me. It was strange not to be recognized and even though I was lost, I loved it.

"Are you Edward?" a man's voice called from my left.

I turned and nodded. "Yeah."

He stuck out his hand to shake mine. "¡Hola amigo! Bienvenido. I'm Carlisle. I'm the local administrator for the WFP."

Carlisle was in his late 30's or early 40's and had a strong presence. He wore cargo shorts, a t-shirt and Tevo sandals, as anything more would be unbearable in the heat. He wasn't physically much taller than I was, but there was an air about him that demanded respect. I liked him immediately.

"We've been anxious for your arrival here. We had two people go home last week, so we're short of help. There's plenty of work to go around." He ushered me into an old, open Jeep and we made our way through the small town.

"The biggest issue we face here is the lack of proper facilities, clean water being the biggest challenge. WFP has been instrumental in helping these people obtain water, but it's expensive and the income here is far below the poverty level. To add insult to injury, this area is prone to a lot of natural disasters and so whatever resources they do have often get destroyed by floods."

He continued to explain more about what we were doing and how the team was set up. Apparently, there were about twenty volunteers and employees who lived in a camp-like facility on the outskirts of a small rural town about an hour's drive away. They had been pounded by natural disasters. A recent tropical storm and subsequent mud slides had caused considerable destruction and injuries in the small village and surrounding areas. Lives had been lost, and livelihoods destroyed from the devastation and reduction in tourism. Carlisle's team was doing everything they could to help those severely impacted.

Some of his team were retired professionals, but most of them were like me; people who wanted to help and looked at this as an adventure. Some were here for only a few weeks, while others stayed for months, or even years. It was the first worthwhile thing I'd done in a long time.

The road was unpaved in many places and quite bumpy, but the breeze from the open Jeep was a refreshing reprieve from the oppressing heat. The buildings were dilapidated and painted bright colors. People lined the street, selling whatever goods they had. Poverty was rampant. It was heartbreaking.

We pulled into the camp and I realized that Carlisle hadn't been exaggerating about the conditions. The buildings we stayed in were run down shacks, built from cinder blocks with wooden flat roofs.

There were a few people wandering around, but other than that, it was pretty desolate. Apparently, at this time of day, most of the volunteers were out in the field.

"Why don't you get settled and I'll meet up with you later to give you the tour. If I come back in an hour, will that give you enough time? Most of the volunteers will be back by then," Carlisle said, looking his watch.

"Sure. An hour sounds great."

The volunteer bunks were all situated in a row at the far end of camp. Each of us had our own room that looked very much like a dorm room. The walls were sturdy, but the roofs looked like they could fall at any moment. Each room had a tandem bathroom that was shared with the neighboring room. Although small, my room had a cozy feeling to it. I sat down on the lumpy cot that would serve as my bed and couldn't help the smile that overtook my face. I unpacked my things with an overwhelming sense of satisfaction. Despite the miserable conditions, I hadn't felt this alive in years.

Carlisle was punctual and an hour later I was walking through the camp being introduced.

I met Emmett, who apparently worked in construction and helped with rebuilding efforts. He was tall and muscular, and had a very pleasant disposition. He worked with another volunteer named James, who wasn't as openly friendly as Emmett, and seemed much more intense. Apparently if you gave either of them a hammer and nails, they could build or fix anything. Not being very handy myself, I appreciated the skill set. I could definitely see how their skills would be useful here. Everything I'd seen today had been in a complete state of disrepair.

"You two will be working together," Carlisle said. "With all that's happened here, they could really use the help."

_Me? With tools? Not good._

"Uh, I don't have any construction skills," I said lamely. Aside from a wood shop class I'd taken as a kid, I knew nothing about construction.

"Emmett will show the ropes, don't worry," Carlisle reassured me. "Plus, just having you here will help a lot. You'll see."

I wasn't so sure.

"Don't worry, man," Emmett chimed in. "We've got plenty to do. There are entire neighborhoods that are isolated because of road damage. People have been stuck in their homes for a week. Trust me; there are plenty of ways to help."

I nodded lamely, not having witnessed what he was talking about to put his comments into perspective. I found myself looking forward to spending more time on the "front line".

Next, we walked into the food prep area. It not only fed the volunteers but also served as a place to prepare food to take to the locals. It had an industrial-sized kitchen, but by U.S. standards, it was run down and looked barely functional. There were large bags of cornmeal on the counters and huge pots situated on the stovetop. There was a tent area adjacent to the kitchen that served as a cafeteria, with long, wooden tables and benches.

I was introduced to Riley, a young guy who worked in the food operations, which looked like a huge undertaking. There were others who helped him, including Carlisle who oversaw everything.

We walked past a small room that was set up as a classroom. There were no children present at that time, but I could see the alphabet written on an old chalkboard in the front and children's artwork taped to the walls. Apparently, a woman named Heidi was the local teacher, but she wasn't around. It amazed me that this was where children learned, as the conditions were so appalling. These children not only had to worry about learning, but surviving. I couldn't imagine it.

The deplorable conditions, although described to me in great detail before, were still so shocking and unbelievable to witness firsthand. It was definitely one of those experiences that you couldn't fully comprehend until you lived it.

So far, no one recognized me and I was so happy that I could just be myself without worrying about anything other than how I could help. This was real, not the plastic world in which I normally lived.

"I want you to meet Dr. Swan," Carlisle said as we walked away from the classroom toward a building with a red cross next to the door.

He smiled. "She's the best of the best. She works hand in hand with Emmett and his team and has been instrumental in getting basic medical care to those affected by the storm and the subsequent flooding."

"Dr. Swan?" Carlisle said to a woman as we walked in. She had her back to us, so all I could see was the back of her dress and a brown ponytail that hung down her back. Her long, shapely legs emerged from the bottom of her skirt and I couldn't help but stare.

I didn't know why, but I wasn't expecting a woman to be the head doctor, let alone a young woman. I shook my head, disappointingly. I was never much for stereotyping, yet I caught myself doing exactly that.

She turned upon hearing Carlisle's voice and smiled sweetly. A blush crept onto her cheeks and she seemed shy. She was absolutely beautiful, probably in her early thirties. She had fair skin and deep brown eyes that lit up with her smile. She was very petite and looked as if a strong wind would blow her over.

"I'd like you to meet Edward," Carlisle said, motioning toward me. "He's been assigned to Emmett's team and I know you'll help him get settled. Edward, this is Dr. Bella Swan."

I stuck out my hand and she reciprocated. Her soft, delicate hand slipped into mine as she looked earnestly into my eyes. Her grip was firm and I was beginning to think my earlier assessment of her being fragile was incorrect. Her eyes bored into my mind and I felt as if she could see my thoughts by a simple look. There was strength to this woman and I found myself curious and intrigued.

"It's nice to meet you, Dr. Swan," I said. "You've got quite an operation here."

"Well, we're proud of what we've accomplished, but I can't take the credit. The staff here is amazing. And there's still so much to be done."

_Hmm, she's humble too._

"Okay then, I'm going to leave you two to get acquainted," Carlisle said, pulling me from my daze. "Dr. Swan will show you around the clinic. I'll see you tonight at dinner."

Carlisle left and Dr. Swan motioned for me to follow her.

"So, what brought you to Guatemala and to WFP?" she asked casually as she showed me around the clinic.

"My life was pretty chaotic, so I thought I could use a change." I was honest, yet intentionally vague. I didn't want to say anything that might make her recognize me. I was enjoying the anonymity.

"I can certainly understand that," she said sweetly. "We all need a break sometime."

"What about you?" I asked. "What brought you here?"

Her expression fell and I could tell that I'd made her instantly uncomfortable.

"Oh…uh… you know…the usual… I just…I wanted to help people." Her voice was uneven and strained, not soft like before.

_Why is she so nervous?_

"You've certainly done that, Dr. Swan," I said, trying to put her back at ease. "I'm very impressed. I'm sure the local population is extremely grateful for your help."

She looked down at the floor and the blush returned to her cheeks. "Thank you. And please call me Bella."

_Bella. Beautiful._

"Bella, it is." I said with a smile.

I had a feeling that I was going to like working with Bella. A lot.

"Edward, we're always glad for the help here, but you should know that I've had quite a bit of frustration with Emmett and his team. People in the village need care and to get it, I have to be able to get to them. I know he's working hard, but it's frustrating to have the ability to help and not be able to reach them. I hope that you can help them make the process more successful."

I wasn't expecting her to be that candid. What the hell could I do to help? It was my first day and I had no construction skills to speak of. But, the way she spoke to me made me want to try that much harder. Hell, I'd become a master craftsman if it meant I'd see her smile again.

That night at dinner, I stealthily sought out Bella, trying not to appear too eager. She was sitting with Carlisle and Emmett at the far end of the cafeteria. It had started to rain heavily and the sounds of the raindrops on the tent created a constant hum.

"Glad you made it," Bella said brightly when she saw me. "It's raining awfully hard and I thought you might have gotten swept away."

_Is she flirting with me? God, I hope so._

She scooted over on the bench to make room for me with a devious smirk on her face. I happily slid in next to her.

Bella continued what seemed to be a conversation already in progress. "Emmett, it's been a week. I need the road cleared. People down there are dying," Bella said, the mood suddenly turning serious.

"Hey now, he's doing all he can," Carlisle interjected. "It's not an ideal situation, but we're working with what we have."

She sighed and stabbed her food. "I know. I'm not blaming him, it's just I hear stories everyday about children being orphaned or people being trapped and it's frustrating as hell. Sorry, Emmett."

"No worries, Doc," Emmett said with his mouth full. "I know how you think and I respect it. We'll get you there. Now that Edward's here, we'll move much quicker."

_What? _

How the fuck was I supposed to help with my complete lack of construction skills? I felt like I'd let her down and I hadn't even started.

The conversation over dinner was enlightening. I learned a lot about how the efforts were going, which also made me nervous. These people had skills that I didn't possess. They were talented and caring and I felt like a complete asshole. What did I bring to the table? Maybe I could write the starving, dying kids a fairy tale?

Carlisle had been here the longest and said he felt that the WFP was making major strides in helping the local people. It seemed like there was so much that needed to be done. It was almost overwhelming, but Carlisle took it one day at a time and celebrated small victories. I wished I could apply his sense of optimism to my own life. I liked his laid back style and I couldn't help but think he'd be great in a crisis situation- calm and collected. This was definitely where he belonged.

Throughout dinner, I was inexplicably drawn to Bella. I felt like a hormonal teenager around her- awkward and nervous. I realized that I had grossly underestimated her. She wasn't the shy woman I'd thought she was, nor was she fragile. She had an undeniable allure and strength. People were drawn to her. It wasn't just me; everyone reacted positively to her. She was smart and radiated confidence, possessing the ability to make anyone around her feel special. I couldn't wait to see her with her patients, as I was sure she'd be incredible.

My life as a writer in New York felt a million miles away. I realized that I'd lived my life up to that point in a bubble. Everything had been about me. I had been so wrapped up in my own issues. It felt good to be here, where no one knew me, and no one cared. There were no screaming fans, no publicity events, and no nagging publishers. I was finally able to just be me and do something worthwhile and meaningful for a change.

I had explained to Victoria that I would be completely unavailable for weeks. There were phone lines, only a Satellite phone that I could use at pre-arranged times. With no cell towers and no internet connection, I was completely untethered to the outside world. It was freeing.

I sat down that night and wrote a letter to Jasper. I hadn't written a letter by hand in years. I explained the natural beauty and how green everything was here. I wrote about the heavy rains and the conditions of the camp and the town. I told him about the new friends I'd made and what I'd be doing. I smiled as I wrote about Bella, trying to make it sound like there was only a professional interest in her, even though I knew otherwise. Meeting someone like her had been unexpected. I didn't know how to describe it, but there was something exceptional about her. Finally, I thanked Jasper for caring enough about me to force me to make a change; one that I was sure would be lasting.

It was only the first day, and already it had been worth it.

* * *

**A/N: So, Edward and Bella meet. How long will Edward's anonymity last? What's Bella hiding?**

**Thanks for all the reviews, alert adds and favorites. There were some great theories thrown around. It made my day to get such a great response to chapter 1. Please let me know what you think of this chapter as well! I'm thinking that Tuesdays and/or Wednesdays will be my regular updating days. That seems to work for me.**

**Reviews=Teasers**

**Thanks again to my peeps, who worked tirelessly through this with me. I'm a major stress case at times, as they can no doubt confirm. Thanks so much!**


	3. Chapter 3 Caught

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. **

* * *

**Chapter 3: Caught**

**Bella**

Usually camp was a veritable revolving door of volunteers. With the exception of Carlisle and a few select friends, who I loved more than anything, I didn't really get to know the other volunteers. I wasn't trying to be rude, but what was the point of getting to know people, only to have them leave shortly thereafter. In recent weeks, though, Emmett and James had both made considerable efforts to get to know me, and they both seemed like nice enough guys. So we became friends.

Carlisle warned me that James had a crush on me, but I knew I could handle it. I went to medical school with plenty of forward and competitive men so I was more than accustomed to fending off guys, not that I was exceptionally pretty and always being hit on. While I didn't think I was ugly, I wasn't someone to put a huge effort into my appearance. I just always seemed to find myself outnumbered by men, and therefore, a commodity. As long as my parts were anatomically female, I would have been hit on.

I really didn't have any interest in dating here when there was so much work to be done. Even before coming to Guatemala, I hadn't been intimate with a guy in a long time. Part of it was that I was simply too busy to date seriously, and the other part of it was intentional. It would be completely unfair of me to ask any guy to willingly step into my bullshit.

I had failed at the one thing that I valued most in life. After it all went down, I threw myself into my work, needing to remedy my failures. But nothing made the pain go away. Nothing took away the sadness of knowing the pain I had caused.

Thankfully my best friend, Kate, talked me into coming here and it had really helped me get a new sense of direction. I was removed from the daily reminders of my shortcomings with nothing haunting me.

I had been here for five months. My parents thought I had finally lost it and had spent the first month or so trying to talk me out of staying. Even Rosalie, my sister who was usually very adventurous, thought I was insane. But I had found purpose here. I had found a way to cope because people needed me here. There was no time to wallow in self-pity.

I spent most of my days at the clinic. There was so much to be done and we were woefully understaffed. I felt like if I could just help one more person, save one more life, I could redeem myself. It was busy, but very rewarding. My patients, most of whom were very spiritual, would cling to me and tell me that I was sent from God, and it made me so happy that I could be there to help. Many of them lacked even the basic medical care that Americans took for granted. It was humbling.

What little free time I had was spent reading or hiking. There wasn't much else to do around here, as we were completely cut off from the modern conveniences I had become accustomed to. My friend Alice, whom I met here and also volunteered, dragged me out on hikes several times a week to stay in shape. If not for her, I'd be a total homebody.

The scenery in Guatemala was captivating. The rain forests were dense and filled with wildlife I was used to only seeing in zoos. The sounds of the animals were all around on our hikes and I tried to take as many pictures as possible. It was a once in a lifetime experience.

The day Edward came strolling into the clinic with Carlisle, looking every bit the part of a hunky, confident stud I was definitely interested in making an exception to my usual standoffish demeanor. He smiled at me and I swore my whole body tingled, especially the anatomically female parts. I imagined he had a wife, or at the very least, a supermodel girlfriend, back at home. There was no way this guy was single.

After several days, I found that I really looked forward to his company. I was surprised by how comfortable I felt around him in such a short time. My body reacted to his company in a completely different way and there were moments I wanted nothing more than to throw him down on my exam table and have my way with him.

Edward had been an unexpected distraction. I had to admit it was quite pleasant being around him, but he was a distraction nonetheless. In this situation people were counting on me, and I had to keep my head straight. So I was doing my best not to ogle him too much and keep things professional. I was dedicated and serious about my work but I wasn't blind.

I saw him walking towards the clinic, and I quickly tried to make myself look as presentable as possible. It was difficult given the intense heat and humidity, which made my hair fall out of my ever-present bun and the constant flush of my skin that only intensified in his presence. I probably looked like a frizzy-headed tomato.

"Good morning, Bella," he said cheerfully as he walked in.

_Damn him._

He looked like walking sex, wearing a pair of khaki cargo shorts and a white T-shirt. The well-defined muscles of his arms were showcased with every movement he made and I swore he was put on this earth just to torture me. I was thankful for his shirt, because if what was underneath it was anywhere near as nice as his arms, it would be damn near impossible not to openly stare at him.

"Morning, Edward," I said, trying to pull myself out of my Edward daze. "I can't believe you can drink coffee in this heat. Doesn't it make you hot?"

He smiled and took a sip of his steaming drink. "It's an unfortunate trade off. I sweat my ass off, but at least I'm awake."

I pictured him shirtless with a layer of sweat covering his firm chest and was immediately distracted again.

"So, I was talking to Emmett. A group of us are taking off for the lake for a quick camping trip. You interested?"

"I thought we already were camping," I said jokingly.

"Touché. I guess the lake is really gorgeous and there's a ton of hiking and some ruins. I think it sounds fun. We've been working hard, it'd be nice to have a break for some sightseeing," he replied.

_Sightseeing? Does staring at Edward count?_

"I've been there and it's pretty up there. I'll think about it," I said, as I grabbed my clipboard from the wall.

He walked a little closer to me and said in a velvety smooth voice, "It'll be more fun if you go."

_Okay, camping it is._

How had I gotten talked into this? My idea of camping is pulling up to a campsite in my car, unloading the well-stocked cooler, and sitting my ass down in front of a raging campfire. Instead, I had a heavy backpack on my back as I trudged up a makeshift hiking trail into the dense rainforest with five of my fellow volunteers.

The trail was flanked by dense rainforest on either side. On the way to the lake, we were going to stop off at some Mayan ruins. They were pyramids that arose out of the rainforest in small clusters, eroded and dilapidated from the passage of time. It was definitely humbling to see what the Mayans had put together so many years ago. I complained about not having all the equipment needed to do my job, but the Mayans ran an entire civilization and built incredible structures with next to nothing. They were inventive and highly resourceful. One look at the ruins and I instantly felt small.

"A little out of your element, Bella?" Edward asked with a playful grin on his face as he waited on the side of the trail for me to catch up.

Not wanting to be perceived as a weakling, I smiled and threw a sarcastic remark right back at him. "Hey, I hike all the time, just not with fifty pounds of crap on my back. Don't worry about me. You're the one who looks like you're going to topple over backwards. Good thing you have a doctor with you."

The truth was, he looked amazing, and I was much more likely to topple over backwards, but if I was lucky, it would be into Edward's strong arms.

We began to walk again, and I knew that my pace was too slow for Edward, but he stayed with me anyway, which I appreciated.

"So, tell me about yourself," he said. "Where are you from?"

"Originally, I'm from Laguna Beach, California. You know the 'Real OC'?" I said, making air quotes with my fingers. "Now I live just north of there in Newport Beach."

He laughed. "I've been to Laguna Beach and Newport. It's nice there. It must have been a fun place to grow up. I have to say, though, that you don't strike me as the type of girl who would fit in that environment, with all its pretense."

I'd heard that so many times before. Fucking Hollywood ruins everything.

"You know, it was never like that. Newport can be a bit over the top, but Laguna's really mellow. It's a small town and everyone knows each other. No one in my school wore only designer clothes, and even if they did, no one cared. I never felt like it was pretentious at all. In fact, being a beach town, it's incredibly laid back."

"Like you?" he asked. "You seem pretty laid back."

"Oh hell no," I said, laughing. "I used to think I was laid back, but as I've gotten older I've realized that I'm a total control freak."

"About what?"

"About everything. It's why I became a doctor. I wanted to be in control."

He extended his hand to help me through a steep part in the trail. "You can't control everything, Bella. Shit happens."

_Don't I know it?_

"Maybe not, but I can try. When I was sixteen, my aunt Chelsea and I were shopping. She thought it'd be fun to have a girl's day together. She seemed fine in the morning, happy and laughing. But after lunch, all of the sudden she fell to the ground, clutching her chest and gasping for air. I just stood there, dumbstruck. I couldn't move. I had no idea what to do to help her. I didn't want to leave her to get help, so I grabbed my phone and dialed 911. It was awful. She was on the ground, flopping around in pain, her eyes rolling into the back of her head, while I watched, frozen. Anyway, they took her to the hospital and she died about an hour later. I've never really forgiven myself for that."

Edward stopped walking and put his hand on my arm, his expression empathetic. "There was nothing you could have done. It wasn't your fault she died."

I nodded and pursed my lips. "I might not have been able to save her, but I could have helped her, instead of standing there like a statue. She was my aunt, and I did nothing. That was the moment I decided to become a doctor. I didn't want to feel that helpless ever again."

"You are far from helpless, Bella," Edward said, shaking his head.

I liked talking to Edward, more than I should. Aside from the fact that he was insanely gorgeous, he was kind and engaging. He had a way about him that made me want to tell him my deepest, darkest secrets. He was definitely a charmer. Despite my insane attraction to him, I tried to keep things professional between us.

We finally arrived at a clearing and the lake came into. This was one of my favorite places to visit and I hadn't gotten out here enough. I was looking forward to Edward's reaction. It was lush and green and the air was crisp and clear. There were looming rock formations which, if climbed, would make you feel like you were on top of the world. Birds circled overhead and the sounds of nature were all around us. I was briefly worried about the rain, but it didn't look like it was going to be a problem so I moved to set up camp.

Backpacking gear was considerably different than my camping gear of the past. It was easily packed, but that meant it was simpler, smaller. My tent was barely bigger than my sleeping bag, not the condo version I had at home and instead of a comfortable air mattress, I was sleeping on a mat that gave me little protection from the ground.

Once we were all settled, the guys gathered wood for the campfire, while Alice, Heidi and I gathered rocks to contain it.

"So, you're awfully cozy with Edward," Alice said as the guys got out of earshot. "I saw you two on the trail."

I shot her a death glare. "No, it's not like that."

"Why not?" Heidi chimed in. "He's hot."

A pang of jealousy ran through me. It was one thing that I noticed him, but I didn't like the idea of others sharing in my appreciation. It was unfair, but I couldn't help it.

"I can't get involved with anyone here. Who knows how long we'll all be here and it would just complicate things. Plus, it's unprofessional." Of course, I was the only one who knew that my reasoning was only partially true. I did want to get to know Edward better and if I was being honest, the thought of anyone else having him made my blood boil.

"That's too bad," Alice said, glancing over her shoulder at Edward, who was across the way picking out firewood. "I think you guys would be cute together."

Alice was probably my closest friend here, with the exception of Carlisle, who was more like my dad than a friend. Alice was bright and energetic and seemed far more mature than her twenty-five years. Whereas I could be intense and sarcastic, she was sweet and demure. No one would ever describe me as sweet and demure, so I often marveled at Alice and her charm.

With surprising efficiency, the guys got the fire going and soon we were all huddled around. Guatemala was hot, but in the mountains at night, the temperature dropped quite a bit.

"You're such a wuss, Doc," Emmett said to me. "It's not even that cold."

"I know. I admit it. I've been in Guatemala so long that anything below seventy degrees is freezing to me. Plus, I'm from Southern California. Being a wuss about weather is in my blood."

Everyone laughed. I was the only one from a warm climate who was there. They were all used to cold temperatures and James even bragged that back where he was from in Chicago, people would be laying out in their bathing suits in weather a lot colder than we were currently in.

"Hey, just because you've got crazies in Chicago who think that 50 degrees is beach weather, doesn't make it so."

Edward scooted closer to me and leaned in, whispering in my ear, "If you're cold, you can share my blanket."

_Um, yes please. What are you doing, Bella? Stop flirting._

I would have refused him, knowing that this kind of flirting would only lead to disaster, but I just couldn't. It was like the part of my brain with any common sense was completely overridden by the part of me that wanted Edward with everything I had.

"If you're sure you don't mind," I said, giving him one last chance to take back his offer.

He shook his head and smiled that sexy smile. "I don't mind."

He spread the blanket across both of our legs and I could feel the heat radiating off of him. I wanted to crawl into his lap and run my hands up and down his thighs. Instead, I wrapped my arms around my knees, which I had pulled up to my chest in an effort to stay warm. It was delicious torture being that close to Edward, and I could barely trust myself.

There were several joints passed around, given that we had no way of transporting any alcohol. Everyone was sufficiently stoned except me. I had smoked pot a few times in college but I was so stupid when I was stoned that I could barely function. It went against my 'being in control' personality. I marveled at my friends who could actually go out to a bar and act somewhat normal while stoned. All I could do was sit and stare and occasionally make a three-course meal before I went to bed. I was absolutely worthless.

Everyone was laughing their asses off. Even sober, I thought the conversation was pretty funny. Edward's eyes were barely open and I couldn't help but laugh as he cracked up at the slightest thing. I realized that I hadn't seen him really laugh before, like a real belly laugh. I loved seeing him that happy. He was cute when he was stoned.

"Will you come keep me warm in my tent tonight, Bella?" he whispered in my ear, as everyone was getting ready to hit the sack.

_What the fuck?_

I mean, the thought had crossed my mind many, many times and I certainly had my fair share of fantasies involving Edward and me together, but I was mildly insulted that the first time he'd mention anything about us being together was when we were going to bed and he was stoned. It wasn't exactly how I'd pictured it happening.

_Why are you even contemplating this? Keep it professional; you'll only hurt him. _

I put my hand on his chest to push him away from me gently. If he were too close, I'd lose my resolve.

"I don't think so, Senor Suave," I said. "I think you'll be plenty warm on your own."

"Senor Suave?" he asked, stepping even closer, despite my efforts. "Is that what you think I am?"

_Oh fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck._

"You just focus on getting yourself to bed and don't worry about what I think."

He gave me a hurt look and rested his hand on my arm, gently rubbing circles with his thumb. The expression on his face made me feel bad for thinking negatively about him and his intentions. After a brief moment, he turned toward his tent, his tentative smile and sad eyes still lingering. "Goodnight, Bella."

I wanted to follow after him, but I made my way to my tent instead. I slid into my sleeping bag, which was all that my tent allowed. I briefly thought about how nice it would feel to have Edward's body against mine, keeping me warm, but I quickly dismissed that thought.

I eventually drifted off to sleep as the sounds of the night came into full play.

Something was tickling my nose. It was loud and wet.

Wet.

My eyes flew open to see my tent thrashing wildly in the rain, which had started at some point in the night. I became acutely aware of my surroundings and realized that I could hear the frustrated rumblings of my friends outside, apparently equally plagued by the rain.

I frantically exited my tent and rolled everything up as quickly as possible. I must have looked like a crazy woman, scrambling around. This was a disaster. Guatemalan rain was nothing if not torrential.

"Bella," Edward called from nearby. "There's a rock cave right over the ridge. We can take cover there."

I furiously tried to get my stuff together and threw on my pack, following Edward as fast as I could toward the cave. The others in the camp scrambled nearby, trying to find a dry place as well.

We found a small cave, which was really just an overhanging rock, but it provided a break from the rain. Having been in Guatemala for a while, I knew that the rain, although heavy, didn't last long. We'd just have to wait it out.

Edward and I sat right next to one another, completely soaked, and he pulled me in tightly to avoid getting even wetter than we already were. We huddled together, and I had to admit that it felt nice to be in his arms. I took full advantage of the excuse the rain gave me to stay there without feeling like I was being inappropriate.

I could feel his gaze, his eyes watching me closely, making my insides tingle with nerves.

_How does he do that to me? _

"Gotta love the unpredictable rain, don't you?" I said lamely, trying to break the silence.

"Actually, right now, I do like the rain. Very much."

_Me too. Shit. Damn him._

His hand rubbed up and down my arm, creating friction to keep us warm, not that I needed it. Just sitting this close to him was making my body heat rise to almost unbearable levels and I felt like I could spontaneously combust at any moment.

"So…uh…sorry if I embarrassed you earlier," Edward said after a short silence, staring down at his shoes.

"Embarrassed me? When?" I turned and looked into his eyes and could see the regret in them.

"You know, when we were getting ready for bed. I shouldn't have invited you back into my tent like that. I'm sorry." It was obviously difficult for Edward to admit that. He looked like he was going to puke.

But, I was still kind of irritated about it. I knew that people did things they didn't mean when they were wasted, but is that really what he thought of me? As some booty call?

I realized that I was being completely hypocritical as I'd almost jumped him on several occasions, but it stung a little when it came from him. I didn't want to be his fuck buddy. At least I didn't think I did. Hell, I didn't know what I wanted.

"Yeah, about that," I finally replied. "Was that just the pot talking or what?"

He fidgeted with the strap on his backpack as he thought about his response.

"You think I only said it because I was stoned?" He looked taken aback.

"Well, if not, then I'm not sure what to think. I'm not exactly the bed-warming type, you know?"

_How's that for being vague? Way to go, Bella._

His jaw clenched and unclenched, as if he wanted to say something but didn't. "I didn't think you were. I'm sorry if that's how it came across."

"It's okay. I'm sure you didn't mean anything by it."

He must have seen the confusion I was trying to mask.

"C'mere."

I found myself pulled into his arms again and I relaxed into his side, deciding to stop questioning his intentions.

I still didn't understand if he was sorry that he suggested it or if it just came out wrong. Did he want more or not? Did I really want to know? I was toying with disaster. It was completely unfair of me to flirt with him as if I wanted more and then pull back. It was sending the wrong messages. No wonder the guy was confused. He'd need a roadmap to navigate my fucked up emotions.

"Bella." Edward's voice was soft and sweet, pulling me from my sleep with a gentle nudge.

I opened my eyes and realized that I'd fallen asleep in his arms.

_No wonder I was so peaceful._

I looked around in a daze. It was still dark out, but the rain had stopped. I heard the voices of our friends in the distance, trying to assess the damage to our campsite.

"How long was I out?" I asked Edward, who still had his arms around me.

"Not long. About an hour." He smiled warmly at me and I felt like nuzzling up into him, but instead I pulled away to peer out of the cave.

"Looks clear now," I said, feeling cold from the loss of contact. "We should go find the others."

He stood and helped me up as we put our packs on our backs and started walking the short distance to camp.

"Thanks for being my pillow," I said, staring at the ground as I walked.

"Anytime."

The rain had soaked everything through to the core, so all we could do was restart the fire and wait out the night until morning. Thankfully Emmett was thinking and put the firewood next to the rock formation, where it was relatively sheltered from the rain. It still smoked a lot, but at least we got it lit. We could have started our hike back, but it was dark and the trail wasn't marked that well, so we were afraid we'd get lost in the thick foliage. All of us were exhausted, as we stared at the flames. Edward numbly pushed the wood around to maximize the red-hot embers. No one spoke.

All I could think about was Edward's arms around me, calming me to sleep. Could we have more? Would he want more? I craved it so badly. Edward was so unlike anyone I'd met. But, he was probably only here for a short time and then what would happen? I didn't even really know that much about him. Would it be worth risking my heart?

My eyes blurred with the haze of the fire. Deep down, despite my successes here and in my career, there was a part of me that was deeply wounded. Even if Edward and I did get together, would I be enough for him? What if he saw through me? I didn't know if I could face that kind of rejection again.

The sun rose, bringing with it the heat that we'd all missed. We stood and shook out our limbs and slowly made our way back down the trail to head home.

I was as confused as ever, but I couldn't bring myself to regret it. Any of it.

* * *

**A/N: Hmmm…waiting out the rain in Edward's arms? Not so bad, huh? **

**Don't forget to leave me a review and let me know what you thought. I love hearing your opinions! Really, they make my day.**

**Reviews=Teasers**

**Thanks to scsquared and TwiHeart for all your help with beta work this chapter. I've been a bit manic these first few chapters, so I appreciate all the help. Also, thanks for jermak99 and Sunfeathers for pre-reading! **


	4. Chapter 4 Inside

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. **

**Chapter 4: Inside**

**Edward**

It had been a little over two weeks and no one had recognized me as an author. I hadn't talked on the phone at all. I'd even managed a vacation from my vacation with our brief camping trip. I couldn't explain how freeing that was. I was able to be me without the pressures and bullshit of my life in New York.

The work was very rewarding. The people here desperately needed our help. I was getting more skilled at construction, with Emmett's guidance, but I still felt like an idiot. Despite my ineptitude, it felt good to be completely out of my element and learning something new. Being outside, using my hands and working up a sweat from a hard day's labor was very rewarding.

The local people were amazing and incredibly thankful for our help. They were among the most genuine people I'd ever encountered. They had an overwhelming sense of family and community, and despite all their hardships, they managed to be happy. They lived each day to the fullest. They had next to nothing yet most of them managed to find contentment; something that all my excesses couldn't provide for me.

I finally felt like I was making real friends; people who knew nothing about my public persona, but liked me anyway. It was incredibly refreshing. I worked so hard back home, first focused on school and then my job, which was spent mostly in solitude. The many social situations I found myself in were about networking and public appearances, not being with friends.

I could be myself with Emmett and Carlisle, who I hung out with most of the time. We slipped into an easy friendship; one that felt like we'd known each other for years, instead of just a couple of weeks.

Emmett was full of life and his vocation being in construction made perfect sense to me. He could pound away his excess energy all day and still have plenty left over. He was a flirt with the women around camp and they couldn't help but respond to his charm. I appreciated his directness. He never let me feel bad about not helping enough and instead made light of my fuck-ups and inspired me to want to work harder. I couldn't help but think he'd make a great teacher or a coach. He had a natural way with people.

Carlisle was more the strong, silent type. Everyone around camp had tremendous respect for him and his authority was unchallenged. I liked him because he kept me grounded in reality and helped me see even my smallest successes for what they were. Successes. He was incredibly supportive, which went a long way in these harsh conditions with such limited resources. If left to my own devices, it would be easy to feel deflated, like we were spinning our wheels here. People were suffering all around us, and even though we were doing our best to help, we were barely scratching the surface of what needed to be done. Carlisle helped me believe that we were making a difference.

What a whirlwind this journey had been. The camp was bustling with activity. Emmett's team had recently fixed a bridge on the outskirts of the village that allowed us access to people who had been stranded by the storms for days. The clinic was full of patients and every night, there were new families showing up. One of the hardest parts was watching frantic parents come into the clinic looking for their lost or missing children. They clung to the hope that they'd find them in our camp, and when they couldn't, everyone felt the despair.

As for Bella, she worked like a champion. She never faltered or got frustrated. Her professionalism and the confidence she had were remarkable, but it was her bedside manner that captivated me. The same allure that I had noticed on my first day was ever-present with her patients. She soothed their worried minds as well as healed their ailments. They trusted her and she earned that trust.

My attraction to her hadn't diminished at all. In fact, the more I was around her, the more I liked her. I sensed that she was interested in me, too, but there was something holding her back. Each time I felt like we were about to cross the line from friendship to something more, I felt her hesitation.

The camping trip had been especially confusing. James kept trying to talk and flirt with Bella and I found myself insanely jealous. She didn't seem to be interested in him, and was just being polite, at least that was what I had hoped. He didn't back off though, and I felt like I was in some sort of competition for her affection.

I slowed to walk with her as we hiked, and we spent the rest of the hike joking around. Even as we sat by the campfire, there were glances and touches that clearly revealed the attraction was mutual, making James and his advances seem unimportant.

As we shared a blanket, I could feel the heat radiating off of her, sending warmth coursing through my body. She was so close the entire day. Then her tent was right next to mine and when we went to bed for the night it took all of my strength not to crawl over and be closer to her. I wanted to hold her so badly that I could almost feel her soft skin against me.

Then when we were in a cave waiting out the storm, I wanted to kiss her with every fiber of my being. Each time she looked at me, I felt my stomach drop. My nerves got the best of me, though, and I never made a move. When she casually dismissed my earlier invitation to have her join me in my tent, I felt deflated, like maybe there wasn't more between us as I had previously thought. It was the most forward comment I had made toward her and she blew it off, thinking it was just me being stoned and overly forward. Admittedly, I was being bolder than usual and probably could have handled it better. I hadn't meant to make her feel cheap and I felt bad about that, but my invitation had certainly been sincere. She had me confounded. I didn't know whether to step up my game or back off.

A knock at my door pulled me from my thoughts. It was fairly late at night and the rain was pounding outside, so the last thing I expected was a visitor.

I pulled the door open and Bella stood there, soaking wet as the rain dripped over her body in sheets.

"Bella, you're soaked! What are you doing here?" I asked, shuffling her inside as I scurried to grab a towel.

"I'm sorry, but the storm was pounding down so loud that it freaked me out and I didn't want to be alone. Were you sleeping?" she asked, pulling the towel tightly around her.

"No, I was reading," I said. "It's fine.

_She came to hang out with me?_

"So…welcome to Casa Cullen," I said cheerfully. I held my hands out as if she'd be impressed and she laughed.

"I love what you've done with the place," she joked, and then sat on the bed. None of our rooms were nice, but they were warm and dry and that was more than most people had around here.

The lights in the room were low, only one light above my bed illuminated to help me read. Bella glowed, the light making her face soft and delicate.

"Are you sure it's okay that I'm here?" she asked, a tinge of worry in her voice.

_Uh…yeah I'm sure._

"You worry too much, you know that?" I asked as I joined her on the bed. "I'm happy you're here."

And I really was happy. Having Bella in my room reminded me of all my fantasies about her and I liked it. A lot.

Her smile lit up her face, which was still speckled with raindrops as she rubbed the towel through her damp curls. She pulled her legs up to get comfortable. She looked so sweet and bright and smelled like rain and Bella.

_Delicious. _

"So, what are you reading?" she asked brightly, pulling me from my high.

"Actually, it's something that I wrote a while ago. It's a short story, but I'm thinking about making it into a full-length novel. I haven't read it in a while, so I'm trying to see if it has potential."

Her jaw dropped as the look of surprise took over her face. "You're an author?"

I nodded and smiled nervously. I didn't know why I just told her that or why her knowing this about me made me uneasy. On the one hand, she was so easy to talk to. On the other hand it almost felt like if she knew, then my safe haven here would be gone. I'd be the same guy I was in New York.

Her hand reached across, landing on my thigh, comforting me. "That's amazing. I had no idea that you were so creative. Have you published anything before?"

I loved that she didn't know anything about me from the articles and talk shows. This was the first time in a while that I could share this part of my life with someone firsthand.

"Uh, yeah. Last year, I published a novel called _Aiding and Abetting_. It's kind of a thriller." I picked at the blanket, unsure why I suddenly felt so exposed. My novel was a New York Times bestseller, yet Bella's approval meant so much more to me in that instant.

Her hands flew to her mouth, which was gaping open. "You're THAT Edward? You're Edward Cullen?"

I nodded again and she burst out into laughter. "I read your book three times. I couldn't put it down. You're amazing! I can't believe I'm sitting here with you like this. Oh my God. No one will believe me when I tell them."

And just like that, I was that guy back in New York; fodder and gossip for people's dinner table conversations.

Sensing my discomfort, Bella grew serious. "What's wrong? Was it something I said?"

I put my hand on top of hers, which was now close to mine on the bed. "I'm glad that you liked the book. I really am. But, I came down here to get away from that life. It was nice to be here and not be 'infamous author Edward' for a while and just be 'Edward'. I want you to know the real me. All the fame and stuff isn't real. I don't know…"

I couldn't explain it to her. I didn't want her to feel bad about paying me a compliment, but I also didn't want to become a novelty to her. She was the first woman I'd met since the fame took over who I could actually see myself with and I didn't want to be her conversation piece at parties.

"Hey," she said softly, "look at me."

I looked up and was immediately lost in her big, brown eyes. She looked at me with so much compassion that I wanted to pull her into a hug and never let her go.

"I'm sorry if I upset you. I think you're incredibly talented. You've been so humble about it since you got here, and I was just surprised by who you are. But, please know that I do want to know the real you. I want you to be comfortable with me." Her voice was comforting to me and in a way, I was glad that she knew the truth about me. I never wanted to lie to her.

"Thank you," I said. "That means more than you know."

I felt better instantly and perked up. "You know, right before you got here, I was reading this story that I wrote years ago to see if it would make for a good novel. But, now that I'm thinking about it, it would be fun to write something about being here. Something to tell the world about what's going on here; to make it more real for others."

"You could do that. Just don't make it about selling books. It would cheapen everything that's going on down here; taking advantage of these people's pain and suffering for your own gain. You know?" Her voice had a noticeable bite to it. I knew she was passionate about what we were doing, but I found her protectiveness inspiring.

"I think it's important to educate people about what's going on. People tend to live in their own little bubble and have no idea what's happening elsewhere. Besides, no one does anything for purely selfless reasons. I bet everyone here has some selfish reason for being here. It's great that we can help, but there's got to be some other motivation too."

Bella winced. Apparently I hit a nerve. "So, what's your motivation?" she asked.

"Anonymity," I said bluntly. "What's yours?"

"Freedom."

_Interesting. _

Finally drying off somewhat, Bella pulled the towel off her shoulders, leaving her in a fitted, partially see-through t-shirt, still damp from the rain. It hugged her body and I couldn't quite make out her nipples through her lacy bra. Whatever emotions were lingering from our previous conversation were immediately replaced by a wave of lust.

She smirked as she caught me staring, but thankfully saved me from total embarrassment. "Tell me more," she said.

I told her about growing up in Washington with my brother and how we used to fight all the time, yet we'd always been close. She listened intently as I told her countless stories of the messes we'd gotten into and how my parents spent much of my childhood talking me out of trouble or nursing my wounds.

"You're a great storyteller, Edward. You have a real flair for it." Her voice was playful and interested.

Her compliments made my heart pound in my chest, but the way she looked at me and watched me while I spoke set my body on fire. This woman was driving me crazy.

"Thanks, I hope I didn't bore you. It's just that living so far away, in New York, I really miss my family. It's fun to tell the stories that bring me such fond memories." I wanted her to know everything about me. I'd never felt like I could be so open with someone.

"Why do you live there if you miss Washington so much?" she asked. "I mean, can't you live anywhere you want?"

"Not exactly," I said, shaking my head. "I have a lot of events that I have to attend, so I need to be close, otherwise the travel would be prohibitive. It can still be bad, even living in New York, but it could be a lot worse."

"That must be tough on you. It must be hard on your personal relationships. So…uh…do you have a girlfriend back home?"

I was completely thrown off guard. I didn't want to talk to Bella about potential girlfriends.

_Maybe she really does just see us as friends. _

"That would be a big 'no'. It just doesn't work right now," I said, wincing and chuckling a little. "God, I sound pathetic."

She looked shocked. "No, you don't sound pathetic. But, you must be kidding about not having a girlfriend. Why not? You're gorgeous and successful. Who wouldn't be interested?"

_She thinks I'm gorgeous? _

"It's complicated and boring," I said, brushing off this uncomfortable conversation. I really didn't like talking about myself.

"Try me."

She clearly wasn't going to give up on this.

"I've been promoting the book. I get noticed a lot because of it. Actually, noticed is an understatement." I ran my hands through my hair nervously. "Harassed is probably a better word. I have very little privacy, so it's hard to form real relationships."

She nodded in understanding. "When I was little, I always wanted to be a famous singer. I'd dance around the room, singing into any pretend microphone I could find. I thought being famous would be so glamorous. I can see how the reality of it is far from that. But you shouldn't feel like you can't have real relationships, though. I'm sure you'll make someone very happy someday."

_Ugh, more friend talk. _

"Can I ask you a question, Bella?"

She looked concerned at the abrupt change of subject, but nodded.

"When I first met you, I asked you why you came here to Guatemala, and you seemed nervous about it. Why?"

I had a few questions of my own.

Her face stiffened and she sighed as she looked down at the bed. I didn't say anything else, waiting for her to respond, watching her intently. I bent my head down to try and get her to look me in the eyes, but she was avoiding it.

Finally, she looked up and the look on her face broke my heart. She had so much emotion there, a combination of sadness and anxiety. "Before I came here, I worked in Orange County, at the children's hospital there. I spent years studying to become a Pediatric Oncologist and I finally had my dream job. Things were busy, but good. I was happy. But then, everything sort of fell apart."

"What happened?" I asked, my curiosity getting the best of me. I rested my hand on her knee to let her know I was there for her. She looked so upset.

"I…don't…really like…talking about it. I know you're just being nice, but I just can't," she said, trying to keep her emotions in check. "Despite everything else, coming here was the best thing I've ever done. I've met some amazing people and we're really helping the local people."

Bella's demeanor changed. She was back to being guarded and professional, almost clinical. It was obvious that something had hurt her very much, so I dropped it, even though I really wanted to know what it was. Her choice of words with 'freedom' earlier threw me for a loop. How had she felt trapped in her life in the states? What was she running from? She looked so pained and I wondered what could have made her hurt like that.

I pulled her into a hug, needing to provide her with some comfort. "You're amazing, you know that?"

She sank into my arms and I sighed in contentment as I gently rubbed her back through her still damp t-shirt. I never wanted to let her go. The rain outside was still pounding down relentlessly, creating a barrier from the outside and it felt like we were the only two people in the world.

"I should go," Bella said after a few moments, pulling away from my arms. "I've bothered you long enough."

_Bothered me? Is she joking?_

"Not at all. In fact, I've really enjoyed this," I confessed. "Maybe we should make this a habit?"

She smiled widely. "I've enjoyed it too. You're different than I first thought you were. It's been fun talking to you."

"Different how?" I asked curiously.

"You're much better."

My heart soared.

She stood and put on her shoes, which she had kicked off at some point during our conversation.

"Bella, it's pouring outside," I said. "You can't go out in that. You'll drown. You should just stay here."

For a brief second I thought I saw a smile come onto her face, but she quickly composed herself. "Oh no, I couldn't do that. It's okay. I'll be fine."

_Did she want to stay? Hmm…_

She opened up the door and the rain came down in a wall of water. I gave her the towel I had used to dry her off and she held it over her head and ran out into the rain.

"Night, Edward!" she called out as she ran. Her room was not far off and I watched her dancing through the puddles until she reached her door. She slipped inside and the only sound left was the sound of the rain.

"Night, Bella."

I lay in my bed for several hours after that. Something had changed between us tonight. Our friendship had been easy since I met her, but there was an undercurrent of need now that hadn't existed before. I didn't know where things were headed with Bella, but I did know that wanted her in my life. I needed her and just the fact that she showed up here proved to me that she saw something special there too. Her presence was intoxicating, like a drug. Once I got a taste, I was hooked.

Yet, I was incredibly confused by her. Tonight had done nothing to alleviate the confusion I felt about her, which stemmed from our camping trip. Normally, I could read people well, but with her, I had no idea how she felt. Were we friends? Was there more? I'd take whatever I could get, but I hoped that she felt the same attraction for me as I did for her.

I drifted off, still smelling her delicious scent in my bed. My dreams were hot and seductive. I pictured her here in her damp t-shirt, on my bed. I could make out the shape of her breasts and reached out to caress them. Instead of just talking like we had done earlier, I pulled her into a passionate kiss, which she reciprocated with voracity. I wove my hands into her hair as I pulled her against me. We were a tangled mess of limbs as we frantically pulled each other's clothes off, needing the closeness of skin on skin.

I pressed her back onto the bed and thrust into her, her deep moans letting me know I made her feel good. We moved together in a passionate dance until we couldn't hold off any longer. My orgasm ripped through me just as she screamed my name in her own release.

I was brought back to reality from my fantasy by the sticky mess I'd created with my hand.

How I wished my fantasy had been real.

_This woman is killing me.

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**A/N: So, they're getting closer and things are heating up, at least for Edward. Bella's coming around, though. Who'd be able to resist Edward?**

**Thanks for the reviews, adds and favorites this week. I loved all your comments. I've been in a bit of a funk lately (just ask my betas) and your reviews make me want to sit down and write more! **

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**The biggest compliment you can give me if you are enjoying the story is to rec it to friends. It's hard getting the word out and word of mouth is very powerful.**

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**Thanks to my peeps for the beta and pre-reading help on this chapter. I've totally bombarded my betas, and they haven't complained at all. I heart them. **


	5. Chapter 5 Saving Grace

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.

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**Chapter 5: Saving grace**

**Edward**

After several weeks, I was getting to know more about the people of Guatemala who lived in disparity of modern cities and harsh countryside. The indigenous people, the Mayans, took great pride in their ancestry. The descendants of those who built the pyramids at Tikal and worshipped and sacrificed over 1,000 years ago were now living in some of the most humble conditions.

Despite their struggles, they had practically embraced archeological exploration of their monuments and the underground caves in which the Mayans lived and worshipped. They invited the interest and even wanted to harness the tourist trade for themselves. I couldn't help but admire their resourcefulness and welcoming nature. It seemed such a contrast to their exclusive, ritualistic and violent past.

The people nearby trusted the aid we provided and the health and social services available from our organization. We had been exceptionally busy since the bridge had been cleared. People streamed into the camp. They were hungry and destitute and just needed a helping hand. We all pitched in where we could, but the atmosphere was stressful knowing that there was more needed than we could ever provide.

Bella and I often met in my room or hers when we had down time, usually three to four times a week. We had very little to do in camp for entertainment, so we passed our time together. We played cards and talked, and it was really nice. Sometimes we just hung out and read, but no matter what we did, I'd looked forward to our time alone. I wanted to take things to the next level with her, but I hadn't found the right moment and I was worried that it would ruin the friendship we had if she didn't reciprocate my feelings.

Bella grew up in Southern California, at the beach, in the middle of the action. She was popular and outspoken, and had a dry sense of humor, which I appreciated very much.

I came from a small town in Washington, and even though my parents were the wealthiest family in town, it was nothing compared to the wealth of Southern California. I tended to be on the shy side when people first met me, but I learned to hide it well. With Bella I didn't have to fake it. I was always comfortable with her.

We were really compatible. Despite our different upbringings, we had a lot in common.

"Tell me about your first time," Bella said one night as we played cards. We were lying on my bed facing one another, using the space between us for discards.

I was suddenly embarrassed for some reason. "No."

She nudged me a little, egging me on. "Come on, I'll tell you my secrets."

I couldn't resist her puppy dog eyes. "Well, I was sixteen and 'in love' with this girl Charlotte Hansen," I said, making air quotes when I said 'in love."

"Ooh, this is getting good. Was she pretty?" Bella asked.

"Hey, are you going to let me tell this or not?" I chided and she closed her mouth like a scolded child.

"Anyway, Charlotte Hansen was the prettiest girl in school and all the guys had it bad for her. I wanted to ask her to prom and finally got up the nerve. Miraculously, she said 'yes'. So that was it. Charlotte Hanson, after my junior prom, in one of my friend's bedrooms who threw the afterparty. Pretty standard stuff, huh?"

"Was she your first love?" Bella asked innocently.

I smiled, thinking about it. It had been so long ago and seemed so innocent.

"No, she was just a crush. My first love was Emily, but alas," I said throwing the back of my hand against my forehead in mock drama, "she left me for Sam Uley. Oh, the heartache!"

Bella laughed. "I'm sure you weren't quite so cavalier about it back then."

I shrugged. "No, I wasn't. I was pissed off. But, looking back on it, I realize that I didn't really know what love was. Not really."

"And you do now?" Bella asked coyly.

I decided that two could play at that game and answered with a smirk. "Absolutely."

"So, what about you Ms. Swan?" I continued. "Tell me about your scandalous exploits."

_Do I really want to know?_

"Well, you know me and how manic I can be," she said with a smile as she threw a card on the stack in between us.

I laughed because she could be quite unpredictable, and I liked that about her.

She continued after flashing me a sly glance. "Anyway, I was constantly in and out of love when I was young. I'd have an insane crush on someone one minute and follow him around like a puppy, only to completely change my mind the next day and be in love with the next guy."

"Ouch. Heartbreaker! So, you're fickle."

"I prefer analytical, or selective."

"So who finally tamed you?" I asked curiously. "There must have been someone special."

I really wanted to know more about her, but my stomach twisted up with jealousy.

"Yeah, there was. Hmmmm…" She gazed off, unfocused, as if she was searching for memories and then repositioned herself, looking at me intently to tell her story.

"His name was Mike Newton. He was a senior when I was a junior. Unlike your Charlotte, he was shy and fell off the radar, at least to most people. I hung out with the popular group of kids, but the guys were always so cocky that I was never interested. Mike was in my Calculus class and we became friends. We eventually dated. He was different from my other friends and my girlfriends gave me a ton of shit about it. They thought he was a total nerd. But, I could see past all that petty crap and see him for who he really was. Meeting him taught me to be more open-minded and that what you see isn't always what you get. High school is such a weird time and everyone is so self-absorbed. He changed that for me. So, he was my first time."

_This conversation was a mistake. _

"So, you loved him?" I asked, my voice betraying me, revealing my jealousy of a boy who would always hold a special place in Bella's mind, if not her heart.

_Obviously I'm a glutton for punishment. _

"I loved him in that high school, young love way, you know? I was so dramatic and over the top back then."

I felt better, but I was still agitated. Mike Fucking Newton knew her in a way I didn't, but desperately wanted to. I didn't even know him but I hated that fucker.

"Can I ask you a question?" she asked out of the blue, looking apprehensive as she changed the subject.

"What is it?" I propped myself up on my wrist, beginning to get concerned.

"Don't take this the wrong way," she said, using her hand in front of her in a 'stop' fashion for emphasis. "But I've been wondering something about you. You're an author, not a rock star. So how is it that you have so much media and paparazzi attention? I mean, I knew your name, but I wouldn't have recognized your face if I fell over you. And I consider myself a big fan of yours."

_She's a big fan. _

I didn't know how to answer her question without sounding like a complete douche. Everything I said would sound like I was a pompous ass.

_My publisher thinks my face sells books._

_Girls like the way I look, so if they think I'm accessible, it'll keep them interested in what I write. _

_I'm a complete sell-out and let my publisher talk me into conjuring up a 'public persona' to create intrigue about me. _

It all sounded bad, yet it was all true. Victoria used my looks to create a buzz about me. At first, I was so thrilled just to have the opportunity to publish anything that I didn't realize how manipulative the industry was. I thought that everyone did the whole 'publicity' thing. I was mistaken and my personal life had paid for it severely.

"It's hard to explain," I said lamely, still trying desperately to come up with something that didn't sound self-aggrandizing. "My publisher had this idea that my readers might identify with me more if they could place the name with a face."

She nodded in understanding, a sly smirk on her face. "Ah, I see. And not just any face, I suspect. But your face."

I could feel my cheeks heat up. "Something like that."

"Well, you _are_ gorgeous. I suppose if I was in the PR business, I'd make sure your face was all over, too."

A million people a day could tell me I was good-looking. My face could be plastered all over the western world, but Bella saying it went straight to my heart, causing my blood pressure to rise significantly. I wanted her to be as attracted to me as I was to her.

"It's weird because most of the time, I feel like I'm famous just because I'm famous. Like Paris Hilton. No one knows why they're famous, and no one cares. Half the time I meet people, they don't even know that I'm an author; they just know my face and my name. It was supposed to be about my book."

"Does it bother you?" Bella asked sincerely.

"Yeah, sometimes." Thankfully she dropped the subject. It had been a sore spot between Victoria and me for some time and I didn't want to think about it anymore.

The next day was calm, almost too calm. We'd been so busy lately that none of us had much time to relax. I walked into the food tent for lunch and saw Bella sitting with James and a surge of anger went through me. I wasn't usually the jealous type, but James had been quite open about the fact that he thought Bella was hot. I felt extremely protective of her.

One night, about a week before, the talk around the poker table with the guys had turned ugly. It was typical guy banter, but when it was about Bella, it changed things. I couldn't sit around and listen to him talking about how if he ever got the chance, he'd 'bend her over her exam table and make her beg for mercy'. His talk about 'playing doctor' with her made me sick. I'd heard my fair share of those types of conversations, but this was not something I could tolerate, not from him and definitely not about her.

Carlisle, sensing me reaching maximum capacity, gently tapped my shoulder in a 'let it go, it's not worth it' kind of way. He knew how close Bella and I had become and how I felt about her. He also knew that there was no point arguing with James. He wasn't going to change. Despite knowing that Carlisle was right, and that James wasn't worth it, I was still seething.

So seeing her sitting next to him in the food tent, while knowing that he harbored all these thoughts about her, really bothered me. I wanted to protect her from that.

Or maybe I just wanted her to myself.

I reluctantly sat down and joined James and Bella, trying to be cheerful even though I was highly agitated. Alice ran in the tent after a few awkward minutes, looking frantically around until she saw us. I didn't think much of it, as she and Bella were good friends, until she came closer and I could see the concern on her face.

"Bella, thank God I found you!" she said anxiously. "Marisol's in labor!"

Marisol was Bella's favorite patient. She was young, probably only about nineteen, but sweet and beautiful. She'd been under Bella's care for about a month, as she'd had some complications with her pregnancy and was on bed rest. She had nothing, came from nothing, and yet was pregnant and remarkably hopeful. She was kind to all the staff and everyone loved her dearly. The father of the baby was not in her life and no amount of prodding would get Marisol to tell us anything about him. She had nothing to speak of, but she did have her pride.

Bella wiped her mouth, finished chewing and then walked briskly to the clinic. James and I followed her, giving each other nasty glances when Bella wasn't looking.

We walked in and saw Marisol on the bed as Alice and several other nurses worked around her. Bella immediately knelt beside her.

"¿Cómo estás, hija?" Bella asked, brushing the hair out of her face. "¿Estás lista para conocer a tu bebé?"

_Was she ready to meet her baby? She was nineteen and alone. How could she possibly be ready? _

Marisol nodded, wincing through her pain, and grabbed Bella's hand. "¡Claro!"

Bella took control and I could see Marisol's face calm in her presence. Bella ordered us to wash up and gather some supplies. Then both James and I sat back and watched her work. I at least tried to be helpful by asking if I could do something, despite being internally panicked.

"Thanks Edward, I'll let you know," Bella answered, then returned her focus to her work.

James just sat there staring at her like the dumb fucking Neanderthal that he was. I was really beginning to dislike him.

Bella was the picture of calm and collected. I felt more stress than she seemed to and I wasn't doing shit. I didn't even know why I was there, but it was like a train wreck and I couldn't look away. Bella coached Marisol along, encouraging her and giving her hope. I had never been able to have that effect on anyone. Sure, my writing may have moved people, or so I was told, but Bella was true inspiration and strength. I had never seen her in that capacity before. Not like this. She commanded the room and demanded respect, for she was without a doubt the authority.

"Marisol, your baby is stuck in your pelvis," she said calmly, stroking Marisol's forehead. "¿Me entiendes?"

Marisol nodded her understanding.

"I'm going to do what I can to dislodge him, but I need you to remain calm, okay?" Her Spanish was flawless and once again, Bella was in charge.

Marisol's expression told me that she placed 100% confidence in Bella. She knew her life, and the life of her baby was out of her hands.

"Okay Marisol," Bella called after she'd finished her exam. "Push."

Marisol pushed for about an hour, but nothing was working. She was exhausted and despite Bella's encouragement, was ready to give up.

"Don't give up Marisol!" Bella yelled in Spanish. "The baby's almost here!"

Marisol smiled, but the exhaustion made it seem insincere.

All of the sudden, Marisol's eyes rolled into the back of her head. Her body was wracked with spasms and she looked like she was in a struggle for her life.

It turned out she was. I felt completely helpless and in the way no matter what I did.

"Edward, go find Alice and tell her that I need her. I told her I'd let her know when the baby is here so she can help tend to it." Bella ordered.

"Is it almost here?" I didn't understand what was happening.

"Go, please hurry. I need her now," Bella said matter-of-factly.

I ran through the clinic, trying to stay calm, until I found Alice in the stock room, gathering supplies. The situation had gone from a joyous occasion to a very dangerous one, and I didn't understand how Bella could stay so focused.

"Alice," I said breathlessly. "Bella needs you."

Alice could sense the stress in my face and quickly made her way to Marisol's bedside with me on her heels.

"Edward," Bella said as she saw us approach, "you and James need to leave now."

"But…don't you need help?" I stammered.

"We've got a trained staff here and I need to focus. Please. I'll see you later, okay?"

I nodded and she immediately went back to her work, intensely focused on the task at hand.

I was mentally and physically exhausted and more than a little freaked out. I had no medical training and what I had just witnessed proved to me that I couldn't have handled it. I was in awe of Bella and her grace and calm under such tremendous pressure.

I spent the afternoon attempting to write, which was something I hadn't done in a while. It was nothing special, just something small I'd been working on, but it felt great to put the pen to the paper again, no matter how distracted I was.

I must have fallen asleep because the sound of knocking on my door jolted me awake and I was momentarily disoriented. I shook it off and got up, walking the short distance to the door.

I was worried about Bella given the situation I'd left her in this afternoon.

The sight before me when I pulled open the door was worse than I was expecting. Bella was in her scrubs, which were bloodied and wrinkled. She was crying profusely and she looked a complete mess.

I ushered her inside quickly and pulled her into my arms.

"What happened with Marisol? Is there something wrong with the baby?"

She sobbed against me and clung to my shirt, which was now stained with blood.

"Marisol's gone," Bella whispered.

I pulled her back, holding her arms as I gazed into her face. "Gone? What do you mean?"

Removing herself from my grasp, she walked over to my bed, sitting down with a whoosh as she rested her head in her hands.

I quickly sat down next to her. "Do you want to tell me what happened?"

She pulled her knee into her chest, wrapping one of her arms around her legs, and wiped her eyes with the other.

"We tried everything we could, but she just kept crashing."

I grabbed Bella's hands in mine and we both glanced down at our intertwined fingers as I gently rubbed them with my thumbs.

Bella looked like she wanted to say more, so I waited while she composed herself. "I don't know what happened. I thought if I got the baby out quickly, I could save Marisol, but her body just quit. I couldn't revive her…I couldn't stop the bleeding…I just couldn't…save her."

"And the baby? Is the baby okay?" I asked softly.

"Yeah. It's a girl," she said quietly with a slight smile through her river of tears. "Marisol wanted a girl so badly."

I admit that I knew next to nothing about childbirth. Today was the closest I'd ever come to witnessing it. I'd heard stories about it being dangerous but had never actually known anyone who had major complications that could be considered life-threatening. I felt like we were back in the 1700's when childbirth was considered a much more dangerous thing.

She started sobbing again and I pulled her into my chest, gently caressing her hair. "Bella, I know you did all you could."

"I did what I was trained to do. It's just that she was so young, Edward," Bella sighed. "Why her? Wasn't it enough that she fought to keep her child alive, alone at nineteen?"

"I know you loved her. That's one of the most amazing things about you, how much you love your patients. You were amazing today. God, I was so freaked out. I wanted to help, but I had no idea what to do."

"This, right here, is what I need from you. This is how you can help me. Just being here. Besides, you shouldn't feel bad. I've trained for a long time, Edward. It's not easy for me either, but I'm used to it. You aren't."

"Typical Bella, comforting me when I should be comforting you. I'll be here for you in whatever way you need."

She sighed lightly. "I need this. I need you. I know this is part of my job, but it still hurts to lose one of my patients."

"You saved her baby's life."

"It wasn't enough. It's never enough."

There was a knock on the door and I looked at Bella to see if she was okay with me answering it. She nodded toward the door and I stood, squeezing her hand before I left her.

Alice stood, looking exhausted, on the other side of the door.

"How's she doing?" she asked, her voice laced with concern.

"About as well as you might expect."

Alice nodded and looked at the ground. "Tell her that baby Grace is doing fine, will you? She's stable and is being fed as we speak."

"I'll let her know, Alice. Thanks for stopping by." I moved to close the door, but Alice chimed in before I could.

"She was incredible today. You should have seen her after you left."

"I'm sure she was."

"Don't let her beat herself up, okay? She tends to do that. Take care of her?" Alice looked at me intensely and I nodded.

I said goodnight and closed the door, returning to Bella's side. She collapsed into me and tried to compose herself.

"Thanks for listening to me," Bella said, still clinging to me. "I'll be fine tomorrow. I told you last night how emotional I can be. I'm sorry you had to see me like this."

_Is she kidding me right now?_

"It's completely understandable for you to feel like this," I said, rubbing the outside of her arm. "You're passionate about what you do."

"I've been through so much in the last year. There's a lot of stuff that you don't know about me and one day, maybe I'll be able to tell you. I came here to get away and make a difference, to do something bigger than my problems back home. I've spent all these months pulling myself together and I finally feel like I'm healing. I feel like I'm living again, and you're a large part of that. But when I have days like these, it's so hard. I know I haven't known you long, but I'm so grateful for you. It scares me how much I rely on you at times."

"I'm glad you rely on me," I replied. "I want to be someone you can trust."

She wiped her nose with the sleeve of her shirt.

"You're staying here tonight," I said boldly. "I don't want any arguments, either."

She looked like she briefly considered a fight, but then backed down. She didn't have it in her to argue. Not tonight.

She lay down on the bed, after she'd changed into a t-shirt and boxers of mine. She looked so sad as she ran her hands through her hair and wiped her eyes.

"I can't believe she's gone," Bella said softly. "It's so unfair."

I sat next to her on the bed, once again grabbing her hand in mine.

"You take on so much responsibility, Bella," I said, brushing the hair out of her face with my free hand. "I know it's what you think you need to do, being a doctor, but you're only human. No one expects you to be perfect."

"Yes, they do," she said, avoiding eye contact with me. "That's exactly what they expect."

I put my finger on her chin, turning her face so she'd look at me. "No, they don't. You were incredible today. If you hadn't been there, both of them would have died. Baby Grace is alive because of you."

She sighed. "Some life she's going to have."

"I've never met anyone who's as hard on themselves as you are. It's hard for me to imagine that you feel that way, because I think you're one of the most remarkable people I've ever known."

"You don't have to do this, Edward."

_She really has no idea. _

"I want to do this. You aren't good at letting people take care of you, are you?" I asked, raising my eyebrows.

She chuckled through her tears. "How'd you guess?"

"Let me do this for you? I feel like I've been helpless all day. It's the least I can do."

She sat up and leaned into me and I wrapped my arms around her tightly.

"I don't know where you came from, but thank God you're here," she mumbled.

"Washington," I said jokingly to lighten the mood. She laughed and sniffled, appreciating the reprieve from the burden of her heavy heart.

I laid Bella down again and she fell asleep almost as soon as her head hit the pillow. I prepared a spot on the floor and slipped under the blanket. The evening downpour had started and I'd been so wrapped up in Bella that I hadn't even noticed. The sound of the rain was a soothing backdrop for sleep.

I laid there in thought for a few minutes. Bella said something earlier that piqued my curiosity. When she told me what happened, she had said that what she did was never enough. It was strange to me to hear her say that.

She wasn't insecure. She was confident and capable, but something had obviously happened to her to make her doubt herself. She was her own worst enemy. At a time when she had truly been in her element and saved a life, she berated herself. She definitely didn't see herself as others saw her, as I saw her.

I could relate in part to how she felt, even if her feelings were unfounded. Sometimes it's hard to see your own worth, no matter how many times you're told. I had people kissing my ass all the time for things I knew I didn't deserve. Hell, I had people kissing my ass for doing nothing. But I knew it was all bullshit. It wasn't like I thought my work was bad. On the contrary, I was quite proud of it, but the amount of ass-kissing I got was not commensurate with my contribution. The unfortunate thing was that she did deserve it and she needed to see her contribution for what it was- amazing.

"Morning," Bella said as I cracked open my eyes to see that the sun was already streaming into the room. It felt like I had just closed my eyes.

I rolled onto my side and looked up at her as she rested her head on her arms at the edge of the bed.

"I'm sorry you had to sleep on the floor," she said sincerely. "It couldn't have been comfortable."

"It was fine," I said, sitting up, wincing as I stretched. "Well, maybe not."

She laughed but then turned serious. "Well, I appreciate it very much. Thanks for taking care of me last night."

"No problem. That's what friends are for."

_I want a lot more than your friendship._

"So, I guess that means you're feeling better?" I continued.

"Much better, thanks." She smiled brightly and I felt my heart swell. "I'm still sad, but you made me feel a lot better."

"Happy to help."

As horrible as yesterday had been, I was happy to have this moment. I wanted to be this for Bella.

* * *

**A/N: So, we have progress. What did you think about seeing Bella in action? She's definitely not as weak as she feels. **

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**Reviews=Teasers**

**Also, thanks to Cullen sister rec'ing my story. I appreciate it so much. If you see my story rec'd somewhere, please let me know so I know who to thank. I really do appreciate the support. **

**Next up, we'll see what happens when they let loose a little and go out!**


	6. Chapter 6 Confused

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. **

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**Chapter 6: Confused**

**Bella**

Losing Marisol had rocked me to the core. She was young and sweet and put her trust in me and I had failed her. I had lost patients before, and although it was never easy, I was always able to separate myself and maintain professionalism.

This was different.

Perhaps it was how many odds she'd already overcome. Her parents had disowned her when they found out she was pregnant out of wedlock. Being devout Catholics, they couldn't condone such wanton behavior. Women, especially young, uneducated women, had very few options on their own here. There were no jobs for them. There was no way for them to survive without the help of a husband or family.

Her strength and commitment to her child astonished me. How she could be so positive in the face of complete destitution was inspirational. It made my problems pale in comparison and really helped me put my own life into perspective.

So when she died at my hand, I felt like it was nature's way of slapping me in the face. I felt like she was being punished for her unbridled optimism and I was the one who brought her down.

Edward had been amazing that night. Everything was such a blur for me, being so emotionally drained, but he took care of me. He comforted me in a way that only he could. I had no idea when he'd become so important to me. One minute, we were strangers, and the next, he was my rock.

At first, I was embarrassed and self-conscious that he'd seen me in such an emotional state. I was used to being in control, not only of myself, but of any situation. But I quickly forgot all of that when he held me in his arms. He was truly a great friend to me.

Later that week, during our nightly hang-out sessions, I decided to broach a tough subject with him; one that I had been dreading since we became close.

"Edward?" I asked nervously. I peeked my face out from my behind my book as I lounged in the chair by his nightstand, while he lay on his side facing me on his bed, reading.

He set down his book and gazed up at me. "Yeah?"

"How long are you here for?"

He sighed and contemplated for a moment before speaking. "I don't really know. I was so anxious to get here, that I figured I'd play it by ear. I'm thinking I'll stay through the summer at least."

It was late June, so that meant that he'd hopefully be here until September. I felt a wave of relief, as I wasn't ready to face him leaving.

"Good," I said, unable to stop the smile from taking over my face. "I'm not ready for you to leave yet."

He reciprocated my smile, making me feel like a twelve-year old with a crush, and said, "I'm not ready to leave you either."

I couldn't stop the blush on my cheeks. I felt hot and tingly at his words. What did he think of me? How did he think of me?

"What about you?" he asked, breaking the silence in the room, thankfully.

"My original plan was to spend a year here. I got here in January, so probably sometime at the end of the year."

He nodded, but didn't look away.

"You've been here a while. Are you anxious to go back?"

_How much should I tell him?_

"Yes and no," I said honestly. "I miss the conveniences of home. I miss my family. But, I feel like I'm making a difference here. The work is so rewarding and I can't imagine leaving."

"Is it just the work that keeps you here?" Edward asked. I couldn't help but notice the change in his tone. He wasn't just asking as a curiosity.

"Well…no. Of course not. I've met some incredible people here. Carlisle is like a dad to me. And I don't know what I'd do without Alice, Emmett, James. It would be hard to leave them, you know?"

"Of course. Carlisle, Alice, Emmett and James. Of course you'd miss them," he replied, clenching his jaw.

I wanted to tell him how much he meant to me, but I wasn't sure if he'd misread my intentions. As attracted to him as I was, I wasn't ready to take things further, if that was even his intention. I respected him and I didn't want to lead him on. I knew that with all my issues, things would inevitably end badly if we pushed things too far.

He looked so hurt. I couldn't let him think I didn't care; I just had to tread lightly.

"I think I'd miss you the most, though," I said softly.

His face lit up again and the tingly feeling inside me returned.

"I know how you feel," he finally said and then returned to his book, the smile remaining.

It was always easy with him.

I walked into the food tent the next day, hoping to have some time to hang out with Edward. He was rarely in camp during the day, so I wanted to take advantage of it. Carlisle stopped me and was talking to me about the status of several of my patients but I was distracted. I could see Edward over Carlisle's shoulder. He was sitting with his back to me and Heidi was seated at his side.

She knew that we were close, but she also knew that nothing had happened between us and took that as a sign that he was fair game. I knew it was unfair of me to expect him to be celibate, but I hated seeing her hit on him. She had her hand on the back of the bench, right behind his ass and was leaning in talking to him. He had a fork in one hand and his other arm on the table. He didn't look particularly interested in her, despite her Oscar-worthy efforts, but it bugged me all the same. He was a red-blooded man who had needs and one day, someone was going to be there at the right time to capitalize on that. Heidi was jockeying for position.

I quickly finished talking to Carlisle, not wanting Heidi to have any more alone time with Edward than necessary. I walked up behind them slowly and could faintly hear what she was saying to him.

"We should hang out more, Edward," she cooed in her sickeningly sweet voice. "I see you with Bella all the time, but you know how cold she can be and a little crazy. You need to be around someone normal for a change."

Edward looked at her for the first time since I'd been watching, his face hard. "She's not cold to me, or crazy. I'm quite happy, but thanks for looking out for my welfare," he said with a sarcastic bite.

"Don't say I didn't warn you," Heidi said smugly. I wanted to punch her. She acted nice to my face and I never knew that she had an issue with me.

I walked around the table and slid into the bench opposite them.

"Oh, sorry. Did I interrupt something?" I said flatly.

Heidi rolled her eyes as she stood up. "No, I was just leaving."

She glanced at Edward and said goodbye, but he was looking at me.

_Sorry, Heidi, he's not interested._

I felt smug as I set my tray down, knowing that I'd cut Heidi's time short. I couldn't explain my possessive behavior. It was wrong, but I didn't care. Edward knew me better in the short time we'd had together than most people who had known me my whole life. He and I spent a lot of time together, so I hoped that he wouldn't place too much stock in what Heidi said.

I had come so far but I knew I needed to be careful about who I trusted, even here where we were all fighting the same fight. When I first got to Guatemala, I was in a bad place in my life. It wasn't hard to see. Heidi and several others in the group knew that I had a difficult past. I was open about why I was here, to a point. I never told anyone the full story, but they could see that I was hurting.

One of the previous male volunteers had been quite vocal about wanting to date me, but I wasn't interested. At all. Not only was I in no shape to date again, but I felt nothing toward him. Before I had gotten close to Alice, Heidi and I talked a lot about it and I thought she could identify with me. I thought she understood, but she apparently took my disinterest to be some sort of coldness. I didn't realize that not being ready to date made me frigid. I couldn't believe that Heidi would use what I had told her in confidence against me just to get Edward into her bed. I felt a little hurt and betrayed by her.

"Did you know that Heidi and I were really close before Alice got here?" I asked as I scooped some food onto my fork.

"No, I didn't. But you guys seem friendly enough around camp."

"Well, as friendly as someone who is as cold and crazy as I am can be," I snapped.

The color left his face as he realized that I'd heard what she'd said and he set down his fork and rubbed his hands together nervously.

"You know I don't believe that," he said sweetly.

"I know, I heard you. Thanks for sticking up for me. Still, she and I were friends, you know? I trusted her." I didn't like how stupid I felt. I was irritated with Heidi for taking the fun out of my time with Edward.

"I'm sorry. But, if it makes you feel better, I'm glad that you guys aren't that close anymore."

I was confused. "Why?"

"More time for me." He smiled and just like that all was forgotten.

"Hey, I have an idea," I said, changing the subject.

"What's that?"

"Let's go into town tonight. There's a little bar that has this funny old guitar player who sings folk music."

"Folk music?" Edward said skeptically.

I reached over and smacked his hand lightly. "Hey, it's fun. Come on, live a little. Just think of it as research for your book. Plus, they serve cold beer."

I gave him my puppy dog eyes and he caved. I needed a night out and spending it with him would make it perfect.

I knocked on his bunk door later that evening and he emerged looking mouth-wateringly beautiful. He was just wearing shorts and a t-shirt, but he had just showered and his hair was a perfectly disheveled mess. I wanted to run my fingers through it. I almost leaned in so I could smell him, but I resisted the urge.

"Let's go!" I said excitedly as I grabbed his hand and pulled him outside with me.

We took the bus into town, which was a harrowing experience on its own. First of all, the rain started pouring down not five minutes after we got on, so the air inside became thick and stuffy. The bus was full of people who were crammed into every crevice of available space. We stood and held onto the bar overhead, clinging for our lives. The driver appeared to be completely fearless as he passed people on blind curves and drove considerably faster than could be considered safe. No matter how many times I rode the bus here, I would never get used to it. It always felt like my life was on the line.

I flew into Edward after the bus lurched into a pothole that must have been big enough to nearly swallow the bus whole. He wrapped his free arm around me and pulled me into him and I wanted to stay there forever. I felt no fear in his arms. He felt so good against me. And to add to the feeling, he smelled so good, which was a welcome reprieve from the thick air of the bus.

He looked down at me and laughed. "Do these bus rides ever get easier?"

"No, if you're lucky, you'll be drunk on the way home and won't notice that we're all about to die."

"Well then, let's go get drunk."

That sounded like an excellent plan to me. I spent so much of my time being serious and professional. I wanted to let loose and have fun.

We exited the bus in one piece, miraculously, and I quickly pointed out where the bar was located. We ran under eaves to stay dry, but it was no use. I'd been here long enough that the rain and being wet was just par for the course.

We walked into the bar, which was no bigger than a typical classroom back home. It had a long wooden bar in the back and several round tables around the bar. The front window was just shutters, which were drawn open. There was an overhang which prevented the rain from coming inside. The table by the window was open so we sat and watched the villagers running by trying to stay dry. It was nice to watch the rain, not having to be actually in it. It provided a nice backdrop and I was used to the peaceful sounds, having been here for so long.

"We're soaked," Edward said, wiping the water off his arms.

"You're from Washington, aren't you? And you're scared of the rain?" I asked in a playful voice.

"What can I say? I'm not crazy about being wet," he said with a smile. I loved that smile.

_Edward wet. Yum._

Edward stood and walked to the bar, grabbing two bottles from the old bartender, who looked like a permanent fixture.

As he walked across the small room, I couldn't help but stare as his shirt clung to his firm chest. He looked so good that I couldn't stop my ogling.

"What were you thinking about?" he said as he sat and handed me one of the cold beers, a wide smile upon his face. "You were staring at me with intention."

"Don't flatter yourself, Cullen," I joked. "I'm thirsty. I was staring at the beer."

He laughed and held his bottle up for a toast. "Well then, let's not waste any time. Cheers!"

We clinked the bottles together and I took a large swig, never breaking eye contact with Edward.

"So, when does the folk music start?" he asked in mock enthusiasm, slamming his fists down onto the table.

"Not for a while. You've got plenty of time to drink before the torture begins."

_This is going to be a long night._

And a long night it was.

I was startled awake some time later with a pounding headache and insatiable thirst. I looked around in a panic. I was in my room, fully dressed in damp clothes, with my shoes off, underneath the covers. I felt absolutely horrible.

I sat up quickly in shock, but the room spun so I lay back down and tried to remember anything I could about the night before.

We had drunk several beers and laughed and joked around. We listened to the music and danced. That much I remembered. We flirted and talked, completely carefree, as if we were transported to another place and time.

At some point, the old bartender brought over liqueur of some kind in a funky bottle that looked like a fat, female Buddha with a big, round belly. I remembered that it was served warm and was drunk through some sort of glass pipe. What the fuck was it?

I wracked my brain to think of any other details. How had we gotten home? Then I remembered something else.

We kissed.

_Holy fuck. _

I cursed the alcohol for making me forget what happened. How could I have been so stupid? Oh God, what did Edward think? I began to panic and knew I needed to find Alice. I grabbed my watch from the nightstand and it was well past ten o'clock, so I knew that Alice would be up.

I scrambled out of bed, trying my best to push through my pounding headache and upset stomach. I was so mad at myself. I knew better than to drink some strange alcohol and apparently in mass quantity no less. I was never this careless. I hated being so out of control. It went against my nature.

I ran over to Alice's bunk, trying to avoid running into anyone who might want some conversation. Thankfully she was there.

"I need to talk," I said sternly when she opened the door. She was cheery, as usual, which just annoyed me even more.

"Well, looks like someone's got a case of the Mondays," Alice said, completely unfazed by my rudeness.

I sat on the bed and buried my face in my hands as I sighed loudly.

"I went out to El Fandango with Edward last night," I said, the frustration clear in my voice. "Things were going fine…I just…I don't know what happened. I mean…we were having fun…and drinking beers…and…the fat lady drink…"

"Bella, what did you do?" Alice said, cutting to the chase. "At the rate you're going, I still won't have heard the story by lunchtime."

"I don't remember shit, Alice," I whined.

"Well, you wouldn't be in a panic if that were entirely true. Come on, out with it." She stood in the middle of her room with her hands on her hips, waiting for my answer. I shot her a nasty look, but it didn't faze her at all.

I had to hand it to her; she was good at cutting though bullshit.

"I think I kissed him," I said with a sigh, burying my face again.

"You think?" she asked.

I winced and nodded. "I've tried to remember everything I could about last night, but it's all just flashes of memories. We were flirting, but I just figured it was the alcohol. I shouldn't have done something so stupid."

"Stupid? Bella, are you high? Anyone who comes anywhere near you can see that you two are crazy about each other. What's the big deal?"

I couldn't stop the tears at this point. "Alice, I've dealt with more bullshit in my thirty-something years than most people do in a lifetime. It would be unfair to ask Edward to deal with it just because I'm hopelessly attracted to him. How selfish could I be? Not that I wouldn't love to be with him, but I'd be a shitty girlfriend right now. God, and work? I'm supposed to be here being professional, helping people. Not getting hammered and laid. Plus, he's leaving at the end of summer and I'd be crushed. I can't deal with it right now."

"You know, you shouldn't make assumptions about what he is or isn't willing to deal with. How the hell do you know what he wants unless you ask him? Have you two talked about it?"

"Other than the insightful conversation from last night that I can't remember at all, no. What am I supposed to say? 'Gee Edward, how'd you like to date me even though everyone who's ever done so thinks I'm an emotionally unavailable workaholic?' Or maybe I could say, 'Why don't we just fuck until you leave in September and move three thousand miles away from where I live?'"

Alice sat down next to me and put her hand on my shoulder. "Sooner or later, you're going to have to move past this. To put yourself out there again. You know that, right? How long has it been? A year? You're too hard on yourself. You deserve happiness, even if you don't think you do."

"I'm not hiding behind what happened," I huffed.

"Bella, you can fool yourself but not me. You're denying yourself happiness. You have to stop beating yourself up and harboring all this responsibility and guilt for things that are out of your control."

I thought about what she was saying. Between Heidi calling me crazy and Alice talking about me intentionally denying myself happiness, I was forced to self-evaluate. Was I sabotaging myself?

Not wanting to deal with it all, my thoughts returned to last night and I knew I needed to do some damage control. Whatever ended up happening with Edward, I knew it shouldn't have happened like it did. I just wished I could remember more.

I hugged Alice goodbye and walked reluctantly towards Edward's bunk. I had no idea what the hell I was even going to say to him. I finally knocked after chickening out several times. He didn't answer.

_Fuck, he's in the field already._

I grabbed some food and decided to try and take my mind off everything and work in the clinic. My patients always made me feel better and the irony of that was not lost on me. I was supposed to be helping them, but they always inspired me to persevere and not feel sorry for myself. I wished I had an ounce of their spirit and optimism.

I made my rounds of the regular patients, checking in on Grace, the name I'd given Marisol's baby. She was gaining weight, and I knew it was only a matter of time before I had to relinquish her to the local orphanage. I couldn't bear the thought, so I fought to keep her here for as long as I could. I sat in the chair next to her bassinet and held her in my arms. She was so little, so helpless, yet already a fighter. I sang softly to her as I rocked back and forth. I was lost in her tiny features.

"Hey, Bella." Edward's smooth voice startled me, but the panic soon followed as I looked up and saw his gorgeous face standing in the doorway with his hands in his pockets.

"Uh…hi," I said lamely, setting Grace down in her bassinet. I had no idea what to say to him and the air between us was thick with tension.

"How're you feeling today?" he asked.

I looked down at the floor, feeling like a complete idiot."I'm okay. I've had a headache all morning, but otherwise, I'm fine," I muttered, tracing patterns on the floor with my shoe; anything to avoid looking at him.

I could feel him walk closer to me and my heart was nearly pounding out of my chest.

_Oh God, what's he doing?_

He reached out and lifted my chin with his thumb and forefinger until our eyes met. He looked upset and concerned.

_What the fuck happened?_

"I was worried about you," he finally said. "I wanted to come by this morning and check on you, but I had to meet Emmett."

"I'm so sorry that things got so out of control last night," I said, trying unsuccessfully to avert his gaze. "Speaking of which, what exactly happened?"

This time, he broke our gaze and lowered his hand. "What do you remember?" he asked.

"I remember drinking beers with you, watching the rain. I remember the bartender and the fat lady liqueur. But that's really it, only snippets from there. The kiss…"

"Yeah…so…about that…" he started, shifting his weight from side to side nervously. "I'm kinda glad you don't remember much. Let's just chalk it up to a drunken mistake, okay?"

I wished I could remember more about it. Did I initiate it? Did he? What happened after that? How did it feel? I hated that I'd spent weeks wondering what it would be like and when it finally did happen, I couldn't remember anything except fleeting images. I was incredibly disappointed in myself for a whole host of reasons.

He was obviously regretful, calling it a 'drunken mistake', so he clearly didn't want more than friendship anyway. The only positive thing about my not remembering much was that I didn't have to recall the rejection. I could live blissfully unaware of his rebuff.

"So..uh…are we okay?" he asked, motioning between us with his hand.

I nodded and faked a smile. "Yeah, we're okay. Of course we're okay."

He nodded in return and turned to leave. "So, tomorrow night at my place? We still on?"

"Yeah, I'll see you then. I'll bring the cards."

He patted the doorjamb and left, never looking back.

I stood there in the clinic and finally let his rejection sink in. All my worrying about what I wanted was for nothing. He saw us as friends. Even though it made my agonizing decision about what to do a little less agonizing, I still felt sad.

Maybe Alice was right. Maybe I pushed away happiness thinking myself undeserving. I'd harbored my mountain of guilt for so long, that I'd forgotten what it felt like to live without it. I didn't want to live like that anymore. I wanted peace from the torment of my mind.

There were others here who wanted to date me, most notably James. Maybe I just needed to try? Maybe my attraction to Edward was my unconscious way of denying myself companionship- wanting what I knew I couldn't have. Edward was out of reach and nothing I did would change that.

If he didn't want more, I'd settle for being friends. But that didn't mean I couldn't pursue happiness elsewhere.

It had been over a year. It was time to move on.

* * *

**A/N: Thanks for all the love this week! I appreciate it so much. Please don't forget to leave me a review. I know I sound like a broken record, but I crave the feedback! **

**Reviews=Teasers**

**There's a thread over on Twilighted if you are interested in chatting about the story. I'll be sure to check in and possibly post some additional teasers! **

**Special thanks to MrsEdwardCullenP for rec'ing STR in her story. Also to SabsLuvsLogan for the shout out on E'Ville. If you see STR rec'd somewhere, please let me know! **

**Thanks to my betas, sqsquared and Twiheart, who have helped me so much. Also, hugs to my pre-readers, ellierk and Sunfeathers, whose reaction to this chapter made me smile!**


	7. Chapter 7 El Fandango

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. **

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**Chapter 7: El Fandango**

**Edward**

"Thanks, Edward," Bella slurred. "I'm so sorry. I don't deserve you. Don't be mad, please? You're the best."

I slid off her shoes and helped her under the covers. I wanted to help her out of her wet clothes, but under the circumstances, I didn't think it would be appropriate.

She was a mess, totally hammered.

I left her room feeling completely dejected. I had high hopes earlier about things between us, but tonight had definitely not gone as I wanted.

I lay down on my bed, but my mind was reeling. There was no way I could sleep as the events of tonight played in my head over and over again.

We got to El Fandango and it was every bit as kitschy as Bella described. The bartender was this funny old guy, who spoke not a word of English. We had a great table by the window and where we enjoyed our cold beers together. It was really fun to see Bella let loose so much. We encouraged each other to drink and have fun. Things were so serious around camp so much of the time that when she suggested a night out to forget about things, I jumped on it. I hoped that Bella would open up to me more if she was a little liquored up. If she wouldn't do it sober, perhaps once she got a little 'liquid courage' into her, she'd tell me more about herself.

The folk singer showed up after a while, looking the part, with his floppy hat and sandals. I had no idea what to expect but the music was very lyrical and easy to enjoy.

"Dance with me," I said, pulling Bella to stand as she giggled.

"Oh God, I'm a terrible dancer." She pulled back on my hand, resisting me.

"Well, I'm not, so come on."

With that, she relented and together we walked to the middle of the room. I swung her around and pulled her close to me as I wrapped my arm around her waist. It felt incredible being this close to her. I could feel the swell of her breasts against my chest and her breath against my neck. All I wanted to do in that moment was kiss her and take her back to my place to have my way with her. Instead, I led us around the small room, maneuvering carefully around the tables, even managing a few twirls. Bella laughed and let herself go, giving in to the fun of it all and I vowed to do whatever it took to see her this carefree again as often as I could.

The song ended and we stopped dancing, much to my chagrin. Bella pulled me to the table and sat down, grabbing her drink and taking a long swig.

"You've got some nice moves," Bella said, setting down her beer. "I'm impressed."

"Yeah, you can thank my mom for that. She insisted that Jasper and I take ballroom dancing lessons. Something about us being gentlemen." I shrugged my shoulders, silently thanking my mom for forcing me to go to lessons all those years ago. It certainly seemed like my limited dancing skills were coming in handy, yet my thoughts were far from gentlemanly.

Bella got flirtier in direct proportion to the number of drinks she had. She was fun and playful and I liked it. Her hand slid to my thigh as she laughed at something I said, and I could feel my body tense up. Instead of removing it when she was done laughing, she left it there and I covered it with my hand, slowly interlacing our fingers together. I didn't want to take a chance that she'd move her hand back and leave me without her touch. My fingers touched hers, slowly slipping past them, eventually caressing the back of her hand as our fingers became fully entwined. It was so minor, holding her hand, but it felt so sensual and intimate.

The bartender came over after a while with a bottle of a golden liqueur, which we lovingly dubbed "the fat lady". It was sweet and thick as we sipped it through a long, glass pipe. It rolled over my tongue and down my throat with ease. It wasn't bitter or harsh as so many liqueurs can be.

Bella's lips curled against the pipe and I could feel my pants tighten, envisioning her lips wrapped around me, sucking. The liqueur slowly rose in the pipe until it hit her lips. She sipped it, swallowing gently and looking so fucking sexy.

I hadn't realized how much alcohol she drank, as I was too fixated on how she drank it to pay much attention. She seemed fine, but I should have known that the cocktails would catch up to her.

She smiled seductively at me, and I couldn't hold off any more. I wanted to kiss her so fucking badly. I'd been waiting all night for an opportunity, but it never seemed to be the right time.

"You are so beautiful, Bella," I said, moving my hand to her cheek as I leaned in to close the distance between us. "I'm sure you get told that all the time, but it's true. You're amazing. I've never met anyone like you."

She looked at me in shock as she leaned into my hand.

"God, why can't things be different?" she asked, closing her eyes as my thumb traced small circles on her cheek.

I inched a little closer, pulling her head slowly toward mine, never taking my eyes off her lips.

"Why can't they be?" I whispered.

"I want that. So much…but…"

"What are you afraid of, Bella?" We were just inches apart at this point, her breath tickling my face.

"It's just…he's gone…and it's my fault." She was starting to open up and I wanted to know more. I should have pulled away to allow her to talk, but I didn't want the space between us. Even though she was pretty drunk, I liked that she was letting me this close to her and I selfishly wanted more.

I brought my other hand to her face, cradling her head in my hands.

"Who's gone?" I brought my lips to her forehead, pressing them gently against it. Bella whimpered softly and my previously hard cock got even harder.

"Fuck…I shouldn't be doing this." Her slurred words of denial didn't match her actions and she looked as if she was battling with herself over whether or not we should continue. I moved my lips to the space right beneath her ear along her jaw line, one hand slipping to the base of her neck as the other moved down to her back. I inhaled deeply, taking in her scent and gently kissed the soft skin of her neck. She tilted her head to allow me better access and I took full advantage.

I didn't want to give her the opportunity to change her mind. Never leaving the softness of her skin, I moved my lips slowly across her cheek, my breath heavy with need, until I met her lips. She moaned as our lips touched, urging me on. Our movements were slow and deliberate, but contained passion like I'd never felt before. I'd never had a kiss be so sensual. Never before had I desired someone like I desired Bella and all we'd done was hold hands.

"So soft," I muttered as I pulled back slightly before moving in again.

As our lips met, I opened my mouth slightly and she followed along, slipping her smooth tongue past my lips. It was me who moaned this time as I let my tongue move with hers. My hand fisted into her hair, holding her to me, never wanting to let her go. I could faintly hear the sound of the rain in the background, but all I could focus on was the feeling of Bella's lips on mine.

"I've wanted to do that for so long," I said softly as I kissed her ear.

Suddenly, her demeanor changed. She stiffened under my touch and pressed her hand against my chest, moving me away.

"We can't do this," she said emphatically as she hid her face in her hands. "We just can't."

I pulled her hands away. "Look at me, Bella."

She looked up and had tears streaming down her face.

"Why are you crying? I'm sorry if I did something to upset you. I guess I thought that you were okay with things…" I stammered.

I had no idea what I had done that could have incited this kind of reaction from her. I knew she was hesitant, but her body language told me she was comfortable with me.

"It's not you, it's me. I know that's horribly cliché, but you have no idea how true it is in my case." She looked away from me as she wiped her tears.

"Do you not want me?" I asked feebly. I didn't know if I wanted to hear the answer to my question or not.

She let out a sigh and a sob. "It's not that at all. Trust me, I want you. It's just…this can't happen."

"Why not? Talk to me, please!" I sounded desperate, but I didn't care. Why was she pushing me away?

"Can't we just be friends? Please? I don't want that to get fucked up." She looked up at me with a pleading look and I wanted to pull her into a hug and make whatever it was that plagued her go away.

"Is that what you want? To be friends?"

She shook her head, but her words had finality to them, despite the slur. "No, but it's all I can give you. Please don't push me on this. It's better this way. You have to believe me."

I sighed and ran my hands through my hair. "I don't understand why, Bella?"

She stood up, planting her feet firmly as if making a stand, her eyes red and swollen from crying. "Because we'll both just end up hurt. Can't you just take what I can give? Fuck, Edward…" Her voice trailed off as she grabbed her beer, taking a long swig even though she'd already had way too much to drink. It wasn't apparent to me until that moment when she stood just how drunk she was. She was swaying and looked like she might fall over.

Just as I stood to help her, she slammed the beer down onto the table and stormed out of the bar into the rain.

_What the fuck?_

I chased after her along the dark streets until I found her leaning face down against a waist-high cobblestone wall, sobbing.

I ran over to her and pulled her into my arms, the rain pouring down on us. She was struggling to stand and it seemed like everything was coming down on her at once. I desperately wanted to understand what set her off, but there was no way I was going to push it tonight.

"Take me home," she said, clutching my t-shirt in her fists as she shivered in my arms. "Please, just take me home."

"Okay. It's okay, Bella. I'll take care of you."

I had no idea how things had gotten so fucked up. One minute we were flirting and having a great time and the next she was a sobbing mess in my arms.

What was she scared of with me? If I thought she wasn't interested in me as anything more than a friend, that would be one thing, but I felt passion in her kiss. There was something there. Maybe I was kidding myself, projecting my feelings onto her, but I didn't think so. It seemed like she wanted me as much as I wanted her.

But I could see the fire in her eyes as she pushed me away. Whatever demons she struggled with had a strong hold on her. My curiosity was piqued as I held onto her shivering body, wondering how she got so upset over something like a kiss. I never wanted her to feel violated or disrespected, so if all she could handle was being friends, then I'd honor that. As hard as it would be for me, I'd do it.

For her.

The next morning, I had to leave early to meet Emmett offsite. I wanted to check on Bella, but I knew she'd need her sleep. Plus, I didn't know what to say to her and I needed time to process everything that had happened.

"Hey, you made it. I was worried when I heard you and Bella went into town last night," Emmett said cheerfully as I walked up. He was perched on the frame of a house we were building.

"I wish I could've slept in," I said honestly, climbing up the scaffolding to join Emmett. "I didn't sleep for shit."

Emmett laughed, obviously thinking something had happened between Bella and me. "Well, check you out, Casanova! It was that good, huh? I knew Doc liked you."

I shook my head emphatically, grabbing a nail and pounding it into the wood. It felt good to hit something.

"Hell, I wish it was like that. Instead, it was a complete train wreck."

He set down his hammer, clearly curious. "What happened?"

I explained how the night had gone, from our dancing and having fun to our kiss and her subsequent fleeing. It was still so confusing.

"Go easy on her, Edward," Emmett said. "She's had it rough."

"Can you tell me what happened? I feel like I'm the only person not in on a private joke or something. What the fuck?" My frustration was reaching a peak. Everyone seemed to know what was going on except me. All those times that Bella and I had talked and hung out and she'd never mentioned anything to me. Yet, Emmett seemed to know all about it.

"I don't know much. She's really only talked to Carlisle." He paused as he grabbed a nail and positioned it on the beam. "But, I do know this- the woman she is today when she's with you is not the same one who came here. She's different and a lot better. She was a mess back then but she's trying with you, I can tell. Just don't push her."

"I'm trying not to push. I just like her. When we're alone I feel like she likes me too. She flirts with me all the time and acts like she's interested. But then other times she pulls away. I can't read her at all and it's frustrating as hell." It felt really good to be able to talk to someone about it. I was used to having Jasper around and this situation was driving me crazy.

"Oh, she likes you. There's no question about that. Anyone can see that. The question is whether or not she'll allow it to go further. Give her time. She'll come around."

Time was the one thing I didn't have. I didn't know what I was hoping would happen once we were done here, but I definitely realized our time was limited. I also knew that I wanted her in my life beyond that. I didn't have the logistics worked out, but I would make sure that it happened, in whatever capacity she wanted.

When work was finished, we got back to camp and I was as frustrated as when I left this morning.

I thought a lot about what Emmett said and what I knew about her past. She must have been left by someone she loved and she obviously felt responsible for his leaving. It was confusing though, because everyone's been dumped at some point. Sure, it hurts, but most people move on and find that it was for the best. There had to be something different about her situation that I didn't know. It occurred to me that maybe she still harbored feelings for this guy and that made me rage with jealousy. It seemed to fit her actions and seemed logical, but that only made it harder. Maybe being with me reminded her of him. When she was kissing me, was she picturing his face? Was that why she pulled away? Because she wanted it to be him and not me?

As pissed and jealous as I was, I was worried about Bella. Things had gone so wrong last night and I knew that I needed to talk to her about it. I hoped she wouldn't be upset with me.

I reluctantly made me way across camp to the clinic, where I knew Bella would be. She wasn't in the front room and one of the nurses pointed me to the back room, where Grace and the other small children were kept. Bella didn't hear me walk up so I watched her for a few moments, holding Grace. I was struck by how nurturing she was. I knew this baby meant the world to her and I could see the love in her expression as she gazed at tiny Grace.

"Hey, Bella," I said after a minute or so. She looked up, startled and gave me a nervous smile. I was nervous too, not knowing where we stood.

She looked uncomfortable as she shifted around and set Grace in her bed.

"Uh…hi," she said, avoiding eye contact.

I didn't want things to be like this for us. I didn't like the tension.

I broke the ice by asking how she felt, even though I could tell by looking at her that she was hung over. I closed the distance between us, hoping she'd know how much I cared and that I didn't mean to overstep my boundaries.

I lifted her chin and could practically feel her shaking beneath my touch. I felt like such an asshole for being the cause of her anxiety. I apologized for not coming by and checking on her, but she kept avoiding my eyes.

_What's she scared of?_

Her behavior was baffling to me. It wasn't like we slept together. It was a kiss. It was the best kiss I'd ever had, but a kiss nonetheless. It wasn't until she admitted that she didn't remember anything that I understood why she was acting the way she was. If I felt like an asshole before, I felt like a really big one now. While I had been thinking nonstop about the best kiss of my life, she didn't even remember it. I felt like some sort of molester, taking advantage of a drunk woman. My mother would be horrified.

Then it occurred to me that if she didn't remember anything because she was so drunk, maybe what she told me wasn't how she really felt. If I just chalked up the kiss to a mistake, maybe we could go back to how we were. Hopefully things could move forward in time like I wanted, and I hoped that deep down she wanted that, as well.

So, I told her that it was just a mistake, even though I didn't believe it. I just didn't bother to clarify that the mistake was only in kissing her while she was too drunk and that I waited so long to do it.

Her face fell a little, but she recovered herself.

"So...uh…are we okay?" I asked, breaking the awkward silence.

She nodded and smiled, still obviously uncomfortable. "Yeah, we're okay. Of course we're okay."

"So, tomorrow night at my place? We still on?"

"Yeah, I'll see you then. I'll bring the cards."

I would make things better tomorrow. We could be ourselves again. I was really looking forward to seeing her.

All day the next day, I couldn't stop thinking about Bella and hanging out with her. I missed her, even though I'd just seen her the day before. She had become so important to me and I was anxious to put the whole drunken kissing fiasco behind us.

The only good thing about being away from her was that I was really busy with work. We were working on a house for a family who had lost everything in a flood. They had three young children and lost everything. Seeing their appreciative and smiling faces was incredibly rewarding. I had so many memories of what we were doing here that I would cherish forever. It had been the best decision I'd ever made.

I'd actually gotten quite good at construction in the short period of time I'd been here. I wasn't reading schematics or blueprints, but I could piece together a pretty good structure once Emmett or James showed me what to do.

I enjoyed working with Emmett a lot and he and I talked quite a bit. I could easily see myself being friends with him long after this experience was over. James, on the other hand, was as annoying to me as he was the first time I met him. It was well known that he had a thing for Bella, and I had to listen to him day after day talk about her nice ass or her long legs. He was so derogatory in his comments about her and I knew she'd be mortified if she ever found out the things he said. All his talk did was piss me off and make me miss her even more than I already did.

I showered when I got home and felt like I was getting ready for a date. I sifted through my clothes and made sure my hair was in place. Tonight would be a good thing for us. We needed to lighten things up.

"Come in!" I yelled with my mouth full of toothpaste as I heard a knock on the door.

I heard the door open and close as I finished up and when I walked into the room from the bathroom, Bella was already lying on my bed, getting the cards out of the box.

She looked absolutely beautiful, wearing a deep red tank top and short jean shorts. Her legs looked like they were a mile long and connected to a pair of flip flops, which dangled over the bed as they hung from her toes.

"Hi," I said, shoving my hands in my pockets like a teenager. I was just so happy to have us back to being us.

"Hey there," she said, smiling brightly at me.

_That's the smile I love._

"You ready to get your ass kicked at cards tonight?" she asked cockily. I had to hand it to her, she was good at cards. I'd never seen her as an especially competitive person, but cards brought it out in her and it was adorable. She gloated when she won and had the cutest pout when she lost.

"So, I was thinking," I said as I rearranged the cards in my hand. "There's that pyramid at the other end of town."

"Uh huh," she acknowledged.

"You know the one I mean? The one at the top of the hill with the winding trail that goes up the side?" She nodded. "Anyway, I was thinking we should go up there on Friday. It's supposed to be really pretty at sunset."

Her face fell and she looked uncomfortable. I hoped that I hadn't overstepped again.

"It was just an idea," I said, feeling ridiculous and stupid for asking. "We don't have to go."

She rested her hand on my forearm, which was resting on the bed. "No, it's not that. I'd love to do that hike. Alice has been talking about it for weeks, too."

_Alice? What the fuck? _

"But, I can't on Friday," she said, looking at her cards. "I have plans."

"With Alice?"

"No…uh…with James." She didn't look up at me and I could see the blush on her cheeks.

This wasn't a friendly outing with a buddy she was talking about. The look on her face betrayed her. She had a date. With James.

"Bella, I know he likes you. That much is obvious. But, I don't think he's right for you. I mean…is this about the other night?"

"No, it's not about other night. Look, I appreciate your concern, but I'm a good judge of character and I can handle myself."

I could barely control myself. I was so hurt and angry. She turned me down, telling me that she needed space and time. She told me all she had to give me was friendship. She even fed me the "it's not you, it's me" bullshit. Only to give it up for James? He was who she wanted?

_Fucking cocksucker. _

I had completely misread her intentions. All along, I thought that this was about her past and not being able to move forward. In reality, she just didn't feel the same way about me as I did about her.

That realization fucking sucked.

I held it together until she left and as I watched her run back to her room, the reality of the situation finally sank in. I'd never felt like this before. I was so jealous of James that I wanted to run over to his bunk and beat the living shit out of him.

Fucking James.

James, who talked about Bella like she was a piece of meat, was doing what I wanted to do. He was going to take her out and show her a good time, while I sat at home and whacked off. He would probably get to kiss the lips that I wanted to kiss so badly it hurt. He didn't care about her. Not really. The way he talked about her was so disrespectful, yet he was the one she chose.

I wanted to punch something. I tried to remind myself that I cared for this woman and if he was what she wanted, I had to respect that.

No, fuck that.

* * *

**A/N: OK, so I know you're pissed at them right now, but hang in there with me. It's all part of my master plan.**

**This chapter and the last one were my favorites to write because they accomplished two things: Bella's perceived rejection by Edward made her realize that she wants more out of life, and Edward realized that he has to fight for her. **

**Please leave me a review, even if you're pissed at me! LOL. They make my day and remind me that there's an audience out there. Plus, don't you want a teaser? There's also a teaser over on the Twilighted thread, so come chat! **

**Thanks to my betas, scsquared and TwiHeart, for helping me with this. I'm still so nervous with each chapter that I write. I need to chill out and not stress so much and they help me with that. Also, thanks to ellierk and Sunfeathers for pre-reading. **

**Next up, we'll see what happens on Bella's date with James…and what Edward does about it.**


	8. Chapter 8 James

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. **

* * *

**Chapter 8: James**

**Bella**

Today was going to be the day that I turned my life around. My attraction to Edward, albeit unrequited, had ignited a spark inside of me. I felt something beside numbness for the first time in over a year. I realized how much I needed that in my life, having lived without it for so long.

After Edward left me at the clinic the day after the El Fandango fiasco, I thought a lot about what I wanted. My relationship with Edward was so easy in a lot of ways and so complex in others. We flirted a lot, which felt nice after so long. I genuinely enjoyed his company. But I was beginning to think that he was just a flirty guy and not that it was directed so much at me. I didn't know anything about how he was back home, but I had to assume if he was famous, especially for his good looks, that he knew how to handle the ladies. He could certainly play me like a fiddle.

I could be happy with him as a friend, if that was all he wanted. It was my fault anyway, as I'd spent the entire time since I met him telling myself that it was wrong if we got together. I'd kept him at arm's length, and the irony of it all was so typical of my life. The minute I decided that maybe I could handle dating again, he declared us friends.

Of course, it would be hard when he did start to date, but I could deal with it. At least I hoped I could. All of this assumed that he'd even want to continue our friendship once we were no longer here. I sensed that he would because we'd spent a lot of time together and even though he didn't return my feelings, I knew he cared about me. We really were good friends. If I meant half as much to him as he did to me, then we'd most certainly be friends for a long time to come.

As I left the clinic for the day, I decided that my first step in the Bella transformation needed to start now. I took a deep breath in and headed for the bunks.

I knocked on the door, feeling incredibly nervous. I hadn't done anything this bold in a long time. I almost ran away but the door opened before I got the chance.

"Bella?" James stood in the doorway, looking like he'd just woken up.

"Uh…I'm sorry…I shouldn't have just dropped by like this," I stammered, turning around like I was going to leave.

He grabbed my arm to stop me and smiled. "It's okay, it's not like you could have called first. Besides, I was just resting. Come on in."

I reciprocated his smile, feeling a little better about things.

Taking a long, cleansing breath, I found my courage. "I was just wondering if you'd like to go into town with me on Friday. There's a Mercado that day, and I've wanted to check it out for a while, but keep missing it."

He looked down at the ground, the smile growing wider on his face. "You mean, like a date?"

_Now I know how guys feel. This shit is hard._

"Yeah, like a date," I answered, standing tall.

"I'd love to go. Thanks for asking." He had a nice smile that I'd never noticed before. He seemed genuinely excited about me asking him out, about spending time with me. That felt nice. I found myself looking forward to our date.

At least until I saw Edward the next day.

I was hoping not to have to tell him. I didn't know why it should matter, but I felt like it was wrong to tell him. I couldn't explain it. The look on his face when he realized what was going on was difficult to decipher. I couldn't tell if he was hurt or mad or both. His face was red, so the news affected him in some way, I just didn't know how. I knew that Edward didn't really care for James. It was no secret around camp, so I assumed that my going on a date with him probably got under Edward's skin. The rest of the night was strained between us. I tried to keep it light, but he kept looking at me as though he was about to tell me something, but never did. If I didn't know better, I would've said he was jealous. But I did know better.

As close as Edward and I were, I felt like I deserved this chance at happiness. I understood about Edward being upset since he didn't like James. I just hoped he'd realize that my happiness was at stake and go easy on him for my sake.

I didn't see Edward after that night and soon it was Friday, the day of my date. I was looking forward to seeing if there was any chemistry between James and me.

He swung by my bunk and picked me up, which I thought was sweet. He looked good. His blond hair was cut short and he wore cargo shorts and a fitted t-shirt. Most noticeably, he wore a constant smile on his face like he had just won a prize at the fair.

"You ready?" he asked as he grabbed my hand.

I nodded and we started walking to the bus station, idly making small talk. As if it was scripted, Edward walked around the corner just at that moment. I instinctively dropped James' hand, but I knew Edward saw me. My heart pounded in my chest, hoping that he wouldn't make a scene. He ground his teeth together as he approached us.

_Please don't stop and talk._

"Hey, Edward," James said smugly, giving Edward a "fuck off" type of look. Obviously the feelings were mutual between these two.

"Hey." Edward didn't look at me and shoved his hands into his pockets, slowing his gait only slightly as he said with a bite, "Have fun on your _date_."

I didn't know why hearing it spoken by him bugged me so much, but I was highly agitated. He wanted me to know that he knew it was a date and not just casual. Edward continued his walk past us, occasionally looking back over his shoulder at us as I did the same. I had no idea how to interpret his response, except to say that he looked exactly like I felt- awkward and uncomfortable. I just wanted to get the hell out of there.

I tried to shake it off as we made our way to the Mercado in town. It was filled with local vendors selling whatever they could. There were textiles, accessories, flowers and food. It was crowded as we slowly walked from booth to booth.

James was being nice, even buying me flowers at one of the booths, but there didn't seem to be any spark between us. I found myself doing most of the talking just to keep it interesting. Intelligence and wit were qualities that I always found incredibly sexy in men, but I noticed as the day wore on that James seemed to be sorely lacking those qualities.

My mind kept wandering back to Edward and what he was doing. I hoped he wasn't angry at me. Still, to be fair to James, I did my best to focus on the two of us to see if there was any potential there.

As the sun began to set, we made our way to a local food stand. They made their own tortillas, among other things, and the food was delicious. The stand, although in the same state of disrepair as the rest of the town, was known for having the best food around. It didn't disappoint tonight, even though James and I had to take our food outside and sit on the curb to eat it. I was really trying to like him. I wanted to feel the way I felt around Edward, but I just didn't and the longer we were together, the more obvious it became that nothing could happen between us.

"I think we should get going," I said, wiping off my shorts as I stood from the curb. "I've got a busy day tomorrow."

He stood as well and reached down to grab my hand. I smiled meekly, but inside I was cringing. I didn't like him touching me. It didn't feel right. It felt like I was cheating on Edward and I hated it. Why did he have this hold over me?

James walked me to my door once we got back to camp and I fumbled around in my pack to avoid that awkward moment saying goodnight.

"I had a really nice time tonight, Bella," he whispered, moving closer to me with a dangerous look in his eye.

_Fuck, fuck, fuck. _

"Yeah…thanks for coming with me," I replied nervously.

He tilted his head and moved in for a kiss before I could stop him. His lips were chapped and felt rough on mine. All I could think about was how badly I wanted Edward's lips on mine and not James'.

"Stop. Please. I'm sorry." I pushed him back gently and pulled the back of my hand to my mouth, holding it there.

"What's wrong, Bella?" he asked, obviously feeling jilted. "I thought you wanted this?"

How could he think that? Couldn't he read my body language at all?

"Listen, today was really great and I'm sorry if I sent you the wrong signals, but I don't think this is going to happen for us."

He stood back and his expression rapidly turned angry. "I knew you were a fucking tease!" he spat.

"What?" I couldn't even process what he was saying.

"Oh, like you don't know? You flirt when it's convenient, but no one's ever going to get anywhere with you. Shit, every guy here knows it, even your precious Cullen." His voice was vitriolic and harsh, but all I heard was Edward's name.

Did he really think that about me? Were he and the guys sitting around discussing me over poker like I was damaged goods?

"You know what, James? I'm glad we did this tonight. I'm glad I got to see your true colors before I wasted even one more second on you. I'll see you around." I turned and walked into my bunk before he could even respond. I didn't care what James thought about me, as he had proven himself to be someone I could never be interested in, but his words stung me deeply.

I didn't know which emotion was more overpowering at this point- anger or hurt. I was so confused and upset. All I knew was that I had to talk to Edward.

Wiping the tears, which were now falling from my cheeks in abundance, I walked the short distance to Edward's bunk. I hoped he'd at least be awake and willing to talk to me. After the look he gave me today, as James and I left, I wasn't sure.

I stood at his door for a few minutes, trying to compose myself before I got the courage to knock.

* * *

**Edward**

Knowing that Bella had a date was one thing. I could keep it in the back of my mind and not let it consume me. But seeing her on her date, hand in hand with James, was more than I could deal with.

I knew it was scheduled for today, but when I came around the corner on my way home and ran into them holding hands as they left, I felt like vomiting. I couldn't even look at Bella, and James, being the smug mother-fucker that he was, rubbed it in my face. He knew I had feelings for her, as I was sure most of the guys did, but to him it was a competition that he'd just won. I wanted to slap the satisfied smirk right off his face.

I couldn't eat dinner, so I stayed in my room the rest of the night. I pulled out my book and attempted to read, but ended up reading the same paragraph over and over. I wondered what they were doing on their date and if they were having fun. It pained me to think of him kissing her the way I had. Unfortunately, I couldn't think of anything else, which made me irritable and unable to relax.

I decided to write a letter to Jasper just to get it all on paper. Maybe that would help.

_Jasper, _

_I'm still here in Guatemala, as you no doubt can figure out by the postmark on this letter. The work we're doing is great and I'm grateful to you for talking me into this. You can't believe how much it means to the locals to have help. They need it so much and are so grateful. It's been very therapeutic and rewarding. Well, mostly. _

_I've made some great friends here, most of whom I probably mentioned in my last letter. You wouldn't even recognize me now, as I'm getting pretty handy with a hammer and nails. Emmett, the big guy I told you about, has been really helpful, teaching me the tricks of the trade. I had no idea construction was so complicated and I have a new found respect for people who do this. I like what I'm doing very much, mostly because of the people I'm with. I'm sure I'll keep in touch with many of them once I come home. _

_I'm a bit lost when it comes to Bella, though. I've gotten to know her a lot more lately. She's amazing, Jasper. She's smart and beautiful and has the biggest heart of anyone I've ever known. I feel like a kid asking out the popular girl when I'm around her. We've become really close, but some shit happened the other night and now everything is all fucked up. As I write this, she's on a date with another guy in camp, and I want to pull my hair out strand by strand in frustration. _

_I've fallen for her hard and there's nothing I can do about it. The last time I tried, she pushed me away and told me she wanted to be 'friends'. I thought she just needed time, but I was wrong. It's so fucked up. I can't be around her and not want to kiss her, but I can't give her up entirely either. It's like my own personal torture._

_I don't know why I'm telling you all of this. If you were here, you'd probably have some good advice for me before telling me how whipped I sound, but instead I'm here alone in my room going slowly fucking insane. I wish it didn't take weeks for mail to reach me. I could use your left-brained logic right now._

_Maybe I won't mail this. You might think I've finally lost my shit if I do. At this point, I'd be inclined to believe it. _

_Say hi to Mom and Dad for me. Thanks for letting me complain, even if you had no choice. _

_Edward. _

It didn't help. I was still miserable.

As I was about to go to bed and try to get some sleep, there was a knock on my door. I had no idea who it could be since no one ever came over except Bella, and she was on her _date_.

I opened the door reluctantly to see Bella standing there, crying.

I didn't even take the time to process why she was here; I just instinctively reached for her and pulled her into a hug. "Oh my God, what happened?"

"Can I come in?" she asked, sniffling.

"Of course!" I stood aside so she could walk in and shut the door behind her.

She had her arms wrapped around herself and looked so incredibly sad as she turned to face me.

"Did something happen with James?" I asked, the mere sound of his name irritating me.

She nodded and I could feel my face heat up.

"Did he hurt you?" I asked more sharply than I intended, as I grabbed onto her arms. "Tell me."

She shook her head and I felt a wave of relief. James would not have lived to see the morning if he'd laid a hand on Bella. I wouldn't have put it past him at all.

_Dumb fucking Neanderthal. _

I motioned for us to sit on the bed and wrapped my arm around her, as she rested her head against my shoulder.

"Obviously, it didn't go well," she said as I did a mental fist pump. "I was trying to be polite, but when I wouldn't give him what he wanted, he said I was a tease."

"I'm sure he was just upset that things weren't working out for him. He'll get over it. It's nothing you need to worry about. He was just being the asshole that he is."

She looked up at me, her eyes wet and red-rimmed. "He is an asshole, huh?"

I nodded and squeezed her shoulder.

"You tried to warn me, but I didn't listen," she mumbled through her tears.

"I hoped he'd be different with you. I didn't want you to get hurt." I hated talking about James.

"I don't care what he thinks, but he said you think I'm a tease, too, that all the guys do."

If I hated James before, I really hated him now. How fucking dare he bring me into this. I would never have said that about Bella.

I grabbed her hands in mine and looked intently into her eyes. "James is just making shit up. I can tell you that no one has said anything like that."

Of course, now was not the time to tell Bella how derogatory James had been about her. All it would do was hurt her further and for no reason. She obviously saw through James' facade, and that was good enough for me.

She rested on my shoulder again and we sat quiet for a few minutes while she composed herself.

"Were you angry at me for going out with him, even after you warned me about him?" she asked out of the blue.

I had no idea how to answer her. Yes, I was angry. I was angry that she chose to be with that douche instead of me. I was angry that I got to be her friend, while someone else had the potential for more than that.

"Angry isn't the best way to describe it," I finally replied, being as honest as the situation would allow. "Disappointed is more like it. Like I said, I didn't want you to get hurt."

"I thought it would be good for me to feel alive again. It's been such an awful year. I just wanted to find some happiness, you know?" she said, shaking her head. "You have no idea how long it's been for me."

"I'm sorry it didn't work out," I lied. I was curious about her comments, but I didn't press it further.

"I'm sorry I disappointed you. It seems to follow me wherever I go."

"Don't say that. I was just hurt and jealous," I said, running my hands through my hair in frustration.

"I'm so glad I met you. Thank you for being such a good friend," she said, but even as she spoke the words, I knew they didn't do us justice.

"We've never been just friends, Bella," I said, my voice deep and raspy. "We've always been more."

"I know." Her voice was almost a whisper as she gazed up at me through her teary eyes.

"Listen, I have to talk to you about something. It's been bothering me and I know that this may not be the best time, but I'm just so confused by you. One minute, you're pushing me away at El Fandango, telling me all you can handle is being friends, then you go out with James instead, and now you're here with me. I know what I want, but I don't understand what you want from me."

I didn't intend to have this conversation now, but she was sending me mixed signals and I needed to clear the air. I didn't want to give up on her. I wanted her to want me the way I wanted her. I had such strong feelings for her and most of the time, it seemed like they were reciprocated, but she wouldn't act on them and I couldn't figure out why.

"What do you mean I pushed you away? You were the one who called the kiss a 'drunken mistake'." She looked honestly confused and I knew it was time to tell her what happened.

"Bella," I said, lowering my head to hide my wounded pride. "When I kissed you that night, there was a spark there. It hit me like an explosion and I was sure that you felt it too. Our kiss was passionate and perfect, but then you broke it off without any explanation other than not being able to handle being more than a friend. When I called it a 'drunken mistake', it was only because I realized too late that you were too intoxicated to even remember the best kiss of my life and I was embarrassed about it. It wasn't that I regretted it."

My cards were all out on the table and it felt good to get that off my chest. I wanted to put myself out there and if she rejected me again, then I'd know it was real.

She hung her head as she processed what I had told her and then a smile came to her face. "I didn't think you wanted me like that. When I asked James out, I was just trying to feel the way I feel when I'm with you."

I moved my hands to her tear-filled cheeks and held them in my hands, trying to find the words. "Are you saying that you do have feelings for me beyond friendship?"

She moved her hand up my chest and let it rest on the side of my neck casually, our eyes never breaking their intense stare. I wiped the tears from her cheek and eventually moved my hand to the back of her neck as I slowly leaned in toward her.

_Holy crap. This is really happening again._

She inhaled sharply in anticipation of my kiss, which fueled my desire.

My lips met hers with a whisper of a touch. It was as if we were moving through water, slow and deliberate. She reached forward with her chin and that was all the urging I needed. Our lips met again, only this time with intention. Using my hand, which was still at the base of her neck, I tilted her face and pulled her into me. My tongue slipped over her lips and into her mouth where it explored and danced in a heated rhythm.

She leaned back onto the bed, pulling me with her. Her arms clung to my back, tightening our embrace. I loved this passionate side of her. I slipped off to the side of her slightly, not wanting to crush her underneath my body. A low moan escaped her mouth as I pressed my hips into her, the effect our kiss was having on me plainly obvious against her. I felt like I was melting into her.

The kiss ended and I gently kissed her nose and her cheek, never breaking our close embrace, before my forehead came to rest on hers. My heart felt like it was going to leap out of my chest. I had never had a kiss like that before in my life. I had never felt so much emotion in one touch.

"The second time's a charm," I said with a smirk. "But you never answered my question."

"You're right about something, Edward. We've always been more than friends. I was just scared to admit it," she replied, slipping her fingers into my hair, pulling gently. "And if I'd have known that's what I was missing out on, I'd have kissed you every day."

"Why didn't you?" I asked.

"After the whole mess at El Fandango, I thought you didn't want me and just figured it was too late."

I laughed and lowered my eyes. "I know you don't remember much, but can you tell me why you rejected me that night? I mean, if you had feelings for me, I guess I don't understand."

"I've been struggling with my attraction to you for a while. I thought that I could will it away. I thought that if I was focused and in control, that my feelings would go away and neither of us would get hurt. I didn't want to get hurt and I definitely didn't want to hurt you. Given my horrible track record, I thought that getting hurt was inevitable. I figured if we were just friends, I could avoid all that. Plus, I didn't want to be perceived as being unprofessional. It sounds stupid, I know, but I didn't want a relationship to take away from all the good things that we've been doing here."

"What happened that made you so scared? You talk about your horrible track record and allude to some past relationship, but you never talk to me about it."

"It's complicated, Edward," she sighed as she shook her head. "I don't want to get into it."

"Then why confess all this now? What changed?"

"Because I knew that if I didn't, you'd never know how I felt. In a way, that night at El Fandango and the next day when you told me that it was a mistake made me realize that I wanted more out of life, and I haven't felt that way in a long time. I never wanted James, but I did want to feel happy again," she answered softly.

I brought my hand to her chin. "Look at me, Bella."

She raised her eyes to meet mine as I spoke. I needed some answers. "What are you afraid of with me?"

"This. Everything. Feeling this way and having you leave. This isn't the real world, but my feelings are very real. What happens when we leave here?"

"We'll figure something out." I was elated that she had actually thought about us being together beyond Guatemala. This night had gone completely different than I had expected.

"I hope you're right." She looked sad and I could tell that she was exhausted.

"Stay here tonight," I blurted out. "It's been a long day. Let me take care of you."

She nodded as I slowly removed her wet shoes. I gave her a pair of boxers to wear and she went to change in the bathroom. My heart was pounding as I realized that she'd chosen me. I had no idea what the future held, but tonight she was mine.

She emerged, looking every bit as tired as I had expected after her emotionally draining night. The sight of her in my boxers excited me, but I knew now was not the time for that. I'd have to settle for her kisses. I didn't want the memories of our first time together to be filled with anything except love and she couldn't give me that tonight. I pulled back the blankets and she slipped underneath. I wanted to crawl in next to her and hold her, but I didn't want to push my luck. Instead, I grabbed a pillow and stood to make a bed on the floor like I had the last time she was here.

"Edward?" she asked as she propped herself up on her elbow.

I turned and sat on the bed again, my hand moving to her cheek, rubbing small circles with my thumb. "Do you need something?"

"Stay here with me?" she asked, patting the bed next to her.

I glanced at her hand and back up to her face, trying to come up with an appropriate response. Of course I wanted that. I'd thought about having her in my bed with me so many times.

She looked at me with her puppy dog eyes and all I wanted to do was take her pain away, so I acquiesced with a nod. I reached down and slowly removed my socks and then pulled my legs up under the covers as she held the sheet up for me.

She grabbed my hand and pulled it around her as she moved to lie on her side, her back facing me. I felt her gently rub the back of my hand as she held it in hers. I scooted up behind her, feeling the heat from her body as our legs rubbed up against each other. She ran her feet up and down my calf and I was worried that she'd feel how inappropriately hard I was. The feeling of her lying next to me, our bodies entwined, was so perfect. We were flush against one another and Bella let out a small moan as I pulled her in close and kissed her temple. It was almost my undoing as I fantasized about hearing that moan fall from her mouth for entirely different reasons.

Gaining control of myself, I whispered in her ear. "Sleep, Bella. We'll figure it out in the morning."

"Thank you for waiting for me even when I hurt you," she said softly.

"You don't have to thank me, Bella. You really don't."

I woke up several times that night, thinking it all a dream. I felt panicked as I wondered if Bella was really here, that maybe things had gone well with James and that instead of being wrapped around Bella in my warm bed, I was actually alone.

For once in my life, the reality was better than the dream.

* * *

**A/N: So, are you guys better now? Forgive me? **

**I love my readers so much, but I know there are a lot of you who never leave me a review. I know you're out there with my hit count. Why not drop me a line to let me know what you think? My imagination runs wild, so I'll just imagine the worst if I don't hear from you! **

**Reviews=Teasers**

**One of the biggest compliments you can give me if you're enjoying the story is to rec it to your friends. It's hard to get the word out, so it's much appreciated. Also, if you see this story rec'd somewhere, please let me know. I want to be sure and thank people. **

**Thanks to my betas, scsquared and TwiHart, who helped me get the timing right on this one. Also, hugs to ellierk and Sunfeathers for pre-reading. **

**Next up, they'll have a little fun. **

**I rarely rec stuff, but I can't help it. These stories own me. They're in my favorites.**

**Fic recs:**

_**Ethan Church**_** by Dryler- this story is dark and complex and keeps you on the edge of your seat the entire time.**

_**Love Between Sexes**_** by EFC- I don't read a lot of slash, but this story is just so good. The characters are so well developed. Loved it.**

_**Coming Through the Rye**_** by Mac214- This is the one I drop everything to read. **

**Enjoy! **


	9. Chapter 9 Floating

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. ****Chapter 9: Floating**

* * *

**Edward**

"Wake up, sleepy head," I said, gently kissing Bella's ear. "Today's a busy day."

She swung her arm to fend me off, but I held on to her tightly, finally earning a smile from her. "What time is it?" she grumbled.

"It's just past eight o'clock, but if we're going to make it to the lake by noon, we should get going."

She moaned and pressed her back against me as my arms held her close to my chest.

"Can't we just stay here?" she asked jokingly as she rested her hands on top of mine on her stomach.

"The lake was your idea." I replied, giving her a tickle. She laughed and sat up, running her hands through her hair and stretching.

"All right, all right. I'm up. I'll go back to my place and clean up, but I should be ready to go in about 45 minutes. Should I just meet you back here?"

This time it was me who wanted to stay in bed. She looked entirely too tempting standing there in a camisole and a pair of my boxers, which were quickly becoming her regular pajamas.

We agreed to meet back at my place and then start our trek up to the lake. We were staying at a cabin along the shoreline for the night. It was bare bones, nothing fancy, but I was really looking forward to some quality time with Bella.

Since the night of Bella's date with James, we'd spent every night together. It was exceedingly hard not to rip off her clothes and ravage her, but we were taking things slowly. Neither of us knew what the future held and we didn't want to complicate things any more than they already were. That wasn't to say that the desire wasn't there, though. Sometimes it was me who pulled back, knowing the limits of my own self-control. Other times it was Bella. The one thing that was uncomplicated and crystal clear in our relationship was that there was plenty of chemistry.

James tried to apologize to Bella the next day, but she blew him off. If I had my way he'd never get near her again, but I think Bella made it clear that she wanted nothing to do with him.

I couldn't help but gloat when I saw him at the construction site after that. He'd been a thorn in my side and the way he treated Bella was inexcusable. I wanted to kick his ass, but Bella made me promise to leave him alone; that it wouldn't look right to have volunteers beating each other up. Out of respect for Bella and trying to maintain professionalism, I just made sure he knew that Bella and I were happy together and that he could keep his thoughts and hands to himself or he would have to deal with me, and most likely Emmett. James was smarmy but I didn't think he'd be stupid enough to bother her anymore.

Bella arrived at my place as planned and we set off for the lake. It was a long hike, one that we'd done before when we went camping. The cabin we were staying in was just on the other side of the lake from where we camped.

We came upon the ruins, and decided it would be a good place for a break. We grabbed a snack and some water from our packs and sat on the steps of the ancient pyramid.

"Tell me more about New York," Bella asked as she took a bite of an apple.

"Let's see," I said, trying to find a place to start. "I have an apartment on the Upper West Side. Do you know New York at all?"

She shook her head.

"The Upper West Side is my favorite part of Manhattan. I just like the vibe there. It's not pretentious, but it's nice. Still, living in a city that big takes some getting used to."

"What's your favorite part about it?"

One of the things that I loved about Bella was how engaged she was. She was always interested in my life and what was important to me.

"I like the restaurants, even though I rarely get to eat out. The food in New York is incredibly diverse. It's a far cry from the diners in Forks."

"Are you a closet foodie?" she joked.

"Why do you think I learned to cook?" I laughed as I wiped my face. "Going out to restaurants, while it's always been one of my favorite things to do, is difficult for me with all the paparazzi. I love good food too much to quit, so I had to learn to cook."

"It must be really hard for you, having to avoid doing what you love like that."

Bella rested her head on my shoulder and I wrapped my arm around her.

"It is, but I do what I have to do." I hated thinking about all the cameras and the crowds.

"Will you cook for me sometime?" Bella asked, looking up at me with a smile that melted me.

I kissed her gently. "Absolutely. It's a date."

I stood and pulled her up with me and we gathered our packs to continue our trek to the lake. I thought a lot about my comment to her about cooking. I really wanted that with her. I wanted to be with her when we got back, whenever that was. I could see her in my life. I just didn't know how we were going to make it work.

The air was thick and hot as we hiked and I felt grimy and dirty. Bugs were nipping at my exposed skin and, in general, I was pretty miserable. All I could think about was the cool water of the lake and how good it would feel against my overheated skin.

We finally arrived and it was even more picturesque than I had been told. The cabin was one of many located all in a row along the shoreline. The water lapped onto the small stretch of beach, creating a soothing backdrop of sound. To the far right, there was a dock with an old pontoon boat that took locals and visitors fishing.

"Ooohhh, I want to go on the boat!" Bella said excitedly as we walked up.

"Definitely. But for now, we should get settled and then I want to jump in the water."

The cabin was pretty much what I expected: four walls, two windows, a table, a bed and a chair. There was no bathroom in the cabin, only a shared one with the other guests, which was located in the middle of the row of cabins. The room was rustic, but perfect. The view from the front door made me instantly forget the lack of modern facilities.

I changed into my trunks, happy to take off my grungy hiking clothes, while Bella changed into her bathing suit, which was a very small, red, string bikini. I was trying to keep my eyes to myself…sort of.

I ran out the front door, over the sand and threw myself into the water. It was cool, but not freezing and felt incredibly refreshing. I swam under the water, letting it brush past my face and through my hair. It was heaven.

Bella tip-toed in, sucking in her breath at the coolness of the water in contrast with the heat of the air.

"Just dive under!" I called. "It'll be easier that way."

She had her arms up and was hopping up and down as each small ripple of a wave passed by her. I ducked under the water and swam toward her. She saw me coming and tried to climb to the water's edge, but I grabbed her before she could get away, pulling her underneath with me.

When we came to the surface, she gasped, brushing her hair out of her face.

"That was so mean, Edward," she said, still catching her breath.

I pulled her into me and she wrapped her legs around my waist and her arms around my neck.

"You looked like you were being tortured," I said, leaning in for a kiss. "I needed to put an end to your misery. Forgive me?"

Bella smirked and tilted her head as her finger ran through my hair. "Hmm, I guess this isn't so bad."

I slid my hands to her lower back and then down to her ass, pulling her into me. I knew she could feel what she was doing to me, but I didn't care. I had to feel her body against mine. She closed the distance between us and her lips crashed onto mine. I moaned as her tongue grazed past my lips, causing me to open my mouth and let the exploration begin. Our breathing became shallow as our lips moved in sync with each other.

"Bella…your kisses…I swear…" I muttered briefly between kisses.

She threw her head back, letting her hair fall into the water and exposing her throat and neck to me. I took full advantage and began to kiss my way down her body, past her ear, her jaw, her long neck, finally settling on the hollow in her collarbone.

"Your skin is so soft," I said, never letting my lips leave her body.

She pulled her head out of the water and her hair fell slick against her back as she wrapped her arms around my neck, light bouncing off her wet skin. Like this, completely natural, she looked gorgeous. We were alone in the water. There were no other tourists or people around us and it felt like our own little world. I bounced and floated around, enjoying our time together.

Wanting more, I reached up to her back with one hand and slowly untied the string holding her bathing suit top in place. She was still flush against me, but sat back slightly as her top floated in the water. My body was on fire. I could feel every spot where we touched with heightened sensitivity. My senses were on overload.

I slid my hand around her body, never breaking eye contact, until my fingers grazed her nipple and I cupped her breast, gently rolling it in my palm. A small moan inadvertently escaped my throat, as I had thought about being with her like this so many times in my fantasies.

When she uttered a whisper-like moan and leaned her head back again, I brought my lips to her nipple and sucked it into my mouth. It hardened as I let my tongue move over the tip and caressed the rest of her breast. Her hands were fisted into my hair, pulling and gripping in sync with the flicks of my tongue.

"Mmm, that feels so good," she sighed as she ground her hips into me. I almost came right then.

"We'd better get out of this water, or I can't be held responsible for what I do," I murmured, knowing that I was reaching the limit of my self-control. I really wanted to strip her down and make her mine, but not here, not now.

She hopped off of me and slipped under the water, her hands coming around her back to retie her bathing suit and then returned to give me a kiss.

"I tend to get carried away when I'm with you," she said before she began to climb into the shallow sand, and out of the water.

I watched her hips shake as she walked, squeezing the water out of her long locks. I was impossibly hard and adjusted myself so it would hopefully not be quite so obvious when I got out. If she noticed my raging hard on, she didn't say anything, and for that I was grateful.

We lounged along the shore for the remainder of the afternoon. Every now and then, my desire would get the best of me and I'd pull Bella on top of me and we'd make out like teenagers. It felt so incredible to be so free with her, when I'd been fighting my attraction for so long.

"So, what's the plan for tonight?" she asked as we walked hand in hand the ten steps to our cabin.

"I think that pontoon boat goes out at sunset. We could do that." I smiled at Bella and her eyes lit up, swinging our hands between us.

"Let's do it! The sunset from the boat has got to be amazing."

Once we walked to the communal bathroom and had a quick, and cold, shower, Bella put on a blue top that tied around her neck and short jean shorts. Her skin was golden and tan from all her time outside, and her hair was loosely pulled back into a ponytail. She took my breath away.

I wore simple shorts and a green t-shirt. Bella had told me once that she liked me in green, so I wore it whenever I got the chance. I wanted her to think I looked good.

The boat captain, Rico, was a funny guy who had an obvious way with customers. He gave us a brief rundown of where we were going and handed us each a cold beer. I liked him immediately. There were four other people, besides Rico, who joined us. We took the spot in the front of the boat and Bella sat between my legs with her knees pulled up. I wrapped my arms around her and kissed her neck, as we pushed away from the shore.

The cool air blowing on us was a welcome reprieve from the heat. I knew, though, having been camping here before that the temperature would drop once the sun went down and I was looking very forward to keeping Bella warm tonight. The boat bounced over the water and both Bella and I had smiles on our faces as we enjoyed the view.

Rico stopped the boat as we approached a cove, which was even more secluded than the place we'd just left, if that was possible. There were green reeds shooting up from the shallow water at the edge. There was no beach, only lush greenery and the most incredible view of the mountain and its reflection into the water. Light, fluffy clouds whisked around the mountain top. On one side of the cove, there was a long dock, which seemingly led to nothing. It was picturesque.

"This is beautiful, isn't it?" Bella asked, turning to look at me.

I put my hand on her cheek and kissed her gently. "This is amazing."

The boat pulled into the dock just as the temperature started to drop. After changing into warmer clothes, we made our way to the beach again and sat together watching the light of the moon dance off the lake.

Bella sat between my legs and I held her close against me, snuggling under the blanket we had brought down from the cabin.

"Tell me something I don't know about you," Bella said, breaking the silence.

I chuckled and gave her a squeeze. "A secret, huh?"

"Not necessarily a secret, but something that you haven't told me yet."

"I wanted to be an actor when I was younger, but I've got no acting skills so I had to put that aside. It's funny, I actually wanted to be famous, and now that I have that, I want to be anonymous again."

"What's the worst thing that's happened to you because of your fame?" Bella turned to sit facing me.

I ran my hand through my hair. "Physically? One time I was leaving a party and got so mobbed that I couldn't get in my car. I was literally being tossed around. I ended up with a broken toe and a black eye. But, I can handle that stuff so much easier than the relationship part."

"What do you mean?"

"It's just so fake. I have no idea why people are so interested in me. I see shit in the tabloids that is so hurtful and just flat out lies, and I don't understand the point of it all. I feel like I can't trust anyone."

Bella rested her hand on my arm to comfort me. "You can trust me."

I put my hand on top of hers and smiled widely. "I know I can and you don't know how much that means to me."

"I think I do. It's not exactly easy for me to trust people either. Not for the same reasons as you, but it's still hard."

I wanted her to open up to me. We'd danced around the topic many times. I knew she had a dark past, but I had no idea what happened. "You can trust me, too. You know that, right?"

"I know. You're kinda perfect, you know that?"

I laughed out loud at that. If she only knew. "Hardly. But I'm glad you think so."

"What about you? Tell me something I don't know."

She ran her hands up my leg and took a moment to think.

"Most people who meet me always want to know why I wanted to work with sick and dying kids. People assume I'm closed off or strange. But when I did my pediatrics rotation during my residency, I just knew that's what I was meant to do. The kids, many of whom are terminal, are so optimistic. They exude life and hope. I thought it would be depressing, but it's the opposite. My patients remind me on a daily basis that there is always a reason to hope. They help me keep my life in perspective. Just like Marisol, you know? I miss the kids. It gave me such a sense of satisfaction when I could help them heal."

"I have a confession. I was in complete awe of you when you were helping Marisol. I was so proud of how capable you were, and even though she died, her baby lived because of you. I've never done anything that meaningful in my life. You really make a difference, Bella."

She squeezed me tightly. "You're sweet. It's nice to hear. That's why I became a doctor. But it's not without its price."

"What do you mean?"

"I've had to make a lot of sacrifices to get where I am. It hasn't always been easy."

"Nothing worth having ever is." I kissed her neck gently and she hummed in appreciation.

After a while, we were getting tired so we shook out our blankets and headed up to the cabin. There was no electricity, only a lantern that produced a glow in the room.

We set the blankets down and I pulled her into my arms. The light made her skin appear to glow and her eyes sparkle. I brushed the hair away from her face and kissed her, my hands sliding around her neck. Our tongues met as the kiss deepened. My body instinctively reacted and I pressed myself against her, moving us toward the bed.

She lay down on the bed and her hair splayed out around her. I climbed on the bed, my knee coming to rest between her legs as I moved up her body until I was kissing her again. Our hands were everywhere. She clutched my back and moaned into my mouth, causing my dick to get even harder than it already was.

I let my hand wander between her legs and cupped her over her pants, heat radiating off of her in waves. She spread her legs wider and pressed into my hand as she deepened our kiss.

Feeling overwhelmed by my need for her, I pulled my hand back to the top of her yoga pants and slipped my fingers underneath the fabric.

"Is this okay?" I asked tentatively, watching her closely.

She nodded and I continued moving lower. My fingers pushed underneath her panties, finally feeling the slickness and heat that I desired. I rubbed the length of her slowly before dipping my middle finger inside her. I could have come right then. She was so hot, and tight, and wet.

"Oh God," she cried as she arched her back and pressed her hips into my hand. My breathing picked up almost as quickly as hers did as I began a steady rhythm, moving in and out of her, careful to pay attention to her clit with my thumb. I slipped another finger inside, loving how her body squeezed and contracted against them. I wanted to be inside her so fucking bad.

She pulled me into a frantic kiss, our tongues thrusting in time with my fingers. Her breathing became shallow and small whimpers escaped from her mouth, in a delightful chorus as I continued to move in her.

"Oh…I'm gonna come…just like that…" she screamed as I felt her walls contract in waves. I slowed my movement as her orgasm ripped through her, finally pulling my fingers from her body. I brought them to my mouth and sucked off the juices, while she watched me.

The sweet taste of her on my lips, in my mouth, made me want to dive in head first but it felt like it was too soon for that. It would definitely be happening, though. That much I knew.

I ran my thumb across her cheek as we gazed at one another. Her cheeks were flush with a post-orgasm glow and I vowed to see that look over and over. She was stunning.

"That was…wow…" she mumbled as she played with the hair on the back of my neck. I couldn't help but smile, knowing that I'd given her such intense pleasure.

I leaned in and kissed her nose and smirked. "No words?"

"Just thinking about how I can repay you." This time she smirked and my dick twitched just thinking about it.

I rolled off of her and lay on my back, putting my hands behind my head cockily. "I can think of a few ways." I let my eyes drift down my body.

She chuckled and snuggled up to my side, kissing me as one of her hands slid down my stomach to the waistband of my sweats.

"Mind if I take these off?" she asked, grabbing the hem and lowering it slightly.

_Fuck no, I don't mind!_

I lifted my hips and Bella pulled my sweats down to my knees and then used her foot to take them off completely. Her hand rested on the side of my neck as she kissed me passionately. Slowly, her hand moved lower, over my chest and stomach, my hip, my thigh. I was so hard I thought my dick might explode.

I shivered when her hand wrapped around my cock, the sensation so powerful. Sliding her thumb over my tip, she spread the moisture that had accumulated there and began to move her hand up and down my length.

"How's this?" she whispered in my ear as I closed my eyes and threw my head back. I was trying not to come, but the urge was so strong. Bella did things to me that I couldn't control. I felt like a hormonal teenager, unable to control myself.

"That feels so fucking good," I said through gritted teeth. "Fuck."

She continued pumping up and down my entire length, faster and harder. I imagined being inside her, feeling her heat. I could practically see her body bouncing on top of me while she rode me hard. I was going to lose it.

"Oh God…Oh God…" I could barely control myself as I forcefully thrust my hips into her hand. My body jerked violently and I came hard, groaning loudly as the spasms wracked my body.

Bella cleaned us both up and rested her head on my chest, which was heaving from exertion. I wrapped my arms around her back.

"Um, wow."

She put her chin on my chest and looked up at me with a smile. "I'm glad I'm not the only one who was rendered speechless."

I pulled her up my body and kissed her tenderly. She had no idea the effect she had on me. I never wanted to leave the comfort of her arms.

"Do you really think things will be okay once we leave here?" Bella asked after a few minutes, breaking the silence.

"Bella, I want you in my life. I can't imagine going back and not seeing you."

She laid her head back against my chest and sighed. "Me either. This has all been quite unexpected."

We didn't say anything else, but I knew the topic weighed heavily on both of us. This was our safe haven and I had no idea how to be us once we left here.

I just knew that I'd never give Bella up. Whether or not she realized it, she was a part of me now.

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**A/N: Finally, some happy times! This chapter was a last minute addition. I just wanted them to have a little fun! Please be sure to leave me a review and let me know your thoughts. I love hearing from you. Also, don't forget to tell me if you see StR rec'd anywhere. I want to be sure to thank people. **

**Reviews=Teasers**

**I've got an entry in the Love Lost Contest. It's an anonymous contest, but come by and check it out. Can you guess which one's mine? Link is in my profile.**

**Thanks to my peeps this week for all the help, especially since I threw in this chapter at the last minute. Mt poor beta, Twiheart, beta'd this while her whole family was throwing up, including her. I hope everyone's feeling better, bb. I'd also like to welcome Dana1779 as one of my new pre-readers!**


	10. Chapter 10 Storm

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. **

**Sorry for the delay, guys. The holiday messed me up and I needed quite a bit of hand holding from my betas and pre-readers!

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**Chapter 10: Storm**

**Bella**

Today was going to be tough, as baby Grace was being given over to the local orphanage. I knew it was inevitable, but it still left me feeling hollow inside. She was still so tiny. Edward insisted that I stay at his place since I was very sad about letting her go.

I felt the bed next to me move as Edward stretched. I rolled over to face him and pulled him into me and kissed him until we both couldn't breathe. He was beautiful in the morning. There was something about seeing him just as he woke up that made me feel like I was privy to something no one else knew about him. No matter how much other women wanted him, I was the one who woke up with him, at least for now.

Our relationship was passionate and loving, but I was still reluctant to take it to the next level. Not that I didn't want to. We both wanted more, but I knew that once Edward and I made love, my heart would belong to him.

Our volunteer time was limited. I worried about keeping our relationship going when we went home. We agreed to see where things went when we got back to the states before taking things to the next level. We had so much time together here and had a deep connection and common interest in making a difference. I was afraid that things would shift once we were home, that we'd fall back into our normal lives and routines and I'd become a distant memory for him.

I knew without a doubt that I wanted him, and I wanted to find a way to be with him more than ever. At times, it was nearly impossible to resist him. I wanted nothing more than to throw myself at him and never leave our bunk. I knew that would be a mistake, though, so we waited.

"Hey," he said groggily as he reached over and rubbed my arm gently. "Did you sleep okay?"

"I tossed and turned a little, but I eventually fell asleep." I propped myself up on my elbow. "I hope I didn't keep you up."

"Nah, I slept great. Are you worried about today?"

He always knew me and how to cut to the chase.

I nodded and my head fell only to have Edward lift my chin with his fingers.

"She's going to be fine. Carlisle wouldn't release her otherwise," he said softly.

I knew he was right. Carlisle was extremely diligent and would never let Grace go to a place that didn't provide quality care. Still, Grace was all that Marisol had in this world and I felt like I owed it to her to see Grace well cared for.

"Let's get this over with," I said, flipping back the sheets as I climbed out of bed. I quickly dressed and grabbed my bag as I headed for the door.

"Meet me in an hour?" I said to Edward as I stepped into the sunlight, blinded momentarily.

"I'll be there." He shut the door behind me and I started on the short walk back to my place.

I ran into Emmett and Alice talking in the courtyard on the way back to my bunk. They didn't think twice about me spending the night at Edward's place anymore. We were inseparable and it was expected. Alice assumed that we had consummated our relationship and I was keeping it a secret. She cited the adoring glances and shared sleeping arrangements but I told her it was just casual. She laughed hysterically at that, calling me dense and telling me that I needed to open my eyes and see things the way they really were.

She could be really annoying at times, but I loved her anyway.

I met up with Carlisle and Edward at the clinic after I took a quick shower and changed my clothes. My hair had gone from sopping wet to almost completely dry in a matter of minutes in the intense heat.

The drive to San Pedro, where the orphanage was located, was a quiet one. I gazed at Grace and tried to memorize all her tiny features. It amazed me how helpless she was and yet so strong. I couldn't stop the tears from falling as we got nearer and nearer to town. I hated goodbyes, especially permanent ones.

Carlisle handled most of the paperwork and the logistics once we got there. I held Grace in my arms and bounced her, making sure she knew she was loved.

I reluctantly handed her over to a sweet, young-looking nurse as Carlisle rested his hand on my shoulder for support. He knew how hard this was for me and wanted me to know that things would be okay. I appreciated his presence immensely.

Edward stood on my other side, waiting back from me a little as I said goodbye. I kissed her tiny forehead, whispering my goodbye and walked directly into Edward's open embrace.

"Are you okay?" he asked without loosening his grip.

"Surprisingly, yeah. I'll miss her, but I know she'll be in good hands."

"Let's go," Carlisle said. Edward nodded as he pulled me to his side, keeping his arm around my body. The three of us walked the short distance to the jeep.

I poured myself into my work to take my mind off things. Knowing that Grace would be well cared for made me feel like I'd done right by Marisol. I could finally let go of the guilt I felt over her death. It was something being here had taught me to do. That Edward helped me see. I couldn't be perfect. I could only do my best. And that would have to be enough.

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I lay on my bed, reading as I waited out the storm. Edward sat in the chair next to me with his feet propped up doing the same.

The weather in Guatemala could be quite volatile- beautiful and sunny one minute and stormy the next. It had been raining torrentially for several days straight and it finally felt like it might be winding down.

Normally, I didn't mind the rain. It was part of life here, but this storm was the remnant of a powerful hurricane in the Gulf of Mexico, which had left a swath of devastation behind it and people were worried. The windy, rainy conditions made working impossible, so all we could do was stay inside. I'd spent a few hours in the clinic, but other than the usual rounds, there wasn't much activity. Most people were hunkered down somewhere trying to stay dry.

When it rained this hard, I often worried that our dilapidated shacks would collapse. It felt like the walls bent and struggled to stay upright with each gust. As it was, there was a small leak in the roof, which dripped noisily into a bucket. I hoped it wouldn't get larger before the storm ceased. The humidity in the room was unbearable due to the lack of fresh air and my body felt sticky.

Edward tickled me with his toes every now and then and I swatted his foot away, loving his playfulness

I was pulled from my thoughts by the very loud sound of knocking on my door. Given the torrential rain, I was surprised that anyone ventured outside at all.

I shrugged at Edward, who was obviously just as curious, as I padded over to the door.

"Bella," a very wet Carlisle said sharply, "Is Edward with you?"

Edward stood and came to my side as I ushered Carlisle inside.

"What's up, Carlisle?" I asked, handing him a throw blanket. "I can't believe you ventured out in this rain."

"There've been reports of mudslides and massive flooding all over. Panabaj, Santiago, and San Pedro have all reported massive damage and the death toll is rising. We've got to help."

I gasped and brought my hand to my mouth in shock. San Pedro! I'd been to all of those villages many times, most recently to San Pedro to surrender Grace. Was she okay? Had she survived? I'd seen all the people there struggle for survival and now this. Hadn't they lived through enough?

"Of course," Edward said, his voice calm and composed. "What can we do?"

"I'm gathering the team and we'll assemble in the food commons to assign responsibilities. Meet me there."

Carlisle ran out into the rain while Edward and I scrambled to get dressed.

Mudslides were common here, as was flooding, but never had I seen three villages report damage at the same time. I knew that this storm was massive, but I didn't understand just how dangerous it really was.

"Oh God, Edward," I said, frantically trying to lace up my boots. "Grace. If she was there…what if the orphanage falls…"

"Shhh," he said reassuringly. "Don't jump to conclusions."

He rubbed my back gently and we both took off for the food tent. I was absolutely panicked thinking about the village and what I knew of it. I hoped that the children in the orphanage were safe.

The wind was whipping and it was impossible to stay dry, despite the rain gear we wore. We ran as fast as we could, splashing through the puddles until we reached the commons.

I lowered my hood and shook out my legs as we approached the small gathering of people already present. Alice was there, as were Riley and Heidi and several others. Alice explained what she knew. The reports were all over the board. Some were saying that the death toll was in the hundreds. Others were saying it wasn't so severe. There was no way of knowing. Some of the surviving victims were being brought here for triage and medical care, while others were being sent to a clinic about an hour away. I knew we'd be filled to capacity.

Carlisle arrived a few minutes later with Emmett, James and the remaining volunteers, about 20 of us in total. He stood on one of the benches so he could address our group.

"Listen up, people," he called out loudly, clapping his hands as we all turned to face him and stopped talking.

"Here's what I know. There are reports of flooding and mudslides throughout the country, especially the highlands. We're one of many organizations that are present and equipped to help. I'm going to be sending half of you out to help locate and assist the victims while the other half of you will stay behind and help those people being brought here. We need to move quickly and efficiently. Once the rain lets up, we'll move out. The local authorities are already responding."

He began calling names and organizing us into teams. Edward, Alice, Emmett and myself were part of the team being sent into the field, to San Pedro. Heidi and Riley were going to be responsible for organizing back here, including logging victims and setting up work stations.

Normally, I'd have wanted to stay back, my need to organize and control the situation taking over. But this time, I was happy that Carlisle put me on the front line. People needed medical care immediately and I felt like I needed to be there. I also had to find out if Grace was alive.

"People are being stranded everywhere. The roads are blocked or destroyed so just do what you can," Carlisle said, briefing us on what we could expect. "You'll all have walkie-talkies and each team has a sat phone, so stay connected."

After a few hours preparing and gathering supplies, the four of us walked to one of the jeeps, while the others got into another. Thankfully, the rain had lightened to a drizzle, making the surroundings seem hazy and mysterious.

As we drove, there were massive amounts of debris everywhere. The road was covered with mud in many places and we had to use four-wheel drive just to get through. It was almost unrecognizable. As we approached the outskirts of the village, I was struck by the overwhelming devastation. I'd never seen anything like it. The town was buried in mud. People were crying as they shoveled and dug to try and find their loved ones.

We parked the car and walked the short distance to the village square, which had been set up as a makeshift command post. The buildings were mostly destroyed, but at least the church still stood. Even though my first instinct was to run and find Grace, I knew I was needed elsewhere. There were a lot of volunteers here, and I was hopeful that she'd be taken care of.

We checked in with one of the volunteers who seemed to have a handle on the situation, and he was grateful for our help. Emmett and Alice were sent to try and help with the water situation. There was no drinking water and a shipment of it was set to arrive anytime via an aid truck. Alice and Emmett were needed to help distribute and ration it. Alice also promised me that she'd try and find out any information on the orphanage and I trusted her.

Edward and I were sent to the far end of town, where a triage center was being set up for the more critical survivors; those who could not survive a car ride to our camp or others like it. There were ambulances, but they were few and far between.

As we ran through what was left of the streets, I was stunned that all this devastation and death had occurred so close to where we lived. How had we been casually reading and flirting only hours before while all this suffering was happening? I thought back to the cabin that Edward and I had shared at the lake and was saddened thinking that it had likely been destroyed along with several other lakeside villages. If the mudslide hadn't done it, the flooding surely would have.

I felt sick to my stomach. The smell of rain, dirt and death permeated the air. The church in the middle of the town served as a meeting place, where people were gathered, looking for their loved ones. It was heartbreaking.

We arrived at the triage site, which was nothing more than a few military issue tents, cots, and several tables. The police tried to keep order, but it was difficult given the pandemonium that surrounded us.

As we walked through the tent, trying to decide where we were most needed, I felt completely overwhelmed. People grabbed at my legs as they lay writhing in pain on the ground, hoping for anything to ease their suffering. The smell of blood permeated my senses and I couldn't find a place to start.

"Oh thank God, you're here! I understand one of you is a doctor?" asked a rugged-looking gentleman who approached us hastily. "I'm Garrett. I'm heading up this effort. It's a fucking mess!"

He stuck out his hand and we both shook it quickly, feeling the need to jump right in.

"You," he said, pointing at Edward. "Can you tend to those patients over on that side? They haven't been seen yet. Do what you can. Whatever supplies we've got are over there."

Garrett was pointing and directing people even as he spoke to us. Clearly, there was no time for in-depth training. Edward looked at me and shrugged, but before we could respond, Garrett started talking again. "And you,"- this time he was pointing at me- "I need you to help get these people prioritized. See that guy over there? He can help you assess, if you can't. We're sending the non-critical patients to the outlying clinics."

He was confused. "I'm the doctor," I said, raising my eyebrows.

"Well shit," he said loudly. "Sorry about that."

I grabbed my pack and began to assess patients as Garrett had instructed. Garrett led Edward off to another volunteer, who was trying to organize the masses.

I swallowed a lump in my throat as I looked around me. Death was imminent and I knew that even though I'd give it my all, many of these people would not make it through the hour.

I scrambled to get some basic supplies and got to work. Mostly I tried to stop bleeding and set badly broken bones. I couldn't operate, so those who had internal injuries would have to be shipped to a nearby hospital, which was basically a death sentence. There was no way to transport them, and even if there were, the hospitals would likely be overrun. All working ambulances were being utilized to their fullest extent. It was frustrating to know that had I been in a different place and time, these people wouldn't have to die.

I glanced up at Edward as I walked to the next patient, and he was helping with the crowds, getting people organized and lined up. I didn't envy him; it was utter chaos.

I knelt beside a woman who had a badly broken leg. She was covered in mud and clutched on to me, praying and crying.

Upon further examination, I discovered that she also had a broken rib and several broken fingers on her right hand. Her eyes held so much fear, and I could barely hear her as she whispered to me in Spanish. "My babies? Where are my babies?"

I sighed, knowing that if her children were out there in that chaos, there was little anyone could do. Half the town was literally buried. People shoveled it away, but it just fell back into place. The town was a gravesite. Those who were lucky enough to live, only did so by a sheer miracle. I tried to comfort her, but she was inconsolable. I wasn't a mother, but I could empathize as I thought about little Grace. I could only hope that she was among the living.

I couldn't dwell on things that were out of my control. There were too many people who needed my help. For hours, I tended to patients, trying to ease their pain and calm their fears. I lost over twenty patients in that first hour. The tent was humid and reeked of blood. Flies circulated, landing on bodies that were too tired and weak to swat them away. I'd never been around such widespread devastation.

How could this village ever recover?

We worked tirelessly through the night until I was so exhausted I couldn't stand anymore. Alice and Emmett wandered up to the tent, looking every bit as exhausted.

"Alice," I sighed, giving her a hug. "Is there any news of Grace? Of the children?"

She rubbed my back and whispered. "They were evacuated at some point. There were some casualties, but no names have been released. It's too soon to know."

Casualties. Children casualties. Horrible.

"Where's Edward?" Emmett asked as I pulled back from Alice.

"He's over there," I said, pointing to the edge of the tent. "There are so many people, Emmett. He's had to turn them away."

I couldn't imagine having Edward's job today, having to tell people that we couldn't help them. He must have been exhausted.

"Yeah, we had to turn people away, too." Emmett's eyes told the same story that I'd witnessed all day.

Emmett walked through the crowded tent and put his hand on Edward's shoulder. They talked for a few minutes and the two of them joined us.

"We've got to get some sleep," Emmett said. "I've talked to Eleazar, whose heading up the UNICEF efforts, and they've got a slew of volunteers coming in. We can come back tomorrow. We're no good to anyone this tired."

"I can't leave, Emmett," I sighed. "I can't do it knowing she could still be out there."

Edward pulled me into his arms and I fought back the first tears I'd felt all day.

"They'll find her," he said, reassuringly.

I tightened my fists on his back and allowed myself to take in the enormity of the situation. The latest death toll in this village alone was over a thousand people. Those who weren't dead were homeless. Crops were destroyed. Their lives were ruined. Thousands more were injured. Nature's fury had unleashed and these poor people were in her path, never to recover.

I leaned on Edward's shoulder as he led me through the street back to our jeep. People were still wandering around with flashlights, trying to help in whatever way they could. There was still so much to be done and I felt guilty for leaving. Where would these people sleep tonight while I was safe in my bed?

The four of us piled into the jeep and fell in a heap into the seats. I was emotionally and physically drained. My heart ached for these people and the destruction of their lives in one fell swoop. Edward held me close the entire trip back to the camp. None of us talked. There were no words.

When we got back to camp, there was still plenty of activity. They had a triage area similar to the one I'd been working all day set up in the common food tent. People walked aimlessly nursing their wounds, looking for a dry place to rest. As I looked at the tent, it occurred to me that I hadn't eaten anything since breakfast.

Carlisle approached us as we got out of the jeep.

"What can you tell me?" he asked.

The weary and overwhelmed looks on our faces told the story for us, but I responded anyway. "There was so much death and destruction, Carlisle. I'd like to think we helped some, but we were just scratching the surface. People are buried. The entire town is buried. It's unbelievable."

He pulled me into a hug and we didn't need to say anything. There was no consoling. He just let me hold him as he comforted me. I loved him for that.

"We should get to bed," Edward said softly, tugging gently on my sleeve.

I nodded and pulled away from Carlisle. "Can you do me a favor?"

Carlisle shifted and put his hands in his pockets. "Anything."

"Grace? Can you see what you can find out about Grace? The orphanage was evacuated, but there's no news yet about survivors."

He nodded in understanding and put his hand on my shoulder.

"We'll be ready to go again in the morning," I said with conviction, even though my body was already shutting down.

"I know you will," he said with a small smile.

Edward and I said a teary goodnight to Emmett and Alice and walked toward the bunks.

"My place or yours?" Edward asked.

I was so grateful to have him. I needed him tonight more than ever.

"Yours."

After cleaning up and changing out of my blood-soaked, wet and filthy clothes, I fell onto Edward's bed like a limp noodle. My body was numb from exhaustion. Edward joined me a few moments later and together we lay in silence, spooning.

"Have you ever seen anything like that?" I asked, gently rubbing the hair on his arm.

I could feel his head shake behind me. "I've never even seen a car accident. I felt completely helpless. Those people…they lost everything."

I rolled over and faced him on my side and as I did, his hand came up to my cheek.

"Do you really think she's okay?"

He sighed. "I don't know, baby. But Carlisle will find out. All we can do is hope."

I glanced down as the tears began to fall again. "I lost so many patients today."

He leaned in and kissed my forehead with his eyes closed. For the first time since I'd met him, he looked like he might cry.

"I know and I'm so sorry. But you did the best you could," he whispered and then pulled me into a hug.

"Being a part of all of this makes me so thankful…for you…for everything."

He rubbed my back and kissed my ear softly. I could feel his breath on my neck. "I'm here for you, Bella. I always will be."

Oh, how I wanted that to be true.

"I didn't think I could become so attached to someone so quickly. It scares me. I mean, like _really_ scares me. In my work, I'm supposed to be able to shut my emotions down and focus but I can't always do that. And after a day like today, I'm not sure I want to."

It was as honest I as had ever been. I had no idea if he felt the same way, but he was my rock and I feared that without him, I might come crumbling down.

"Edward, there are things I want to tell you…things you should know…"

"Shhh, Bella," he interrupted. "It's been a long and emotional day. We don't have to do this now."

In a way, I was relieved that I didn't have to talk about it. I didn't want anything to taint our time together.

Our legs intertwined as we embraced from head to toe. I wanted to be cocooned by him. I wanted his embrace to make me forget about the horrors I'd witnessed that would forever be burned in my brain. I wanted his arms to keep me safe.

I finally managed to sleep, though I had no idea how. My brain was in overdrive, replaying the visions of death and devastation, but my body couldn't keep up. Every muscle had been pushed to its limits. I didn't move the entire night. I was frozen, numb, paralyzed.

The next morning the sound of the birds woke me up. They sang a happy song, as if all was well and lives weren't ruined. I envied them that, the ability to be blissfully unaware of the tragedy and pain that surrounded me and would forever shape all of our lives.

I got dressed quickly, as did Edward. We were eager to get back to San Pedro and begin the daunting task of healing a broken place. I was desperate for news of Grace, but Carlisle had none. I clung to the hope that today would bring good news.

I choked a small breakfast down, feeling guilty that I had food and water while so many others didn't. The four of us once again made the trek to the neighboring village, or what was left of it.

I was amazed that some progress had been made overnight. The roads were clear, and even in town and people seemed to be working together in an organized fashion. It was very different from the chaos and mayhem of yesterday. Today was about working together toward a common goal.

We quickly found Eleazar, and once again, I was assigned to the medical tent on the other side of town.

In the course of the night, over a hundred more people had been discovered dead, buried by the sheer force of the mud. The hospital was still full of people, many of the same faces from the night before fighting for their lives.

By noon, the sun was beating down and the humidity made the conditions stifling.

Edward, who was working in the main square with Eleazar and his team, approached me with two bag lunches.

"Take a break?" he said, handing me one of the bags.

I nodded toward the back of the tent and we walked outside to a picnic table that had been set up in the shade of a nearby building. Shade was in short supply in these parts, so there were several other volunteers seated there when we walked up and sat down.

"Have you talked to Carlisle this morning?" he asked.

I shook my head. I had heard him call on the radio, but I'd been swamped.

"I think you should call him."

"Yeah, I should. He tried to call me earlier but I was with a patient." I set down my food and pulled my radio from the holster on my belt.

"Carlisle, you there? Over?" I let my finger lift off the button.

"Bella, is that you? Over?" was the response.

"Yeah, we're making progress. Over." I waited.

"Bella, I found Grace. Over. "

I felt like my heart was going to pound out of my chest.

"Is she…alive? Over?" I swallowed a lump in my throat as I waited for his response.

"She fine. Over."

I looked up at Edward who had a huge smile on his face. He reached across the table and grabbed my hands, squeezing tightly.

She's alive.

_Perhaps there's justice after all.

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**A/N: Wow, long chapter with lots of stuff happening, huh? This chapter was a last minute addition, just like the last one, and gave me serious heartfail. As much fun as Bella and Edward are having together, they are in a hostile environment, which is unpredictable, and I wanted to bring that to light. I hope you enjoyed the intensity. **

**I based this on an actual event. Thousands of people died in an instant. I'm posting some of the unbelievable pictures I found in my research on the Twilighted thread. It's so sad. **

**Come check out the People Fandom Awards. I've already nominated many of my amazing readers! These awards are different and I hope you'll take a look! www (dot) twificpimps (dot) com / fandompplawards / nominations**

**Many thanks to my team this week. I've really needed your guidance and support since I've been such a basket case, and everyone went far above and beyond! Thanks so much!**

**Also to scsquared, my awesome beta and friend, my thoughts are with you and your family!**

**Please leave me a review and let me know what you thought! **


	11. Chapter 11 Gone

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.

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**Chapter 11: Gone**

**Bella**

It was early August and the heat was unbearable. Thankfully, things had calmed down significantly for us. We spent weeks helping out after the mudslides and things were finally getting back to normal. I was touched by the masses of volunteers who came from all over the world to help. It restored my faith in the kindness and generosity of strangers.

The residents of the destroyed villages had a long, uphill battle ahead but we continued to offer our services and they were grateful for our help. I was blown away by their attitudes and unwavering faith, even in the worst circumstances. They were inspirational. There hadn't been any major catastrophes since then and all of us kept our fingers crossed that there wouldn't be.

Thanks to Carlisle's efforts, Grace had been located and returned to another orphanage nearby. Sadly, orphans were not uncommon here. It broke my heart to see her go again, but I was so happy that she was safe and being cared for. I briefly thought about keeping her, but that wasn't the right thing to do, at least not right now. The adoption laws in Guatemala were difficult to navigate and I didn't know what my future held. It wouldn't be fair to bring a child into the mess that was my life.

Edward and I had gone into town early in the morning to the Mercado. The best stuff was almost always gone by noon. After shopping, we stopped for a break at El Fandango. Edward had been quiet all morning, but wouldn't tell me what was bothering him, insisting he was just tired from getting up early.

The same old man was tending bar at El Fandango and this time I had enough sense not to accept any of the fat lady liqueur. Neither of us were drinking since we had to work later, but it was a great place to people watch. It was sunny outside and the townspeople were out and about on the streets. We sat at the same table as before, watching the people walking by. After about an hour, I glanced and my watch and knew we should be getting back.

"I have a surprise for you," he said as he climbed onto the bus to head back to camp.

I looked at him suspiciously. I generally didn't like surprises. "What is it?"

"I'm taking you someplace today. So when we get home, go get your hiking boots and meet me back at my place."

"But, I have to work today," I replied indignantly.

He grabbed my hand and gave it a squeeze. "Not today, you don't. I already arranged it with Carlisle."

"But, I can't…"

"Bella, it's just a day. Carlisle was fine with it. There are plenty of others who can cover for you. You've earned it." I knew there was no point in arguing with him. He'd get his way eventually.

"Well then, I'd say you have a date," I said happily to Edward, whose smile beamed across his face.

We survived the harrowing bus ride back to camp. I quickly changed and walked excitedly over to Edward's place. I was thrilled to have some quality time with Edward hiking. It was unexpected and just what I needed.

"So, where are we going?" I asked as I plopped down on Edward's bed, waiting for him to finish putting on his shoes.

He set his foot down and stood, grabbing a water bottle and shoving a few things into his pocket.

"Do you remember when I wanted to take you to that pyramid on top of the hill on the other side of town?"

I nodded. I had wanted to check out this particular hike, but hadn't been able to put it together. It was supposed to be amazing at sunset, with a beautiful view of the town and surrounding hills and valleys.

"That's where we're going?" I asked. "Thanks so much for arranging for me to have the day off. I can't wait to see this place with you."

Really, we could have been doing anything; I just wanted to be with Edward.

"I figured you'd need a day off, and I've been trying to drag you to this spot since I got here," he said with a smile.

We once again rode the bus across town in another white-knuckled adventure and it dropped us at the foot of the hill, the hike and subsequent pyramid looming large above us.

"It looks like a pretty daunting hike from here," I said skeptically.

"You'll do great. It's not as bad as it looks," Edward reassured me as he set out walking toward the trail.

We walked on relatively flat ground until we were surrounded heavily by thick rainforest. The air was thick with moisture and it was difficult to breathe. We both stopped several times to drink out of our water bottles. The vertical climb was harder than I expected. There were slippery rocks to traverse and even ladders in some places. It was narrow and sketchy, but Edward always put my safety first and it was adorable. He held my hand to keep me steady and held the ladder as I climbed. We fit perfectly, and I was so happy to be with him.

We reached the top as the afternoon was coming to a close. Everything that had been said about this place was true. The town looked peaceful and quaint from up here, the poverty and suffering below disappeared. The mountains were green and gold as the sun shone down in rays between the thick clouds. It was magical.

I ran up the steps of the pyramid, taking them two at a time until I reached the top. There were only a few other hikers here, so we had the place almost to ourselves. I felt Edward quick on my heels, and he quickly came and sat beside me on the top step.

"Did you ever think you'd be here?" I asked him as we checked out the awe-inspiring view. "I mean, look at this place. It's so beautiful."

"Not in a million years. If you had told me last year at this time that I'd be sitting with someone like you in a place like this, I'd have laughed at the cruel joke. My life was total chaos back then, but this…this is what it's like to really live. I've seen and done some incredible things here." He smiled, but there was something he wasn't telling me, and it had me concerned. He wasn't as talkative on the way up as he usually is and his brow crinkled up, telltales sign that something bothering him. He'd been this was all day.

"Okay, Edward," I said, turning to face him. "You might as well just tell me what's bugging you. Otherwise, I'll just imagine the worst."

He smiled meekly, but it didn't last long. "You really do know me well, don't you?"

I raised my eyebrows at him and waited.

"I don't even know how to tell you this." He looked away, a concerned look on his face. "I got a call on the sat phone last night."

"And?" This wasn't good. I could tell by his stressed demeanor.

"And I have to leave." He looked up, and I could see the anguish in his eyes.

I felt the sigh that escaped my chest as much as I heard it. All the air in my lungs left my body, leaving me feeling hollow. The tears began to well up in my eyes before I could even get all my questions put together in my head.

"Why?" It was the first thing that came to mind.

"My aunt passed away, and I have to leave for her funeral."

I felt so selfish worrying about only myself, when he'd lost a family member.

"I'm so sorry," I said, bringing one hand to my mouth and the other to his shoulder. "Are you okay?"

He grabbed my hand from his shoulder and held it. "I will be. I'm just worried about my mom. She and my aunt were really close, and I don't know how she's going to handle this. My aunt's been sick with cancer for a while and has been living with my parents, but apparently the last month or so she's been in really bad shape. I think my mom was hoping for a miracle, but the rest of us knew it was only a matter of time. She was suffering."

"That's horrible. How old was she? Were you guys close?"

"She was sixty-two. There's no history of cancer in my family, so it was pretty shocking for everyone. She was my favorite aunt growing up. She was the one who'd buy us ice cream when she knew my parents would disapprove. It's weird that she's gone."

"I don't know what to say," I said lamely. "I'm so sorry for your loss, and for your family."

"I don't want to leave, Bella. I know that I have to go, and I want to be there for my mom, but I can't stand the thought of leaving."

I ran my hands through his hair, and he closed his eyes in appreciation. This was the news I'd been dreading since we'd gotten together. I thought that if I could keep him at a distance, I'd protect my heart and yet it was breaking wide open.

"I don't want you to go, either. When do you leave?"

There was no answer that could assuage my sadness over the situation. However long we had would never be enough.

"I'll leave in two days. It was the soonest I could arrange a flight and still have enough time to wrap things up here."

_Two days? Oh my God._

I tried to hide my true emotions, knowing that this was hard on him too, but I was dying inside. I sat up and took a deep breath. "Hey, it's not like we'll never see each other again, right?"

We'd actually never discussed what was going to happen with us once we left. At least not in detail. It was always "we'll figure it out" or "we'll visit each other". We couldn't be vague any longer; reality was upon us.

We were in our own little bubble here; a place where we were safe and things were easy. We didn't have the typical worries of our lives back home tainting things for us. We could just be us. But now, we'd have to face all those things. I didn't want to be here without him, yet I'd committed to Carlisle for at least another month. And even if I hadn't, it wasn't like he'd asked me to join him back in the states. I had no idea what any of it meant.

"Will I see you when you get back?" he asked, bringing me out of my frenzied thoughts. "Can we be like we are here once we're home?"

I shook my head. "No, it won't be like it is here, but it'll be okay. I have to believe that."

We talked as we watched the sun go down, and all I could think about what the fact that we only had two more days left. Two more sunsets and then he'd be gone and I'd be alone again. He'd go back to his life and live as if none of this existed and I'd be miserable.

The hike back down was a bit more treacherous as the sun had gone down, leaving shadows in its wake. Edward helped me, but we didn't talk much. I think we were both trying to process everything.

"Will you spend them with me?" he asked out of the blue.

"What?" I felt like I'd come in during the middle of a conversation, not understanding the context.

He stopped on the trail and turned to face me. "Will you spend the next two days with me? Can you take some more time off work?"

I wanted to run away with him, somewhere the real world couldn't find us, but I knew I couldn't.

"I can't take much time off. We're pretty short-staffed, so I'll probably have to work a few hours a day, but I promise that I'll spend my free time with you. You probably need to wrap things up with Emmett anyway, right?"

"That'll work," he said as he turned and began to walk again.

_The next two days are going to be brutal._

As promised, I worked my shifts in the mornings, while Edward finished up his responsibilities with Emmett. Everyone was shocked and saddened by the fact that he was leaving, especially Emmett. He and Edward were like brothers and even though, he tried to act tough, I could he was going to miss him.

I tried to put it out of my head. I pretended that we were just spending time together like we always did. We played cards and I stayed with him at night. I couldn't bear to allow myself to think about him actually being gone.

It wasn't until his last night, when everything in his room was cleared out and packed, that the reality sunk in for me. I tried to be strong so he wouldn't feel bad about leaving, especially under such sad circumstances. The last thing he needed was to feel like he let any of us down.

He held me closely against him as we slipped into his bed to sleep that night. I kissed and touched him, trying to keep him with me, even though I knew I couldn't. I wanted him so badly, and I could tell he felt the same way. I thought about caving in and forcing him to make love to me all night, but I knew it would just leave me even more hollow than I knew was already going to feel.

We didn't need to talk, as everything had already been said. Our bubble was bursting and we were just going to have to figure out how to move forward from here.

The next morning we woke up casually, but the tension was thick. We moved methodically to get dressed, but I wasn't prepared for this day at all.

I was driving Edward to the docks, where he would be taking a long ferry ride to the city. From there, he'd have a three-hour bus trip to the airport. It was going to be a long day for him. Our moods were solemn as we gathered his things, eating a quick breakfast on the way out. We loaded his stuff into the jeep, and I hopped into the driver's seat as Edward said goodbye to our friends. Carlisle looked like he was going to cry, but he held it together. Emmett promised they'd get together when he got back, not letting his emotions get the best of him. Heidi lingered a little too long in her hug, but I couldn't bring myself to care about her. Alice was sobbing like a baby and her sobbing almost made me cry, something I vowed I wasn't going to do.

Finally, Edward climbed in and closed the door and I hit the gas. He waved as we drove off and then reached over and grabbed my hand. We didn't talk on the way into town. I couldn't find words at that point. He just held my hand in both of his, gently rubbing it with his fingers. It was such a small gesture, but it held so much emotion.

I glanced over at him and smiled, even though the sadness was clearly present on both of our faces.

As we neared the docks, my heart began to race. I didn't think I could do this. I hadn't felt this panicked in over a year. How could I let him walk away? I needed him. He was my best friend and so much more.

We exited the jeep and he came around to the driver's side, grabbing his pack out of the back seat and setting it down on the ground. I leaned against the jeep, my arms crossed as I stared at the dirt in the road. I couldn't look at him or else I'd cry.

His hands came up and rested on the roll bars, effectively pinning me against the car. His body was hard as he leaned into me. He was so close that I could feel his breath, which was heavy and thick. His serious expression bore a hole right through me as he closed the distance between us. My heart was racing as my breasts brushed against his chest.

I lifted my hand to his chest, clutching his shirt in a futile attempt at holding him here and my eyes lifted slowly to meet his intense gaze.

"I wish we could stay here together," I said, barely able to get the words out. "What if you change your mind about me when you get back?"

He shook his head and chuckled. "You really don't get it, do you? I'm not going to change my mind."

I moved my hand up his chest and let it rest on the side of his neck, playing with the hair there. He lowered his hand from the roll bar to my cheek and eventually down to my neck as he leaned in to kiss me.

We'd shared many kisses, but none of them held the raw emotion that this one had- love, attraction, sadness and frustration. I'd never felt so many conflicting emotions at the same time. He slipped his foot between my legs, pressing his thigh against my heat and his body flush against mine. I could feel every hard curve of him. He pulled my face to his, kissing me with abandon, as if we were the only two people on Earth. I was completely lost in him.

"I'll be waiting for you in the states, okay?" His face turned serious. "This isn't goodbye."

I nodded and the tears were back. I had wanted to hear this from him so badly. I needed to hear this from him. I'd spent the last few days worried about how we'd manage to be in each other's lives, wondering if it meant as much to him as it did to me. I needed this confirmation.

"Promise me it's not goodbye," I said, as I kissed his neck.

"I promise. I'll be waiting for you."

We kissed again, but I knew he had to leave, so I gently pushed him off of me. He reached down and grabbed his pack and together we walked to the end of the dock where his boat was moored.

His hand came to my cheek and wiped the tears that were now falling freely.

"I promise," he said as he kissed my forehead.

I closed my eyes and committed the feel of his touch to memory until he pulled away and boarded the boat.

I waved meekly as the boat left the dock, taking a piece of my heart with it.

He promised he'd wait. Now I just had to find my way back to him.

I walked up the dock, the boards creaking underneath my feet as I let myself cry. I let go of all the baggage I'd been carrying around with me for a year, knowing that it had kept me apart from Edward. We'd wasted so much time because of my fear. I'd pushed him away, when in reality, he was what I needed. We both knew that there was something special between us. The last month together had been amazing. The precious memories of his touch would have to sustain me until I saw him again.

The logistics were terrible for us. He lived in New York and I lived in California. I was here and he would soon be in the states. But at that moment, none of that mattered. The moment that he sailed away from me, I knew that I was hopelessly in love with him. I'd made mistakes in the past, but I'd paid for them and then some.

I had to find a way to make it work.

* * *

**A/N: Aww…he had to leave. The "real world" is knocking on their door. I wonder how they'll handle it? **

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**Next up we'll see how Edward does back home in NY.**


	12. Chapter 12 Distance

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. **

* * *

**Chapter 12: Distance**

**Edward**

The minute I got the news that I had to leave, I began to dread saying goodbye. Guatemala, the people I had met, and especially Bella owned my heart. My feelings for her continued to grow, and although I pretended we were just casual, I couldn't deny that there seemed to be so much more between us.

The night before I had to leave, I wanted so badly to show her how much I cared about her. I wanted to make love to her, and it took all my strength to not cross our precarious boundaries. I knew something was holding her back and she wanted to take it slow. I respected that as much I was aching to understand and know what it was that was between us.

The morning of my flight, I was a wreck. I didn't want to leave her, and I was running out of time. As I said goodbye to my good friends, I felt like I was leaving the only place where I'd felt free and happy in a long time. I would have to go back to my life, knowing that my heart wasn't in it. My heart was here, in what we were doing, and who I was with.

Leaving sucked, and I didn't want to go.

I tried to reassure Bella that I was in this with her and that I would be waiting for her, but I could see the concern in her eyes. Knowing that her feelings for me were as strong as mine were for her made our goodbye impossibly difficult.

I climbed onto the boat after our amazing kiss and felt so completely alone. I had to be a fool to leave her behind, yet I knew I had little choice. I briefly considered coming right back down to Guatemala after the funeral, but it would just be delaying the inevitable. Bella would be leaving soon and we'd have to deal with our separation then.

The boat pulled away, and I felt like punching something, my heart pounding as I fought the swell of emotions that overwhelmed me. I watched Bella get smaller and smaller the further away we got, and I almost begged the driver to turn around so I could beg her to come with me.

The rest of the journey home was exhausting both physically and emotionally. I counted each mile that took me further and further away from my haven, my safety.

I landed in La Guardia, the familiar, yet foreign sounds and smells assaulting me. I felt like a tourist instead of feeling like I was coming home. I started wondering if any paparazzi would take pictures of me leaving the airport and quickly planned the fastest escape route. Even though I had been off their radar for months, it wasn't likely I could stay that way. Not if Victoria had her way. I felt sick about it. I didn't want to come back to this. This wasn't real.

The cab dropped me off at my building, and I numbly unloaded my pack from the trunk. I trudged upstairs, unlocking the door, and finally felt like I could let everything that had happened sink in.

I turned on all the lights and made sure everything was as I left it before making my way to the kitchen to grab a beer. If ever I needed a drink, now was the time. The sounds of the city bombarded my senses, and I longed for the peaceful sound of the rain. I ached for it. I ached for Bella.

Knowing that the mail was slow, I decided to write her while everything was still fresh in my mind.

I sat down at my desk and began.

_Bella, _

_I've just arrived back in New York and it's surreal to be here. Everything feels so foreign and meaningless, like I'm watching it unfold on a movie screen instead of living it. My apartment feels cold and empty, almost cavernous. I see the excesses of my former life everywhere, and it makes me feel almost ashamed given all the suffering that I've seen. _

_I'm not the same man who lived here before. These walls are closing me in. I don't think I'll ever be the same again. The experiences that I had, that we had, have made me into someone I feel like I can be proud of. _

_It's hard to believe that I'm really gone; that Guatemala and everything there is in my past. I'm so glad I got to share it all with you._

_I'll never forget the first day I met you. You were in the clinic, and I was dumbstruck by how beautiful you were. Then I saw that you were every bit as beautiful on the inside as on the outside. I had no idea that you would come to be so important to me. _

_At times I wanted to kiss you and be with you so badly that it hurt. But when we finally did kiss in my bunk, it was so worth the wait. I'll remember it always. Thank you for allowing me that. _

_I was so jealous of James when you went out that I could hardly see straight. I wanted that with you. I wanted to take you on a date. You have to know how much I still do want that with you. I told you I would wait for you, and I meant it. Do you still want that? I'm almost scared of your response, but I have to know. _

_I leave on Tuesday for my aunt's funeral. The thought of more travel is painful, but I couldn't go straight to Washington. My family needs me to be strong, and I wasn't sure I was up for the role so soon after getting back._

_Anyway, it's been a long day, but you're in my thoughts, and will remain there until I see you again. I hope you're well and that I hear from you soon. _

_Love, _

_Edward. _

I made my way into my room, changed clothes, and fell onto my bed. Thoughts of Bella flooded my mind. I recalled her soft, warm body in my bed and how it molded with mine when she slept. Bella's sighs and mutterings as she slept were so endearing. I thought about her smile and how it lit up any room she was in. I thought about how smart and funny she was and how she always challenged me. I could practically hear the sound of the Guatemalan rain in my head and the comforting smell of my bunk with Bella in my arms.

I fucking missed her.

Sleep must have eventually come, because I woke up to sunlight streaming in my room. I felt like I could sleep for another two days, the events of the last week finally taking their toll on my body. I didn't shower. I had no food in my house, so I ordered take-out. I tried to watch television, but nothing held my interest. This went on until Tuesday, when I had to leave. I was a mess.

As much as the thought of more travel pained me, I looked forward to seeing my family. Jasper was always the voice of reason, and I really needed his advice. He was probably the only person besides Bella who could knock me out of my funk.

"Edward!" Jasper said, waving from his SUV at the curb of the arrivals terminal at Sea-Tac airport.

I couldn't help the smile that flew to my face at the sight of my brother. He got out of the driver's seat, gave me a quick hug and helped me get my bag into the back. The Washington air and the lush green landscape reminded me of Guatemala, despite the vast difference in temperature.

"You look good, man," Jasper said as he pulled away from the curb.

"Do I?" I asked incredulously. "I feel like shit. It's been a long week."

"I bet it has. I want to hear all about your trip. Do you have pictures?"

"Yeah, I'll show you when we get to your house. It's really beautiful down there."

"I got your letters," Jasper said with a smirk. "Sounds like you've got it bad for this girl. Bella, is it?"

_That didn't take long. _

I knew that Jasper would bring this up. Bella was a constant theme in my letters.

"I'm so fucked, Jasper," I said, shaking my head. "You have no idea."

"I don't think I've ever seen you like this." He looked truly shocked.

I told him how I had become close to Bella. I told him about our camping trip and how she'd come over and stayed with me. I told him about that night at El Fandango and what happened afterwards.

"So, how'd you leave things?" he asked.

"We'll see what happens when she gets back to the states. I swear, Jasper, I fucking love her and if she doesn't want me when she gets back, I don't know what I'm going to do."

Jasper raised his eyebrow and gave me a smirk. He had definitely noticed my slip of the tongue.

"Just don't over think this," he finally said. "If you're as close as you say, I'm sure she'll want to give it a go. She said as much, didn't she?"

I nodded, but didn't entirely share his optimism. There were a lot of moving parts with this situation, and I was guarded about it because I knew that she had the capacity to ruin me.

My family was excited to see me once we got to my parents' house. My mom was especially happy and hugged me as though we'd been apart for years. I could see the sadness in her eyes, the last week having taken its toll on her as well. She looked exhausted.

The next couple of days were a blur. The funeral was very nice, yet somber and depressing. I had always been close to my aunt, and I was sad knowing she was gone. My mom was a wreck and my dad did all he could to comfort her. For the most part, Jasper and I just went along for the ride, providing whatever support we could to my mom.

The night before I was supposed to leave to go back to New York, I spent the night at Jasper's house. We barbecued steaks and sat outside, enjoying the nice weather, which was a rarity in that area.

"So, what's next on the agenda for you?" Jasper asked, taking a swig of his beer.

"I've got a meeting with Victoria when I get back, and I'm dreading it," I lamented. "While I was down in Guatemala, I put together an outline for a story about the Mayan culture that has potential. I can't explain it, but after living there and spending so much time with the locals, I feel compelled to shed some light on the situation."

"Is that going to fly with her?"

That was the question of the hour and the reason I was dreading my conversation with Victoria. She was pushing me to finish a sequel to my first novel. She'd been talking about it since the original release. I wasn't opposed to the idea, but now I felt like I wanted to write something more meaningful to me. She wasn't going to be happy.

I said goodbye to Jasper, feeling sad to leave Seattle behind. I needed my family more than ever, and the last thing I wanted to do was go back to my ostentatious, yet sterile life in New York City.

I felt slightly better once I got back to my apartment. For the first time in a long time, I sat down with my guitar and just played. My fingers moved of their own volition, and I let the melodies soothe my mind. The harsh ringing of my cell phone ruined my peaceful moment as I reluctantly answered it.

Victoria, of course.

"Hi Victoria."

"Well, if it isn't Edward, back from obscurity," she said sarcastically. "Have you gotten the dirt from the rainforest off you yet? Ready to get back to work?"

It pissed me off that she spoke about Guatemala was such disdain in her voice, as if it was so dirty and poor that she couldn't be bothered. I felt like she was taking a dig at my family or something. "I see some things haven't changed. I set up a meeting with you for tomorrow through your assistant last week when I got back. And, yes, I had an amazing trip, thanks for asking."

"Oh relax, Edward," she said, blowing me off. "Don't be so uptight. Listen, that's not why I called."

"And why did you call?"

"There's a function on Friday night at the Met. There will be a lot of industry people there, and I think it'd be important for you to be there, especially given your hiatus."

And so it begins.

"Do I have any say in the matter?" I asked, knowing the answer was a resounding 'no'.

"Of course," Victoria chided. "You can pick your date."

Date. There was only one person I wanted as my date, and she was thousands of miles away.

"Fine, just give me the specifics at our meeting and I'll be there."

I hung up, knowing that there was no point in arguing with her. I tried to pull myself together and see the positive. The Met was a really incredible museum and the events held there were usually top notch. The old Edward would have gone and been a dutiful PR soldier, but I wanted more now that I'd gotten back. I wanted to live. So, I decided that I'd go into this with a positive attitude. If Bella couldn't be with me, then at least I could try and find some happiness until she got back.

Friday night came, and I had decided to go stag to the event, much to Victoria's dismay. She liked it when I showed up with eye candy on my arm, saying that it just brought me more attention. But tonight was going to be about me and what I wanted, so I didn't invite anyone. It would feel like I was cheating on Bella, and I didn't want that.

I hadn't worn a tuxedo in so long, that I almost forgot what it was like. I enjoyed getting dressed up, but tonight I wished more than anything that Bella were here with me, donning a cocktail dress so I could show her off.

The usual industry executives and celebrities were at the function, and I made the requisite small talk. There was a small group of people gathered at the bar, writers apparently, and they were very interesting. I was enjoying myself which, under the circumstances, was completely unexpected. The drinks were going down like water as I commiserated with the other authors and shared our funny stories. I hadn't been this carefree since my nights with Bella, which seemed a world away.

"Hey there, stranger," a familiar voice cooed in my ear, as a pair of hands slithered around my waist.

I turned, startled, to see Tanya standing there with a devious smirk on her face. She leaned in, pressing her cheek against mine making a kissing sound, and then moved to the other cheek in a faux-European greeting. "It's been so long, Edward."

Tanya and I had dated off and on for several months. In fact, I think that my dating her contributed more to my fame than my book did. She was a famous actress, and I appreciated that she understood how to navigate the media. She was a convenient date, but there was never anything real between us. She was always more concerned with the idea of us rather than the reality. The last time I saw her, she was my date to an awards dinner. We'd fooled around afterwards, but we both knew that it meant little more than that.

"Hello, Tanya," I said coolly, removing her hands from me. "What brings you out tonight?"

"I'm trying to schmooze Aro Volturi so he'll help get me cast when his next book is made into a movie."

Aro Volturi was a well-known author who had the reputation of being a shark. Schmoozing went a long way with him, and it was rumored that those who slept with him miraculously ended up bettering their careers. I hoped that Tanya wouldn't do anything stupid, but that was just business as usual for some.

She looked at me with a strange expression on her face. Trying to break the uncomfortable silence, I made small talk. "So, how are you doing, Tanya? It's been a while."

"To be honest, I've been better," she said, rolling her eyes as she downed her drink in one swallow. Her words were beginning to slur. "I called you, but you never returned my calls, and I haven't seen you around much. What the hell happened to you?"

"I've been in Guatemala," I said, not really wanting to explain myself to her. "I worked with an aid organization down there."

She laughed, tapping the bar and pointing at her empty glass so the bartender would refill it. "You were always so idealistic. Never living in the real world."

"Let me guess…this…" I said, making a sweeping gesture around the ballroom, "is the real world?" I was getting pissed at her condescending tone as if there was something wrong with what I'd been doing.

She inched closer to me, the smell of alcohol oozing out of her, as she whispered into my ear. "Do you ever think about me?"

She intended this to be sexy, but it came out sloppy and drunk. I pushed her off me gently and she huffed like a petulant child.

"Tanya, I think you've had a bit too much to drink," I said, steadying her.

She slammed a shot and missed the bar completely when she set the glass down, causing it to shatter on the floor, making a huge mess and attracting a lot of attention.

"Would you like some help home?" I asked, trying to help her gain control of herself.

I was embarrassed for her. Even though there was nothing there between us, I didn't want to see her make a fool out of herself or put herself in a dangerous position, being so drunk.

Obviously getting the wrong idea, her eyebrows raised and she smiled in delight. "You're going to take me home, Eddie?"

"Take it easy, Tanya. I just think it's best if you get home safely."

I put my arm around her waist and pulled her into my side, so it didn't look like she was stumbling as badly as she was. We made our way down the steps in front as paparazzi snapped pictures in our face. We both got into a waiting cab and drove off. I sighed, knowing the media blitz was over. I really hated that.

I helped Tanya into her house, taking off her shoes and laying her on her bed. I wasn't going to attempt to get her changed, as I knew she'd get the wrong idea. She had been eyeing me with a 'come fuck me' look since we'd gotten in the cab, but I'd ignored it. She was hammered, and I was just trying to be nice.

"Come here, Eddie," she slurred, grabbing the lapel of my jacket, causing me to lose my balance and fall on top of her. She pulled my head towards her and tried to kiss me. I scrambled away and stood up, straightening my jacket and running my hand through my hair.

I suddenly felt guilty. I didn't want to be here, and I certainly didn't want to fool around with Tanya, drunk or sober.

"Good night, Tanya," I said, turning toward the door.

"You know you want me," she said with a bite. "We've got something special together."

"No Tanya, we don't. I'll see you around." I hated being so abrupt, but I didn't want there to be any misunderstanding between us.

So much for trying to be nice.

The doorman handed me a stack of mail as I walked through the lobby of my building. Apparently, he'd held it for me while I was gone in Washington and just hadn't seen me to give it to me. I was exhausted as I leaned against the wall of the elevator, both from the alcohol and the lateness of the hour. I pulled off my tie and jacket as soon as I got home. Despite seeing Tanya, I actually had a decent time tonight. I missed Bella terribly, though. The quiet of my apartment amplified my solitude.

I slumped down in the chair in my living room and flipped through the mail, paying little attention to the envelopes as I scanned them. Most of them were bills or junk mail, until I got to one with a postmark from Guatemala. It had been nearly two weeks since I left and not being able to talk to Bella was making me crazy. I threw the stack down on the table and furiously opened the letter.

_Edward, _

_I watched you sail away from me today and I feel like a part of me went with you. I wanted so badly to beg you to stay, but I know your family needs you right now. I can completely understand the sentiment- I need you, too. _

_When I got back to camp, it felt wrong. Everything was wrong. You weren't here and that realization has left me feeling numb. I'm sitting here at my desk in my bunk feeling a loneliness that I never knew existed, not even in my horrible past. _

_I wish I had known how you felt about me earlier. I have mountains of regret over how things went between us. I wish I could do everything over again. I pushed you away so many times in the beginning. I know I did. Part of it was intentional as you're so amazing, and I worried that I'd get hurt or that I'd hurt you. I never want to hurt you. I'm so sorry if my actions made you feel like I didn't want you. So much wasted time. The last month being with you has meant so much to me. I've loved all our time together; I just wish we could have had more. _

_I talked to Carlisle, and he agreed to transition me out of my position over the next month. I know I was planning on staying through the end of the year, but things have changed. I'm not the same. I'm too far away from you. I'll call you when I have the specific date of my flight. _

_I have no idea where we go from her, but I do know that I want you in my life. I need you in my life. I hope you will keep your promise. I hope that this thing between us wasn't just here in Guatemala. _

_I miss you and hope you're doing well. I can't wait to see you. _

_Love, _

_Bella_

I clutched her letter, reading it and re-reading it several times. The entire time I was in Guatemala, all I had wanted was to hear her say the words that she said in this letter. She wanted me. She needed me. I felt optimistic about us. I didn't know how we were going to manage, but for the first time, I allowed myself to hope.

And that scared the shit out of me.

I slipped into my large bed, which felt even emptier than it usually did. Reading Bella's letter had given me a second wind, so I lay there tossing and turning, unable to sleep, yet knowing that I needed the rest.

I closed my eyes and saw Bella's face. I felt the heat of her body next to me. I felt the slickness of her tongue in my mouth and the softness of her lips on mine.

_And now I'm hard._

I reached down and pulled down my boxers, gripping my hard dick tightly. I needed a release.

_Maybe I could take a quick shower?_

Deciding that would only wake me up even more, I began to stroke myself slowly. I pictured Bella kissing me. I imagined that I was watching her take me deep into her hot mouth, the heat and slickness creating a delicious friction. She sucked and licked with her tongue until I was ready to explode. She gently caressed my balls as she picked up her pace, paying special attention to the tip. God, I wanted her. She continued to lick and suck until I couldn't hold back anymore and came forcefully against the back of her throat as she swallowed all that I gave her.

It was so fucking hot.

_I've got to make that fantasy come true. Jesus Christ._

Still shivering from my release, I lay on my pillow with my dick in my hand, missing her. I wondered what she was doing and if I had the same effect on her. I wondered what it would be like to see her again and to be able to show her how much I wanted her.

It made me fucking ecstatic to know that she was coming home early for me.

I wasn't going to waste another minute. We both had regrets about how things had gone with us, but I vowed not to let that happen again.

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**A/N: Don't worry, I won't let this get cliché. Promise.**

**Thanks so much for all the awesome reviews last chapter! They make my day and make me feel like I'm writing for an audience. It's very motivating. **

**As always, if you see StR rec'd somewhere, please let me know. Thanks to all of you who tweet, blog or tell your friends about my story. It's so hard getting the word out and word of mouth is very powerful. **

**Thanks to my betas and pre-readers this week. I appreciate the feedback more than you know! **

**Next up, we'll see what happens when Bella comes home. Want a teaser? You know what to do!**


	13. Chapter 13 Coming Home

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.**

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**Chapter 13: Coming Home**

**Bella**

My things were packed, and I was running around furiously trying to tie up loose ends at the clinic. Alice was on the verge of tears all day, but was trying to keep it together for my sake. Carlisle was quiet and seeing him sad was breaking my heart.

Truthfully, I was sad too. I'd been here in Guatemala for nine months. I was vastly different than when I first came here. I had satisfaction and fulfillment in my work and knew that we were making a difference. Every time a patient of mine looked at me in appreciation, I knew I was doing the right thing. The smiles and well-being of my patients was all the reward I could want.

The most profound change that had happened to me here was hidden from most. I was able to heal and put my life into perspective. I learned to love myself again and give myself to others. Edward had been such an unexpected influence in my life and the last month without him had been excruciating. I received three letters from him, each one promising me that his feelings were still the same. I held on to the hope that we could find a way to make it work once we were together back in the states.

My experience in Guatemala was incredibly rewarding, but I knew it couldn't last. I wanted to be with Edward to start living again. I was ready to face the demons that awaited me in Newport Beach.

Part of me worried about going back, knowing that the last time I'd been there was such a dark time in my life. I wondered if it would dredge up old feelings of inadequacy and pain. Regardless, it was time to put the past behind me and look to the future. And an even bigger part of me was ready to move on.

I'd written Edward with the specifics of my flight and told him that I'd call him as soon as I got in. Given the difficulty in communicating from here, that was about as specific as we were able to get. We both agreed that we'd make plans once I was home.

"You'd better keep in touch," Alice said, sobbing uncontrollably as she hugged me goodbye.

"I will, Alice," the tears welling up in my eyes. "Don't forget about me."

I made my way down the line of my friends, who had gathered to see me off, hugging and crying into their shoulders. Emmett gave me a huge hug and spun me around, making me promise to hang out with him in LA when he got back the following month. Our little gang was disbanding and it felt sad.

The hardest goodbye for me by far was Carlisle. He had been like a surrogate father to me. He'd listened to me and given me more brilliant advice than I could ever thank him enough for.

From the boat, I watched the village buildings get smaller and felt suddenly alone. I thought about what was waiting for me at home and my little cottage that I loved. I missed the smell of the ocean, and I was really looking forward to getting back to it.

After an entire day's travel, I could see the city of Los Angeles outside the window of the plane, the freeways and ocean familiar and comforting.

Home.

It felt like an eternity since I'd been here.

I waited while all the other passengers disembarked, feeling cramped and stiff from the long flight. Carrying my backpack, I made my way mindlessly down to the baggage claim area to grab my full size travel backpack and began to walk the short distance to the airport shuttles that would bring me home.

That was when I saw him. He was leaning against a wall, with his arms crossed coolly, as if this was nothing out of the ordinary. He had on a baseball hat that was pulled low over his face, but I would recognize him anywhere. I thought briefly that my mind was playing tricks on me.

_Edward? In Los Angeles?_

His eyes met mine, and I couldn't help the feeling of elation that came over me. I ran to him, dropped my bag and flew into his arms.

"Oh my God," I said, as I kissed his neck and shoulders. "You're really here."

His arms squeezed me tightly, and I pulled back to look at him. "You came."

"Of course I came. I promised, remember?"

I heard the click of cameras, causing him to wince slightly, worried that we'd been discovered.

"I really want to kiss you but I'm hanging on to that low profile as long as possible. I promise, I'll get to that later, okay?" he whispered in my ear. "Unless you'd like to be on the cover of a tabloid tomorrow."

I chuckled and couldn't stop the perma-grin on my face. Edward was here for me. He came to L.A. to see me. I didn't care about anything else right now.

He grabbed my pack and my hand and led us to the baggage claim where a man dressed in a sharp black suit waited. Edward greeted him while I stood, confused. We got my bags from the carousel, and the man in the black suit carried them outside where a long black limousine was waiting. He opened the trunk for us as I stood and gawked.

_He got us a limousine?_

"What's this?" I asked Edward as the driver opened the door and motioned for me to get inside.

"I didn't want the hassle of driving. I have other plans," Edward replied, a devious smirk on his face. My body responded, and I seriously hoped he had the same thoughts running through his head as I did in mine. It had been too long since I'd been with him.

I gave the driver my address and Edward closed the window separating us, allowing us full privacy. My house was about an hour away, barring traffic, and I intended to make the most of it. I swung my leg over him, straddling his lap, while his hands came around to my ass and pulled me against him.

"How about that kiss now?" I asked as my hands flew to him, around his neck, rubbing the back of his hair.

I took off his hat, throwing it on the seat next to us so I could run my fingers through his thick, soft, hair. His hand moved up my back, coming to rest behind my head as he pulled my face toward his. Our lips touched and all the pent up need boiled to the surface. His lips moved with mine and series of moans escaped from both of us.

"Fuck, I missed you so much," he said breathlessly between kisses.

My hips instinctively ground against him in a slow and steady rhythm and his hands were back on my ass, pulling me against his obvious erection. We had been this way many times before in Guatemala, but there was always a need to hold back. We wanted each other, but I was so uncertain about our future that it never seemed right. There I was always tentative, but I didn't want to hold back from him any longer. The distance we'd endured had solidified my feelings, and I was ready to share more with him.

I threw my head back and Edward wasted no time, kissing my neck and collarbone while his hands moved to the hem of my shirt. I felt a little gross after traveling all day, but I wouldn't allow myself to care. He'd seen me much worse. I let all my inhibitions go as his touch set me on fire.

I reached down, crossing my arms as I grabbed my shirt and lifted it over my head. Before I'd even gotten it off, Edward's hands were behind my back, unclasping my bra and sliding his hands around to cup my breasts. Once my shirt and bra were gone, I went back to running my hands in his hair, as he kissed his way down my chest and took one of my nipples into his mouth.

"So perfect," he muttered as he moved to the other side, his mouth never leaving my body.

He kissed and licked his way up my body again and our lips met in a frenzied kiss as our tongues explored each other. The throb between my legs was reaching almost painful levels, and I pressed harder into him causing him to groan loudly at the increased contact.

"I can't wait to get you home," he murmured.

I slid off his lap and knelt on the floor of the limo, my hands moving to the hem of his shirt and lifting it as our gaze stayed intensely fixed on one another. He raised his arms in submission, and I carefully pulled it off. I slid my hands down his bare chest, noticing each muscle and curve of him. He was so beautiful.

I lowered my mouth to his chest as he slid his hips forward and rested his head back on the seat, obviously enjoying my touch. It made me want to please him even more.

I dipped my fingers below the waistline of his shorts and he gasped and pulled in his stomach, as though my fingers were burning him. His eyes opened as he watched me slowly unbutton his shorts and slide them down, freeing his prominent erection. His gaze was intense and deep, like he could see right through me. He never broke eye contact as my hands moved back up his legs and wrapped around the base of his cock, slowly pumping up and down.

I lowered my mouth and gently licked the tip of him, tasting him. He jerked back in response and hissed, but never broke his stare.

I licked my lips and in one quick motion I took him into my mouth. He thrust his hips up into me and moaned so loud I thought the driver would surely hear.

"Holy shit," he managed to say between pants as I slowly moved up and down his length. He was so hard, yet the skin was so soft. I loved how much I affected him. I felt beautiful and invincible. He had waited for me for months, and I couldn't wait a minute longer to make him feel good. I established a rhythm and his hands rested on the back of my head, gently guiding me. It was the sexiest thing I had ever done and I fucking loved it.

His body began to tighten after a while, and I could tell that he was close so I pulled him in even deeper into my mouth, sucking and licking him with my tongue, while I stroked the base of him with my hand.

"Fuck…I'm gonna come…Bella…move…" he hissed, jerking wildly beneath me. He tapped my shoulder, but I wanted to feel him come in my mouth to taste all of him, so I continued with my licking and sucking, humming in appreciation of his amazing body.

"Oh God…fuck…oh fuck…uhhh…" With one final thrust into my mouth, he exploded, sending spurts of his warmth down my throat. His body was stiff as he came down from his release. I slid my lips off him and he moaned at the loss.

I straddled him once again as his body went limp, his head thrown back against the headrest. His arm was draped over his eyes and his breathing was deep.

"I can't move," he said with a smile, still keeping his arm over his eyes. "That was so fucking intense."

I leaned in and kissed him, and his arms came around me as he deepened the kiss.

"Let me return the favor?" he whispered into my ear as his hand slid lower down my body.

I knew what I wanted, and it was time that Edward knew as well.

"As tempting as that sounds," I sighed as he kissed my neck, "the next time I have an orgasm, I want you to be inside of me."

"Now I really can't wait to get you home," he said with a growl.

I climbed off of him, looking around for my clothes, which had been carelessly thrown aside. He pulled up his pants, while I found our shirts and my bra. He poured us a glass of champagne, which was conveniently chilling on the bar next to us.

"Welcome home, Bella," he said as we toasted.

Welcome home, indeed.

* * *

**Edward**

_Jesus Fucking Christ. _

I expected Bella to be happy to see me, but that was some fantastic welcome. I thought about stopping her once I realized what she was doing, but she was so intent and amazing and in control. Getting a mind-blowing blow job from Bella in the back of a limousine would definitely be one of my top fantasies.

I decided the minute I got her letter with the flight information that I'd meet her there. Victoria gave me shit about missing some function, but I didn't care. I needed to see Bella, even if I could only stay a few days.

She looked so tired getting off the plane, but still just as beautiful as the day I met her. I tried to stay off to the side so none of the paparazzi that stalk LAX would see me and ruin our reunion.

When she finally did see me, it was as if she didn't believe it was me. I loved watching her expression change from one of disbelief to one of joy. It made me so fucking happy to know that she was just as excited about seeing me as I was about her.

We sipped the champagne for the rest of the ride to her place and talked. It would have been easy for us to keep making out like teenagers. Even with that mind blowing orgasm, I was having trouble keeping my hands off of her. But it was so easy for us to jump right back into the easy friendship that we had. Although there was an undeniable chemistry and intense connection between us, above everything else we were friends. It was so easy and comfortable for us.

I rubbed her feet, while she told me all about what had gone on since I left. Apparently, Emmett finished the house we were working on and the family was so excited that the little 4'10" grandmother kissed him on the lips. I would have loved to have seen that.

Carlisle was actively recruiting for a new replacement for Bella and was in the final stages of getting the necessary paperwork filed. According to Bella, quite a few of our friends were starting to disband and come home, many of them having been away for many months. We were a tight group, so I was sure that I'd see them again, especially Carlisle and Emmett.

At some point the driver let us know we were getting close to her place, and we got presentable. Bella cuddled up next to me, tucking her legs underneath her as she wrapped her arms around one of mine.

"I'm so happy to see you," she said, resting her head on my shoulder. "I never expected that you'd come for me."

"Well if I get that kind of welcome every time, I'll be here every weekend and I'll definitely be coming for you."

Bella punched me lightly in the arm, feigning annoyance. "I'm serious."

I lifted her chin with my free hand so she'd look at me. "I didn't want you to be home for one minute without me. I meant what I said in Guatemala. We'll work this out."

The limousine came to a stop and the driver opened up the door. It was sunny and warm outside, and I could smell the salt off the ocean in the air.

"So this is your place, huh?"

She smiled and nodded as we made our way up the front walk, her bags in tow.

The house was small, like a typical beach cottage. It had light hardwood floors and white walls, with furniture and art in shades of light blues and greens. It was very tastefully done. I was impressed. Bella had explained that she had her neighbor taking care of it while she was gone, so it was in good shape, closed up and a little stuffy, but clean and comfortable.

"So, this is the living room," Bella said, opening her arms as she gave me a quick tour. "The bedrooms are down the hall and the kitchen is just through that arch. It's no palace, but it suits me."

I pulled her into me. "It's perfect."

She wrapped her arms around me and kissed me. My hands slid down her back to her ass as I squeezed her tightly against me.

"Where did you say the bedroom was?" I whispered into her ear.

We had waited long enough.

She grabbed my hand and led me down the hallway to the bedroom. The bed was king-sized and had crisp white linens on it with a shit load of pillows.

Once inside the room, I turned her to face me, as she pulled her lip between her teeth. I reached down to the hem of her shirt and slowly lifted it over her head, and she shook her hair free once it was removed. My dick was straining in my shorts. She was so fucking sexy.

Her hands moved to her shorts, taking her time with the button and the zipper, knowing the effect it was having on me. I'd fantasized about Bella so many times, but I couldn't tear my eyes away from her now that it was a reality. I adjusted my pants, as I was becoming increasingly uncomfortable, a move which caught Bella's eye and brought forth a devious smile on her face.

She shimmied her hips, lowering the shorts as she went, leaving her in only a skimpy pair of white cotton underwear. I wanted to reach out and grab her, but I was frozen in my spot, mesmerized. Her hands reached behind her back to unclasp her bra, effectively thrusting her chest at me as the bra dropped to the floor

"You're so beautiful," I said, closing the distance between us.

She reached out and lifted my shirt slightly. I took over for her, removing it completely. Her hands went to my shorts, and I watched as she carefully lowered them, my boxers included. I stepped out of them and once again returned my attention to Bella, pulling her against me, feeling her skin naked on mine for the first time.

"You don't know how much I've wanted this, Bella," I said, skimming the soft skin of her shoulders with my lips.

She moaned and threw her head back as her arms came up around my neck.

I walked us forward until she fell onto the bed, naked and ready for me.

I threw the myriad of pillows off the bed and pulled the comforter and sheets down as she positioned herself in the middle of the bed. I climbed on, our eyes fixed on each other as I crawled up the bed to her. I kissed her hip, then her firm stomach, then her breast until I came to rest on top of her.

My hand slid down between her legs, underneath her panties feeling the slickness and heat there.

"Fuck…" I muttered as she spread her legs further, granting me unlimited access. I pulled on her underwear. "These are cute, but they have to go."

She reached down, grabbing them by the sides and lifted her hips, sliding them down. I waited patiently to continue my exploration.

Once she was completely naked, I positioned my knee between her legs, resting my weight on her. She reached up and wrapped her fingers into my hair as she pulled me into her for a kiss. At first, it was slow and sensual, our mouths moving like the ebb and flow of a wave, giving a little, taking a little. But soon enough, my hands roamed her body, making their way down her back and eventually to her ass, pressing her heat into my thigh, and the intensity grew.

I reluctantly broke from her to find my shorts. I fumbled with my wallet until I found the condom I had placed there, returning to her in a flash. I tore the small package open with my teeth and then rolled the condom down my length. I loved that she watched me with lust in her eyes. It emboldened me to think that she wanted this as much as I did.

"So you knew this would happen, did you? You're certainly prepared," she said jokingly.

"Well, I had high hopes."

I positioned myself fully between her legs, as she spread them wide for me. The sight of her beneath me in this way almost made me come undone. She was so soft and beautiful.

I leaned down and kissed her, putting all that I had into it. Our bodies were flush against each other. I could feel every inch of her and my cock was right there. If I moved at all, I would be inside her.

I wanted her to know that this was about so much more than the physical act of sex. It was about trust and intimacy, and even though I hadn't worked up the nerve to tell her, it was about love.

I brushed her hair from her face and kissed her cheek and her ear, finally pushing forward and sliding into her.

She arched her back into me and moaned loudly as she clutched my back.

I pulled out almost all the way and pressed forward again, this time getting much deeper than before. She wrapped her legs around me and gripped me tight.

"Oh my God, Bella," I said breathlessly. "I'm inside you."

She sighed heavily as I set up a slow, but deliberate pace. "You feel so incredible. I've wanted this for so long, Edward."

Her voice was raspy and filled with lust.

It had been a while for me, but this was unlike anything I'd ever experienced. I was so wrapped up in her. I wanted to make her feel good. I wanted to get closer, though I knew it'd never be close enough.

Our bodies slid against each other, slick with sweat as we pushed and pulled, always needing more.

She pushed up on my chest, and I sat back slightly so I could see her. "Is everything okay?" I asked.

She nodded and smiled. "Yeah, I just want to be on top."

I loved that she took control, so I pulled out and lay down beside her, pulling her to straddle me. I reached down between us to position myself again, but was interrupted.

"Let me do it," she said softly.

_Yes ma'am._

She reached down and grabbed my cock with one hand, while the other rested on my chest. Slowly, she lifted herself up, positioning me, before she lowered back down, taking me all the way inside her. The different angle created a new sensation and we both moaned loudly. I was so deep.

"Oh fuck," I cried as she began to ride me, slowly at first, then faster and harder. My fingers gripped her hips, guiding her movements. She threw her head back and with each movement she made a new sound. Beautiful pants, and gasps, and moans driving me insane.

Her eyes were closed and her hands were on my chest, giving her the leverage she needed. I couldn't hold back any longer.

I flipped her over onto her back, needing to be in control. I spread her legs and thrust into her powerfully. She dug her nails into my back as I moved deliberately within her until I could feel myself losing it.

"I'm gonna come," I managed to say between pants. "So close."

She reached between us and began to rub herself, moaning as I continued to move in and out of her. It was the fucking sexiest thing I'd ever seen.

Her body began to tighten below me, and I could tell she was close. We grunted and moaned as our orgasms approached. I held off as long as I could until she screamed out my name in ecstasy. She looked so beautiful when she came that I couldn't last, and I spilled into her in waves.

I crashed on top of her as we both panted and tried to catch our breath. I wrapped my arms around her and held her, not moving, not wanting the moment to be over.

"There are no words," I whispered, kissing her forehead. "No words."

She rested her chin on my chest and gazed at me lovingly. "Perfect, it was perfect."

I wrapped my hands around the base of her neck, fisting her hair, as she turned her head and rested her cheek onto my chest.

"I can hear your heart beating," she said softly. "It's so strong and soothing."

We cleaned up and lay together for what felt like an hour, gently caressing one another before Bella finally sat up.

"As much as I'd like to lie here all night with you, I need a shower."

She swung her legs over the side of the bed and stood, looking over her shoulder. "Care to join me?"

She chuckled and shook her sexy ass as she walked into the bathroom and I couldn't help but follow. I'd waited so long to be with her, and I couldn't resist the temptation.

As the water rolled over our shoulders, I pulled her into me, holding her like I'd wanted to do so many times before. I'd dreamt about feeling her like this, and I wasn't ready for the moment to end.

After we dried off, I threw on my boxers and went to the kitchen to grab a glass of water while she finished getting ready. On my way back, I began to look around, noticing small details that I hadn't seen before. The windows along the back of the house where the dining room was opened up to a small and well maintained garden, complete with a fountain and Adirondack chairs. It looked very comforting.

I meandered through the dining room, noticing the décor and style. Bella clearly had very good taste. The living room was equally tasteful, with an entire wall of bookshelves and display shelves. I perused the titles, skimming them with my thumb until I stumbled upon a picture and froze.

It was Bella. In a wedding dress. With another man.

I wanted to believe that perhaps it was just old, that maybe there was a reason she hadn't told me about this, but deep down I knew that wasn't it. She had been hiding something from me in Guatemala, and now I knew what it was. I frantically scanned the room, and began to see signs that a man lived here. Or at least had lived here. There was a brown, leather recliner in the corner that looked oddly out of place, and on the side table was another picture of the man from the wedding photo.

My heart was racing as I walked back into Bella's room. I could hear the hair dryer going as my hand grasped the closet door, pulling it open.

There were men's clothes.

_What the fuck?_

I felt like throwing up. How could she have omitted something so huge? How could she let me make love to her in some other man's bed? He obviously wasn't here, but then where was he? Were they divorced? Separated? Why were his clothes still here?

I walked back into the living room and slumped into the recliner, clutching the wedding photo in my hands.

Bella emerged a few minutes later in a white bathrobe, brushing her hair. "I'll be ready in fifteen minutes," she said brightly until she saw me sitting.

Her face fell when she realized what I was holding.

_That's right. I know now._

She sucked in her breath and brought her hand to her mouth in shock.

I needed answers, so I didn't hold back. "Bella, where's your husband?"

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**A/N: Deep breath in- deep breath out. **

**Sorry for the cliffie, guys, but this was a logical time to cut this one off. It's going to take a little more time than I had for this one to be worked out. **

**I know I sound like a broken record, but please leave me a review. I'm not asking to stroke my ego, but I'm honestly looking for feedback. I view writing fanfiction as a way to improve my writing, and your comments go a long way with me. **

**Thanks to my peeps this week. They always help out no matter what they've got going on. They're like soldiers. I'd also like to extend thanks to Littlestar300 for the additional help. I appreciate it so much. **

**Thanks to dazzled_eyes and KatHat for the recs this week. It makes me warm and fuzzy inside. **

**Finally, in case you don't have me on author alert, I posted a one shot called Loving and Hating Jacob Black that was my entry for the Love Lost contest. It's a fun little story, so I hope you'll take a look. **


	14. Chapter 14 Reality

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.

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**Chapter 14: Reality**

**Bella**

I spaced out as I blew dry my hair, my mind occupied with the perfection of what Edward and I had just done. He was wonderful and attentive and so unbelievably sexy. I'd never had an experience like that. My emotions overpowered me as we made love, and I could tell that he felt the same way. It made me realize just how different this relationship was than any other.

Our relationship had started under intense circumstances, forming a lasting friendship. I realized it would serve as the foundation for so much more. I truly didn't want to hold anything back from him anymore, and the fact that he had come to Los Angeles strengthened my hope that we could make a relationship work.

I couldn't help the goofy smile that appeared on my face as I slipped on some panties and tied my robe. I was so happy. I knew that we needed to talk about what this all meant and how we would make this work but I wanted a chance to enjoy being with him in our little bubble for a while longer.

When I walked into the living room and saw Edward sitting there with my wedding picture in his hand, I gasped. It had been so long since I'd been here that I had forgotten that I even had those pictures around the house. I was still in such a bad place when I left that I hadn't bothered putting any of _his_ stuff away.

In an instant, a million thoughts flooded through my mind- things I should have said before I got wrapped up in all things Edward. I couldn't believe how stupid I'd been.

The look on Edward's face when he asked me about my husband was a cross between anger and hurt. We had just shared something so amazing, and I knew I needed to fix this. Immediately.

"Come sit with me," I said quietly, motioning to the couch.

"Bella, it's not a tough question. Where. Is. Your. Husband?" he ground out.

"Please, just let me explain." I held out my hand to him, but he didn't take it.

He stood, bringing the picture with him, setting it up on the coffee table. I glanced at it quickly, thinking how different my life was when it was taken. I wasn't the same person back then. I ran my finger over the photo as I contemplated what to say. Edward mistook the gesture for some sort of longing or affection.

"You know what? I gotta go. I want answers, but I think we should have this conversation another time.," Edward said, standing. He looked so angry. I'd only seen that look on his face one time, and that was after I went out with James.

I reached up and grabbed his arm to stop him. "No, it's not what you think. Please stay."

"Were you ever going to tell me that you were married? I think that's a fairly significant piece of information, don't you?"

He still wasn't sitting, and I knew he was torn between leaving and staying. "Please, Edward…It's not…"

"This is bullshit, Bella. How could you do this?"

"He's dead," I sighed, looking at my hands, which were in my lap playing nervously with the tie of my bathrobe.

"Dead?" Edward sat then, looking stunned. I couldn't bring myself to maintain eye contact or continue looking at his expression. I looked down and slowly nodded. He reached over and lifted my chin, and I saw so much compassion and some fear.

I should have told Edward when we were in Guatemala but I was trying to get out from under the cloud that had hung over me. Guatemala was my escape, and I didn't want to taint that world. I knew I would have to tell him once we were back in the states; once we settled back into our lives and it was clear we could make this work. I just thought I would have time. I never thought he'd find out this way.

The tears started forming in my eyes when I saw the pained expression on Edward's face. There was still a chance that I could fix this, and I had to try.

"His name was Jacob," I began, wiping the tears from my eyes. "We were young and naïve when we met. We should never have been married. Things were fine at first, but then the stresses of my schooling and residency began to wear on him. We had a big fight one night, and he told me he was leaving me. It was horrible. He left, and a little while later a cop showed up at my house telling me he'd died in a car accident. I had to identify his body." I was trying to hold it together. This discussion was painful, but I also felt like a weight was being lifted. Like a burden lifted and the wall between us began to crumble.

"I'm so sorry. That must have been awful," he said, grabbing my hand and giving it a squeeze. "But why didn't you ever tell me? You had so many opportunities. This is big. It explains a lot, and you kept it from me."

"I wanted to tell you, so many times, but I was so humiliated about it. It was my fault. I could see how resentful Jacob was every time he looked at me. I drove him away. Jacob's dead because I was a shitty wife, and I didn't want you to think badly of me.

"Guatemala felt like a different world. Once we started spending so much time together, I came to need you so much. It seems selfish now, I know. I held so much back, but I wanted to be certain that I was ready for this. I didn't want us to end before we even had a chance to make it work in the real world."

I still couldn't look at him. I knew the shame was all over my face.

"Bella, it doesn't change the way I feel about you. I don't think you should blame yourself for his death, and it upsets me that you do. I'm sorry that you still feel guilty about it, but you should have told me."

"I know. I wanted to and almost did so many times. I was definitely going to tell you once we were back. I'm so sorry. Can you forgive me?"

He didn't say anything for a minute or so. "I knew there were things you weren't telling me, and I never pushed you because I wanted to wait until you were ready. Are you sure you're okay to talk about this now? Can you tell me when this happened?" he asked, leaning down to catch my eyes so I'd look at him.

"September of last year. Shortly after that, I signed up with WFP. I couldn't stand being here. As you can see, I didn't even get rid of his stuff. I wasn't coping all that well."

"So that's why you pushed me away for so long?" He pursed his lips and nodded, running his hands through his hair. "You were still mourning your loss. You were thinking about him."

"I was devastated when he told me it was over. It's not in my nature to fail. The writing had been on the wall. I see that now. Jacob and I were too young and there were too many things that didn't work with us. The last words that we spoke to each other were filled with vitriol. The look in his eyes will forever be burned into my memory- the resentment, the hurt, the contempt. It took me a long time to get over that, and I will always feel responsible for his death. Always."

I was still having a hard time looking him in the eye and seeing the pained expression, so I waited for him to fill the silence.

"I remembered thinking, maybe the reason you were so upset when I kissed you that night at El Fandango was because you were hoping I was someone else. I wondered if you closed your eyes and pictured someone else's face; that I wasn't the person you really wanted. I didn't want to believe it then, but now I'm sort of thinking that was true."

I didn't want Edward doubting the sincerity of my feelings for him. He wasn't some sort of rebound or distraction.

I reached out to touch him, but he flinched, so I pulled my hands back. "No, it wasn't like that. When I met you, I felt like there was a real chance at happiness and it scared the shit out of me. What if you didn't feel the same way? What if we left Guatemala and you didn't want me? And then there was the whole work issue. Edward, my work was all I had. I had been stripped of everything meaningful, except that. I didn't want to seem unprofessional. I didn't want to lose the one thing I could still be proud of. I was so scared of getting hurt again. I was so scared of losing you and rejection. I didn't think I could bear it. Can you understand?"

"I suppose I can. I knew when I came here that we would need to talk. I'm not naïve. I knew that we'd have a lot to work through. I came here because I needed to see if this is still something you want. We need to discuss some issues around our distance, among other things, but I need to know if there is anything else you're keeping from me. I have to trust you to be honest with me."

I hated that he doubted me, but I knew that I had betrayed his trust, so it was hard for me to blame him. I needed him to understand that I was being truthful and that I'd be truthful with him going forward.

"I'm not keeping anything from you. I understand why you might not believe me but it's the truth. I know I should have told you. Believe me, I wanted to. So badly. I didn't think that we were in the right place to begin a relationship, but then we became friends and grew closer. I was ashamed of my past. But I knew if we were going to try and have a relationship that you needed to know everything. I planned to tell you once we were back. I wanted us to work."

He cupped my face in his hands and looked at me intensely, carefully contemplating his words. "I need to ask you something, and I want you to be a hundred percent honest with me."

I nodded and put my hands over his on my cheeks. "I promise."

"Are we gonna work? Is this real? Is this what you want? Because I'm really invested and if this is just a way for you to get over your husband, I need to know. Please, if you ever cared about me, be honest with me now."

I wanted to beg him to stay with me and never leave. I wanted to tell him that I was hopelessly in love with him but I couldn't. Not right after just found out about Jacob. He might not believe me even if I did. I wanted him to know that I was committed to this and how much he meant to me.

"Meeting you has been the best thing that's ever happened to me." I pulled his hands down and clutched them in my lap, imploring him with my eyes to believe me. "I'm with you because of you, not what happened to Jacob. I did a lot of healing while I was in Guatemala, before and after I met you, and I'm ready for this if you are."

He pulled me into the tightest hug and sighed loudly. "That's all I needed to hear. I'm not going to pretend that this hasn't hurt me, but I'm sorry I jumped to conclusions."

"No, this was my fault. I'm so sorry. I should have told you back in Guatemala. Can you forgive me?"

"Yes, I can. I do wish you would have told me before, but I can forgive you. I believe in us, Bella and I'll do whatever it takes to make you believe in me."

"I do believe in you, Edward. I trust you, and I believe that we can work everything out," I told him.

"Well, I'm glad to hear that because being with me isn't going to be easy. We're on different coasts. I travel a lot for work. If I'm doing promotions, I'll barely have time to breathe. I've never had much success with relationships before and a big reason for that is my crazy lifestyle. But I'll do whatever I can to be here for you. And I want you to come to New York as soon as possible so you can see my life there. I feel like you know me better than anyone, but I want you to know all of me."

"I'd like that," I responded and smiled at him warmly.

"I hate the attention that goes along with fame and it's something I constantly have to consider if I want to maintain my privacy. There's a good chance you'll get unwanted attention, too, from dating me. In some ways it's selfish for me to even ask you to wait for me, but I can't stand the thought of being without you, Bella. You are my life now."

My heart skipped. Hearing Edward say he could forgive me and would do whatever it takes to make this work was all that I needed to hear in that moment.

"I feel the same way. I've missed you so much. I know I'm going to go crazy without you. But what we have isn't something you find every day. It's worth fighting for," I assured him.

He kissed my temple, then my cheeks and my mouth sweetly and wrapped me in his strong arms. We rocked together for a few minutes before he finally stood.

"Come on, let's get you dressed so we can get you some dinner," he said as he held his hand out to me. I stood, tightening my robe and walked into the bedroom, with Edward on my heels. With the conversation I had dreaded since I'd met him behind me, I finally felt like we could just concentrate on us.

We got dressed and made the bed. It felt so domestic and completely surreal. I thought back to the horrible mudslides and the deplorable conditions in San Pedro. I remembered how dirty and tired we were those few weeks. Yet here we were, in the safety of my home, fluffing pillows together. It was an incredible departure from where and how we met.

"So, what should we do for dinner?" he asked, replacing the newly fluffed throw pillows as I did the same from the other side of the bed.

Just then my stomach growled. I had been so wrapped up in Edward that I hadn't even thought about food but I needed to eat. Obviously, I had nothing in the house.

"Well, you've kept me quite occupied since I got home," I said with a smirk, recalling our fantastic time together. "I haven't had a chance to think about it. Do you want to go out? There's a great Mexican place not too far from here."

He scowled and I immediately chimed in. "We don't have to go if you don't want to. There are plenty of other places."

"It's not that," he said with a sigh. "I just don't want to deal with photographers or gossip. Not tonight. Unfortunately, that's the norm when you spend time with me, and these are my usual considerations- especially around L.A."

I hadn't even thought about that. It was weird to think of him as someone famous. He was just my Edward in Guatemala. I walked around the bed, throwing my arms around his neck. "Then how about we stay in, and you can show off your culinary skills? You've got a reputation to uphold, you know?"

His demeanor relaxed, and a sweet smile graced his face. "You're on."

Edward made a few calls and within the hour, a car was dropped off for us.

"Wow, that's service," I said, peeking out the window at the guy parking the car. "Do you always get what you want?"

He came up behind me and slid his arms around my waist as he kissed my neck. "Yep, it's one of the perks."

I laughed as his hair tickled me. Perks, indeed.

We strolled through the grocery store, picking out staples for my house as well as items for our meal. I could tell he was self-conscious as people noticed him. Thankfully, no one approached us but there were whispers and stares as people tried to figure out how they knew him. I noticed someone taking a picture with their phone. It was strange that people recognized him. He took it in stride, even though I knew he hated the attention.

Edward was going to make me pork tenderloin with potatoes and sautéed vegetables. I had to admit, the fact that he could cook was a huge turn-on. Was there anything he couldn't do?

We got in line behind an older woman as the checker meticulously scanned each of her seemingly endless coupons. I always seemed to get in the longest line, and my impatience was kicking in.

"Hey, I forgot to get butter. I keep forgetting that you don't even have the basics at your place. I'll be right back," Edward said as he finished unloading the food from the cart.

I shrugged my shoulders innocently. I'd been gone a year, but even before that, I was rarely home to cook and had no one to cook for. It was depressing.

My eyes scanned the magazines like I always did when I was waiting in line. Usually I went for the Time magazine or Sunset, but my eyes were drawn to a tabloid.

I grabbed it from the rack in disbelief, gaping as Edward's face stared back at me. It couldn't be him, could it?

But it was him and the longer I looked, the more upset I got.

Edward looked so handsome dressed in a tuxedo and had his arm around a blond woman, descending some stairs. The caption read "Edward Cullen and Tanya Denali- On Again?"

Tanya Denali? The actress?

I flipped through the pages and found the story. It wasn't long, just a few snapshots, but it was enough. In one picture he had his arm around her waist, and she had her arms around his neck. They looked like they were talking and having fun. I couldn't see her face because it was taken at night, but I knew that she was very beautiful.

_Of course she's beautiful. She's a famous actress. _

What was even more concerning to me was the date of the pictures. According to the caption, they were leaving a fundraiser at the Met on August 15. I read and re-read the caption several times. Was he hooking up with her while I was still in Guatemala?

I fought back tears as I saw Edward approach. He smiled at me, until he saw what I was holding.

His eyes glanced down at the pages as the tears welled up in my eyes. I closed the magazine, and tried to replace it in the rack, but Edward grabbed it before I could get it completely in. He looked at the cover and shook his head, then flipped to the page with the story.

I wiped the tear that had fallen from my eye as I turned away from him. I didn't want him to see the humiliation on my face, especially not in the middle of the grocery store.

"Bella," he sighed, "this isn't what it looks like."

I nodded my head and sniffled. "I'm sure it isn't."

But I didn't believe it. They looked pretty happy to me.

"We'll talk once we're done here, okay?" he asked quietly, obviously wanting to avoid a scene just as much as I did.

While we checked out, Edward gave me apologetic glances, but I couldn't look at him.

I scurried out to the car, pushing the cart and trying to stay busy. I thought I knew what it meant to be with him. I thought I had prepared myself for the fact that things would be different for us here. But I had no idea how hard it would actually be. I knew his life was crazy, but seeing him on the cover of a magazine with someone else, wasn't something I had prepared myself for. My naiveté was glaring.

Once the groceries were loaded and we were both seated in the car, Edward turned to face me.

"She was drunk, Bella," he said, the worry evident in his voice. "I was helping her home. That's it."

I finally willed myself to look at him, and he seemed sincere.

"But you guys dated. The magazine said that you guys were cozied up at the bar all night and left together."

He ran his hands through his hair and sighed audibly. "The tabloids print whatever the fuck they want, whether or not it's true. Let me tell you what really happened. I was at the bar with colleagues when she came up to me. I didn't even want to go to the damn party, but Victoria insisted that I be there. Tanya and I have somewhat of a history, and she thought that there might still be something there. She was wasted…"

"So, she hit on you," I interrupted. "That's just great. Tanya Fucking Denali hit on you."

I felt horribly insecure, and I hated it. It brought out all the ugliness in me. I trusted Edward. I did. But I was half a world away at the time, and he was here looking all dashing in his tuxedo while bombshell actresses propositioned him. I had no real way of knowing what actually happened, and how could I possibly compete with Tanya Denali?

"Bella, look at me," Edward said, lifting my chin with his thumb. "I turned her down. I don't want her. I don't want anyone but you. All I've thought about since I got back was you. She was stumbling and grabby, though, and I was concerned about her making a scene. I didn't want any part of that, so I offered to help her get home. I swear, all I did was see that she got home. That's it. I didn't want to be an asshole."

I grabbed his hand and played with his fingers, not wanting him to see my insecurity and petty jealousy coming to the surface, even though it was a bit too late for that. It was so like Edward to put his own feelings aside to help other people. His explanation didn't sound far-fetched.

I sucked up my insecurities and went with my gut. "I trust you. I'm sorry I flipped out; I'm just not used to all this."

"Hey, I'm barely used to it myself. I wish we didn't have to deal with any of it."

"How do you handle it? Does it bug you that they print that crap?"

"I don't have a choice anymore. I have to shake it off. Like I said earlier, I'm more worried about how this will affect you. It won't be the last time you come across a story like that, Bella. I mean, anytime I'm seen in public with someone, man or woman, it's a risk that someone will print that we're dating. That's why I didn't want to go out tonight. It's not that I don't want everyone to know we're together, but I'm not sure you're ready for the attention that comes along with dating someone like me."

We drove home in relative silence. Even though I believed wholeheartedly that it was innocent, the images wouldn't leave my mind. I felt sorry for him that he had to endure this every day, that his life was dissected for all to see. I longed for the seclusion of Guatemala; where we could just be us and all these other things didn't matter, not only for my sake but also for his.

I didn't want strangers taking my pictures in the grocery store. I didn't want women throwing themselves at the man I loved. I wanted my privacy. I recalled on of our earliest conversations in Guatemala. He told me that he went there for anonymity. At the time, it seemed strange that he would have to do something so extreme, but I was starting to understand it now. Would it always be like this? Could I handle it if it was?

I didn't want to let that line of thinking continue, but I couldn't help it. I wanted to be with Edward. I wanted things to work out for us. But was I just being blinded by my feelings for him? This wasn't Guatemala; things were complicated here. I seriously worried that loving him wouldn't be enough. Were our lives just too different?

I felt his hand on my leg, and I pushed those thoughts from my mind.

"Are you okay, Bella?" he asked, his gaze moving between me and the road.

"I'm fine," I lied. "I was just surprised about the pictures. That's all."

"It won't be the last time my photo is taken or lies are printed. They're relentless, I'm afraid."

"I'll be alright."

"Will you? Because what happened back there was my worst nightmare. I can't tell you how much I've worried about it."

"It's okay, really. It'll take some getting used to, but I'll be fine."

We got home, and I pushed away all my negative thoughts. Edward surprised me by coming to LA. He was in my home, cooking me dinner, and that made me incredibly happy. I sat at the bar on the opposite side of the kitchen counter as Edward prepared one of the best meals I'd ever had. And he did it just for me. He lit candles, and we had wine. It was wonderful. I still couldn't get over the fact that he was here, in my house.

After dinner, we sat outside on the patio and talked until I was exhausted. I didn't want the night to end, but all the travel had worn me out.

I dragged him through the house to the bedroom. We both stripped down to our underwear and climbed into bed. He pulled me into him and kissed me slowly but passionately. Small, whisper-like moans escaped me as his hands moved on my body.

Suddenly, I wasn't as tired as I previously thought.

"Let me make love to you," he whispered in my ear.

I melted.

_How does he do that?_

And so I let him. With each touch and movement, I felt loved and cherished. His kisses made my stomach flip as he moved with me, inside me, I forgot about everything else. It was just us and, for this brief moment in time, that was enough. I was home, and we were real.

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**A/N: I promised that I wouldn't let this get cliche. They talked like mature adults. What a concept, huh? Now everything is out in the open. But wanting things to work and making them work are two different things. **

**Thanks to my betas, scsquared and TwiHeart for all the help this chapter. I was really nervous about this one, and they both listened to me and made huge contributions! Also, my pre-readers- Sunfeathers, ellierk, and Dana1779 constantly reassure me that all is OK. Thanks! **

**Don't forget to leave me a review! I read and respond to every one!**


	15. Chapter 15 Distance

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.

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**Chapter 15: Distance**

**Edward**

"Mmm, I wish you didn't have to go," Bella hummed as I kissed her shoulder.

"I know. This is too nice to leave." I continued to kiss up her shoulder to her neck.

We had spent the remainder of my visit laying low. We walked on the beach, made dinner and just hung out. Aside from the pristine setting, it felt very much like it had each night in Guatemala. There were no distractions. It was just the two of us and it felt wonderful.

The reality of our lives, though, was hard to escape. She had a home here, and was planning on getting her job back at the Children's Hospital. I lived in New York and constantly had a job to do. New York was the hub of my publishing and promotion work. I knew I wanted to be with her, but the logistics seemed daunting.

The pained look on her face when she saw the tabloid pictures of Tanya and me spoke volumes. Unfortunately that was the way my life was, and I hoped that she'd be confident enough in us to put up with it. I should have known that those pictures would surface and bite me in the ass.

Damn drunk Tanya.

"Hey," Bella said, giving me a nudge. "Is something wrong?"

I shook my head, pulled from my thoughts. "No, just thinking about what's going to happen after today."

She rolled over and faced me, and I pulled her into my body.

"I don't know, Edward. That's the truth. But, I do know that you're stuck with me."

I kissed her gently. "Sounds perfect."

We rolled around for a few minutes, but it was getting late and I needed to get to the airport. We reluctantly got dressed and headed out to my rental car.

The drive to the airport was somber. She held my hand and squeezed it gently, talking about mundane details of the upcoming month, anything to avoid having to face goodbye again.

"So, when are you going back to work?" I asked.

"I'm going to call my old boss tomorrow. He was very understanding when I left and told me that it'd be no problem to get me a position when I came home. I'm hoping that offer still stands. It's really hard to start over in my field and it really helps to have an in."

I was happy for her and genuinely wanted her to be successful. I'd seen how wonderful she was with her patients and it was truly her calling. Even though I desperately wanted to ask her to come live with me in New York, I knew it wasn't the right time. She hadn't even been back a week yet. We hadn't even established what our relationship was. I didn't think either one of us was interested in seeing anyone else, but nothing had been established beyond that.

In addition, based on her reaction to the tabloid pictures, I worried about how she'd deal with the reality of my life. I didn't want her to be hassled like I was. I wanted us to be like any other normal couple, but I knew that wasn't possible. For now we'd have to settle for cross-country trips.

We arrived at the rental car return and the reality of our situation began to set in. It nearly killed me to leave her on the docks in Guatemala, how would I do it again?

After taking the shuttle to the terminal and checking in, it was time for goodbye. I pulled us to a row of seats off to the side in case any paparazzi were there. I didn't want our last moments tainted by those cock roaches.

I dropped my backpack and pulled her into a hug.

"I'm so glad I got to see you, Bella," I said into her ear as I gave her a quick kiss. "I'm glad you're home."

She squeezed me even tighter, and I knew she was crying by her breathing. "I can't let you go, again," she whispered.

"It's not goodbye, baby." I gripped her hair tightly, her words holding true for me as well.

"I know, it's just…it's been so hard without you." She was looking at me now with the saddest look on her face.

I reached over and wiped the tears from her eyes. "It was the same for me. But you're home now, and we can talk all the time. I'll come out again really soon. I'll clear my schedule. I promise, Bella, we'll make this work."

She nodded but didn't say anything. It broke my heart to see her sad. I held her as she cried on my shoulder, clutching my shirt as though I might vanish into thin air.

"I'm going to miss you," she said softly, finally pulling back to look at me. "Call me when you land?"

"Of course, baby," I replied, nodding as I ran my thumb over her cheek. I leaned in and kissed her, slowly at first, then more desperate. I didn't care who saw us. I just needed her to know how much I cared for her. I needed that kiss to say all the things I wanted to say but couldn't.

"You'd better get going," she said, resting her forehead against mine. "The security line is getting pretty long."

I glanced over to my right and noticed that the line had indeed gotten long. I had to leave.

We both stood, and I gave her a tight squeeze and another kiss. "I'll call you as soon as I land."

"Yeah."

Our hands were the last thing to break as I slowly walked to the security screening. I looked over my shoulder as she walked away from me, her gaze looking back as well.

The plane ride was miserable, and I drank far too many of those little liquor bottles than I should have. I needed the numbness, though. I needed to forget that I'd left Bella behind again.

As soon as we landed, I pulled out my phone and waited impatiently for it to turn on. There was a text waiting for me and I smiled.

_At home now. It's empty without you. It's just not right. ~B_

_Just landed. Miss you already.~E_

My phone beeped only a few minutes later.

_Glad you made it ok. Call me once you're home? I want to hear your voice. ~B_

_It's a date. ~E_

I understood what Bella meant about things not being right when I arrived back at my place. My apartment seemed colder and emptier than it had only a few days earlier. I wanted her here. She'd turn these cold, harsh walls into a warm and inviting home.

My phone rang only a few minutes later. I got excited, thinking that maybe Bella was calling, but a glance at the screen killed that hope.

"Hi Victoria," I said as I answered. Couldn't she at least give me a few minutes to unpack?

"So, you made it back?" she asked, a hint of aggravation in her voice.

"Yeah, I'm back. Thanks for giving me time to get settled before you jumped all over me."

"Oh, you wish I'd jump you," she said sarcastically.

I hated it when she pulled this flirty crap with me. It was unprofessional and she knew damn well that I had no interest in her.

"Whatever, Victoria. To what do I owe the pleasure of this call?"

"I'm sending over your schedule for the next week. I need you to be in top form and pretty as ever, so be sure to get plenty of rest."

_I hate this shit._

"What am I? Ten? I feel like I'm being scolded by my mommy."

"I can be your mommy if you want, Edward."

More flirting.

"Just stop, Victoria. I'll check my Inbox and call you if I have any questions, okay?"

"God, you're touchy," she huffed.

"I'll talk to you later, okay?"

The last thing I wanted to do was listen to Victoria flirt while bossing me around.

I grabbed a beer and went into my room, pulling off my clothes as I went. I didn't care that I was making a mess. I found my pajama pants in my suitcase and slid into bed. The sheets were cold and caused me to shiver. It felt sterile and cavernous.

My thoughts immediately went to Bella and how soft and warm she felt as she slept next to me. It didn't seem possible that it was less than 24 hours ago.

I sipped my beer and slid down under the covers as I dialed Bella's number.

"Hello?" The sound of her voice made me feel close to her.

"Bella, it's me," I said with a sigh.

We talked into the night and it eased my anxiety about being so far away from her. At least we had this. If I couldn't hold her and make love to her, at least I could hear her voice. I almost fell asleep several times, but I wanted to stay awake. I wanted to have her near me, and I knew that when I hung up, she'd be gone and I'd be alone again.

I wasn't sure what time our conversation ended, but I was extremely tired the next morning. I padded to the kitchen to make a pot of coffee while I scanned the schedule Victoria had sent over the night before.

_Is she crazy? _

I had back to back appointments and interviews all week. I was happy that people enjoyed my books, but many of the appointments weren't even about that. It was about me, not the books and that annoyed me. People wanted to grill me about Tanya Denali and if we were a couple. I'd become more famous just because I was famous. Why the hell were people so interested anyway?

In between all the chaos of the next few days, I managed to talk to Bella every day. She sent me texts to let me know the little things that I was missing, and we talked each night before I went to bed. I wished I could be there instead of here. As much as I loved hearing from her, it made me miss her even more.

I was exhausted from the ridiculous schedule Victoria had me keeping. Every muscle in my body was fatigued. Tonight, I'd gone out to dinner with my publisher and a few of his friends. During dinner a herd of young girls approached the table, embarrassing me completely. Everyone at my table, and most of the neighboring tables, watched while I took pictures with each girl and signed autographs. It wasn't the fans so much, as they were usually nice people, it was the fact that they really had no idea who I was and they didn't care. They wanted the public Edward Cullen, and most days, I didn't even know who that was. I hadn't even wanted to come out to dinner, so to be stared at and ogled made me feel like I was in a zoo on display.

I fell onto my couch with a thud, so thankful to be home at last, and almost fell asleep right then. My feet ached, and I rubbed them as I took off my shoes. I made my way to the bedroom and flopped onto my bed. What was the point of all this when I didn't have Bella?

I pulled the phone out of my pocket and dialed her number, thankful for the three hour time difference, which made it a reasonable time to call.

"Hi baby," I said, my voice sounding more than a little inebriated.

I heard her sigh into the phone. "Hi there."

I told her about the details of my day, while she recounted hers. Our routine was comfortable, but I wanted more.

"So, I got my job back," she said after a while. "I start next week."

"That's great," I lied.

"Yeah, I'm excited. I worked with a great group of doctors- some of the best in the country. Oh, and that's not all. I can't believe I almost forgot to tell you. Some of the research my team did last year before I left is being recognized by the American Pediatric Association. They're having an awards banquet to honor our work, among other projects. It's a pretty big deal."

I was so proud of Bella. "That's fantastic!"

"I'm not just telling you to brag, although I'm pretty amazed and honored to be recognized. I'd like you to be my date."

"Your date, huh?" I said playfully. "I guess I could swing it. You know, free dinner and all that. When is it?"

"Next month. I'll forward you the invite with the details. I've invited the WFP gang, too. It's be fun to see them."

"A whole month, huh?" I asked, wishing it was next week.

"I know. I wish it was sooner. I can't wait to see you in a tuxedo for real. You know, without your last accessory, drunk Denali. So last season."

Her voice was sarcastic, and I was glad that we could laugh about the whole situation now.

"And what will you be wearing?" I said seductively. I was picturing her in a sexy dress and my body was reacting very well.

"Something slinky and sexy. Maybe something low cut. You'll just have to come and see for yourself."

I loved this playful side of her and so did my dick.

"God, Bella," I said, my voice getting huskier by the minute. "Don't tempt me."

"But I like tempting you." Bella's voice lowered and took on a much more sultry tone. We were no longer discussing cocktail parties. "How else can I keep you on your toes?

I slid lower in my bed and made myself comfortable. I liked where this conversation was headed.

"Tell me," I ordered.

"Tell you what?" she asked demurely.

"Tell me how you'd tempt me."

"Hmmm…let me see," she said softly. I could tell by the tone in her voice that she was smiling. "If I were there with you? How would I tempt you?"

She liked where this was headed, too. I loved how spontaneous she was being.

"Mmm…hmm." My hand slid down my body to the waistband of my pajamas. I felt a little perverted doing this with her on the phone, but I couldn't help myself. My body reacted to her, and I was powerless to stop it.

"Let's see. You'd be lying on the bed with one hand behind your head. We'd have just come home from some fancy event so you'd loosen your tie, while I stood at the end of the bed and kicked off my shoes."

"Go on."

"I'd turn so that my back faced you and slowly lower the zipper of my dress, pulling it off my shoulders, and then down and over my hips. Of course, I'd be wearing a lacy strapless bra and matching panties, just to make sure you stayed interested. I'd casually look over my shoulder to make sure you were watching my every move."

"Oh, I'd be watching. You're fucking sexy as hell, Bella." I reached over to my nightstand, careful not to let the phone drop and grabbed some lotion from the top drawer, squirting it into my hand. My hand moved over my abdomen again and gripped my cock, which was now hard enough to cut glass.

She chuckled a little, and I could practically see her blush. "So anyway, I'd bend over and kick out of the dress just to give you a little show. Then I'd turn around and crawl slowly up the bed on all fours."

_Oh fuck. _

Hearing her talk like this was a huge fucking turn on, and I wanted her to feel good.

"Bella?" I asked, still maintaining my movements up and down my cock.

"Yeah?"

"Are you touching yourself?" I had to know. God, how I hoped the answer was 'yes'.

"Mmm, I wish you were here. I'm so wet for you," she hummed. "Know how I know?"

"How?" I really liked where this was going.

"Because I'm naked on my bed and my fingers are doing the job that yours should be doing."

_Fuck me._

"Would you like me to tell you what I'd do to you if you were crawling up my bed in your bra and panties?"

She sighed and I almost came right then. "Tell me," she said breathily. I could tell that she was getting aroused and that just made me pump myself faster.

"I'd pull you to straddle me," I said with a small grunt. I could feel myself getting close, but I wanted this to last. "I'd quickly get rid of your bra. Your tits are too perfect to be hidden. They fit perfectly in my hands and I'd run my thumbs over your nipples and watch with rapt attention as they perked up on command. God, your tits, Bella. Fuck."

By this point, I could hear her shallow breaths on the other end of the line and mine were equally strained.

"I want your hands on me, Edward," she moaned.

"I'd have to get rid of your panties, so I'd roll you over so you were underneath me. I'd move my hand down your side, over your hip and slowly lower your panties until you kicked them off. My fingers would seek out your warmth and slide perfectly inside you. I can feel you, Bella. You're so warm and soft. I want to be inside you."

Fuck, this was getting hard to hold off, but I wanted to make Bella come. She'd put herself out there, and I wanted to finish the deal.

"I want that, too," she sighed as a small moan escaped her mouth.

_Jesus Fucking Christ._

"I'd climb on top of you and you'd wrap your long legs around me as I pushed into you, filling you. Oh fuck, Bella, you feel so good. There'd be nothing in between us. No condom. Just you and me."

My hips were thrusting up into my hand, and I was trying to stave off my orgasm.

"I'd be so deep as I thrust in you. I'd move my hips so that I hit that place inside you that makes you scream as you come all over my cock, squeezing and pulsing. Oh shit…"

"Oh God…I can feel…oh"

The sound of Bella coming pushed me over the edge, and I thrust violently up into my hand, spilling onto my stomach in warm spurts.

We both sat on the phone panting for a few moments. My dick twitched as it softened and my whole body went limp.

"Bella…"

"I don't…that was…I just…I can…" She was rambling in between pants. I fucking loved the sound of it.

"I can feel you." It was the best way to describe what I was feeling.

There was a brief pause on the other end of the line. I grabbed a towel and covered up as I listened to her collect herself on the other end of the line. At one point, I thought our connection had failed, but I could faintly hear movement in the background.

"Are you there, baby?" I asked.

"Yeah, I'm here. Wow." It was all I could say.

We talked for a few more minutes, but between the lateness of the hour and the physical exertion, I was fading fast.

All night, I couldn't stop thinking about our call and how sexy she was. She constantly surprised me. The next morning, I was understandably exhausted. I checked my watch repeatedly throughout the morning until it was a reasonable hour to call Bella. I just wanted to hear her voice. It would help me get through the day.

I leaned on my kitchen counter and dialed her number. The phone rang a few times until she answered, and I felt myself exhale. She calmed me.

"What are you up to?" I asked tentatively. It had only been a few hours since we'd talked.

"I'm just getting up. I had a hard time falling asleep. Someone gave me some pretty good things to think about."

I smiled. "I've never done anything like that before," I confessed.

"Me either, but I'm glad it was with you." Her voice was soft and sweet, the sincerity in it evident.

"I want to do everything with you."

"I love you," I heard her tiny voice say. It was spoken so softly that it sounded like she might be crying.

I wanted to believe that she'd said it; that it wasn't just a figment of my imagination.

"What was that, baby?" I wanted to hear it again.

"I love you, Edward. With everything I have."

That was it for me. That was all I ever needed. I'd loved her since Guatemala and was too scared to tell her, but none of that mattered now. The fame and all the bullshit that came with it didn't matter. All that mattered to me was that this amazing woman loved me like I loved her. I silently thanked the Gods for giving me such an incredible gift.

I was pulled from my high by the sound of her voice. "You don't have to say anything. I just wanted you to know. I learned the hard way that keeping things inside can lead to…dire consequences. I didn't tell you so that you you'd say it back. I'm sorry…I shouldn't have told you like this…"

"Bella, may I say something?" I interrupted. She sounded so nervous and worried, and I needed to put her mind at ease.

"Yeah?" Her voice was almost a squeak.

"I love you, too. I love you so much that it hurts at times. It scares the crap out of me. I don't know what the hell I'm doing, but I know that I love you."

I could hear her voice hitch and a small sob on the other end of the phone.

I ran my hand through my hair and walked into the living room toward the window, gazing out at the city. I needed her to understand exactly what I was thinking. "Bella, I wasn't expecting to meet someone like you. My whole life is filled with fake people. Most of the time I don't even feel like it's my life I'm living. But you make everything worthwhile. I've never felt like this about anyone, and I know our situation is difficult, but I have faith in us."

She sniffled and cleared her throat before speaking again. "Believe me, this is the last thing I expected," she said with a small chuckle. "I keep thinking the other shoe's gonna drop; that I'll wake up and it'll all have been a dream."

I rested my forehead against the window. "I feel the same way. All the time. Hell, even back when we were in Guatemala I felt like that."

"Things were easier then. It was easy to be with you. Sometimes I wish we never left, you know? This is so hard. I don't want to be skeptical, but you're so far away and have such a different life. Can this really work or are we kidding ourselves?"

I felt the air leave my lungs in a panic. I couldn't stand the thought of not having her in my life.

"Please don't say things like that, Bella. I love you and you said you love me, too…"

"I do love you," she interrupted.

"Just don't give up on us. Give me some time and, I promise, I'll work this out."

"I'm not giving up on us. I live just to hear your voice. I just didn't expect it to be this hard. I want to feel your hands on me and wake up with you next to me. I don't think I really thought it through. This house seems empty and cold."

Boy, could I relate. "I know what you mean. Mine feels the same way."

"Well, at least we'll see each other next month for the benefit, right?" I could hear the fake enthusiasm in her voice.

"I'll be there. I wouldn't miss it. And I'm so proud of you, Bella."

"Thanks. That really means a lot."

"I should let you go so you can get up. I just wanted to hear your voice."

"Uh…thanks for…um…indulging me last night. I wish it was you for real, but that was pretty nice, too. Who knew you had such an active imagination," she said, sounding embarrassed by our activities of the night before.

"Yeah…that was…interesting." How else could I describe it?

"That was quite hot, I must say. You always surprise me, you know that?"

"I try."

"I should go, Edward, but will I talk to you later?"

"Of course."

"I love you. It feels good to be able to say that now."

"It feels good to hear it. And I love you, too. I'll call you later."

We said our goodbyes and despite my busy schedule, she was the only thing on my mind.

She loved me.

She loved me and yet she was worried that things were too complicated.

What if love wasn't enough?

Fuck.

I had to figure this out.

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**A/N: This chapter was brutal for me to write. BRUTAL. I had writer's block for two weeks straight. So, your reviews would go a long way to making me feel better! I'm being totally serious, BTW. **

**So, they finally said ILY. Now, what will they do with that knowledge?**

**Thanks to my peeps- TwiHeart, scsquared, Sunfeathers, Dana1779, and ellierk. I appreciate your help so much. Also, thanks to Littlestar300 for calming my nerves. **

**Exciting News****: It looks like I'm going to be a Fictionator for the month, so let me know if you've got some undiscovered gems just waiting to be pimped. Also, come on by and check out the recs. I'll be writing some reviews and there'll be some good stuff! Link is in my profile.**

**Finally, please vote for my awesome pre-reader Sunfeathers in the Fandom Awards. She's been such a great reader and friend to me. You have no idea how much she's helped me and pimped out my stuff. She's awesome and deserves to win. The link is in my profile! **


	16. Chapter 16 New York

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.**

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**Chapter 16: New York**

**Bella**

After my invigorating and somewhat ground-breaking phone call with Edward ended, I walked into the kitchen and grabbed a glass of wine. I couldn't believe I'd let my feelings slip on the phone like that. I hadn't meant to tell him, even though I'd known without a doubt that I was in love with him since I watched him pull away on the docks in Guatemala. It wasn't that I was trying to hide my feelings, it was just that I felt like we were starting over in a way. We had enough on our plates without trying to put too many definitions on the status of our relationship. But to hear him say it back to me? I was on cloud nine.

Then there was the phone sex. Holy crap! I'd never done anything like that before, and I quite enjoyed it. I had to hand it to Edward, he wasn't boring. The whole conversation replayed over and over in my head, and I couldn't help the Cheshire cat grin that covered my face.

I leaned against the counter as I took a sip and realized I was surrounded by complete silence. I hadn't heard silence like that years. In Guatemala, there was the sound of the bugs. Or Edward. I missed his sounds, even the snoring that kept me awake. I missed his warmth and his smile. I was typically not a person who enjoyed a lot of alone time, and the silence around me made me think- a little too much. It was deafening and overpowering. I needed noise. I needed company. I needed anything to take my mind off the fact that I was alone.

I grabbed my glass of wine and made my way into my bedroom. It was time to let go of my past and move on, and that started with getting rid of Jake's things. Having Edward find them was an absolute nightmare, and I could see why he was hurt by it. I wanted them gone. I wanted to let go of my guilt and shame and concentrate on my future with Edward.

Once everything was packed away, I walked outside onto the patio and sat in one of the chairs. The crisp air was invigorating, but I still felt lonely. I wanted to call Rosalie or Kate, but it was too late. The wine was not helping my mood, so I dumped it in the sink and went back into my room. At least I had happy memories of tonight's conversation with Edward to keep my mind occupied.

The sheets were cold, and I shivered when I got into bed. How quickly a bed could go from hot to cold. I curled up and clutched my pillow, willing myself to fall asleep.

He loved me. I couldn't stop thinking about it.

It was hard for me to grasp that concept. In Guatemala, we were just Edward and Bella. Whenever the urge struck us, we could go climb an ancient pyramid, or camp on a picturesque lake. It didn't take planning. It was easy.

But now? He lived all the way across the country. Neither of us had brought up the possibility of moving. It seemed too soon for that conversation, and yet in a lot of ways we already felt like we'd been together forever. It was confusing. I did know that I missed him and loved him very much. Everything else just muddied the waters.

The next morning, I called Rosalie and Kate to see if they wanted to meet for lunch. I was starting work in a week, and I knew once I went back, it would be hard to have a leisurely girl's lunch, especially with the hours I worked.

I arrived at the restaurant, which overlooked the harbor, a few minutes early. I was anxious to spend time with the girls. The day was beautiful, and the sun warmed my face. It was my favorite time of year.

I heard Kate screaming before I even saw her. She and I hadn't seen each other since I'd been back and it felt like it had been forever.

"Oh my God, Bella," she said as she pulled me into a hug. "I'm so happy you're back."

"Me too," I said. It was really good to see her.

"Let's grab a table and then I want you to tell me everything! Oh, and happy birthday. You didn't think I'd forget, did you?" I loved her enthusiasm, but I wasn't really in the mood to celebrate another birthday.

Rosalie joined us a few minutes later, just as I was getting to the part about Edward. I was a little nervous talking about it because both of them were there when Jake died, and they knew what a mess I was when I left for Guatemala. I felt weird talking about Edward here, with my girls. It seemed gossipy. I much preferred having us in our own little bubble. Rosalie knew most of what happened, but I hadn't said anything to Kate yet.

"You met a guy there?" Kate probed. "Do tell."

"Uh…yeah. It was sort of unexpected."

"I think it's great," Rosalie said enthusiastically. "You needed to move on from everything. Isn't that why you went down there to begin with? To move on?"

I nodded and grabbed a piece of bread from the basket on the table.

"Leave it to me to finally meet a nice guy…in Guatemala…who lives in New York. It's always got to be complicated, you know?"

"New York, huh?" Kate asked with a suggestive glance. "What does he do? Knowing you, he's some hot shit banker, or something like that."

I'd always been attracted to people who were similar to me- perfectionist, detail-oriented, self-motivated people. Edward was the first person I'd ever been with who strayed from that. He was creative and artistic. Maybe that's why it was so easy to be with him. He balanced out my tendency to over think things.

"Actually, Kate, you'll be happy to hear that he's a writer."

Kate looked at Rosalie and then back to me. Rosalie just smiled and shrugged.

"Wow, Bella, that's a first for you."

I guess I had been a little more predictable in the past than I thought.

"His name is Edward Cullen. You might have heard of him?" I raised my eyebrows and waited for Kate to recognize the name. It didn't take long.

"No way," Kate said as she slammed her hands down onto the table, causing people around us to stare. "You've been home how long and you haven't told me this?"

"Give me a break, I've been gone a long time and this is the first time I've seen you."

Kate looked skeptical, but thankfully Rose chimed in.

"When I got your letter, I Googled him. He's gorgeous, but isn't he dating that actress? Tanya Denali? That's what the article said."

I shook my head. "No, they're not dating anymore."

"So, where do you guys stand? Are you still seeing him?" Kate asked. Rosalie, apparently just as interested in the answer, pulled herself closer to the table.

That was the question of the hour. I didn't really know how to answer it. "He told me he loved me last night." I covered my face with my hands and sighed.

"You say that like it's a bad thing," Rose said, pulling my hands from my face. "It's a good thing, right?"

"Yeah…I mean, it makes me really happy. He's so amazing, you guys. I can't even begin to tell you how sweet he is and how good he makes me feel. We were pretty much inseparable in Guatemala." I felt like a teenager gushing about my popular boyfriend.

"So, what's the problem?" Kate asked.

"I don't know. Maybe there isn't a problem. We just…he's in New York…and I'm here."

"Bella, you're my sister, and I love you, but you've got to stop over-thinking this," Rosalie said as she took a sip of her drink.

"I'm not," I said defensively. "I'm trying to be realistic."

"Okay, let me ask you this. He said he loved you, right?"

I nodded.

"And you said it back?"

Another nod.

"And it's your birthday and you have no plans?"

Another nod.

"Then why don't you go be with him? You don't start work for a week. What a great way to celebrate, huh?"

I hadn't thought about that. Would he want me there? What if I was a distraction? He'd never invited me out there.

"I can't just show up like that," I argued.

"Why not?" Kate asked. "I think it'd be cute. I bet he'd love it."

They had planted a dangerous seed in my head. It was the last thing anyone would expect me to do, but the truth was I missed him terribly.

That night, I sat in front of my computer with the airline website pulled up. The cursor blinked, waiting for me to input my information.

I waffled. I didn't want to assume anything where Edward was concerned, yet we had both admitted our feelings for each other. He allowed me to lower my guard and just be happy. When I was with him, I firmly believed that he saw us together. So, what was my problem?

I huffed and began typing in my information, even though doing something like this was completely out of character for me. The longer I thought about it, the more I realized how sick I was of being predictable. I was tired of being cautious. I'd been like that too many times in my life. I wanted Edward, and there wasn't a logical reason I could think of why I couldn't be with him. Rosalie was right; I needed to stop over-analyzing things and follow my heart, for once.

I didn't tell Edward about my plans when he called later that night. I internally laughed in excitement at the fact that I'd be seeing him in less than 24 hours. I'm usually terrible with secrets and it took all I had not to blurt it out, but the more I thought about it, the more I wanted it to be a surprise.

I was fidgety and amped up the entire flight. I was scheduled to land at LaGuardia at 4:00 pm, and I figured that with traffic and everything else, that would put me at Edward's place at 6:00, just in time for dinner.

At least that was what I hoped would happen.

I'd only been to New York twice, both times when I was younger. The city was vibrant and alive, and I could almost feel the electricity. I recalled how much I had loved it the last time I visited.

The cab stopped in front of a very nice building that had a deep green awning and a doorman, who looked like a British Beefeater.

I paid the cabbie and grabbed my suitcase.

_Am I crazy for doing this?_

The doorman swung open the door, and I smiled meekly as I walked into the spacious and richly decorated lobby.

"May I help you ma'am?" an uptight woman behind a desk asked.

I hadn't thought this through very well. Of course he'd have security. "Uh…yeah…I'm here to see Edward Cullen." I fumbled through my purse, trying to find the apartment information. "He's in apartment A-30."

She raised her eyebrows skeptically. "Umm…hmmm…and is Mr. Cullen expecting you?"

I shook my head. The woman put her pencil on the desk and shot me with a snotty look. "Well, Mr. Cullen only accepts registered visitors. I'll have to call and make sure you're okay."

She picked up the phone and began dialing. "Good evening, Mr. Cullen, this is Ms. Harris down at the lobby desk. I have a Miss…" She pulled the phone down away from her mouth and looked at me. "What did you say your name was?"

"Bella Swan."

"Yes, I have a Miss Swan here to see you…okay…very well…I'll send her up. Thank you, Mr. Cullen."

So much for my surprise.

She hung up and pointed to the elevator.

"You may go on up. Just please sign in here." I signed the visitor log and walked over to the elevator. My heart was pounding in my chest. He was home and only a quick elevator ride away from me.

I felt like jumping up and down in excitement as the elevator climbed the floors. I was swooped up into a hug not a moment after the doors opened. I hadn't even had a chance to get my bearings.

"Bella!" Edward said as he kissed my neck and ran his hands through my hair. "You're here. You came to New York!"

I dropped my bag and wrapped my arms around him. His hands came to the sides of my face and he leaned in to kiss me. I felt like I hadn't kissed him in a year. I missed his touch, and I didn't care that we were in the middle of the hallway, I wanted to devour him.

"What are you doing here?" he asked excitedly as he pulled away and reached for my bag. "I mean, I love it that you came, but I'm surprised."

"Rosalie talked me into it. We were having lunch for my birthday, and I was telling them how much I missed you…and yeah. I hope it's okay."

"Okay? Are you kidding me? I'm thrilled that you came. Come on, let's get inside."

He ushered me down the hallway to his front door. He was wearing dark jeans that made his ass look amazing and a long sleeved t-shirt. I realized I hadn't really seen him in warm clothes. He looked delicious.

I didn't know what I expected his place to be like, but I was completely blown away by it.

It was a loft style apartment, with high ceilings and floor to ceiling windows. One entire wall along the back of the spacious living room was covered in deep red exposed brick. The dark hard wood floors were softened by a large plush area rug and sleek, modern furniture. It was immaculate. The city lights were just coming on and provided a sparkly backdrop. He had some Bob Marley playing, filling the room with the relaxing beats.

"This place is so beautiful, Edward," I said reverently, still looking around the room noticing the small details.

He smiled warmly. "I'm glad you like it. It's a lot better with you here."

I melted.

"Follow me," he said, as he walked toward a hallway just past the marble and stainless steel clad kitchen.

I couldn't stop staring. It was so Edward.

"And here's my room," he said, rubbing his neck nervously.

_What does he have to be nervous about?_

His bedroom was equally impressive. He had a king-sized bed. The bed itself was deep chocolate brown leather with a headboard and no footboard. The suede-looking comforter and pillows were a medium, taupy brown. The bed, and room in general, was done in neutral colors with hints of bright colors. Above the bed was a large piece of modern art that captivated me with the random brushstrokes and vibrant colors.

I sat down on the bed with a thump, and let myself fall back. I couldn't believe I had actually gone through with this.

Edward quickly lay down next to me and gently brushed the hair off my face. His leg was on top of mine, effectively pinning me to the bed, not that I minded at all. I put my arms around his neck, and he leaned in and kissed me softly.

"So, it's your birthday?" he asked, his lips still hovering over mine.

"It was," I hummed as I let my tongue slip out to lick his lips.

"Happy Birthday," he said with a smile.

I pulled him against me and he shifted his position until he was on top of me fully, pressing his hips into me. I closed my eyes and tilted my head back as he kissed my ear and neck. His hands were wrapped around my back and he let them fall to my ass, lightly grazing where I wanted them most.

"God, I love your hands," I confessed without thought.

I felt him smile against my lips. "I haven't even gotten started."

I was so desperate to feel him. My hand moved to his jeans as I scrambled to take off his pants. He pulled back and stood, pulling his shirt off and then lowering his pants. I was surprised to see he was commando underneath. I shimmied out of my jeans at the same time, never letting my eyes stray from him; he was too beautiful. I pulled off my top and slid up to the top of the bed and waited.

Edward crawled up the bed, his eyes deep and hooded, eventually coming to rest on top of me. He edged my knees open with his and lowered to kiss me. Small moans escaped us both as our tongues moved in unison. I could feel every muscle in his back as I ran my hands over each curve. He was sculpted perfection.

He leaned over to his nightstand to get a condom, but I stopped him. "Wait," I said, pulling him back on top of me. "After you left, I got an IUD. I figured it'd be easier. I know we're both clean, since we had to get tested by the WFP, so you don't have to use a condom if you don't want to."

He ran his fingers through my hair and kissed my ear and neck, whispering, "I love that you thought about being with me. I can't wait to feel you with nothing between us."

He inched forward as he reached between us and guided himself into me. Slowly, he pressed forward until he was fully inside me. He moved deliberately, never letting our gaze break.

"You feel so good, baby," he said breathily. "Fuck."

"God, Edward." I was frantic with need. "Please."

He smiled as he pulled out and then thrust back into me.

I wrapped my legs around him and gripped his ass, pulling him into me deeper. He moaned loudly, and I closed my eyes, reveling in the feeling of being completely filled by him. It was so much better without the barrier of a condom between us. I could feel him. All of him.

With each thrust, I felt my body tense as he moved me closer and closer to my release. My hands were everywhere on his body, clutching and pulling him into me. It would never be enough. I would always want more of him.

He sat back on his knees, spreading my legs wide and gripping my ankles. His eyes looked to where we were joined, and he began to move inside me again. Needing more, I reached down and began to rub myself gently.

"Mmm…it's so hot when you do that," he said, his voice deep and husky.

I arched my back and closed my eyes, while he thrust into me powerfully. His pace quickened as did his breath. Both of us were getting close.

"Bella," he sighed and moaned loudly. "I want to make you come."

"Just don't stop." I could barely get the words out with my labored breath.

I opened my eyes and watched him move. His gaze was fixed lower as he watched himself disappear into my body. It was sexy as hell. With a powerful thrust, I exploded and screamed loudly as wave after wave of ecstasy rolled through my body.

"Oh fuck, Bella," he sighed as he threw back his head. "Oh fuck."

A moment later and Edward joined me in release, gasping for breath as he clutched my ankles. He fell on top of me, panting, and I threw my arms around him. Our bodies were warm and slick from exertion. I kissed his neck and could feel the blood pumping just under the surface. I liked knowing that I was the cause of that.

After we both came down and our breathing returned to normal, Edward kissed me deeply. I loved how he kissed me, putting so much emotion and passion into each pass of his tongue. I loved the heat of his lips and the taste of him.

"I should surprise you more often. I get quite a reception," I said lightly.

"No," he said as he cradled my face in his hands, "you should just never leave."

He pulled out of me, and I instantly felt empty. He hopped up, walked the short distance to the bathroom, and returned with a towel, handing it to me as he pulled back on his jeans. He sat on the edge of the bed and gently rubbed my leg as I sat and scooted next to him.

"I'll let you get cleaned up," he said. "Meet me in the other room?"

I kissed him sweetly and nodded. "Sounds perfect."

Edward had two wine glasses out on the bar when I came into the great room. It was fully dark now and the apartment glowed with the city lights. It was spectacular.

"Hello, gorgeous," he said as he handed me a glass of wine.

I readily accepted it, and he motioned for me to take a seat at the bar as he went to the fridge and started pulling out various items of food.

"I was just going to make some dinner before your amazing surprise. Are you interested?"

I hadn't thought about food in hours, but when he mentioned it, I realized I was actually quite hungry.

"Do you want to go out?" I asked. "I mean, I know it's hard at times, but I've heard such great things about the restaurants in New York. I'd like to experience some of that with you."

"Are you sure? I don't want to drag you into the whole paparazzi scene."

I reached out with my hands outstretched and he leaned on the counter and took my hands, looking at me intensely, trying to read my expression.

"Edward, if that's what it takes to be with you, then I'm willing to try."

The smile that overtook his face was breathtaking. "Okay then, let me make some calls. I have a few places in mind that I think you'll really like."

I spun and watched him walk over to the entry and grab his phone. He dialed and walked to the window while he made plans for us. I was excited to get a chance to be with him. Even though I knew he didn't care much for his life here in New York, it was still his life, and I was anxious to learn as much as I could about it.

We took the next hour getting ready. I had to fight him off me when I went to shower, and I had to admit that the idea of him ravaging me in his luxurious shower was incredibly tempting.

Edward looked stunning in a black button down shirt with a black and white vest on top and gray slacks. It highlighted the muscles in his shoulders and arms and was dressy, but not uptight.

I packed a few dresses and nervously tried them all on in the bathroom. I wanted to look like I belonged with Edward, but I knew that no matter what I wore, all eyes would be on him.

I eventually decided on a red sleeveless dress. It fit me really well and showed off my assets, while simultaneously hiding my flaws.

Everyone needs a dress like that.

I left my hair down in loose waves and did my best to create a smoky eye. I was no makeup artist, but I was pleased with the results. I slipped on my black strappy sandals and grabbed my coat. It was fall and the nights could be quite chilly.

"You look amazing, Bella," Edward said when I walked nervously into the room. I realized this was the first time either of us had seen each other dressed up, at least in person.

He rested his hand on my lower back as he escorted me from his apartment. There was a car waiting for us out front, which took us the short distance to the restaurant.

I was so wrapped up in Edward that I hardly noticed the few camera flashes that went off as we walked into the restaurant. We were quickly ushered to a private table near the back, with a great view of the rest of the patrons. Edward, being the perfect gentleman, pulled out my chair for me and then sat down opposite me. People started to notice us, and I heard whispers and snickers at the tables around us. He reached across the table and clasped my hands.

"Is this okay?" His voice was laced with concern.

"I'm fine, Edward," I said with a reassuring smile. "I'm just happy to be here with you."

We talked over dinner and wine, and even though eyes were constantly on us, I felt like it was just the two of us. It felt like one of the nights that we'd sit and talk for hours in our bunks, completely cut off from the outside world. I focused on every detail of his as he talked. I noticed the way his brow furrowed when the waiter flirted with me, loving his jealous and protective side. I noticed the way my touch made him light up, as if there was an electric current running through him. I noticed the gleam in his eyes as I told him about the upcoming benefit and the work I'd done. He was proud of me, and it felt really good. He made me feel worthy of it.

As much as I enjoyed the restaurant, I really wanted to get Edward home so we could have some more quality time. I wasn't here that long, and I wanted to make the most of our time together.

We were all smiles as we walked through the restaurant, his hand on my back guiding me. As soon as we opened the door, I was blinded by flashes and people screaming. Apparently our presence here had not gone unnoticed. We could hardly walk through the crowds. People were screaming and thrusting cameras in our face. They were yelling at Edward to look at them and tell them who I was. My heart was in my throat. I felt attacked, and it was difficult to breathe. Our car pulled up, and we quickly slid in the back seat.

I glanced in shock out the window as we pulled away from the curb and couldn't stop the tears from falling from my eyes. It was overwhelming.

Edward pulled me into his arms. "Are you okay?" he asked, concerned.

I wiped my eyes, not wanting him to see me cry. I knew what it meant to be with him. "I'm sorry, I just didn't expect that."

"It's not always like this, Bella. It comes in waves. The paparazzi have been especially bad the last couple of weeks because I've been on a lot of publicity events recently, and then the whole Tanya thing happened. This'll blow over, you'll see. The hysteria will die down, and they'll hopefully find someone else to pester. I'm sorry that we have to deal with this. It's the last thing I want for you."

"It's okay. Really."

I wondered how many times it would take to get used to this.

We rode in relative silence the rest of the way home. Once we got to his place, I felt much more relaxed. We kicked off our shoes and relaxed onto the sofa. I tucked my feet underneath me, and Edward came and sat at my side.

"Thanks for enduring all that for me, Bella."

"I'd do it everyday for you."

"That can be arranged."

* * *

**A/N: OK, admit it, you all thought I was going to have Bella go to New York and see something going wrong. Am I right? **

**Sorry, but these two have actual issues. **

**Special thanks to TwiHeart this week, who has been bombarded by me and still loves me. (I hope)**

**Also thanks to Sunfeathers, ellierk, and dana1779 for keeping me calm. **

**There's a thread on Twilighted if you guys are interested in chatting. I'll check in often if you guys want to get it going.**

**Finally, thanks to KatHat for the idea to have her put away Jake's stuff. See, I read all your reviews and get great ideas from them! **

**So, just click and leave me some love.**


	17. Chapter 17 Victoria

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.**

* * *

**Chapter 17: Victoria**

**Bella**

I woke up when the light streamed through the windows of Edward's room. In our distracted state last night, we'd forgotten to close the blinds. I rolled over and smiled when I saw Edward sleeping peacefully beside me. His bed was warm, inviting and smelled of him. The sheets were the softest I'd ever felt. I could have stayed there all day.

I got up as quietly as I could, trying not to wake Edward. I threw on one of his t-shirts that had been draped over the chair and walked into the great room, still groggy from sleep. I managed to find the coffee and filters in the kitchen cupboard and lazily watched the coffee drip into the pot, the aroma that never failed to awaken me wafting through the air. I would function much better after I'd had a cup.

I was so tired and spaced out watching the hypnotizing drip I didn't even hear Edward come up behind me. His arms crept around my waist as he kissed my neck.

"Morning, beautiful." His voice was smooth and deep, not the raspy voice I possessed in the morning.

I reached back and slid my fingers into his hair and sighed. I loved it when he kissed my neck. He pressed his body into mine and gripped my hips, and I was tempted to crawl back in bed and have my way with him.

"Keep that up, Edward, and we'll never get out of here."

"You're right. As much as I'd like to ravage you, I actually have to get some stuff done today." He pulled away from me and walked to the fridge, pulling out some hazelnut creamer.

I felt only slightly guilty that I'd shown up in New York unannounced. In my haste, I'd forgotten that he probably had work to do.

"You don't have to cancel your plans for me," I said, as I grabbed a coffee mug from the cupboard. "There's a ton to do in New York. I'll be fine."

"Tell you what," Edward said coolly, "I have a couple of meetings this morning that have already been rescheduled once, so I have to go. But after that, why don't you meet me for lunch with Victoria, my agent, and then we can spend the afternoon together? Will that work?"

I nodded, blowing on my coffee. "That's perfect. I need to do some shopping anyway."

He kissed me lightly on the cheek and walked into his room to shower and get dressed.

I made a slice of toast and sat down to read the paper. It was nice not having any place to be or anything to do.

Edward emerged about thirty minutes later looking unbelievable. He had on black slacks and a lightweight camel sweater.

He played with his phone and scribbled a quick note, sliding it across the counter to where I was sitting at the bar.

"That's the address of the restaurant. Can you be there by noon?" he asked as he stole a bite of my toast.

"You got it. Now get going before I change my mind about letting you go."

I finished reading the entire paper, something I hadn't done in years. I was always so busy. I lazily got up and took a long, hot shower. I still couldn't believe that I was actually here with Edward. It felt like I lived here, and that we were just a normal couple, doing normal couple things for a change. I was really happy.

I spent the morning walking up and down the streets of New York finding unbelievable deals. Guatemala had left my wardrobe in a sad state. It needed some rejuvenation, and New York was just the place to accomplish that.

I was only a few minutes late to the restaurant, which was remarkable since I had absolutely no idea where I was going. I saw Edward immediately. He was sitting facing me with a woman with long, red hair. When she saw Edward looking at me, she turned her head and gazed over her shoulder to see what Edward was looking at, not smiling at all. Her look, in fact, was a little aloof.

_What's her problem?_

I tried to keep my face pleasant for Edward's sake. He was as polite as ever and stood eagerly as I approached, grabbing shopping bags from my hands and kissing my cheek.

Once my stuff was out of my hands, Edward spoke. "Bella, I'd like you to meet Victoria Knight, my agent. Victoria, this is Bella Swan, my girlfriend."

I extended my hand, and she smiled weakly as she took it, limply shaking it.

"It's so good to finally meet you," she said in a sticky sweet voice, lacking any sincerity. "Edward just goes on and on about you. It's Bella this and Bella that."

Her hand reached out and rubbed his arm while she looked back and forth between us. The tension in the air was making me really uncomfortable. She finally lowered her hand and grabbed her water glass, taking a sip. I noticed the way she looked at Edward - like a carnivore eyeing a juicy steak. Edward was looking at me, so he missed the furtive glances and longing clearly present in her face. I knew right then Victoria had a thing for Edward. I had no idea if they'd ever been together, but I was confident she would welcome it.

There was a lot of business talk, and I got the distinct impression Victoria liked the fact that I was not in the know. It was something she had over me. Still, Edward did his best to not dominate the conversation with shop talk. People around the restaurant began to buzz when they recognized who Edward was. I was still getting used to the glances and whispers that followed him everywhere.

"Excuse me, ladies," Edward said as he stood and put his napkin on the table. "I'm going to hit the restroom. I'll be right back."

He squeezed my shoulder as he walked by, and I watched him weave in between the tables, heading towards the front of the restaurant.

That just left Victoria and me. It was awkward as hell, and I almost wished I'd taken the waiter's earlier suggestion of a noontime cocktail.

"So, Bella," Victoria said, propping her elbows up on the table. I felt a Spanish Inquisition coming on. "I understand you're a doctor?"

"Uh…yeah," I said nervously, annoyed that this woman was getting under my skin. "Other than when I was in Guatemala, I work in Pediatrics."

"How nice. Of course it must be an incredibly demanding job. I've heard doctors have the highest suicide rate in the country."

"Yes, I've heard that statistic as well." Where was she going with this? What little I knew of this woman, I could tell that she had to have an agenda. Nothing was accidental.

"It must be hard to maintain personal relationships. You know, all the long hours?"

My first thought was that Edward had told her about my past and she was using it to hurt me for some reason. But I didn't think that he would betray my confidence like that. I couldn't picture him sitting around with this woman gossiping about my past. It just wasn't something that I thought he'd do.

"It can be difficult."

"The same is true for our business, mine and Edward's, that is. Poor Edward. All these women literally throw themselves at him, and he barely has time to date."

And there it was. I didn't want to take the bait. I couldn't tell if she wanted me to be jealous of the women who threw themselves at him or if she wanted me to know he would be too busy to date me. Probably both.

I resented her so much, because I knew Edward's schedule was crazy, all because of her. He'd told me countless stories about how he'd come home at night and just collapsed from exhaustion. And here Victoria was not caring at all about his well being.

"May I be frank with you, Bella?" she said bluntly.

_Here it comes._

"By all means," I responded icily, motioning for her to continue.

"I've known Edward for a while now. Before he left for Panama…"

"Guatemala," I interrupted. She hadn't even bothered to find out more information about something so important to Edward.

She shot me a nasty, piercing stare. "Guatemala, whatever. Anyway, he was committed and dedicated to writing a sequel to _Aiding and Abetting_. This is what he's always wanted and worked for. I have no idea what spawned the sudden need to save the world, but it was very out of character for him. And since he's been back, things have been different for him - and not in a good way. I don't know what your relationship is like, but I do know that if you distract him from getting what he really wants, he'll resent you for it."

"I'm proud of Edward. I'd never do anything to get in the way of his success."

_The nerve of this woman._

"Listen, I'm sure you wouldn't do it knowingly. All I know is he's spent an awful lot of time trying to accommodate you instead of concentrating on his work."

I was seething, and it took all my strength to be cordial. But I held back, because the last thing that Edward needed was for me to wreak havoc on his career. "Thank you for your concern, but I've just returned from Guatemala. Edward and I are just figuring things out. I'm sure things will settle down soon."

She sighed dramatically as If I'd just said something completely preposterous. "You seem like a nice enough person, but I've worked very closely with Edward for a while now. All of this confusion and mayhem isn't helping him. I'll speak to him personally about it at a later time, but he should be focusing on what's important right now, especially since he was on hiatus for so long."

Just then, Edward approached, and Victoria sat up straight and plastered a fake smile on her face as though we'd just been discussing the weather. Edward glanced at her and then at me, obviously catching on to the tension at the table.

"Did I miss something?" he asked as he scooted his chair up to the table and pulled his napkin back into his lap.

"Not at all," Victoria chimed in before I could speak. "I was just telling Bella where the hidden shopping spots are in the city since you'll be occupied for most of her visit. How long did you say you are staying Bella?" Victoria's fangs flashed through her blood red lipstick.

"I didn't," I said icily.

I could tell that Edward didn't buy that we were discussing shopping, but he was gracious enough not to say anything. The rest of lunch was strained for me, but at least Edward was there to run interference.

We said our goodbyes to Victoria, and I was finally felt like I could relax.

"So, where should we go?" Edward asked, pulling me into a hug.

"I'm easy. As long as we're together, I don't care."

He smirked, and I melted a little bit.

"Well whatever we do, we should go before the cameras show up. How about we walk through Central Park and then maybe hit up a museum?" He raised his eyebrows, waiting for my response.

"That sounds great." He let go of me and grabbed my hand, intertwining our fingers together.

"Is this okay?" he asked, pulling our joined hands up in front of me.

"Yeah, more than okay." I was happy that, despite his public persona, he was willing to be so outwardly affectionate with me.

We sat on a bench in Central Park and watched people go by. That particular pastime was fantastic in the city. The colors of fall were beginning to dominate the landscape, and the cool air was refreshing against my face. It was a beautiful time of year.

"I have something for you," he said as he reached into his jacket pocket, pulling a small box out.

_Small box. Small blue box. _

"Edward, I…" My eyes darted back and forth from the box to his face.

"It's for your birthday since I missed it. You should have told me."

I smiled. "I hate birthdays," I lied. I couldn't believe that with all our talks in Guatemala, our birthdays had never come up.

"Well, we can't have that, can we?"

He handed me the small box and I pulled it open slowly, revealing a beautiful white gold pendant. It was in the shape of a key and surrounded by small diamonds.

"Oh my God, Edward!" I put my hand over my mouth in shock. "This is too much!"

He leaned in and kissed me. "I wanted to do it. That's what you get for forgetting to tell me about your birthday."

I smiled. There was no point in arguing. And it _was_ a beautiful necklace. "Help me put it on?"

I pulled up my hair as he took the pendant from the box and fixed it around my neck.

"Thank you so much," I said, letting my fingers graze over his gift.

"You're welcome. But, there's something else I want to talk to you about."

I looked up at him, suddenly concerned. The tone of his voice was strangely serious.

"So, are you going to tell me what happened with Victoria?" he asked.

"She doesn't like me." I didn't like being so vague with him, but it wasn't a lie.

He laughed. "She doesn't like anybody."

"Oh yeah, she does. She likes you."

"Look, I know she's a bit forward. She works in a pretty intense business. It's her job to be pushy. But she's harmless. Really. And you know I'm not interested in anyone else. Right?"

He only saw her in a professional capacity, so it wasn't surprising he'd doubt her true motivation.

"I trust you, Edward. But Victoria clearly has doubts about me. She thinks I'm the reason you aren't that interested in doing a sequel to _Aiding and Abetting_."

He shook his head and sighed. "She doesn't understand me at all. She doesn't even try. Don't let her get to you, Bella."

I had been thinking a lot about what Victoria said. I didn't want to be a distraction to him. She was right about something - if he didn't pursue his dreams because of me, he'd come to resent me. I wanted to address it before it ate away at me.

"I know we haven't talked about our future much. Personally, I've avoided the topic because I had no idea what to say. Everything has happened so fast, you know?"

He turned on the bench, looking concerned. "I know. Things are kind of crazy. But we're here together. Let's talk about it now. Are you concerned about us?"

I didn't know what I thought. I wanted to be with him more than anything. But we couldn't just aimlessly wander through life, hoping to capitalize on stolen weekends here and there. It just wasn't realistic.

"I want this with you, but what are we going to do?" I could feel the tears well up in my eyes.

"I've been thinking about that a lot, too. I want to bring something up to you, and I want you to know you aren't obligated to do anything you don't want to do."

I wiped the tear that had fallen from my eye and nodded for him to continue.

"Would you be opposed to me moving to California?"

I wasn't expecting that and had no idea how to respond. This was exactly what Victoria was talking about. Would he be sacrificing to be with me? Could I live with that?

"Edward…I"

He clutched my hand tightly. "Bella, listen to me. I love you. If you don't want me to come, I won't. But…"

"No, of course I want you to come. But what about your life here? Don't you have to be here?"

"Victoria seems to think so, but it's not like Los Angeles is a public relations desert. There are a lot of ways I can do my job from there, and Los Angeles is only a short drive from where you are. I don't want all of this bullshit to dictate my life and affect my happiness. You make me happy, and I want to be with you."

I couldn't help but feel a bit conflicted. On one hand, I was elated he was willing to move to be with me. The distance between us was difficult and made our relationship that much harder. On the other hand, everything was happening so fast. I'd barely gotten back and gotten Jake's stuff out of the house, and now Edward and I were taking a very serious step together.

Could I deny I wanted him, though? The thought of waking up each day with Edward next to me, just like when we were in Guatemala, was incredibly appealing and eventually won out over my fear and apprehension.

"I'd love it if you were in California with me. I want you to promise me you aren't putting your career at risk, though. Have you really thought this through? Because I couldn't live with myself if you had to sacrifice such an important part of your life."

He rubbed the back of my hand and looked at me with such intensity that I had to look away. "There's nothing I have here that is worth not being with you. So then, I was thinking I'd try and wrap things up here in the next month or two and then move out. What do you think?"

"Well, I think it's great. Are you…uh…are you thinking we'll live together?" I could feel my face twitch with nervousness.

The only other man I'd ever lived with was Jacob. Things were happening so fast with Edward that I couldn't keep up. I'd hardly had a chance to get used to being home. I wanted this, but I just needed time to process everything. I was still in complete shock.

Recognizing my panic, he chimed in. "Hey, look at me. I'd love to live with you, but it's not necessary. Maybe I should plan on getting a place of my own for a few months while we get used to things. Would that be better for you?"

I loved how he could read me so well, and I loved that he cared enough to be so accommodating to my moods and fears.

"I think that'd be great." I threw my arms around him, and he held me close and kissed me gently.

Edward was moving to California. For me. Unreal.

We left the park, strolling hand in hand. Clouds had rolled in and hidden the sun, casting a cool blanket over us.

Edward showed me around New York, stopping at all the shops and food stands as we walked. As we neared his house, people began to wave and greet us. Given that New York was such a large city, it certainly had a sense of community to it. I knew Edward wasn't very happy here, and hadn't been for some time, but I had a hard time reconciling that with the Edward I saw today. He was all smiles as he showed me around with a beaming sense of pride.

I wondered if he'd truly thought the move to California through. He'd never lived in Southern California before. Would he like it? I took some comfort in knowing Emmett was coming back from Guatemala and lived in Manhattan Beach, which was not too far from Newport. At least Edward would have a friend close by.

That night, we decided to stay in. Last night's drama had worn us both out, and we weren't ready to brave the masses again. Edward arranged for groceries to be delivered to his apartment, so we didn't have to deal with it.

I decided to cook dinner, which, in and of itself, was shocking. A gourmet, I was not. But I had learned a few dishes from my mom and wanted to do something nice for Edward.

Edward poured the wine and sat attentively at the bar while I cooked. He had a slightly amused look on his face as he watched me fumble around in his kitchen.

I leaned on the bar, just inches from his face, and smirked. "Are you laughing at me, Cullen?"

He brought his hand to my chin and kissed me gently on the nose. "You're just too cute when you're out of your element."

I huffed, but I knew he was right. Still, it was important for me to make the effort. He had put so much thought into our future. He'd planned out when and how he wanted the move to work. He'd thought about the logistics of getting his stuff out to Newport, and how he'd make things work with his career. Had I done the same? Had I given as much thought to the future of our relationship as he had?

The answer was a resounding 'no'.

It wasn't that I didn't think about a future with Edward, because I knew I wanted him in my life. I couldn't imagine my life without him. It was just that, since Jacob died, my approach to life had been to take things a day at a time. I didn't want to get ahead of myself and get my hopes up. But I felt like I owed it to Edward to at least try.

I was worried about how things would be for us when he moved out to California and lived in the same town. As confident as I was in what we had together, this changed everything. It would be a completely new experience for us. I didn't know how to be a girlfriend to him when we both had our lives to contend with. In Guatemala it was easy. We had the same work. We had the same focus. In Newport, though, we wouldn't. He'd have his life, his career, his issues, and I'd have mine. It made me nervous because the last time I was in a serious relationship, my life got in the way, and I failed miserably. I didn't want that to happen with Edward.

I let that thought leave my head as I dished up the Wild Mushroom Risotto I had made, and we sat down to dinner. Edward had lit candles and dimmed the lights. The city lights beamed in from the windows and cast a glow throughout the entire room. It was incredibly romantic.

"To new a beginning for us," Edward said as he lifted his glass to toast.

I smiled and clinked my glass against his. "To a new beginning."

Edward was everything I could have ever hoped for. He loved me, and I loved him. I convinced myself that this move would be a good thing for us. We needed to be together. We needed this.

I just hoped I wouldn't fuck it up. I'd rather have Edward three thousand miles away than no Edward at all.

Later that night as Edward held me in his bed after we'd made love, I couldn't sleep. I worried. All my insecurities from when I was with Jacob came to the forefront of my mind. I recalled how he'd told me how neglected I had made him feel. I could still see the look of apathy on his face when he looked at me that final time. Could I handle it if Edward looked at me with that same disdainful look?

After a very fitful night's sleep, morning came, and I was filled with sadness. I'd only be here a few more days before I'd have to go back to reality. I didn't want to leave him, and it'd be a month before I saw him again when he came out for the benefit. It might as well have been a lifetime.

The rest of my stay in New York was amazing. Edward took a few days off, and we had a lot of fun doing touristy things. He put up with the constant barrage of photographers for my benefit, so I could see all the amazing things that New York has to offer. I loved him even more for it.

When it came time for me to leave, Edward had a driver take us to the airport. We sat in the back seat, with tinted windows, cuddling against each other as we crossed the bridge to La Guardia, leaving the city behind.

He kissed my forehead as I leaned into him, clutching his shirt. The tears were already falling, and we hadn't even arrived at the airport yet.

"It'll be okay, Bella," he soothed, running his hands through my hair, gently massaging my scalp.

"I don't want to leave you," I said honestly. I had never felt so much of a pull toward another person in my life.

"I don't want you to leave, either, but we're doing all we can right now. I'll be out in California soon enough, and we won't have to deal with this back and forth stuff. We just have to be a little patient."

And just like that, I felt better. He had a knack.

I kissed him goodbye in the car, not wanting him to have to deal with the paparazzi. He held me and kissed me, reassuring me with each touch that we'd be okay.

"I have to go," I said, glancing at my watch.

"I know," he sighed, giving me one last kiss. "Call me when you land?"

I nodded and opened the car door. The driver had already retrieved my bag from the trunk and set it next to the car.

I leaned in the door, and Edward scooted over so he was right next to me.

"I love you so much, Edward." The ever-present tears were flowing.

"I love you too, baby. See you soon."

I smiled weakly and shut the door, my hands lingering too long on the window. I could almost picture his sad face on the other side of the dark glass. This was hard on both of us.

I clutched the necklace he had given me in my hand and right then I knew that him moving to California was the right thing. I didn't know how many more goodbyes like this I had left in me. I'd already said goodbye too many times in my lifetime.

* * *

**A/N: So, he's moving to Cali? Wonder how that's going to go over with Victoria? What about Bella? How's she going to handle it?**

**I have exciting news! The very talented Viola Cornuta has signed on to be my beta, with my existing beta TwiHart. I'm very happy to have her assistance. Also, to my pre-readers, you guys make me feel so much better.**

**Also, in case you don't have me on Author Alert, come check out my entry for the Cherry Exchange contest. It's a fun little piece that may or may not be based on reality. (I'll never tell.) Link is in my profile. The name of the piece is Hard Day, Hard Night.**

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**Thanks so much for the support! I appreciate all the love so much. **


	18. Chapter 18 Together

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. **

* * *

**Chapter 18: Together**

**Edward**

Saying goodbye to Bella was excruciating, and it seemed like it was becoming a much more common thing. That had to change. I didn't want to watch her walk away from me again.

The conversation about me moving to California went better than I expected. We had been struggling with how we were going to manage to be together, but my moving made the most sense. She was a specialist in a field with very high barriers to enter, whereas I could really work anywhere. Victoria made it sound like New York was the end all be all, but a lot New Yorkers felt that way. The truth was she could represent me from here while I was in California. If that didn't work, I'd find a west coast agent.

Moving across the country for a woman was a huge step. I'd hardly had serious relationships, let alone ones that would cause me to up and move so far away. But I'd never loved anyone like I loved Bella.

Since Guatemala, and the life-changing time I'd had there, I was more willing to make changes in my life. That experience taught me not to take life for granted, and I planned on living my life with that in mind. It was uncharted territory for me, and I just hoped I made the right choices.

The next several weeks were agonizing without her. I tried to immerse myself in work and my plans to move. If all went well, I would be able to move in November, only a month away. There were loose ends to tie up, and I didn't see myself getting out there before then. I needed to find a place to live and make a decision about my representation. Victoria had me on a contract until the end of the year, but after that I was free to look around. I hadn't made up my mind about which direction I was going to go, so I'd just have to wait and see.

Victoria had been fairly disappointed with me lately. She was pissed I wanted to write a human interest piece instead of a sequel to _Aiding and Abetting. _She thought Bella was a distraction, and I was making irrational decisions that would come back to bite me in the ass. Basically, she thought I was throwing my career away for some fling, and it was somehow her job to 'stop the insanity'. I respected her opinion, but she was acting way out of line. It was true she'd gotten me this far, of course she'd also turned me into a human spectacle, but I ultimately think she was trying to help me. I understood her concerns, and I supposed if I were in her shoes, looking at things from her perspective, it might seem like I was acting irrationally. I hadn't known Bella that long. But Victoria clearly didn't understand how profoundly changed I was, and she significantly underestimated my feelings for Bella.

I knew this was the life I was supposed to lead. Jasper and I had talked about it at length, and he agreed sooner or later, New York was going to beat me. I could pretend to be happy all I wanted, but at the end of the day, when it was just me and my thoughts, I knew better. Without Bella here I realized how alone I was.

The benefit for Bella was this weekend. As it turned out, Jasper had work in Santa Barbara, which was only a few hours drive from Bella's place, so I'd get a chance to introduce them. Bella was even gracious enough to get him an invitation to the event. All of our friends from Guatemala were going to be there. I couldn't wait to see them.

Emmett had gotten back to Los Angeles about the same time as Bella. They had spoken on the phone quite a bit, but hadn't seen each other. He lived in Manhattan Beach, only about an hour away. I felt better about moving there, knowing I'd have a good friend so close by.

The plan was I was going to go out there on Wednesday night. While she finished up work on Thursday and Friday, I'd go up to Santa Barbara and see Jasper. Bella was hosting an informal get together for her closest friends on Friday night, and Saturday was the benefit. On Sunday, Bella wanted to take me house hunting, and then I'd leave on Monday. It'd be busy, but I was looking forward to it all.

The night before I left, I was so excited I could barely sleep. A month without Bella was too long, and I couldn't wait to see her. Victoria tried to talk me out of it, but I was adamant. I was not going to miss this.

I tried to sleep on the flight, but I was too anxious. At least I was in first class, so I could get somewhat comfortable. Trying to read was futile as well. I just kept reading the same line over and over.

When the plane landed and I got off, I heard a few murmurs from people who recognized me, but thankfully the paparazzi weren't stalking. I knew it was only a matter of time before they showed up, but I wanted to see Bella before the rest of the bullshit kicked in.

I saw her before she saw me. She was on the other side of the security station. Her eyes darted from passenger to passenger, hoping for a familiar face. She looked so anxious; it was adorable. Her eyes lit up and a huge smile came across her face when she saw me. She held up a cardboard sign as if she were a limo driver that said "Mr. Perfect." I couldn't help but laugh when I saw it. She shrugged, unapologetically.

I pulled her into a hug and kissed her once I was on the other side of the gate. I didn't care who saw us. I just wanted to hold her.

"God, it's so good to see you," I said, still holding her tightly. "I swear you get more gorgeous every time."

She rubbed my back and sighed. "Mr. Perfect."

We walked with our arms around each other to the baggage claim and then to her car. I held her hand as she drove, and we talked a mile a minute, both of us reveling in the reality that we were actually together.

"So, Jasper gets in tomorrow. I know you're busy, but if you can make it up to Santa Barbara, that would be awesome."

"I'll try, Edward," she said, but I knew that it most likely wouldn't happen.

She'd only been back at her job for a few weeks, and she was trying to acclimate herself back into it. I understood completely, but I just wanted to see her. I was only here until Tuesday and then it'd be another month or so before I moved.

We barely got into her house before I pulled her into me again, kissing her passionately and letting my hands feel the creamy skin I'd dreamt about.

Without breaking our kiss, we maneuvered down the hallway to her room, sighs and moans escaping us both. I couldn't get close enough to her. I grabbed at her clothes, and she was just as eager with mine.

We fell onto the bed, a tangled mess of limbs and clothes, and we both erupted into laughter.

"I swear, if you don't get those pants off…" She had a determined look on her face.

I fumbled with my shoes and pants while she worked on her clothes.

Once naked, I lay back down on top of her, and our bodies melded together like two pieces of a puzzle. She moaned as I pushed into her, and I struggled to maintain my composure. This woman made me feel things I never knew were possible.

I made love her to her, giving her a little more of myself with each movement. In addition to the immense physical pleasure, making love to Bella made me feel whole. I needed it like I needed air to breathe.

Once we both were completely sated, we lay on the bed, still not even underneath the covers in our haste to be together. I ran my fingertips down the soft hair on her arms. She curled into me and wrapped her legs around my body.

"I've been thinking about doing that everyday since I left New York," she said as she rubbed my chest. "I'm so glad you're here."

I kissed the top of her head. "Just think, in another month or so, I'll be here for good."

She gave me a squeeze. "I can't wait."

We finally got up and got cleaned up. I thoroughly enjoyed the shower with her, making sure to pay homage to every inch of her skin.

"You must be starving," Bella said, as she walked into the bedroom, rubbing her hair with a towel. "I went to the store today, so we should have plenty to eat."

"No, let's go out," I said, throwing caution to the wind. "I think I made it here under the radar, so I might be able to pull off a quick bite."

She smiled and walked back into the bathroom, a huge smile on her face.

"Sounds great."

That night Bella took me to a hole in the wall Mexican food restaurant. It was tacky and small, but I loved it. Unfortunately, we only made it for about fifteen minutes before someone approached our table. I was so thrilled to be out with Bella that I honestly didn't even care. I signed a few books and posed for a few pictures. Bella was a great sport about the whole thing.

"So, are you excited to see Jasper?" Bella asked as she sipped her margarita.

"Yeah, I've never been to Santa Barbara. It's supposed to be great." I wasn't lying. I was excited to see Jasper, but I was disappointed that Bella might not be there.

"It is. You'll love it." Her eyes fell to the table. "I'm really going to try and come up. You know that, right?"

I grabbed her hand across the table. I did know, but I couldn't hide my disappointment. "I just really want Jasper to meet you. He's going to love you."

We finished our meal, and although it hadn't come up again, I knew most likely Bella would not make it to Santa Barbara.

We kicked off our shoes once we got back to Bella's place. I was exhausted from the three-hour time difference, but there was no way I could sleep. Bella and I collapsed onto her couch and pulled a throw blanket over us. She lay at one end with her feet toward the middle, facing me. I gently rubbed her feet as we talked until we both fell asleep. I awoke at some point in the middle of the night and moved us both into her bed. She stirred slightly, but never woke up. I felt her body curl up next to me when I slid into her bed, and my arms naturally made their way around her.

The next morning, I was awoken by a shrill alarm. I was disoriented and still exhausted, trying to identify the source of the offending sound. Bella began to slap at the nightstand and finally shut it off.

"I hate that alarm," she said with her face buried in her pillow.

"Yeah, I can't say I'm a fan either." I grabbed her waist and pulled her against me, her ass coming to rest directly on top of my morning wood. I ground into her, appreciating the feel of her body against mine.

She giggled like a teenager, embarrassed by my obvious display. "Well, good morning to you, too."

I kissed her neck and unapologetically ground into her again.

"Oooohhh, Edward," she whined. "You know I'd love to, but I have to get to work."

She rolled over and faced me, slipping her knee between mine and hugging me close. "I'll make it up to you, okay?"

Before I could protest, she kissed me gently and climbed out of bed on her way to the bathroom.

I threw on my pajama pants and went out into the kitchen to start some coffee, willing away my erection. Looking around outside, I carefully ran down the walkway to retrieve the morning paper and then ran back in.

_Fuck, it's cold in the morning here._

I sat at the breakfast bar and drank my coffee, while reading the newspaper. It was nice to have such a leisurely morning, as I was usually so busy.

Bella emerged in hospital green scrubs and a white medical coat about forty-five minutes later. Her hair was pulled back, with just a few strands hanging down. Even in scrubs, she looked adorable.

"Hey, Doc," I said, peering over the paper. "There's plenty of coffee left, and I made you some toast. It's in the toaster oven staying warm."

She smiled, fetched the toast, and made her way around the bar to sit on my lap. "Thanks for breakfast, baby."

"It's hardly gourmet."

"I appreciate it," she said as she hopped off my lap, poured herself a cup of coffee, and gathered her things.

"So, I should know more about how my day's shaping up by mid-morning. I'll give you a call then. If for some reason you haven't heard from me, call me. It can get a little hectic and sometimes I lose track of time."

"Don't worry, I'll track you down."

Bella threw her purse over her shoulder, kissed me and left in a blur.

I took my time getting ready. I wasn't meeting Jasper until that afternoon, and it was only a two-hour drive. I called and had a car delivered by nine thirty, so I'd be ready to leave by ten.

I dialed Bella's number, even though I already knew the answer.

"Dr. Swan," Bella answered, her voice thick and professional.

"Dr. Swan, it's Edward Cullen," I joked.

"Oh my God, Edward." Her voice lightened. "I didn't even look at the caller ID. I'm so swamped. Sorry."

"I was just kidding with you. Anyway, I'm about to take off for Santa Barbara and just wanted to check in."

"Yeah, about that," she sighed. I could hear the stress in her voice. "There's no way I'll make it up there today. I'm so sorry, but Dr. Banner's got me running around like a chicken with my head cut off. But Jasper's still coming to my house tomorrow night, right? I'll get to meet him then?"

I hadn't expected Bella to make it to Santa Barbara with me, but I couldn't deny there was a part of me that hoped she'd be able to get away. I flew all the way out here, and even though I was moving for good very soon, I craved spending as much time as I could with her. As nice as it would be to see Jasper again and as much as I enjoyed his company, he didn't quite make me feel like Bella did.

"Yeah, Jasper's still coming here tomorrow for the party. I'll call you later tonight. What time are you getting off?"

"Honestly? I have no idea. I should have my phone with me, though."

"Okay, well don't work too hard. I'll talk to you later."

"Edward?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you, and I'm really sorry."

"I know, baby. I love you, too."

I hung up and threw the phone into my pocket. It was only a day. I'd see her tomorrow.

I pulled into a gas station to grab some snacks and a soda for the road. As I walked in, I glanced at the magazine rack to my right.

_Mother Fucker._

Right on the front page of one of the tabloids were several pictures of Bella and me, as well as a few of me with Tanya. There was a shot of Bella and me in Central Park when she'd come out last month, and one of us in an embrace. I recognized it as the day I met Bella at LAX. The pictures were taken at a very unflattering angle, and I knew Bella would be upset. The picture with Tanya was from a red carpet event I'd escorted her to last year. Even more upsetting than the unflattering pictures was the caption.

_Edward Cullen's Messy Love Life._

_As rumors abound, Cullen ditches Denali for mystery woman identified as Dr. Bella Swan. From glitz and glam to scrubs? _

_Fuck._

This was the absolute last thing Bella and I needed right now. Things were hard enough without this bullshit. Of course, the pictures made Tanya out to be this impeccable beauty, while making Bella look frumpy. It was complete manipulation of the truth.

I bought my snacks and slid into the car, pulling out my phone to text Bella. I knew she was busy at work, but I didn't want her to be blindsided when she saw the photos.

_FYI- the tabloids got us. It's all bullshit. Just wanted you to know. ~E_

I threw the phone in the center console and hopped on the freeway. Naturally, I only had to drive less than a mile before I came to a complete stop in traffic. My mind was racing as I sat in the gridlock.

What if Bella couldn't handle seeing herself on the cover of a tabloid?

What if the caption made her feel bad about herself?

I was seething when my phone beeped. I quickly pulled up Bella's text.

_I figured it was only a matter of time. More Tanya? ~B_

_Among other things. Will you be okay? ~E_

_Thanks for the heads up. I'll be fine. Love you. ~B_

_Love you, too. ~E_

I really hoped Bella didn't freak out when she saw the photos. I knew it would happen at some point, but I hoped I'd be with her to give it perspective. I needed to make sure she was okay.

What should have been a two-hour drive turned into four. I was highly agitated, both from the traffic and the tabloids by the time I arrived at the hotel.

The hotel was situated across the street from the beach. There was a long boardwalk, and I watched joggers and bikers cruise by from the balcony of my room. Jasper was due to arrive within the hour.

Deciding I needed to do something to take my mind off of things, I threw on some exercise clothes and went for a run. The air was still warm, but there was a slight crispness to it. Fall was in the air in the subtle Southern California way. It felt good to run and just forget about everything for a while.

I called Jasper once I got back to the hotel. He'd checked in and was just finishing up getting ready. After I finished showering, we met up in the lobby and headed to a place called Brophy Brothers in the harbor for a quick bite and a drink. It was hopping when we got there. It was obvious this was a local hangout.

After a short wait, we were seated at a table that overlooked the boats.

"You look good," Jasper said as he took a sip of his beer. "A hell of a lot better than the last time I saw you."

I shook my head and smiled. Leave it to Jasper to tell it like it is. "Yeah, well things are going well."

"I'm happy for you, man. I mean it, you've been through a lot, and it's nice to see you happy."

"Thanks. I owe a lot of that to Bella. I'm sorry you won't get to meet her until tomorrow."

"I thought she was going to come up here?" Jasper looked confused, and I realized I'd forgotten to update him on her plans.

"Oh, she had to work, so she's just going to see us when we head back tomorrow."

Jasper eyed me suspiciously. "Aren't you only here for a few days? She couldn't get time off?"

I shrugged. "She just started back and doesn't want to ask for a bunch of favors right off the bat. I understand; she's lost her seniority, being away in Central America. It's not a big deal."

"If you say so." I was thankful Jasper dropped it. I was frustrated, and I really didn't want to have to talk about it.

After dinner, we walked up State Street, which was bustling. I'd heard there were a lot of fun little places to hang out. That didn't last long, as a group of screaming girls found us in a dive bar playing pool.

As soon as I saw the young girls, I knew my cover was blown. Jasper gave me an endless amount of shit, imitating a girl by batting his eyelashes and muttering things in a fake falsetto like "O.M.G., it's Edward Cullen!" and "Do you think he'll talk to me? He's so cute!" I had to admit Jasper was pretty funny and sadly, spot on.

But I definitely wasn't in the mood for swooning teens, so we went back to the hotel. I sent a quick text to Bella, letting her know I was thinking of her, before Jasper knocked on my door.

We hung out on my balcony, drinking beers and catching up for hours.

"I broke up with Maria," Jasper said abruptly.

"What? When?"

Jasper and Maria had been together off and on for years. To say they had a volatile relationship was a huge understatement.

"Just after the funeral. I got sick of all the drama. I can't live like that, you know?"

"More than you know."

He laughed. "Yeah, I suppose you've had your fair share of drama."

"Are you okay? Why didn't you tell me?" I asked.

He nodded. "You've had enough shit going one. I'm fine. It was my decision. Things were bad for months. We both knew it was over."

I held up my beer to toast. "Well then, here's to being drama-free."

The next day, I spent most of the morning by the pool while Jasper met with his clients. He got back around noon, and we went and had a seafood lunch before we checked out and headed south to Newport.

I turned in my rental car, as there was no point in us having two. It would make the drive a lot more pleasant as well.

I found my brother's presence comforting. I could just be myself, and he never judged me. We laughed and cranked music all the way down to Bella's.

She'd managed to get off around three o'clock on Friday to get ready for her party. We arrived just before 4:00.

"Knock, knock," I said as I pushed her front door open. "Bella?"

"Hi babe," she yelled from the kitchen, "I'm in here."

I motioned to Jasper, and he followed me inside, taking in the house. He was very observant and could read people and their surroundings well. I knew he was forming his opinion of Bella already.

Bella had on an apron and was pulling food out of the oven when we came around the corner. She smiled brightly when she saw me, wiped her hands and reached up to pull me into a kiss.

"Hi," she said, licking her lips. "How was Santa Barbara?"

"It was good. I missed you, though." I kissed her one more time and put my arm around her, facing Jasper.

"Bella, I'd like you to meet my brother, Jasper." I turned to Jasper. "Jasper, this is Bella."

"It's so nice to finally meet you," Bella said sincerely. "Edward talks about you all the time."

"Likewise," Jasper replied.

We made small talk for a few minutes and then Bella showed Jasper to the guest bedroom.

_She's hot_, he mouthed to me as we followed Bella down the hallway.

_I know_, I mouthed back.

The party was due to start in only two hours, so Bella had enlisted some help. She'd had most of it catered, but being the perfectionist that she was, she wanted it to have a personal touch as well.

"Anyone home?" I heard a woman's voice from the other room call.

"In here, Rose," Bella called as she looked at Jasper and me. "You guys okay in here?"

We nodded, and Bella went into the other room to meet Rosalie. She'd told me a lot about her sister. I knew they were close, and I suddenly became nervous to meet her.

Jasper dropped his stuff, and we walked into the living room. Bella's sister looked completely different than I expected. Whereas Bella had dark hair and eyes, Rosalie was blonde with blue eyes. Their features were similar, though, and I could tell they were sisters. Rosalie was the epitome of put together, with jeans carefully tucked into boots and a green top that fell off one shoulder.

Bella introduced us, and I immediately felt better. Rosalie was outspoken but very friendly. I liked her immediately.

We finished up the final preparations just as everyone was due to arrive. I was so excited to see my friends from Guatemala. It seemed like it had been forever since we'd been together. I couldn't wait to transport myself back to a simpler time, when things made sense.

Carlisle and his date, Esme, were the first to show up. It was strange to see him so out of his element. He was dressed in casual black slacks and a blue button down shirt. He looked so formal compared to when we were together in Guatemala.

Shortly after Carlisle came, Emmett arrived, and I couldn't help the smile from forming on my face. We jumped right back into our normal banter. It was really good to see him.

"Oh my God, is that THE EDWARD CULLEN?" a high-pitched voice said from behind me. I laughed knowing it could only have come from one person, and this time it wasn't my shit-talking brother.

I turned and smiled widely. "Alice!" I picked her up and swung her around before setting her down. "It's great to see you. When did you get back? Where are you living?"

"I just got back a week ago. I'm staying with my sister in Phoenix right now, but I forgot how dry and hot it is there. The moisturizer I've used! I've got resumes in for jobs in Seattle and Chicago, so we'll see."

"Seattle? My brother lives in Seattle." I looked around the room until I saw Jasper talking to Emmett and pointed him out to Alice. "If you end up there, he'll show you the town."

Her eyes followed mine and lit up when she saw Jasper. "Are there any Cullen men who aren't gorgeous? Seattle is looking better and better."

Bella came around the corner and squealed when she saw Alice. She set down the tray she was carrying and ran to give Alice a hug. The two women disappeared into the kitchen, and it was almost twenty minutes before I saw them again.

Some things never changed.

"I think everyone's having fun," I said as I slid my hands around Bella's waist while she was making herself a cocktail.

She turned so she was leaning against the counter, pinned by my arm, her eyes reflected a sadness that surprised me. "It's so good to see everyone. It makes me realize how much I enjoyed being in Guatemala. Even with all the horrible things we saw, there was so much good. I miss it. I wish we could go back."

I brushed my fingers through her hair gently and kissed her forehead. "I know. I miss it, too."

"I saw the tabloid shots of us," she said as she reached for her drink. "They really made me look awful. I mean, who wouldn't choose Tanya after they saw that?"

_Fuck. _

I finally understood why she was preoccupied. "I'm sorry, baby. They're relentless. You're beautiful, and I don't want anyone else."

She smiled and pulled me into a hug. "Thanks, babe. I'll be okay. It's silly vanity, really, but no woman likes to see a bad picture of herself, especially on the cover of a magazine. And wow, did they pick a bad one of me! I know it's all crap anyway. I can't believe you have to deal with this BS all the time. It's got to get old. Don't you ever wish you could just be that ordinary guy back in Guatemala again?"

"It has its allure, I can tell you that. But then you and I would still be playing games pretending we didn't like each other. I might even get my kiss rejected again while standing in the pouring rain. Sounds torturous."

I put my hand on my chest and pretended that I was falling in pain. I hoped my joking would lighten the mood.

She leaned in when I stood and kissed my cheek, then whispered in my ear. "I'll never reject your kiss again. What _was_ I thinking?"

"That's more like it. Come on, let's go see what everyone's up to."

"Yeah, you're right," she sighed, pushing herself off the counter.

"Are you okay," I asked. "Are you upset about the photos?"

"No, it's just been a long day. I'm fine, really."

We walked back into the room together, and Bella was all smiles again. I could see that she was genuinely delighted to see everyone, and it made me happy to see her so carefree when she was in their company. Seeing our friends was bittersweet in many ways. It was with them that we could truly be ourselves and be reminded of the most profound experience any of us would ever have. But it was also a reminder that the WFP chapter of our lives was over.

* * *

**A/N: So, the gang's back together! Fun stuff. **

**I'd love to hear from you guys. Hang in there with me. We're in a transition, but things will pick up quickly. I feel like I'm losing some of you. Are you still enjoying the story? Want more of something? Less of something? Talk to me. Tell me what's on your mind. **

**Thanks to my peeps this week, especially my betas TwiHart and Viola Cornuta. I've been a little needy lately, and they always make me feel better! **

**Have you read my O/S for the Cherry Exchange contest? Come take a look. It's called Hard Day, Hard Night, and the link is in my profile. **

**Also, there's a thread over on Twilighted if you care to chat. I also post pictures and teasers over there. **

**Next up - the gala. Finally Edward will get to meet some of Bella's co-workers. That'll be something different!**


	19. Chapter 19 Recognition

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. **

* * *

**Chapter 19: Recognition**

**Bella**

I felt horrible about missing the Santa Barbara trip. Jasper must have thought I was the worst girlfriend for his brother. But there was no way I could ask for time off. Edward was moving here in a month, and we'd talked about me helping him get settled once he got here, so I knew I'd need time off then. It couldn't be avoided. Still, I felt horrible.

All day on Friday I was so excited about the party I was throwing. It was just a small group, so we could all talk and hang out. I knew Saturday would be hectic, so this was a much better way to spend some quality time with our friends.

Jasper was just as charming as Edward had made him sound. He and Edward had a good relationship, which was evident in the way they interacted. Jasper didn't let Edward get away with much; his wit and sarcasm kept Edward in his place. I liked their brotherly banter and the way Edward lit up when they talked and laughed. It must have been hard for Edward to live in New York and to have gone to Guatemala, being so far away from his family.

When I heard Alice arrive, I felt like I could finally relax and have fun. She shuffled me off toward the kitchen, and we began gossiping like middle-schoolers.

"Tell me everything," Alice insisted once we got to the kitchen as I went to the counter to get her a drink.

"Well, I just started my job, and that's going well. I got a position in my old department. My boss, Dr. Banner…"

She interrupted and hit my arm. "Yeah, yeah. What about Edward? What's been happening?"

"Edward. That's been a little more complicated, but we've been making it work. He's moving out here. So, that's something new."

She pulled me into a hug, practically spilling the cocktail I was trying to hand her.

"Oh, Bella. I'm so excited for you. You two deserve a little happiness."

"I'll tell you something, Alice," I said, grabbing a drink of my own. "The whole fame thing has been so hard to adjust to. He has people literally assaulting him when he goes out. He has to be careful everywhere he goes. The tabloids printed a bunch of stuff about him and Tanya Denali, you know the actress? It was a big mess."

"You mean this?" Alice pulled a tabloid from her bag and handed it to me. I'd forgotten Edward had warned me about them. I rolled my eyes and glanced at the cover.

It was the worst picture of me I'd ever seen. I looked fat and ugly, which was apparently the angle the magazine was going with the article, given the headline.

It made my blood boil, but it was part of being with Edward, and I had to put on my big girl panties and deal with it. It didn't make it any less upsetting, but I couldn't let Edward see how much it bothered me.

"That's just great," I said to Alice as I threw the magazine on the counter.

"Edward loves you. You know he does. Everyone who matters knows how he feels."

"I know. It's just been a difficult transition for us. He swears all this will die down in a few weeks, but I'm not so sure. Regardless, it'll be a lot better once he's here for good. At least I won't have to deal with it alone, you know?"

She smiled sympathetically. "I'm sure it will be better."

"What about you?" I asked, changing the subject. "Tell me what you're up to."

"Well, my sister was nice enough to let me stay with her when I got back, but ugh, it's so hot in Phoenix. I had enough of that in Guatemala to last a lifetime. I have some friends from nursing school in Chicago and Seattle, so I thought I'd start looking for a job there. Speaking of which, have you seen Edward's brother? Holy shit, he's hot. Now that's the kind of heat I could definitely handle."

I loved Alice. I missed her so much. "Edward told me Jasper broke up with his girlfriend, so you'll be happy to hear he's single. And he lives in Seattle. You could ask him for house hunting tips."

Alice was positively giddy with that news, making no attempt at subtlety around Jasper. The rest of the night was great. I loved catching up with everyone. It made me a little sad that the last time we were all together was when life was so much simpler. I hated fame. I hated the intrusion. I hated what Edward had to deal with and consider just to live a normal life. And now it was something we would both have to deal with. It was so phony and so not the real Edward. At least I knew the real Edward.

Edward tried to comfort me when I told him about the pictures. I couldn't lie to him about them, but I didn't let on how upset I really was. What was the point? What could Edward do about it? It was always the same complaint, and I didn't want to add to his stress. So it became my burden to bear.

The party wound down around midnight, and I was exhausted. When we finally got to bed, it was close to one o'clock in the morning. We both wanted to have some fun play time, but were too tired. Tomorrow was the gala, and I knew we'd be busy all day, so we promised a rain check as we slid into bed and fell asleep.

I felt him behind me before I even opened my eyes. His erection was pressing into me, and his hands were gently caressing my skin. He made little moans of appreciation as he touched and caressed me. Being woken up by Edward this way was something I could definitely get used to.

His hand slithered around my waist to my panties, dipping his fingers beneath the waistband, teasing me. "Bella," he cooed. "It's time to get up."

I smiled and turned my head so I could see him. He had a shit-eating grin on his face, and I knew my rain check was being cashed. I had no complaints, though, so I pressed back against him, encouraging him to continue with his exploration.

He wasted no time slipping my panties off with ease, while his lips accosted my neck. I reached around to find him already working on his boxers.

_Wow, he can really multi-task._

He came up snug behind me again, this time completely naked. "This is much better," he said.

His hand slid along the outside of my hip, down my thigh, finally pulling my knee back to hitch over his leg. I felt open and exposed, and I arched into him. His hand slid back up between my legs, as he rubbed me. My eyes rolled back into my head.

"Mmm, you know just how to touch me." The words fell effortlessly from my lips as I was driven to distraction.

Before I had a chance to think, he was pushing into me, filling me. This position allowed me to feel every inch of him as he slid in and out of me. His pace was controlled, yet forceful. Each thrust had intensity and meaning.

"So fucking good," he mumbled as he kissed my shoulder. "Mmm…Bella."

I loved it when he talked during sex. His words were so honest. He spoke without a filter, and I loved that I could elicit such a response.

I reached down to feel where we were joined. I could feel him sliding in and out, which was an incredible turn on. I began to rub myself, and Edward's hand joined mine. Our fingers intertwined as we both began to rub in time with his powerful thrusts.

Each time he filled me, he moaned and based on how he was moving, I could tell he was close.

"Oh God, please don't stop," I cried as my orgasm began to overtake me.

"Fuck, Bella," he cried as I came hard around him. "I'm…fuck…"

With a loud grunt, he stilled and came inside me, and we both panted to catch our breath.

"Oh shit," he said softly. "That's a very good way to wake up."

We took our time getting out of bed, cuddling and kissing in bed while we talked about the upcoming day. After a little while, we decided it was time to shower and face the day.

Alice, Rosalie and I were planning on hitting up the spa for a massage. It was a gift from Rosalie, and I could hardly pass it up. I felt bad leaving Edward, but he was excited about seeing Carlisle and Emmett again, not to mention Jasper. I knew he'd be in good hands.

The guys were getting ready at Carlisle's hotel and were going to pick up Alice, Rosalie and I from my house. I'd put a lot of time and effort into my dress tonight. It was the first time in a while I could socialize and network with my colleagues, but mostly I wanted to look good for Edward. I wanted him to feel like he wasn't slumming it to be with me.

My dress was red, silk chiffon that accentuated my curves made me feel like a sexy, Grecian goddess. It had swaths of chiffon that gathered across the bustline, crossed in front and then tied around my neck. The flowing fabric repeated a similar pattern across my hips as it gathered into a low delicate twist in front, the fabric cascading down to meet the rest of the long skirt.

I wore my hair down, with gentle waves. I knew Edward liked it like that. The thought of us having a night out at a black tie event with all of our friends brought a smile to my face. I'd seen Edward in a tux in pictures, but the man could stop traffic in board shorts and a t-shirt. I couldn't imagine the effect he'd have in a tuxedo.

Alice and Rosalie both wore short dresses; Alice's was black and strapless with tulle on bottom, perfectly befitting her spunky personality. Rosalie's white and fitted with a plunging neckline. They both looked amazing.

Although neither would admit it to me, they both had developed crushes last night, and I had to laugh at the extra effort we all were putting into looking good tonight. Rosalie had cozied up to Emmett early, and I didn't see either of them alone the rest of the night. At first when I saw them together, I thought it was a bit of an odd match, but I wasn't sure why. They were both really outgoing and honest, and they certainly seemed to get along.

Ever since Alice found out Jasper lived in Seattle, she was done with her indecision about where she wanted to live. By the end of the night, they were picking out neighborhoods for her to house hunt. Alice hadn't dated while we were in Guatemala, and I knew she longed for companionship. If Jasper was anything like Edward, I hoped nothing but the best for them. She deserved to be happy.

After several hours and a few glasses of champagne, the doorbell rang. There was a large group of us, so we rented a limo bus. No one wanted to be driving tonight.

I pulled open the door, and Edward stood before me in his tuxedo. He did not disappoint, and I seriously wondered how one person could look so gorgeous.

He slid his hand around my waist, pulling me into him as he kissed my cheek. "I've never seen you look more beautiful. Absolutely stunning."

That was exactly the response I had hoped for, and I could feel the blush creeping up on my face. It wasn't everyday that someone as unworldly handsome as Edward called me "absolutely stunning."

"Where are the paparazzi cameras now?" I joked, laughing at the irony that the one time I actually looked like I could belong with someone like Edward, there were no cameras to be found.

"No cameras, thank God. I want this memory for myself." He always knew the right thing to say.

The girls and I grabbed our things and were off to the gala. The atmosphere in the limo bus was lively, as we were all so thrilled to be together again. Alice was chatting it up with Jasper, who didn't seem to mind a bit. She had the gift of making everyone feel like they'd known her for years. From the look of it, Jasper was no exception to her charms. Rosalie and Emmett were a bit more subdued, but in their own little world nonetheless.

We pulled up to the Ritz Carlton, where the event was being held, and there were already quite a few people arriving. The banquet was in a large ballroom that looked like was set up for about two thousand people. The centerpieces were tall, gorgeous white flowers, and the table settings were elegant, with hints of green and gold.

Once we found our table, Edward and Jasper left to get us drinks. I knew I had to socialize with the other doctors in the room, but I was so excited to catch up with Carlisle that I decided to wait until Edward got back with our drinks. I'd need a drink to make my rounds. Doctors were notoriously conceited, and a cocktail made it all bearable.

"You know what I'm going to ask you about, don't you? Or who, I should say?" I asked Carlisle as soon as I sat down.

He smiled and nodded. "I do, and I saw her right before I left. She's growing and doing well. No adoptive parents yet, but that's typical."

My heart warmed with news of little Grace. I'd thought about her so much since I left. I hated leaving her there and constantly second guessed my decision.

"Thanks, Carlisle."

The guys returned with our drinks, and I stood while Jasper took a seat.

Edward offered me my drink, which I took readily. "I really should make the circuit. You know, be social and gracious and all that? Join me?"

He held out his elbow and we trotted off. I usually hated these types of events, but I was incredibly proud of my group's accomplishments and happy our efforts were being acknowledged. And being on Edward's arm didn't hurt either.

"Bella," called a voice off to my left. I turned and saw three of my co-workers approaching me. I was excited to introduce them to Edward since we spent so much time together.

Alec was the only one of the three who was on the team being recognized tonight. The other two worked on my floor in another department. We were all about the same age, which was nice. Alec was a smart ass, with a sharp tongue and a lot of charm. He was witty and dry and always made everyone laugh. He was also extremely good-looking. I gave him endless amounts of shit for being constantly hit on by the nurses. They all wanted to be on his rotation, in more ways than one.

Carmen was the real brains of the group, having graduated from Harvard Medical School. She was brilliant and articulate. She didn't mince her words and rarely made mistakes. If I ever needed a dose of reality, she was the one to give it to me.

Marcus was guy who made nerdy cool. He was overly clinical at times, but he knew his stuff. Despite making bad jokes and often laughing unnecessarily loud, he was always a good friend to me, and I was honored he'd shown up to support us.

After they hugged and congratulated me, I turned toward Edward to make the introduction. "Edward, I'd like you to meet my co-workers. This is Dr. Marcus Aguirre, Dr. Alec Billings, and Dr. Carmen Lewis. Guys, this is my boyfriend, Edward Cullen."

Edward smiled cordially and shook hands with each of them.

"You look familiar," Alec said with a confused tone in his voice.

Edward opened his mouth to speak, but Carmen hit Alec on the arm and cut Edward off. "He's the author, Alec. That's how you know him."

Realization dawned on Alec, and he made a face that clearly said he was unimpressed by Edward's celebrity status.

"Alec is on my team," I said to Edward, trying to give him perspective on who he was meeting.

Edward slid his arm around my waist and smiled with his lips closed. "How fantastic."

There was a bite to his tone. Dare I say that Edward Cullen was jealous? That was a first.

"We'll talk after dinner, okay?" I said to them as I pulled Edward away, rolling my eyes. "I've got to go find Dr. Banner."

They laughed and waved us off as we navigated around the well-appointed tables to mingle some more.

"They seemed…nice," Edward said once we were out of earshot.

I tickled his side. "Are you jealous?"

He shook his head and winced. "No, it's just…I expected the people you worked with to be a little older, that's all."

"A little uglier, you mean."

He smiled sexily and gave me a squeeze. "That, too."

I had to laugh. Edward Cullen was jealous - of someone I worked with. What had the world come to? Had he looked in a mirror lately?

We met countless more doctors and specialists. Edward was kind and always deflected the attention back to me whenever he was recognized. He didn't want to steal my spotlight, and I loved that he was so considerate.

As we walked back to the table, I heard my name being called again and looked around, confused. That was when I saw Mike. I hadn't seen him in years. He ran up to me and gave me a solid hug.

"Oh my God, Bella. How are you? It's been forever since I've seen you. I had no idea you were one of the ones being honored tonight until I saw my program. Holy shit, that's awesome."

I couldn't help but smile like a fool. Mike and I were close for a long time. Even when we broke up all those years ago, we were always friends. I hadn't seen him in several years.

"What are you doing here?"

"I'm here as a favor to my boss. I work for a pharmaceutical company, and my boss was supposed to be here to represent us, but had to bail out at the last minute. Anyway, it was a free dinner, so you know?" He shrugged, and I laughed.

Mike Newton- after all these years.

"You look great, Bella," he said, waving his hand in front of my dress.

I looked down and smiled. "Thanks, so do you."

In my surprise, I had forgotten Edward was standing right there, and quickly turned to introduce him to Mike.

I grabbed Edward's hand and pulled him closer. "Edward, I want you to meet an old friend of mine. This is Mike Newton. Mike, this is Edward Cullen."

If Mike knew who Edward was, he gave no indication of it. Edward was once again polite, but there was a hint of the jealousy from earlier in his eyes.

Mike and I exchanged cards with promises to keep in touch, and Edward and I walked off.

"Wow, I can't believe I ran into Mike," I said, still in shock over seeing my old friend.

"It was the highlight of my night," Edward said sarcastically. He was trying to be funny, but it wasn't working.

"Hey, what's wrong?" I asked, tugging on his hand.

"Was that THE Mike Newton? As in the first love of your life Mike Newton?"

Shit! I had forgotten I'd told Edward the story. Even though it was so many years ago, I couldn't say I'd be happy to meet someone he'd been intimate with, either. Still, Edward being jealous two times in one night was one for the record books. Instead of being irritated I found it sexy as hell. Everything Edward did was sexy as hell, which made me want to kiss his pouty lips. I thought better of displays of affection at a black-tie event so instead said the first thing I thought of to reassure him.

"He may have been the first, but you'll be the last," I said reassuringly.

His eyes widened. "The last, huh?"

It just tumbled out, and then I instantly regretted it. I smiled and played it off like I hadn't just told Edward I wanted to be with him for the rest of my life. What was I thinking? That would scare anyone off after only being together for such a short period of time - moving across the country to be together or not.

We arrived at the table just in time to change the subject. Everyone seemed to be having fun, and I jumped right in to avoid total humiliation.

Dinner was delicious, and I was getting nervous about having to make my speech. I was prepared, but public speaking was never my strong suit. We sat through several awards over dessert, and my nerves were really getting the best of me. Edward leaned over and kissed my cheek, obviously sensing my discomfort.

"Don't worry, baby. You'll do great."

I loved how well he could read me.

They called up our team after a lengthy and very flattering introduction, and we made our way on stage. Thankfully, Dr. Banner was doing most of the speaking. Each of us took our turn thanking those who had contributed and supported us. I couldn't take my eyes off Edward, who was beaming from ear to ear. The way he looked at me, like I had just solved world hunger, made me feel even more confident and proud. He hadn't been around back when we worked on this project. We'd worked our asses off on a study of leukemia in children, especially the occurrence under the age of five. It was a massive undertaking, but one we all felt strongly about and had made huge sacrifices to pull together. So to have the APA take notice was a big deal.

"I'm so proud of you," Edward said, pulling me into a hug when I got off the stage. "You were wonderful."

"Thanks, baby. I was nervous as hell."

"Well, it didn't show at all." He leaned in closer and whispered in my ear. "But if that guy Alec checks out your ass again, I'm going to punch him."

I felt his lips kiss my ear as I smiled. "Well, my ass does look great in this dress."

"Yes, it does," he continued, kissing me between words. "I plan on giving it a much better inspection later."

"Promises, promises."

The whole evening felt like a fairy tale. I had my beautiful and supportive, and even a little jealous, boyfriend there. I had a very prestigious award for my hard work. It didn't get much better than that.

I took off my shoes the minute we got into the limo. We were dropping off the Emmett and Carlisle at Carlisle's hotel, so I made myself comfortable, with my feet in Edward's lap while Rosalie said goodbye to Emmett. Edward rubbed them, getting rid of any remaining tension I had.

"Did I tell you that Carlisle saw Grace right before he left?" I asked.

He smiled and perked up. "Yeah? How's she doing?"

I sighed and let my head fall against the seat. "He said she's growing. I miss her. She must be so big by now. You know how fast babies grow."

He leaned over and kissed me. "I'm sure she's doing great. Thanks to you, Bella, she has a chance. I miss her, too."

When we arrived back at my place, Jasper, Alice and Rosalie went their separate ways. It had been a long night, and we were all tired. I closed the door behind me as Edward and I walked into my room.

"I'm so glad you're here, Edward," I said, throwing my shoes and my purse on a chair. "This wouldn't have been the same without you."

He walked over to me and pulled me into a hug. "I told you I wouldn't miss this for the world. I'm so proud of you, Bella."

"Thank you. I'm happy that you got to meet my coworkers. Since I've been back, you're all I talk about."

"I'm sure that pisses Alex off to no end," he said with a bite.

"You mean Alec?" I shook my head. "It's not like that."

"I love you, Bella, but you have to trust me on this one. I'm a guy. And believe me when I say it- that guy wants you."

I couldn't help but smile. He was so cute. "You _are_ jealous after all."

He pulled back and looked me in the eyes, suddenly serious. "I don't like other men ogling what's mine."

I squeezed him tightly. "You got part of that right."

"Which part?"

"I _am_ yours."

"Damn straight."

His thumb came up and grazed my cheek lightly. "I love you, Bella. So much."

"I love you, too. Always."

Before I could protest, as if that was even a consideration, my dress was being removed. His clothes followed close behind. He was completely in charge as he showed me with his lips and his hands and his body just how much I belonged to him. I loved Edward when he was dominant and possessive.

As we lay there afterward, our bodies exhausted from the night's exertions, my mind kept going back to the gala and my slip of the tongue. I wanted it to be true. I wanted Edward to be the last person who would ever hold me and make love to me. I wanted him to be next to me always. I thought I had felt that way about Jake so many years ago, but I realized this was so much more. This was everything I never knew I never had. My heart was in his hands, and I still wasn't sure how I felt about being so vulnerable.

No matter what I did, Edward Cullen would always be a part of me. I wanted to let go of my fears and my past, to just see where this could lead; where it was leading. But buried deep inside of me, there was a part of me focused on self-preservation. There was a part of me that still remembered identifying Jake's lifeless body; a part that remembered just how badly I'd failed before and wouldn't let me forget. I clung to the only element of control I had left as I let my eyes close, drawing the curtain on one of the best days of my life.

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**A/N: So, what did you guys think of Jealousward? I think he's adorable, but that's just me. **

**Many thanks go out to my betas TwiHart and Viola Cornuta this week. They make this story pretty. Also thanks to Sunfeathers, ellierk and Dana1779 for pre-reading for me. **

**I'm still giving teasers for reviews, so please leave me your thoughts. They remind me that I'm writing for an audience and just generally make my day.**

**Check my profile for all sorts of new pictures and inspiration for StR, including their outfits for the gala.**

**Next up, my favorite chapter so far. House hunting. **

**See you next week. **


	20. Chapter 20 Preparation

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. **

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**Chapter 20: Preparation**

**Edward**

The next morning I woke up with a pounding headache. I didn't think I drank that much, but the intense pain between my eyes was telling me otherwise.

I rolled over to grab Bella and pull her into me, needing to feel her close to me, but the bed was empty. I sat up, feeling dizzy, and looked around the room. The bathroom door was closed, and I heard the shower running. I plopped back down on the pillow in amazement.

_How could she already be up? _

My dick wanted to get up and join her. I loved the way she looked with her hair all wet and how the water caressed her curves. It reminded me of Guatemala and how natural she was. As much as I wanted to get up and spend some quality time in her shower, my head demanded I sleep for a few more minutes, so I acquiesced.

I didn't even hear Bella come into the room. I must have fallen back asleep because the next thing I knew Bella was smothering me with kisses. Her hair was dry, and she was dressed, leaning over me to wake me up.

"Get up, sleepy head," she said, running her fingers through my hair. "Let's go find you a place to live."

I swept my legs over the side of the bed and stood, kissing Bella on the cheek as I walked by. "Okay, okay," I groaned playfully. "I'm up. Geez."

She shook her ass as she walked out of the room. "I'll be in the kitchen."

I got ready as quickly as my hungover body would move. My loose fitting jeans and long-sleeved t-shirt were a welcome reprieve from the fitted tuxedo of last night. I liked getting dressed up, but after an entire night I just wanted to feel comfortable again.

After trying to scrub my hangover away with my toothbrush, I finally made my way toward the kitchen. I could hear Bella talking on the phone as I approached.

"Aww…thanks Alec," Bella said in a sing songy voice. "You didn't have to do that."

I slowed my pace, wanting to hear a little more before I made my presence known. Alec had been pretty fucking obvious about ogling Bella, even in front of me, so I didn't trust the guy.

There was a brief pause. "Well, I appreciate it. That was really nice of you."

Bella held the phone against her ear to free up her hands as she walked around the kitchen. She still hadn't seen me, so I hung back.

"You're kidding. Are you okay?"

She stopped what she was doing and put her hands on the counter to give Alec her undivided attention.

"Do you want me to stop by tomorrow? I don't mind if you think it'll help."

_Stop by?_

The conversation sounded entirely too personal, not professional, and I would be lying if I said it didn't irk me a little. It wasn't that I didn't trust her, because I did. I just knew how guys thought, and I'd recognized the look on his face when he looked at her. By tomorrow, I'd be gone back to New York and Bella would be here helping Alec, who was no doubt thrilled about me leaving. I didn't like it at all.

Still, I put on my cheery face and walked into the kitchen. I'd heard enough of the conversation to sufficiently annoy me. Bella held the phone down and kissed me sweetly, pointing to the coffee maker.

"Okay, well let me know if you need me," she said into the phone again. "Listen, I've got to run, but I'll call you later."

She hung up, and even as irritated as I was, I smiled as I poured myself a cup of coffee. I was being at least partially unreasonable, but my leaving had me feeling more edgy than normal.

"So, where are we headed today?" I asked, changing the subject to something that made me happy.

"Well, it's up to you. I want you to feel at home here. Based on how amazing your place in New York is, I have a few ideas. Maybe something on the beach? With a view?"

She raised her eyebrows and smiled, and I could tell she was excited about finding me a place. I wished it was us looking together, but I understood she needed time. And there was no way I was moving into the home she'd shared with Jacob. It was bad enough sleeping here, knowing he'd done the same. I couldn't stay here permanently, though.

We heard the door to Jasper's room open and turned to see Alice peeking her head out. "Bella!" she whisper-yelled.

Bella almost started laughing and made her way down the hallway. Alice slipped out of Jasper's room in the same dress she'd worn the night before, and both the girls disappeared into Bella's room amidst a flurry of giggles. Jasper walked out a few minutes later in jeans and a white undershirt, wearing a cat-that-ate-the-canary grin.

I set my coffee cup down and leaned against the counter. "Well, it looks like a lot happened after we went to bed."

He shrugged but couldn't contain the smile. "What can I say? Alice is pretty great."

I coughed, trying to suppress the laughter. Jasper looked like a fucking mess. "Yeah, she's great."

A few minutes later Alice walked into the room wearing clothes she'd obviously borrowed from Bella, giving me a hug as though this whole thing was the most normal situation in the world.

"Is there any more coffee?" she asked nonchalantly. Jasper and I looked at each other and shrugged.

"Help yourself," I said, pointing to the cupboard with the mugs.

Alice poured herself a cup of coffee and sat on the barstool at the edge of the counter. "Fun night last night, huh?"

"More fun for some than others, I suspect," I said, waggling my eyebrows at her. I loved messing with Alice. I had started to think of her like a little sister.

"Oh, don't act like you're Mr. Innocent. We heard you guys, too."

I chuckled. Nothing ever embarrassed Alice. I should have known better. "Touché."

"So, I hear you're moving to Seattle now?" I nudged Alice in the shoulder with my elbow.

She shrugged, but the corners of her mouth turned up into a smile. "I'm thinking about it – very seriously."

She glanced at Jasper and back to me. I'd have been surprised if she wasn't up there within the month. A part of me was envious their relationship was so easy when they'd just met. Nothing seemed as simple with Bella and me.

Bella walked in shortly after that. "So, is everyone dressed now?" Alice rolled her eyes and sipped her coffee, completely unfazed.

"Hey Jasper, what time is your flight?" I asked.

"At noon."

"Do you want me to go with you?"

He twitched his head in Alice's direction. "Nah, it's cool. Alice said she'd go with me. I've got a rental car and all that, so it's fine."

Alice was going with him. Interesting.

Jasper and Alice retreated to the guest bedroom so he could pack.

"Well, that was a surprise," I said to Bella, pointing down the hallway.

"Really? You're surprised? They were joined at the hip from the first time they met. I think it's sweet."

I grabbed Bella by the waist and pulled her close. "My brother and your best friend? God help us."

She giggled and tried to wriggle out of my arms, but I wouldn't let her go, kissing her cheek and neck instead.

"You're incorrigible," she huffed.

"Yep." I continued kissing her, undeterred.

We said our goodbyes to Jasper and Alice, and Bella pulled up a chair at her dining room table, opening her laptop to plan our day.

I had to admit, I was excited about looking for a place. Newport Beach and the surrounding cities were beautiful, and if I found something I liked, I'd be that much closer to moving and finally having everything I'd been missing before I left for Guatemala.

I hopped into the passenger seat of Bella's car as she handed me a bunch of crap – her purse, a file folder stuffed with papers, a coat. "Here, hold this."

"I see you travel light," I joked.

"Shut it, Cullen." She smacked me on the arm lightly and laughed. "I'm doing this for you."

I grabbed her hand before she could pull it away and kissed it. "I know, and I love you for it."

The first few places we saw were nice, but each of them had something I couldn't get passed. The first one had an unobstructed view, but the rooms were really small and kind of dark. I wanted something a little brighter and more open. The next two were both upgraded and gorgeous, but one was on a busy street and the other had no view. If I was going to live in such a pretty place and spend that kind of money, I wanted to at least see the ocean.

We pulled up to a newer looking complex and turned off the car. It was small, maybe four to six units, all very well maintained. Bella, wearing her real estate agent hat for the day, pulled out her stack of papers and began giving me a rundown.

"Okay, this place is three thousand square feet, with three bedrooms, and three baths, upgraded throughout. The complex has a pool and a spa that overlook the water. There's also a common area for parties.

"Let's go check it out," I said, climbing out of the car. I had a good feeling about this place. I could see myself living here.

We walked hand in hand up the walkway to the front door, which was open. Apparently the agent beat us here. My first impression was it had to be bigger than three thousand square feet. It was two stories, but the entire second story was open to below, so the living area had at least twenty-foot ceilings. The view was spectacular, and the floor to ceiling windows were filled with a gorgeous view of the ocean. The walls were crisp white, a stark contrast to the blue of the sky and ocean. The light maple hardwood floor warmed it up and matched the gold tone of the sandy beach. It was bright and airy, and I could almost picture Bella and me watching the sunset while curled up on my couch. I loved it. It felt right.

My phone rang in my pocket and Bella waved me off so I could answer it, walking with the agent to see the rest of the house. I looked down at the screen on my phone and noticed it was Victoria, so I stepped outside to the patio.

"Hi, Victoria."

"_Edward, I'm so glad I got you. Listen, I know you're back in town tomorrow, so I've set you up for an appearance at a fundraiser dinner tomorrow night. I think the publicity will do you well, especially with those disastrous photos that showed up in the tabs this week."_

"It's been a long couple of days, Victoria. Plus, with the travel, I don't think I'll be up for it."

"_You can't hide out forever. We need to keep up the interest in you. You know, to keep the momentum going. You want to have your fans eager and excited for your next project."_

"That's just it, Victoria," I said, needing to get a few things off my chest. "I don't want all that momentum. This isn't even about my book. This is about me personally. I put up with all the paparazzi and crap for a long time because I thought that's what I needed to do, but I don't want that anymore."

"_Is this because of her?"_

"What? You've got some nerve. Leave Bella out of this."

"_Just answer me. Is it about her? Because I can guarantee you if you give up everything for some girl, I know you're going to regret it."_

"It's not about anyone but me. And she's not just some girl." I was getting annoyed. I was able to put all of her faults aside before because I knew she had my best interest at heart. When she was so hurtful to Bella when they met in New York, I thought she just didn't understand the depth of my feelings. I tried to put myself in her shoes. But more and more, I was seeing a side of her I didn't like.

"_Edward, just hear me out. I'm sure you like this girl. She seemed nice enough, and it's obvious your experiences abroad have brought you together. But unless I'm mistaken, you haven't had a serious girlfriend in a long time. You were in a bad place when you left for Panama…"_

"For the last fucking time, it was Guatemala." I gritted my teeth.

"_You're missing the point. I know you think you love this girl. But is this really what you want? How well do you even know her? You've worked so hard for such a long time, and to throw it all away because you supposedly fell in love in Central America? Really, Edward?"_

"Do you know where I am right now?" I asked, feeling strangely calmer than I had since this conversation started.

"_You're at some benefit thing in California."_

"No, I mean right now."

"_Make your point, Edward."_

"I'm standing on a patio of the house I'm about to purchase looking out at the blue Pacific Ocean."

"_That's great. I think it's great that you want to get a vacation home. Fantastic idea."_ Her voice was dripping with sarcasm.

"It's not a vacation home, Victoria. I'm moving here."

"_Moving there? Have you lost your fucking mind?"_

"Yes, I'm moving here. You don't have to like it, but you do have to accept it.

"_This has got to be the dumbest thing I've heard you say. I thought it was bad when you wanted to take the summer off to go find yourself, but now this? I don't believe what I'm hearing. This is NOT the Edward I knew."_

"You're right about that. I'm not the same person I was. I'm happy about it. Now, you've been with me from the very beginning, and I don't want to lose you. But you need to remember something. You work for me. It's not the other way around. I love Bella, and I don't give a fuck if you like her or not, but you will respect her and our relationship. When I tell you I don't want all the media and hype, I expect you to fucking listen. I want a life."

"_You have a life. You have a fantastic life – one that most people would kill for. One that you've been working toward for years."_

"What do you know about my life? I mean really? Do you know what it's like to have every word you say analyzed to death? Do you know what it's like to have your face splattered on every tabloid cover from here to Timbuktu? Do you have any idea what it's like to see the face of the person you love fall when she sees a picture of you with someone else? Do you? Because it fucking sucks, and that's NOT the life I want."

"_Well, you should have thought about that before now. Because I hate to break it to you, but that's the life you've got. We've gone over this a million times, Edward. It's all bullshit. You ignore it. You've got to take the good with the bad."_

"I'm done selling out. I know I can't turn back time. I get that, but I want to do what I can to stop the rumor mills and the bullshit. I want to get back to my writing, and make _that_ the focus. I don't want my personal life on display anymore. If you can help me, great. If not, I'll find someone else once our contract is up at the end of the year."

"_Just hold on a second, Edward. Look, I get that you've been under stress lately. Maybe I should have done more to help you with that sooner. But there's no reason to act hastily. I only want what's best for you. I hope you know that. Let's talk when you get back, okay?"_

"Fine, I'll call you." I wasn't sure how the next conversation would go, but it could wait. I didn't want anything else taking away from this time with Bella.

I clicked off the phone and ran my hand through my hair, trying to compose myself. When I turned around, Bella was standing there, leaning against the door. I wondered how much of that she'd heard.

"Are you okay?" she asked as she walked toward me.

I hugged her and kissed her forehead. "I am now."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Another time, baby," I sighed. "Let's go see the rest of the house."

We walked arm in arm into the house. Bella showed me all the little details I'd missed before. This place suited me. It suited us.

"Well, what do you think?" Bella asked, after we'd thoroughly inspected the place.

"I love it," I said, walking to the window. I rested my forearm against it and let my head fall against the glass. "But, it's a big commitment."

She walked up behind me and put her hand on my shoulder. "And you're worried you'll change your mind and want to move back?" Her voice was shaky, doubtful.

"No, it's not that." I couldn't make eye contact for some reason. This was harder than I thought it would be.

"Then what is it?" She was beside me now, tilting her head so I'd look at her.

"It's just…when I think about all of this…us…the move…I picture us together."

"So do I."

"No, I mean living together. I know it was my idea to get my own place, but I want to think we're in this together."

This time it was Bella who broke eye contact as she looked down at her shoes.

"I want that too, Edward."

"Do you like this place? Because if I buy it, I'm doing so with you in mind. I'm signing the papers hoping you and I will live here together. Maybe not right away, but that's what I want."

"It's beautiful. I love it here."

"I know this is a big deal for both of us. I don't want to push you, but I need you to know where I stand. I want this with you. If you aren't here, then this place is just four walls with a nice view. I want this to be a home. I want you to love it as much as I do."

"I do love it, Edward. I can definitely see us here together."

"So I should go for it? Is that what you're saying?"

She nodded sheepishly. "Yeah, that's what I'm saying."

I signed the necessary paperwork, feeling alive and excited. I finally felt like I was getting closer to the life I wanted.

That night Bella cooked for me. I had to leave the next day, but we both tried not to think about that. I'd be out here for good in just a short time. And now that I officially had a home out here, I felt like it was all really happening. I just had a few loose ends to tie up, and then I'd be done with New York for good.

We were quiet as we went to bed that night, with the next day's goodbye hanging over us. It was hard to live in the moment and not dread the dawn. We'd said goodbye so many times, and I knew the pain that came from watching her walk away from me. I didn't want to go through it again. My mind told me it was just a month; that I'd see her soon. But a month of being alone seemed like a lot longer knowing what I'd be missing. A month of waking up without her warmth and sweetness beside me. A month of knowing some other man would be trying to work his way into Bella's life would be unbearable.

I cursed the sunlight that came through the window in the morning. Birds were chirping annoyingly outside the window. At least they had something to sing about. I smothered my head with my pillow in hopes I could wish it away. I wanted to stay put, warm and comfortable in Bella's bed, but I knew I couldn't put it off any longer. Bella groaned next to me, obviously coming to the same conclusion that I had. We had to get up.

I felt her arms wrap around me, and I rolled over to face her, our limbs intertwined. I ran my fingers through her hair as she closed her eyes and sighed.

"That feels so nice," she hummed, keeping her eyes closed. "I'm going to miss you so much."

My lips touched her forehead and lingered there. "Me too, baby."

Bella had to work that day and since I had a rental car, we agreed it didn't make sense for her to take me to the airport. I packed the trunk of my car with my stuff, slamming it shut a little harder than necessary. That was the last thing I had to do before I said goodbye, and I did it with extreme reluctance.

The tears were already forming in her eyes when I turned around. She was standing on her front doorstep, arms crossed, watching me.

I wrapped my arms around her, and she clung to the shirt on my back.

"Another goodbye," she murmured. "I really hate this."

"The last goodbye," I reminded her as I kissed the top of her head.

I cupped her face in my hands and rested my forehead against hers as I closed my eyes.

"Be good, baby," I whispered. "I'll see you before you know it."

She nodded as the tears streamed down her face. "I know."

We kissed slowly and passionately, hoping it would sustain us for a month. I was memorizing the feel of her lips on mine, locking the memories away for future use.

"I love you, Edward," she sighed and put her hands on my chest, resolved. "You should get going. You don't want to be late."

I stepped back and reached out to grab her hand as I walked to my car, never taking my eyes off her as our fingers slipped apart. She wiped the tears, but held herself tall.

"I'll call you when I land." I slid into the driver's seat and fumbled with the ignition. I didn't want to make this any harder than it already was.

As I pulled away, Bella waved with one hand while she wiped the tears with the other. She looked beaten, defeated.

I was driving away from the woman I loved. What kind of fool was I? I wanted it all to be fixed. No more goodbyes. I never wanted to see that look on Bella's face again.

With any luck, I wouldn't have to.

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**A/N: So, what did you think of Edward and Victoria's conversation? He's finally getting closer to what he wants…or is he? This was my favorite chapter thus far. What was yours?**

**I am so blown away by you guys! Just when I was feeling down and in a funk, you guys came through and totally made my day/week! The last chapter got over 100 reviews! I can't even tell you how happy that made me! And hello to my new readers! *waves***

**If you are enjoying the story, the biggest compliment you can give me is to rec it to your friends. With so many fics out there, it's very difficult as an author to get the word out. **

**Voting for the Cherry Exchange contest is Dec 5****th****- 15****th****, and I'd appreciate the support. My entry is called Hard Day, Hard Night and the link is in my profile. Come check it out! **

**Thanks to my betas, TwiHart and Viola Cornuta for fixing all my mistakes and keeping me on track. Also, big thanks to my pre-readers for the honest feedback. **

**Next up? The big move. *squee***


	21. Chapter 21 Exodus

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. **

* * *

**Chapter 21: Exodus**

**Edward**

The weather in New York reflected my mood – cold and shitty. I was still partially buzzed from the mini-vodka bottles I'd had on the plane. They were the only things that gave me any comfort, knowing that with each passing minute I was getting farther and farther away from Bella.

I felt like that guy in When Harry Met Sally. Once I realized where my life was, I wanted that life to start as soon as possible. Victoria had backed off since our little chat, which was a good thing, but I knew we needed to talk more. I was stressed enough about moving, and the last thing I needed was Victoria harping on me. There were quite a few paparazzi at the airport, so that just added to my shitty day.

I turned on my phone, and as soon as it was lit I noticed a text from Bella.

_Just a few more weeks, baby. Then no more goodbyes. ~B_

I smiled. She missed me, too.

The slam of the front door echoed throughout my apartment, and I lazily dropped all my stuff. My buzz from all the alcohol on the plane was wearing off, leaving me tired and achy. I grabbed just what I needed and headed to my bedroom. It wasn't that late yet, but I was dog tired. I hadn't slept much in the last twenty-four hours.

I quickly changed into my pajamas, shivering since it was fucking freezing in my house. In one of life's cruel jokes, sleep evaded me when I needed it the most. My mind alternated between thinking of all the things that needed to be done for my move and Bella. There was no way I was getting to sleep.

The next day, despite feeling completely exhausted, I began to make arrangements for my move. I needed to sublet my apartment, and get my stuff shipped to California. I also had a few business problems that I needed to tie up before I left. I estimated I could leave in about three weeks. Moving sucks, but I didn't care about any of that. I just wanted to be out there, in my new home with Bella. The image I'd conjured of us sitting on the couch watching the sunset kept me motivated.

My phone buzzed, and I rolled my eyes when I realized it was Victoria. She certainly didn't waste any time. I'd just barely gotten home. I answered and made plans to meet her for lunch. I hated dealing with her on the phone.

The first call I made was to the movers to drop off some boxes. Although I could easily have had them pack my entire place for me, I figured it would keep me busy and help to pass the time. Plus, I wasn't crazy about having strange people in my house. Given all the crazy paparazzi shit, I guarded my privacy fiercely.

I walked into the restaurant to meet Victoria, who was all smiles and hugs, acting as if we hadn't had such a brutal conversation only the day before. I guess in her profession, she had to have thick skin.

"Edward," she said as she kissed my cheek. "It's so nice to see you back in town. How was your flight?"

"It was fine," I said flatly.

Victoria looked nervous as we were being seated. I wasn't surprised; she was doing damage control. I knew I was one of her big clients, and she was going to do what she could to keep me right where she wanted me.

"Edward, we have to talk about things," she started after we'd ordered our food. "It's important."

"I know we do, but I'm not going to let you manipulate me."

"Manipulate? When have I ever tried to manipulate you?" she replied, her loud voice now starting to attract attention.

"Look, I meant what I said yesterday. I appreciate all you've done for me. I really do. But, all the media attention is too much. All of this was supposed to be about my book, but it hasn't actually been like that for a while. I put up with it because it was easy to just go with the flow, but it's not just about me anymore."

She reached across the table and put her hand on mine in what was surely meant to be a comforting gesture, yet only caused me to wince. I pulled back quickly. The last thing I needed was a magazine cover with Victoria and me holding hands.

"I'm sorry I got so upset about the move. It's just…it was so unexpected. I can't pretend that I understand the motivation for your behavior, starting from the trip to Central America. I'm just trying to prevent you from making a huge mistake and ruining such a promising career. I care about you, Edward."

I really hated when she used that tone of voice. It was bordering on unprofessional.

"Thank you. I appreciate that. But if you care about me as much as you say you do, you'll let me make my own decisions. I'm a big boy, and I haven't needed a mommy in a long time."

She laughed as if my comment was completely off base. I actually thought it was quite an appropriate description of our relationship. For the past year, I'd barely been able to go to the bathroom without running it by Victoria first. Perhaps it was my naïveté about the business that enabled such a codependent relationship with Victoria. I had no idea. What I did know was that going forward, it would not be that way. It was my life she was fucking with, and I wanted it all to stop.

"I'm just going to say this one thing, and then I'll drop it." She raised an eyebrow, waiting for my acceptance of her terms, so I nodded for her to continue. "When she dumps you, and she will, don't say I didn't warn you."

"Victoria…" I was getting pissed.

Before I could say more, she held up her hands to stop me. "That's all I wanted to say. Now, let's just eat our lunch in peace so we can work out some details of your week and your transition to Los Angeles."

"It's Newport Beach. Jesus, do you ever listen to a fucking thing I say?"

"Really, Edward?" She looked annoyed and exasperated. "We're really going to argue about it?"

I dropped it. I didn't really care all that much about making my point. She obviously didn't care either. It was only another couple of months before I could look for new representation, and I could suck it up until then.

My shitty lunch with Victoria did nothing to improve my foul mood. I needed to hear from Bella. I pulled out my phone and dialed.

"_Hi, this is Dr. Swan. Please leave a message…" _I hung up, not wanting to leave a message. Instead I typed a text.

_I'm thinking about you. Wish I was there. ~E_

I slid the phone back in my pocket as I made my way home. It didn't beep.

I started my packing with my bookshelves. I had no idea how I'd accumulated that much crap, but I kept filling boxes and yet the shelves looked just as full as before.

Just as I was about to go to bed, my phone beeped. I sighed. _Bella._

_Sorry I missed you. In surgery all day. Talk tomorrow? I know it's late. ~B_

My head fell back onto the pillow, and I closed my eyes.

My routine over the next few weeks was much the same. I worked during the day and packed at night. Victoria wanted me to attend a few functions (well, actually she wanted me to attend a shitload of functions), but I refused. I wasn't in the celebrating mood, and I didn't want to pretend I was. My apartment was beginning to look sparse and unlived in, making me feel closer and closer to my goal.

Finally it was the day of my move. The movers got to my place at some ridiculously early hour, and I could barely function. They were extremely efficient and had my things out of there within an hour, which was quite impressive. I'd called ahead for a car to take me to the airport. I didn't have a car here in the city as there was no point, so it would be easy to hop on a plane and say goodbye to this town.

I felt a brief pang of sadness as I arrived at the airport. I hadn't even allowed myself to become close enough with anyone here to have a ride to the airport. Victoria offered, but it was more out of obligation, and I could tell she was relieved when I declined. Tanya offered as well, calling me out of the blue when she heard I was leaving town. News travelled fast in my social circle. I didn't want to give the paparazzi any more fuel, so I knew Tanya taking me was out of the question. I had a few other acquaintances, but no one who really meant much to me. It was almost as if my entire time here had been for nothing. What was the point of all the bullshit when I wasn't really living?

Once again I was reminded how my decision to go to Guatemala was the best thing I'd ever done. I shuddered at the shell of my former self I'd become prior to that trip, thankful I'd stood up and made a change.

I eagerly waited in the security line and checked in at my gate, anxious to have this travel behind me. Keeping my head low, I made my way into the gift shop to find something to read. Of course, my eyes passed over the tabloids. As much as I hated it, I wanted to at least know what was being printed about me.

This week, my face wasn't plastered all over the magazines, but there was a sideline on one that had my face on it, so I decided to read it. The small caption read "Edward Cullen's Love Life: No Aiding and Abetting Needed." I was already annoyed when I flipped to the page, knowing that it was going to be something about either Tanya or Bella.

There was a picture of Bella and m at the gala prominently featured on the two-page spread. I hadn't even realized we were being photographed that night, other than by the official photographers. The title on this page was "Edward Cullen's Mystery Woman Revealed."

I rolled my eyes but kept reading. The article had Bella's entire life written out. It even had her high school picture and a photo that had been printed in a local newspaper when she'd won her scholarship. Worst of all, it showed a picture of her ex-husband and had a full account of his death, even going so far as to make it seem as if Bella had somehow been responsible. It was a complete invasion of her privacy, not to mention irresponsible journalism, and I suddenly felt sick.

I crunched up the magazine, forcefully shoving it back into the rack, and promptly left the gift shop. How many times could I ask Bella to put up with this shit? How long before she decided having her life printed for all to see was too much of a burden?

All my excitement from earlier was gone. I just needed to see Bella; to make sure she was okay.

I pulled out my phone and texted her nervously.

_Have you seen the latest tabloid? ~E_

I waited impatiently, but it didn't take long for her to respond.

_No. Am I having your alien baby? ~B_

At least she could joke about it. That had to be a good sign.

_I wish. It's from the benefit. A lot about your life. ~E_

_I'll pick it up at the airport when I get there. We'll talk then. How bad can it be? ~B_

I was glad she was taking it in stride, but I didn't know how she'd react when she saw it. How bad could it be, she asked? It was bad; worse than any stories so far. I wished I could be there with her when she read it, if only to diffuse her anger. I wanted to be worth the hassle for her.

Needless to say, the entire plane ride I was anxious. I just needed to kiss her and tell her I loved her so she'd forget about all the baggage that came from being with me.

I exited the plane, but still had to walk the long corridor until we passed the security checkpoint. My heart was pounding in my chest. Was she here? Was she okay?

I didn't see her. Instead, I was recognized and semi-mobbed by fans, mostly girls. It was amazing how little time it took to go from one screaming fan to what seemed like five hundred. This was the absolute last thing I wanted to deal with.

_Come on, Bella. Where are you?_

I felt a hand grab my wrist, pulling my through the fans. I tripped but finally got through enough that I could see Bella's face.

I threw my arms around her, ignoring the legions of fans pushing and pulling at us. "Thanks for rescuing me," I said as I kissed her cheek.

"Let's get you out of here." She steeled her resolve and pulled me through the crowd, practically running over a few fans. She was tough; there was no question about it.

After being followed to the baggage claim and subsequently to the parking lot, we were finally alone once we got into the car.

She pulled away hastily, wanting to lose the annoying chaos that was my life.

"I'm so sorry about that, Bella," I said, running my hands through my hair once we got onto the freeway.

She reached over and pulled my hand out of my hair, intertwining our fingers together.

"It's not your fault. I'm just so happy to see you."

I kissed the back of her hand, my lips lingering there as my eyes closed, inhaling her sweet scent.

"God, I missed you," I sighed. "It's so good to be here and know that it's permanent this time."

The smile on her face was breathtaking. "I can't believe it, either."

I thought she was taking me to her house, but instead she took the turnoff to my house.

_My house. Surreal._

"What are we doing here?" I asked.

"Well, I thought you should spend your first night as a Californian in your own home."

It was times like these when I realized how much she loved me, and vice versa.

"I love you so much. I don't think I've told you enough."

"You definitely haven't," she said with a smile. "I could hear it every day, and it would never be enough."

She pulled into my driveway and clicked open the garage door. I'd given her the keys and everything in case I needed her to let a contractor or mover in.

"Home Sweet Home." She turned off the car and popped the trunk.

With bags in hand, we walked into the cavernous space. When I'd seen it before, there was furniture from the previous renter. It seemed to echo in silence now.

The late afternoon sun was coming through the window, casting a golden glow across the floors and walls. I set my things down at the bar by the kitchen and walked into the living room.

"Bella," I gasped as her arms came around my waist to hold me.

I was stunned by what I saw. On the floor in the middle of the room was an air mattress covered with blankets and pillows. There were candles everywhere throughout the room and the view was unobstructed. I recalled how I felt when I signed the papers to buy this place, wanting to watch the sunset here with Bella.

I turned to face her, her arms never letting go of my waist. "You're amazing, you know that?"

She rested her head on my chest, and I squeezed her as tightly as I could. I never wanted to forget this moment. "Thank you for this."

"Like I said, I thought you should spend the night in your own house tonight. It's no Ritz Carlton, but I'm sure we'll make due."

I picked her up hastily and threw her over my shoulder as I closed the short distance to the air mattress. She hit my back in mock protest but couldn't stop her laugh.

I set her down on the bed with a whoosh and climbed on top of her. Her legs instantly wrapped around my back, and she pulled me down to her. Our lips met for the first real time since I'd gotten here. We'd been so concerned with fleeing the airport that I hadn't had a chance to give her a proper kiss.

Our tongues slid past each other's and mingled as I tilted my head to deepen the kiss. My hips instinctively pressed into her, and she moaned.

"Have you ever made love on an air mattress at sunset?"

She smiled and shook her head. "Why? Am I about to?"

"Absolutely."

I curled into her, letting my arms slide behind her back, while she squeezed her thighs around me. This was not going to take long.

Time seemed to stand still as we caressed and let our bodies do what we so desperately needed, silently reassuring each other that this was real. By the time we were done, both of us were exhausted. It was not lost on me how I'd spent the last month weary and drained, and yet the exhaustion I felt tonight simply reminded me that I was alive. In place of the sadness and depression was hope. It was a welcome change.

The sun had set and the room was darkening quickly. The sky cast deep oranges and pinks which turned the stark white walls of my house the same color.

"I think I like this place," I said, kissing her nose as I caressed her hair.

"Mmm, it definitely has potential."

Although the house had no electricity, it did have water. Apparently because it was part of a complex, the water was always on. I was really thankful for that now.

I shivered and screamed as I took a cold shower by candlelight. I hated doing it because the last thing I wanted after making love to Bella was to freeze my balls off in some arctic shower, but I really wanted to be clean. Bella had the forethought to bring soap and towels, which just made me love her even more.

Just as we were finishing getting cleaned up, there was a knock on the door.

Bella skipped off and answered it, grabbing bags and boxes from a delivery boy. I walked up behind her, and she began handing off the food to me.

"Here's your receipt, ma'am. Thanks for calling Borelli's."

She shut the door and shuffled past me before I could even grasp what had just happened.

"You ordered dinner, too?" I asked, astonished.

"Of course," she said raising her eyebrows as she looked over her shoulder at me. "I knew we'd have worked up an appetite. Plus, it's not like you can cook, your kitchen is empty."

"You amaze me." I walked up behind her and set the bags onto the bar. I had to admit, the food smelled delicious. The room was quite dark by this point, but there was sufficient candlelight to see by.

She pulled out the paper plates and plastic silverware she had packed and began to dish up our plates. I watched her and couldn't help the smile that formed on my face.

I was finally here. In my house. Eating Italian take-out with Bella in the dark. It just didn't get much more perfect.

After dinner, we went outside in the back yard and sat on the grass. She sat in front of me, with her body positioned between my legs. We both hovered under a blanket as we watched the moon glisten off the ocean and listened to the soothing sound of the waves. Her hands were wrapped around my calves, and she played with the denim of my jeans. Every few minutes she'd kiss my forearm, which was wrapped around her knees. I was exhausted from traveling, but I didn't want to disrupt this moment.

Still, I knew we had to talk about the magazine. I figured the longer we waited the bigger deal it would seem. I wanted to put it behind us.

"Did you see the tabloids?"

She looked down at my hands and nodded but didn't say anything.

"Look at me, Bella."

She turned over her shoulder, but I couldn't discern the look on her face. Was she sad? Pissed? Hurt?

"Talk to me." I needed her reassurance.

"I saw the article." She shrugged and chuckled nervously. "At least it was a good picture of me, unlike last time." She tried to make a joke of it, but I could tell there was more under the surface.

"Are you okay?"

"No, but my not being okay won't change anything, will it? I can't make it stop. I'm trying to focus on the things I can control, and I have no control over what people print. Am I upset? Yeah. Do I fucking hate that my whole life is out there, including my biggest mistakes and failures? Yeah. But what can I do about it?"

I leaned in and kissed her hair, holding her against me longer than necessary. This was my fault, but I couldn't fix it any more than she could.

"I'm so sorry. Fuck, you have no idea how sorry I am."

"Hey, don't do that. I'm a big girl. I knew what I was getting into. Well, sort of. To be honest, I didn't think it would be this bad, but we've talked about you making changes, and maybe those changes will help. Maybe Tanya will find someone new to obsess over, and the media will be all over him? Who knows what's going to happen? All we can do is focus on what we have."

My face was still buried in her hair as my breath got heavy with worry. She was trying, but I'd been dealing with this shit for a while, and I knew it could wear down even the strongest person.

"Please don't leave me, Bella, because of this. I'll do whatever I can to protect you from the bullshit of my life, but it's my biggest fear that you'll leave. I don't think I could bear it."

She turned in my lap and put her hand on my cheek. I leaned into it and looked down at her pleading eyes.

"It bothers me, Edward. I'm not going to lie. They knew _everything _about me and made me seem like a gold-digger who had already been responsible for one man's death. You have no idea how hard Jacob's death has been for me to cope with, because I _do_ feel responsible. So yeah, seeing it printed out like that hurt me. A lot. I've been trying to deal with the tabloid drama on my own, because I knew you'd be worried, but I don't want to hide my feelings from you anymore."

"Is it too much? Oh God, Bella…" I felt my chest tighten with worry. I was such a selfish fuck. I wanted her to choose to be with me, bullshit tabloids and all.

Her voice was calm and sweet. "It's been hard, but Edward, I'm not going to leave you. I love you. I've never felt this way about anyone else, not even my former husband."

I stifled a sob. I'd spent the entire flight stressed over this. Hell, I'd spent our entire relationship stressed over this.

"Thank you for loving me despite all the crap that comes with me."

She gently rubbed my cheek. "Ever since we got back from Guatemala, I've worried about things with us. I worried about not being good enough for you. I was jealous of you being out and about with perfect movie stars. I've worried that I was too fucked up from my past to be good for you. But the last month has given me some clarity. I've missed you so much. We've said goodbye so many times."

"Too many times." This conversation was several months overdue. I was blown away by her confession. How could she possibly think she wasn't good enough for me? I was the lucky one here.

"Well, I don't want that anymore. I need to be honest with you. When I think about my future, I see you in it. When I think about a family and having children, I picture crazy bronze hair and piercing green eyes on tiny little bodies. As impossible as it seems that we'd be here together, we are. We've come a long way."

I was completely overwhelmed. She thought about our future. She thought about having a family with me.

My hands moved of their own volition along her cheeks and into her hair as I pulled her face to mine for a kiss, hoping that it said all the things I wanted to convey.

_I'll love you forever. _

_I can't live without you. _

_Thank you for loving me. _

"Bella," I sighed pulling back just slightly so I could look her in the eyes. "I want all that, too."

Her eyes reflected the love we both felt in that moment, yet I wanted her to feel reassured about us.

"I'll never leave you. I know he left you and hurt you, but I won't do that."

A tear slid down her face, and I wiped it with my thumb as she whispered, "Thank you."

We stood and made our way inside. Between the travel and the enormity of discussion tonight, I was wiped out. Never had an air mattress felt more comfortable to me. Even though it was small and each toss and turn was amplified, it was perfect. The sun lit up the room at some ungodly hour, and yet I was perfectly content, having slept with Bella at my side.

It reminded me of the way I felt my first morning in Guatemala. I was scared and nervous, but it just felt _right._ I knew then that my decision was the right choice, just like I knew now that I'd made the right decision in moving out here.

There are some moments in life that stand out as profound; times when you have a choice to take two different paths, both of which will lead to dramatically different outcomes in life. I smiled to myself, knowing I'd taken the right path, with the right woman.

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**A/N: So, Bella came through for Edward and is opening up! Now here's where real life become real. Let's see how they do. **

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**Reviews=Teasers**

**Thanks to my betas TwiHart and Viola Cornuta for all the help. I know it's a busy time of year, but you guys are awesome! Also, Sunfeathers, ellierk, and Dana1779- thanks for your thoughts! **

**If you haven't checked out my profile lately, please do. I've posted pictures of all things Surviving the Rain on there and will continue to do so. **

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**Next up? A little fun for these guys!**


	22. Chapter 22 Patient

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. **

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**Chapter 22: Patient**

**Bella**

"Are you still sleeping?" I asked, nudging Edward as the sun streamed into his bedroom.

He groaned and rolled over, pulling his pillow over his head.

"Uh- uh," I joked, fighting against his strong arms to lift the pillow. "I know that trick."

"What time is it?" he mumbled, not bothering to pull out his head.

I shook his chest so there was no way he could go back to sleep. "It's almost nine-o'clock."

He began to move grudgingly, running his hand though his hair and rubbing his eyes.

"You are cruel, Bella. I haven't slept in for ages." He looked adorable in the morning, all squished and disheveled.

"How much longer were you going to sleep? Besides, I've got a surprise for you, and I can't wait any longer." I lay on my side, with my elbow supporting my head.

He turned and faced me, mimicking my stance. "A surprise, huh?" His fingers lightly traced my collar bone and down my chest, ghosting over my breast.

I smiled. He was very easily distracted.

"Focus, Edward," I said as I shook my head and grabbed his hand. Not that I minded when he touched me like that at all, but I wanted to tell him my surprise, and I knew if we got sidetracked, I'd never do it.

"Sorry. You were saying," Edward straightened up, trying to put on his best Boy Scout face.

"I made reservations for a getaway. Actually, I've been plotting it for several weeks. You have no idea how hard it is for me to keep a secret from you, but I wanted this to be fun.

He sat upright and gave me his undivided attention. "This sounds like my kind of surprise. Go on."

"Well, since you're new to California, I thought we could take a trip up the coast to Big Sur. It's beautiful up there. I found us a gorgeous hotel that came highly recommended by Alec. It's supposedly got great views and the rooms are immaculate."

He raised an eyebrow. "Alec knew about my vacation before I did? I'm not sure how I feel about that."

I hit him lightly on the arm. "Focus."

Alec had been the source of more than one heated conversation between Edward and me. He didn't seem to agree with me that Alec was completely harmless. In a way, his little jealous tendencies were cute, but I wanted and needed him to trust me. He couldn't keep me locked away from every gorgeous man in Southern California - the odds were not in his favor.

"Sorry," he said apologetically, pulling me on top of him as he lay down flat. "So, when's this trip to Big Sur?"

"Well, I'm kinda proud of myself. I've been working with Alice, whose been working with Jasper, Emmett and Rosalie, and we're all meeting up there next weekend. I've been picking up double shifts lately to pull this off, so Dr. Banner was fine with it.

That had been another source of heated discussion between Edward and me - my hours. I was trying to maintain balance, but it was hard when the expectations were so high of me. I felt like I was failing at both aspects of my life. I couldn't be with Edward enough, and I couldn't work enough. I honestly didn't know what Edward expected me to do. I couldn't quit, and I wasn't in a position to say no to my boss. It was a futile discussion, and almost always involved make up sex of some kind, which I actually quite liked; not enough to make the argument worthwhile, but it was nice nonetheless.

"You really got everyone together so soon?" Edward asked, surprised. Clearly he didn't understand just how anal-retentive I was. I could organize the grains of sand on the beach if given enough time.

"Well, Carlisle couldn't come. He's actually getting ready to ship out again soon. Not to Guatemala, but to Haiti to help with relief efforts there. The man's a machine."

Edward's hands were caressing my hair, making me lose my train of thought.

"That's too bad about Carlisle," Edward said, pulling me to him. His lips just barely touched the skin of my cheek as he spoke.

"Uh huh," I mumbled, rendered incoherent by Edward's warm breath on my face.

"Thank you for planning it all. I would have helped, but I'm glad it was a surprise. I think we need this."

"I agree. I think it'll be a good thing."

He rolled us both over so he was on top of me. "I don't know what Alice has been doing to Jasper, but that boy is whipped," he said, wiggling to position himself between my legs. As if acting on instinct, I wrapped my legs around him.

"You should hear her?" I retaliated. "She won't shut up about Jasper and his big…"

His hand was over my mouth before I could finish. "Please…he's my brother."

I raised my eyebrows in jest. I loved grossing him out. "What? You don't want to hear that he's got a huge di…"

"That's it." Edward began tickling me, which he knew I hated, and I squirmed to break free, unsuccessfully.

"Stop, Edward," I squeaked out. "I hate this."

"No more talking about Jasper's dick. Got it?"

I nodded as I kicked, and he eventually stopped.

"Truce?" I said, still huffing and puffing.

He rolled off me and threw his legs over the side of the bed, looking over his shoulder. "Truce."

As our trip approached, I began to get more and more excited. I really had been working a lot, and it seemed like I didn't get to see Edward very much.

He had started writing again. He managed to convince Victoria that a departure from _Aiding and Abetting_ wouldn't be the career suicide she had tried to warn him about. She wasn't happy, but I suspected Edward would look for West Coast representation once his contract was up at the end of the year.

We hadn't really talked all that much about Victoria. She came out a couple of weeks ago to meet with him, but I had managed to be working the entire time. The less I saw of Victoria, the happier I was.

Edward was settling in to life in California. It was great that Emmett was so close by. He and Edward went running and bike riding at least a couple times a week. I was happy he had someone else besides me. There were also a few fellow authors he had met at industry events over the past year whom he considered friends. I had met a few of them, and they seemed nice enough. We hadn't really gone out with any friends since he'd moved here, given that our time together was so coveted.

That was another reason I was excited about this trip. I missed my friends. I missed being around couples both Edward and I liked equally.

Rosalie and Emmett had been secretly seeing each other since the gala. I didn't understand Rose's need to keep it a secret since Emmett was hardly the secretive type. Anyone who saw them together could tell what was going on. Nonetheless, I played along with Rosalie in front of Kate and other friends. Anyone who had been in the limo at the gala had been treated to the Rose and Emmett show, but apparently Rosalie had forgotten about their drunken PDA.

This weekend was the first time they were going to officially "be out" together. It was a big step for Rosalie, who played her cards very close to the vest. Edward and I just rolled our eyes. They were obviously crazy about each other.

Edward and I packed up the car for the drive, which was about five to six hours, depending on LA traffic. Getting caught in LA at the wrong time could add several hours to any trip. As meticulous as I was, I planned on exactly the right departure time to practically guarantee we'd have a traffic-free trip. So when we arrived at Rosalie's place, and she wasn't finished packing, I became anxious.

"Jesus, Rose," I yelled into her room from the living room. "You knew we were coming."

She came out of her room with her roller bag in tow, looked at me and then at Edward. "She needs to get laid more than anyone I know. You're slacking, Cullen."

He looked at the ground and chuckled, smartly avoiding eye contact with me. My sister and I had always been on opposite sides of the on-time/late spectrum, and it drove me fucking crazy. I hated being late.

"Are you finally ready?" I asked, faking a smile. "We wouldn't want to keep Mr. Four Times in One Night waiting." It was low, I admit. She was very private and surprisingly modest about Emmett, especially since Edward and Emmett were friends. She had practically begged me not to tell Edward about their sex life. I had no desire to gossip about my sister, but desperate times called for desperate measures.

If looks could kill, I'd have been dead. I didn't care; it was better than sitting in LA traffic.

After we picked up Emmett, Rosalie's mood lightened significantly, as did mine, and the rest of the road trip was pleasant. How could it not be with Emmett in the car?

Once we got onto the curving stretches of Hwy 101 that ran along the coast, we all really felt like we were on vacation. The rugged cliffs contrasting with the crashing waves and deep blue ocean were an instant mood lifter. It was impossible not to be awestruck by the view.

The inn where we were staying was up in the hills of Big Sur, nestled into the tall woods with a commanding view of the ocean in the background. It was every bit as spectacular as Alec had said. The front receptionist told us that in the spring, the hillsides were covered with wildflowers. What a beautiful place.

Alice and Jasper were about an hour or so behind us. She'd just recently started working in Seattle and had been staying with Jasper for the last few weeks while she found a place. There was no such thing as 'moving too fast' with the two of them. I'd honestly never seen two people hit if off like the two of them had.

The room was rustic and had a cabin feeling to it, with rich wood paneling on the walls and dark wood floors. The bed was a dark wood four-post bed, with crisp white linens, drawing a stark contrast with the rich wood tones. Off to one side, there was a stone fireplace with two leather chairs and a small table facing it. I could easily get lost in the deep and comfortable chairs.

The bathroom, on the other hand was light and spa-like with cool travertine tiles throughout. It had a huge soaker tub and a freestanding glass-enclosed shower. At the end of the bathroom was a door that led onto the deck.

We made our way outside, still checking out the place and nearly gasped at the sight of the balcony. The resort was nestled along a hillside, so our room was perched among the treetops. The balcony had two Adirondack chairs, a hammock and a sunken hot tub. Pots of lavender and sage lined the deck, and even in the late fall gave off beautiful fragrances.

I put my hands on the railing and inhaled the cool breeze and sweet nature scent.

"I could get used to this place," I sighed, as Edward's hands came around my waist.

He kissed my neck, and I tilted it to the side to encourage him. It had been a while since we were someplace with nothing else to do but simply enjoy being together. He was right; we had needed this.

"I plan on getting very used to this place later," Edward cooed in my ear. "Especially the bed."

I turned in his arms, and his lips met mine in a passionate kiss. I felt the stress leave my body, only feeling him. It was divine.

We eventually pulled apart and went back inside. We were meeting our friends at 4:00 for drinks on the patio outside the hotel restaurant.

We took our time showering and getting dressed. I didn't want to rush anything. If I could have stopped time, I would have.

The sun was getting low in the sky by the time we met up with everyone. We could not have picked a better spot; the views of the ocean and coastline were spectacular.

It was comforting to see how all of us relaxed when we were together. It was as if we had never been apart. We all just fit, and there was an ease about our friendships that made me feel exceptionally happy. I hadn't realized until that moment just how much I had missed this camaraderie.

The same ease of conversation drifted into dinner. Although my meal was among the best I'd had in my life, it was the company that made the meal memorable. Wine flowed. Conversation sparked. And laughter could be heard tables away.

Edward and I were feeling a little tipsy as we walked along the pebble path back to the main building that housed our room. We were hand in hand and still laughing from the night's conversations. As we came to a set of stone stairs, Edward turned to look at me, and just as he did his foot slipped from the stair, and he began to tumble. It happened so fast. One minute we were walking fine and the next he was at the bottom of the stairs.

I flew down the stairs, where he was on the floor rocking back and forth, wincing in pain. I immediately went into doctor mode.

I shooed Edward's hands away and began palpating his leg from his knee down.

"Tell me where it hurts," I ordered, all business.

"Fuck…my ankle," he hissed, still rocking to cope with the pain.

I ran my hands down the side of his chin to his ankle. As soon as I reached it, he pulled back quickly.

"Fuck, right there. Shit!" He swatted at my hand to get me to stop touching him.

"Let me help you, Edward."

He sighed, acquiescing reluctantly. He didn't like being out of control, especially not in front of his girlfriend.

I moved his foot a few times to ascertain whether or not he had broken anything. It was starting to swell, but based on the movement he still had, it appeared to be just a sprain.

"Looks like that round at Pebble Beach will have to be cancelled," I said, shrugging.

"Pebble Beach!" He sat up and practically yanked his foot away. "Fuck!"

"I'm just kidding with you, Edward," I said with a smile. It was rare that I could catch him with any form of practical joke. "I was just trying to lighten the mood."

"Bella, telling a man that a round of golf at Pebble Beach has to be cancelled because he was too big of a klutz to stay upright does anything but lighten the mood."

"It's more than likely just a sprain," I explained in my doctor voice. "But I want to keep an eye on it tonight."

He pulled my hand, bringing my lips to meet him. "You're cute when you're being all doctor-ish."

"Really? Have a lot of doctor/patient fantasies, do you?"

"Hey, it comes with the territory when you go out with one."

"Well, let's get you home first, and then we'll see what happens. How's that?"

I helped him to his feet, and he brushed himself off. He'd fallen a good five or six steps. I was surprised that all that seemed to have happened was a sprain. If that had been me, I'd have broken bones.

He threw his arm around my shoulder, and we hobbled back to the room. I started a fire, changed clothes, washed my face and dimmed the lights all in the time it took him to get his pants halfway off.

"Baby, I could have helped you," I said, watching him struggle with his sock.

"I can do it."

Such a man.

"Well, I'm going in the hot tub. At the rate you're going, I'll be done before you're in your boxers. You sure you don't want some help?"

Assessing the situation, he agreed, and I helped finish getting him undressed. I liked taking care of him. I liked that he needed me.

He could barely walk the short distance to the hot tub, so we hobbled together, naked and wrapped in towels out onto the patio and slid into the warm water. Steam wafted all around us as we moaned in appreciation. The jets swirled as we threw our heads back in relaxation.

"Oh God, this is perfect," he sighed. "I'm all stiff from my fall. How embarrassing."

I crawled over to him and straddled his lap. He was feeling stupid, and I could tell he just needed a little reassurance that he was still as manly-man as ever.

His hands came to my ass and pulled me close, grinding his hips into me. Being naked in a hot tub with Edward, injured or not, was very nice.

"Is this okay, doctor? Is this part of my treatment?"

I pulled back and shook my head. "Really? The doctor thing? So corny."

He laughed. "Sorry, can't help it."

He buried his face in my shoulder as he kissed my overheated skin, still rocking his hips against me in a slow and steady rhythm.

His fingers gripped my hair at the back of my head, and our eyes met as he spoke. "I've been thinking a lot about things since we got here and had a lot of plans for tonight until my stupid fall. I wanted this to be special. I wanted to remind you why we're so good together."

Gone was the joking tone from just moments before. Edward was genuinely concerned. I had to fix this.

"I know how good we are. Was there ever any doubt in your mind?" I asked.

"No, baby," he confessed, his fingers still gripping my head, his gaze intense. "I just love you so much."

I pulled his face to meet my lips. "I'm sorry if I've given you any doubts. I love you, too."

"Well there is one way you can prove it to me," he said, smirking. I was glad the mood had lightened.

I played along, happily. "Oh? And what's that?"

"Help me to the bed?"

"That's it? Just help you to the bed?"

"Well, no. But you're a very resourceful woman. I have every confidence you can figure something out."

"I'm sure I can." I stood and climbed out of the hot tub, feeling Edward's roaming and appreciative eyes on me.

I wrapped myself in a towel and helped him out. He hated being so helpless.

I laid him on the bed and finished drying him off. He rolled his eyes. "I can dry myself off, you know?"

"Yes, but can you do this by yourself?" I placed a kiss on his inner thigh, and he jumped. "I thought not. Now, let me work."

Deciding being dried off and kissed by his girlfriend wasn't the end of the world, Edward folded his hands behind his head and watched me.

I ran my hands up the length of his legs and pulled the towel out from underneath him. "You won't need this anymore."

His hand reached out and rubbed my arm, but I pushed it away. "Uh uh…this is about you right now."

"Just because I'm hurt doesn't mean I'm helpless."

"Shh…"

He pulled back and rejoined his hands behind his head, a devilish grin ever present on his face.

I straddled him and began kissing from his neck down his body to his navel. The intensity of his moans with each of my kisses increased as I got closer to his cock, which had become quite hard.

My hand slid down his leg and slowly moved back up until I gripped his length, causing him to buck up into my hand. Meanwhile, my mouth moved over his hip, gently kissing his sensitive muscles.

"Bella…" By this time, his hands were clutching the sheets and his gaze was fixed on my hand.

Watching him closely, I put my mouth around the tip and took him into my mouth. Never breaking eye contact, I moved lower and slowly back up.

"Oh fuck…that's good."

I began to move faster, encouraged by his shallow breaths and words of praise. His body was tense, and his hips moved into me as I sucked and licked.

When I could see him straining, I pulled my lips from him and rose slightly. His hands immediately went to my hips as he pulled me to straddle him.

"I want to be inside you," he said sternly, grabbing his cock to position it correctly. I lifted myself up to help and then thrust down onto him. Even after all the times we'd been together, I was still shocked at how completely he filled me. I never got tired of the way his body moved to go deeper.

His hands moved to my hips and gripped me tightly as he encouraged me to move. His eyes focused on where we were joined. He was still semi-sitting so he had a good view.

Being on top allowed me to get just the right angle, and within minutes I was exploding around him.

"So…good…ah…" I could barely speak.

His hands on my hips helped keep the pace he wanted as his jaw clenched with the pent up tension.

"I love seeing you like this," he sighed. "I love making you feel good."

I put my hands on his shoulders to get leverage and began to ride him hard, rocking my hips and thrusting down onto him. Each time I took him deep inside me, we both grunted loudly. The pace was fast and hard, and I could feel the pressure building up again.

"Oh God…oh God…"

His thrusts upward matched my downward ones as his arms moved around my ribs, pressing my body down with each upward thrust.

I threw my head back as my orgasm overcame me, only vaguely hearing him scream out as he came as well.

I fell forward on top of him and let his hands caress my back until we were both recovered enough to speak.

"You were right."

"About what?"

" You're definitely not helpless."

"Told you." His kissed my forehead, then my cheek, then my lips. The frenzy from before was replaced by sweet and slow kisses.

I didn't even remember falling asleep. One minute I was in Edward's arms and the next I was wrapped up in a fluffy blanket.

The next morning, the guys played a quick nine holes of golf, sadly NOT at Pebble Beach. Much to Edward's dismay, he had been relegated to the golf cart due to his injury.

Meanwhile, the girls and I went to the spa. I felt bad about Edward, but he assured me the round would go quickly and that we should go "get our spa on." I guessed he probably wanted some guy time, too.

After a much needed massage, the girls all met in the sauna.

"So, how was your night after you left?" Rosalie asked, raising her eyebrow at me. "You guys looked awfully cozy."

I rolled my eyes and sighed. "Before or after Edward fell down the stairs and sprained his ankle?"

"Yeah, he didn't look good this morning. I hope he's okay," Alice chimed in.

"He is," I said with a wink. "I made it up to him."

"I'm sure you did." I loved Alice. Nothing embarrassed her, and consequently nothing embarrassed me in her presence.

"So, Emmett told me something very interesting last night," Rosalie said, feigning nonchalance even though I could tell she was bursting at the seams.

"What's that? You look like the cat that just ate the canary. Spill it."

"I promised I wouldn't tell you, but Emmett should have known better. I can't keep a secret like this from my own sister."

"Spill it." This time it was Alice who chimed in.

"Well, it would seem a certain someone has been shopping lately."

"Uh huh…" I said, gesturing with my hands for her to be more forthcoming.

"He's going to ask you to marry him, Bella."

_Holy crap!_

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**A/N: So how do you think Bella is going to react to this news? Will she be excited or scared shitless? Will she embrace it or run away? Let me hear your theories! ****Check my profile for pics of the hotel and getaway spot.**

**Thanks as always to my betas, TwiHeart and Viola Cornuta, who helped me with this over the holiday. Also, I love my pre-readers Sunfeathers, ellierk, and Dana1779 so much! **

**If you haven't done so, please check out my O/S for the Cherry Exchange. Public voting starts December 5th, and I could really use your support and pimpage. The story is called Hard Day, Hard Night. It's a fun little read. The link is in my profile. **

**Next up, Bella talks…but to whom? And about what?**


	23. Chapter 23 Dr Swan

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. **

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**Chapter 23: Dr. Swan**

**Bella**

I spent the rest of the trip up north freaking out about Rosalie's unexpected confession.

I watched Edward closely for any signs that what she said was true. According to Rosalie, Edward had talked to Emmett about it.

I was so confused. I wanted it to be true. I mean, Edward had moved all the way across the country for me, and when I thought about my future, he was always in it. I honestly couldn't imagine not having him in my life.

But I was still getting used to having him here and all that went along with it. I was trying to cope with the paparazzi and tabloids and the screaming fangirls, but it wasn't always easy. It didn't seem like my life. It seemed like I was watching a movie or something.

But then when Edward and I were alone together, or with our friends, it all made sense.

I was so confused. Of course I would say yes to Edward. I loved him. But could I really handle all of it?

Because I had taken the time off to go to Big Sur, I have to jump right back into work when we got back. I was actually glad for the break from my over-analytical thoughts.

I had spent the night at Edward's so I was rushing around in the morning to get to work on time for my shift. Going on a vacation, no matter how short was always a little bittersweet because it left me scrambling when I got back.

I stopped by Starbucks and sped to the hospital. I accidentally slammed my coat in my car door and spilled my coffee when I got jerked back trying to walk away. Then my heel caught on some uneven concrete, and my purse flew from my arms and spewed the contents all over the parking lot.

"Fuck!" I yelled as I kneeled to grab my stuff.

What a morning this had been.

I was just getting my stuff back in my purse when I heard a bunch of footsteps and chatter. I looked up just in time to see a herd of paparazzi coming toward me.

"Doctor Swan, is it true that you and Edward Cullen are engaged?"

They were all around me.

"Miss Swan, what does Edward think about Tanya Denali and her new role?"

I had to get out of this.

"Can you confirm that you and Edward Cullen are living together?"

_Please, make this stop. _

I pushed through the crowd, finally reaching the front door. Security wouldn't let them follow me in, which was a blessing because as soon as I got inside, tears started flowing down my face.

I wiped my eyes as I got into the elevator.

_Calm down, Bella. It's over. _

For now.

I took several deep breaths and steadied myself as the doors opened.

This was where things made sense for me. I could be me and not have to worry about anything except doing what I did best.

"There you are, Bella," Alec said as he rounded the corner. "Banner's been looking for you."

"I'm only" - I glanced down at my watch - "ten minutes late."

He raised his eyebrow at me. "You know how he gets."

"I ran into some photographers outside."

He put his hand on my arm. "I saw them there this morning when I came in. Are you okay?"

I nodded. "Yeah, thanks. It's just a lot to deal with, you know?"

"Well, I'm here if you need to talk. In the meantime, you should find Banner."

I walked into my office and set down my stuff. I quickly straightened myself up and tried to look presentable when I met with Dr. Banner. He was a wonderful man but extremely demanding of his staff. He definitely wasn't someone I wanted to piss off.

I knocked on the door, and he looked up from his computer screen. "Ah, Dr. Swan, I see you _finally_ arrived."

I internally rolled my eyes. He always did have a penchant for the overly dramatic. It was only ten minutes.

I was feeling upset and bitchy from both the loss of my latte and being bombarded at the door. I wasn't in the mood to be hassled about being ten minutes late like I was a child.

"You wanted to see me?" I asked as I sat in the chair opposite his desk.

He folded his hands on his desk and gave me his most intimidating glare.

"There have been some changes I've noticed lately. Not all of them positive."

"I'm not sure I understand." There was no need for him to start being coy now. Better he just come out with it.

"Dr. Swan, this hospital has always had a reputation of being the top of its kind. It's not a circus."

"No, of course not."

"So naturally, when I come to work and get harassed by people with cameras who have camped out by our front doors, asking about you, it's unsettling."

Oh God, they harassed Dr. Banner, too?

"I'm not the only one. There have been several complaints to security. I know I don't need to point this out, but it's unprofessional."

"Dr. Banner, I'm so sorry. I'm trying to figure out how to make it all go away. I never wanted this to happen."

I was stumbling over my words, but there was nothing I could say. I couldn't make them leave. I couldn't guarantee they wouldn't show up again.

"I know you didn't mean for this to happen. You've always been very professional. However, lately I've noticed that your commitment seems to be wavering."

I sat up straight in my seat for emphasis. "No, Dr. Banner. I'm very committed to my work - our work."

"I'd like to see you focus more, Dr. Swan. Now that you've had a few days off and several last month as well, I think you should be well rested, don't you?"

I nodded. "Yes, I'll make more of an effort."

"Thank you, Dr. Swan. That'll be all."

He went right back to his work before I'd even gotten out of the chair. This conversation had been the coldest I'd had with him, and I could feel his disappointment in the air. I'd worked so hard to get where I was, and now it just felt like I was letting everyone down.

I just wanted this day to be over. What else could go wrong? Maybe I would get struck by lightening and make it a triple crown.

I shuffled through the papers and charts on my desk a little more roughly than needed. I didn't know whether to scream or start crying.

A knock on my door pulled me from my thoughts.

"Hey," Alec said. "How'd it go with Banner?"

I shook my head and rolled my eyes. "You don't want to know."

"That good, huh?"

"If it's not one thing, it's another," I said, sitting down in my chair with a whoosh.

He sat in the chair opposite my desk.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"I'm just frustrated. It seems like just when one aspect of my life is falling into place, something else crashes. Things are finally going well with Edward, and he's out here now. But then I come in today to have Banner tell me that I'm not doing enough."

"Bella, you're an amazing doctor. Banner knows he's lucky to have you on his staff. Don't let him get to you."

"Thanks. I'm trying not to, but I'm just one person. I can't be everything to everyone."

Alec stood and came around the desk, pulling me to stand and giving me a hug.

"It'll all be fine. Just do what you do best, and it'll all work out."

Even though I knew Alec was just comforting me, it felt weird to be in his arms like this, so I pulled away and wiped the tear that had fallen.

"Thanks for listening. I appreciate it."

"No problem. I'm going on my rounds now. I'll catch you later, okay?"

I smiled weakly as he turned to leave. I needed to get my shit together.

Edward texted me several times that morning, but I was so behind I didn't have time to get back to him. It was staggering how much work had piled up in my absence.

Ever since the news of me dating Edward had been made public and my pictures kept showing up on tabloids, I had new people either trying to befriend me or talking about me behind my back. Nurses would be extra nice to me; I guessed hoping to get closer to Edward. I had no idea, but it was unnerving. I'd never been paranoid about my friendships until now. It was amazing what fame did to people. Everyone wanted a piece of Edward and, subsequently, me. It made me appreciate the real friends I had immensely.

My phone buzzed that afternoon, and I glanced down to see that it was from Edward.

_Miss you today. Be off in time for dinner? ~E_

I looked down at my watch. 6:30? Already? Where the hell had the time gone?

_There's no way. Eat without me. Should I come over when I get off? ~B_

_Yeah. You have the key. I'll wait up. ~E_

I shoved down a granola bar I'd gotten from the vending machines and continued working. I was mentally and physically drained. I poured over charts and met with my colleagues and patients. Before I knew it, it was after midnight.

I dropped my purse on the table by the door. The moonlight shown in through Edward's windows, casting a glow throughout the room. The lights were all off.

I tiptoed into the bedroom, not wanting the sound to wake Edward up. He'd promised to wait up for me, probably assuming I'd be off at a reasonable hour. Just as predicted, he was sleeping when I came into the bedroom. He looked so sweet and peaceful, and my heart suddenly hurt because I'd missed him tonight. I'd only seen him for the few minutes before I left this morning, and even then, I was running around trying to get out of the house. Hardly the picture of domestic bliss.

After taking off my clothes and putting on some pajama pants and a camisole, I made my way into the bathroom. There was a note taped to the mirror.

_Stayed up as long as I could. Sorry you had to work late. See you in the morning. ~E_

God, this man was so sweet.

I climbed into bed and felt his heat. It was comforting. I was glad I hadn't gone home alone to my house.

The next morning, I woke up without the alarm, so worried that I'd oversleep.

I crawled over and straddled a sleeping Edward. His arms came around my body, even though his eyes were still closed. I kissed his neck, and he sighed.

"Morning, baby," I said in between kisses. "Sorry I missed you last night."

His eyes opened. "You must have been late. I didn't go to bed until midnight."

"I'll have to tell you all about it when I have more time. Banner was upset at me."

"Why?"

"There were paparazzi at the hospital, among other things."

"Shit, Bella. I'm so sorry. I never meant for…"

"Shhh…" I put my finger over his lips. "It's not your fault, so don' t you dare apologize."

"I don't want that for you."

"I know." I knew he was being sincere, but there was nothing he could do about it, either.

"What else happened with Dr. Banner?" he asked, still gently running his hands up and down my back.

"We'll talk about it later. I've got to get to work."

I reluctantly climbed out of bed, the cool morning air hitting me like a freight train, sending chills up my spine.

I quickly got dressed, gave Edward a kiss and ran off for another day. The next few days went exactly the same, and began melding together.

I hadn't been home to my house except to shower and change clothes in over a week. Things were piling up. I needed to go shopping. I needed to clean. I needed to pay bills.

I had worked every day since we got back from Big Sur and was completely exhausted.

_You're mine tonight. No excuses. ~E_

I needed a break, even if it meant working extra hours tomorrow. I missed Edward. I needed Edward.

_You're on. Dinner. My place 7:00. ~B_

_I'll bring the groceries. You supply the wine. ~E_

I still had two more hours of work before my self-imposed quitting time. Thinking of a nice dinner and evening with Edward made the time pass quickly.

I rushed out to my car using the back door since I'd been warned there were paparazzi out front. I still couldn't understand what the hell they wanted with me, but as long as I avoided them, I felt better.

I stopped off at my favorite wine and cheese shop on the way home. The owner, Angela, knew everything there was to know about wine and always had a great selection.

I passed by a news and flower stand on the way in when a tabloid caught my eye.

Again?

There, on the cover of some piece of shit magazine was a picture of Edward and Tanya at some red carpet event from the past. One of the pictures from the other morning was inset into one of Edward and Tanya. I had my hand in front of my face and an irritated look. The headline was especially unflattering.

_Tanya Denali's Revenge. While Tanya stars in Aro Volturi's latest thriller, Edward Cullen is clinging to a Plain Jane._

Another magazine right next to that had a picture of Edward and me at the gala and right below that had an unflattering one where I looked pasty white and horrid. That caption read:

_Edward's Latest Fling with a Criminal Past?_

A criminal? What the hell? I'd never been in any trouble with the law.

I snatched up the magazines and paid for them quickly. I didn't want to be late for Edward, but I wanted to see what lies had been printed this week.

My mood was foul when I entered the wine shop. Angela, sensing my distress, put me right at ease, doing all the talking about her latest shipments. I walked out of there feeling much better and with two excellent bottles of Pinor Noir.

_Thank you, Angela. _

Edward arrived a few minutes after I got home. My house was freezing and felt unlived in. Of course, it had been unlived in since we spent almost all my limited free time at Edward's place.

"I brought steaks," he said as he kissed me before setting down the bags.

"Perfect. I brought Pinot Noir."

He went into the living room to start a fire while I unpacked the groceries. I wondered if he'd seen the headlines, or if he'd even care. He had to be numb to this stuff by now. I wondered when I'd get to that point.

I didn't bring up the tabloids at dinner. I knew Edward would feel horrible about them, and we'd had such little time together I didn't want to ruin it.

Dinner was fabulous, and afterwards we sat in front of the fire and talked - really talked. It was comforting. I was reminded of my conversation with Rosalie and thought briefly that being married to Edward, if we could just be like this, would be wonderful.

Edward hadn't made a peep about marriage or even our relationship. I wished I knew what his conversations with Emmett consisted of. I decided to probe him a little bit.

"Edward?" I asked, playing with his sleeve as I lay next to him on the couch.

He turned to look at me. "What's up?"

"How do you like California?"

He sighed, as if he was composing his thoughts. "It's different than I thought it would be. I expected a lot of fake people, but so far the ones I've met have been really down to Earth."

"I think it's like everywhere. There are good people and not so good people. What about everything else? How do like your house? How's writing coming?"

"I'm not crazy about the traffic, but I love my house. It's everything I wanted it to be. I'm not going to lie, I still miss Washington, but if I can't live there, then I'm happy where I am."

"Good, I'm glad."

Edward didn't mention anything about us sharing his place, like he'd mentioned when he first bought it. Even when I confessed that I saw him in my future, he hadn't said anything about me moving in or taking our relationship to the next level. If Rosalie hadn't mentioned anything, I'd have had no inclination as to his plans.

_Maybe Emmett's mistaken?_

I had worked it out with Dr. Banner to work a later shift the next day. I didn't think he'd object since I'd put in so many hours lately, but he gave me a little stink eye when I asked.

Edward fell asleep easily as it got later, the wine and heavy dinner knocking him out. I was still curious and upset about the tabloids, so I snuck out of bed and went into the kitchen to read them.

The first one was mostly about Tanya and how great she was. There were several pictures of her with Edward, looking fabulous. The pictures of me were unflattering, of course. Someone had obviously caught me coming out of the gym and there was another one of me at the grocery store. Whatever. I was getting used to the kind of manipulation that occurred.

The second one really bothered me, and I was very curious to read what crime I had supposedly committed. I flipped through the pages and finally found the article. There was a picture of Jake and my heart sank.

I read frantically.

_Dr. Isabella Swan was considered a prime suspect in the supposed accidental death of her husband, Jacob Black._

…_the allegations were mysteriously dropped…_

What? There was never a time when I was a suspect. It wasn't even murder. He died accidentally!

I read on.

_Sources close to the couple allege marital problems. Eva Knox, a former neighbor of the Blacks tells us that there were often loud arguments coming from the household and possibly even domestic abuse. According to Ms. Knox, on the night of Mr. Black's death, an argument ensued, ending in Mr. Black peeling away out of the driveway._

What. The. Fuck. Eva had been my neighbor for five years. I knew her kids. I borrowed sugar. Why would she betray me like this? Was everything in Hollywood just about money and fame? Was there no discretion? Was there no loyalty at all?

I was embarrassed and humiliated. I hadn't realized that mine and Jacob's problems were so transparent to others. This article did nothing but air my dirty laundry.

I couldn't stop the tears. When would it stop? What else would they find out? Would they interview my first boyfriend? Would they find out about me doing experimental drugs in college and ruin my reputation at work? Would they track down all my old friends? Honestly, why did anyone care about any of this? About me?

"Hey." I jumped when I heard Edward's voice behind me.

"You scared the shit out of me, Edward," I said, clutching my chest and wiping my tears. In my fright, I dropped the magazine and he bent down to pick it up, noticing the headline.

"A little late night reading?"

"I didn't want to mention it earlier. You'd gone to such trouble. I saw it at the Wine Vault and hadn't had a chance to read it."

He closed the distance between us and rubbed his hands on the outside of my arms.

"How bad is it?"

I fell into him and felt his loving arms engulf me. "Oh God, Edward," I sobbed. "They just won't stop. What are people going to think?"

"Everyone who knows you knows that this stuff is all bullshit."

"Do they? Do they really? I hear people chattering in the hall at work when I walk by. You don't think I know what they're saying? And this…" - I grabbed the magazine from his hands and slammed it on the counter - "flat out says that I was responsible for Jacob's death. Fuck!"

Edward tried to pull me into a hug, but I was too angry now. It wasn't his fault, but no amount of comforting could take away the fact that the worst moment in my life was printed for all to see.

There was no one to lash out at. There was no one to fix it. I had to just suck it up and deal with it, and that pissed me off. Here I was up in the middle of the night, fretting and worrying about the lies in this piece of shit magazine. Meanwhile on the other side of town, the author of this tripe and my former friend were sleeping peacefully. It wasn't their life they'd splattered about, so why should they care?

"Bella," Edward started again. I turned and looked at him. I couldn't imagine him having any words that would provide me any peace of mind, but I listened anyway. "I know this hurts. I've been there, too. I know what it feels like to want to rip off someone's head. But believe me when I say it will pass. People are fickle, and tomorrow there will be new gossip. I'm doing everything I can to get us out of the spotlight. You know that, right?"

"I know, baby," I sighed. He'd been great, and it wasn't fair to take all this out on him. "I feel like a broken record, always complaining about the same thing. It's just, each time I see something like this, I wonder what else they could possibly print to make it worse. And each time, I'm surprised by how far they go. It's not your fault. I just don't know how to deal with it."

He hugged me tightly, and this time I didn't stop him. "I understand. You can talk to me, though. You don't have to sneak off in the middle of the night and deal with this alone."

"I didn't want to ruin dinner," I confessed, sniffling.

"Hey," he said, tilting my face up with his finger on my chin. "You could never ruin anything. Don't be afraid to talk to me, because I do understand."

"Thank you." I felt like we always had this same conversation. I hated it, mostly because I knew it wouldn't be the last time. I shuddered to think what they'd find out about me next and spin to their liking.

We both finally fell asleep, and I welcomed the rest. I'd been burning the candle at both ends lately and was mentally and physically exhausted.

Thankfully, I woke up with a little more perspective than I'd had the night before. What had seemed like a huge, looming burden didn't look so horrible with the light of morning.

Edward and I decided to go to a little breakfast place called The Penguin Cafe not too far from my house. It didn't matter what day of the week it was, there was always a wait. The décor was tacky and cheap, but the food spoke for itself.

I drank my first cup of coffee down like water in the Sahara and began to finally feel alive. The place was buzzing with activity, which also helped to wake me up. I was really dreading going in to work later. I needed a day off.

"He can do so much better…Have you seen his ex?" The conversation from the table a few down from ours was escalating and becoming a little loud.

"Why would you say that? Because she's not famous? I think she's pretty. And she's obviously smart," a woman retorted.

"He's a fool. She's a fucking criminal, for Christ's sake. And he's Edward Cullen…"

Holy shit! They were talking about us. I felt the air escape my lungs as I ducked my head and sank into the chair. I wanted the Earth to open up and swallow me whole. Just when I was feeling okay.

Edward began fumbling with his wallet and flagging down the waitress. The people having the conversation continued to laugh and talk as though it was nothing. It was just a dumb little discussion over breakfast for them, but it was _my_ life.

I tried to hold back the tears. I looked around, trying to see if people had noticed us. Other than a few stares at Edward and some whispers, people were generally eating a casual breakfast. How I envied them.

Edward pulled me to stand when the bill finally came and ushered me out of the restaurant and quickly into the car.

I buried my face in my hands and cried. I was so fucking sick of crying.

"Let's go home," Edward said, gently rubbing my back.

"And do what? Wallow in misery? Fuck that. I've got to be at work in a few hours anyway. Just take me to the hospital."

"Bella, don't."

"Don't what? It's the only thing I have left that makes any fucking sense. And even at work, all this bullshit is creeping in."

"I don't know what to do," he said sadly. "I don't know what to say."

"Just take me to the hospital. Please?" I was trying like hell to keep the vitriol out of my voice. Edward didn't need to feel responsible.

He put the car in drive and nodded. "Okay."

I climbed out of Edward's passenger seat at the back door to the hospital. God forbid I use the front door, especially with Edward. What a gold mine that would be for the paps.

I leaned in the open window to say goodbye. "I'll be okay. I just need to think about things. I'll call you later, okay?"

Edward reached his hand out and grabbed mine. "I love you. I'll come pick you up when you're done, okay?"

"You don't have to do that. I can get a ride."

"Just call me."

I smiled weakly and turned to walk in the door. I just needed to clear my head. I needed to feel normal and useful again.

"Hey, you okay?" Alec asked when he saw me.

"Don't ask," I deadpanned.

"You got it."

This was normal. This was good. I could do this.

* * *

**A/N: *ducks* Don't throw tomatoes! The proverbial shit has hit the fan, at least for Bella. This has to be frustrating for her– not having anyone to blame or any way to fix things. She wants Edward; she truly does. But is that enough to make all the other shit okay? We'll see next chapter!**

**Thanks to my betas, TwiHeart and Viola Cornuta for holding my hand this week. I needed it! Also, thanks to my pre-readers Sunfeathers, ellierk, and Dana1779 for calming my frayed nerves. **

**Don't forget to leave me a review!**

**The next chapter will most likely not get posted until Thursday the 16****th****. I'm going on vacation starting Thursday and will have limited computer access (read: my husband will divorce me if I'm writing on our family vacation.) So, if you review later this week, I won't be able to respond until I get back. **

**Finally, voting is open until the 15****th**** for the Cherry exchange contest. My entry is called Hard Day, Hard Night, and I'd really love your votes. Please see my profile for a link to the voting! I'm up against some really well known authors, so I'd totally appreciate any help getting the word out. **

**Until next week…**


	24. Chapter 24 Cracks

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. **

* * *

**Chapter 24: Cracks**

**Edward**

I pulled away from the hospital and wanted to fucking punch something, someone. I got about three blocks away before I had to pull over the car and beat the shit out of the steering wheel.

The look on Bella's face when she heard those people talking at the restaurant was horror-stricken. She hated all of this and yet, she put up with it for me. It felt like it was only a matter of time before it all broke her down and she left. I was helpless to stop it.

I thought about my conversation with Emmett. I told him how I wanted to ask Bella to marry me. He was excited for me and encouraged me. I'd even bought a ring. But that all seemed like a million years ago.

Bella and I seemed to have cycles. We were happy with each other when it was just us; that was easy enough to see. I'd never been happier. But the rest of the time it was hit or miss. We'd be fine, and then she'd see a tabloid or the paparazzi and lose it. Or fans would come up to me and interrupt us, and she'd get annoyed. There wasn't really anything I could do except for reassure her that I was committed to her, to us. Maybe I was hasty thinking she'd marry me, but I knew she was the right person for me, and I was confident in her feelings for me. We just had to strike a balance.

I wanted to call or text her, but I knew she needed time to sort everything out. I just wished I was the person she came to when she needed comfort.

I kept myself busy that afternoon, trying not to think about things. We'd sort all of this out when she got home tonight.

Four o'clock came and went.

Five o'clock came and went.

I couldn't take it anymore, so I texted her.

_Are you coming home for dinner? ~E_

_Can't. Eat without me. Will get a ride to your place later. ~B_

Can't? Won't? Did it matter?

I heated up some leftover Chinese food I'd gotten the night before and turned on the TV. After flipping through multiple channels of crap, I finally settled on _Airplane_. If that movie couldn't cheer me up, or at least take my mind of everything, I didn't know what could.

I must have dozed off at some point because I woke up to the sound of a car pulling into my driveway. The clock on the DVR read 12:34. There was some infomercial on the TV. Rubbing my eyes, I went to the front window and noticed a black Mercedes idling there. The engine and lights turned off, but no one got out. Finally, Bella got out of the passenger side and Alec got out of the driver's seat.

_Great, Alec is here. _

He leaned against the hood of the car, and she came around and sat next to him. I wished I could hear what they were talking about. Her body language was easy to read. She ran her fingers through her hair and wiped her eyes, looking down. She was upset. He put his hand on her shoulder and rubbed it up and down her arm. My blood began to boil. It was _my_ job to do that. I hated that I was jealous and basically intruding on her privacy by spying on her, but I couldn't help it.

Alec gave Bella a big hug, lingering a little too long and touching a little too much, if you asked me. They exchanged a few words, and she moved toward the door as he got back into his car.

Not wanting to be caught spying, I quickly ran into the other room and threw myself onto the couch.

The door opened and shut, and I heard her footsteps coming into the living room.

"I didn't know you'd still be awake," she said as she tossed her coat and purse onto a chair.

"I fell asleep watching a movie."

She sat down next to me and sank into my arms like a wet noodle. "I'm so tired."

I stood and held out my hand to her, pulling her to stand. I wrapped my arms around her and kissed her forehead. She pulled me close but didn't say anything.

"I'm so sorry, baby," I whispered into her hair.

"Let's go to bed." Her voice was flat, resigned.

The next morning, I was hoping Bella and I could talk. Last night was obviously not a good time, but I wanted to know how Bella was coping with everything, not that I couldn't already tell. More than anything, I just wanted her to tell me things were okay with us.

I didn't get the chance. By the time I got up, Bella had already gone to work. There was a small note in the bathroom.

_You looked so peaceful sleeping that I didn't want to wake you. Today's shift should be done early. Call you later. I love you, Bella._

I crumpled up the note and threw it harshly in the trashcan. "Fuck."

I needed to let off some steam. Writing wasn't happening. I called Emmett to see if he wanted to work out. As if he could sense my fragile state of mind, he agreed.

I was already on the treadmill when Emmett arrived at the gym. He climbed on one next to me and began to run.

"Want to tell me what this is all about?" Emmett didn't bother with niceties.

"We always work out together, Emmett."

He rolled his eyes. "Whatever."

He turned back and focused on his run. We ran in silence for a few minutes.

"It's Bella," I finally confessed.

"Uh- huh. I figured as much."

I slowed the treadmill down to a walk, and he did the same.

"I don't fucking know what to do," I said.

"What happened? Did she turn you down when you asked her to marry you?"

"I never even asked. I never got the chance. I feel like I never see her. She's always working. Then the latest tabloid came out, and she freaked out. She's pushing me away."

He nodded in understanding. "Rose told me a little bit about that. She's just getting used to all of this. She'll come around."

"There's more."

"What?" He stopped his treadmill and grabbed his towel, wiping his face.

"There's another guy," I said, stepping off and toweling off.

"No way. There's no way Bella's fucking another guy," Emmett said emphatically.

"Fuck, I don't know. This guy Alec seems awfully interested. You remember him from Bella's gala? Anyway, instead of calling me for a ride home last night, he fucking brings her. They looked awfully chummy. And shit, she's with him more than she's with me."

"Look, according to Rose, Bella's really struggling. Don't go all caveman on her, or you'll push her too far. It'll be okay. And don't worry about this douchebag."

"Right. Easier said than done."

We shuffled through the gym to the free weights. We didn't talk about Bella after that. I was grateful; I needed a break from my thoughts.

I thought a lot about what Emmett had said. I knew Bella. I trusted Bella. I honestly didn't think she was the type to cheat on me. But I couldn't get the image of _him_ comforting her out of my mind. I kept seeing his arms around her, knowing he didn't come with all this bullshit. She could have a normal relationship with him; something I couldn't give her.

The next few weeks were more of the same. Bella and I didn't see much of each other. When we were together, we tried to make the best of it. I took whatever I could get, and in those times, we were just us again. We were happy. But it wasn't enough. We needed a change.

I wanted to do something special for Bella – something that would show her how much she meant to me. We needed to get back to the way we were in Guatemala or even Big Sur. We needed to be us so she could see it was worth fighting for.

Dinner. I'd make her a special dinner.

I pulled out my phone and sent her a text.

_I'm making dinner. Be here at 7:00? ~E_

I smiled when the return text came.

_A romantic dinner with THE Edward Cullen? How could I say no?~B_

_Don't let it go to your head. LOL. Love you. See you tonight. ~E_

Excited about our date, I went to the grocery store to buy all the necessary ingredients. Then I stopped by a flower store to get her something. I hadn't bought her flowers before and picked out a bouquet the saleslady assured me she'd love.

Everything was in place.

The smell of roast chicken permeated the air. It was a specialty of mine; I could cook it to perfection. The potatoes were in the oven, and I was cutting up the green beans.

I didn't start to worry until it was 7:15. Bella was never late. She abhorred being late.

I checked my phone, but there were no messages. I began to get worried so I texted her.

_Everything okay? It's 7:20 and no word. ~E_

Nothing.

I put the chicken and potatoes back in the oven to stay warm. I nervously sipped my glass of red wine. Why hadn't she called? This wasn't like her.

7:45.

Nothing.

_Getting worried now. Please call. ~E_

By 8:00 I realized she wasn't coming. I pulled the chicken out of the oven and began to carve it, carefully putting the pieces in a Tupperware container. I dished up a plate of potatoes and chicken, foregoing putting the green beans on to cook. Why bother?

I sat in the candlelight, eating my romantic dinner alone.

Where was she?

I threw my dish into the sink and put away the food. Bella had stood me up with no call. Nothing. My worry began to shift to anger.

I poured myself another glass of wine and went into my bedroom. I decided to take a shower, hoping it would make me calm down, but it didn't work. I went for a walk on the beach out front, freezing my ass off, but that didn't work either.

10:00.

Fucking 10:00, and I heard a key in the door. I stood up, trying to compose my thoughts so I didn't go off the deep end. I was deeply hurt by her lack of consideration, but a small part of me understood she was fragile too.

"Nice of you come home at all," I said harshly. So much for keeping my cool.

"Edward, I…"

"Don't. Just don't give me an excuse."

"It's not an excuse. I got pulled into surgery." She looked exhausted.

I nodded, pursing my lips. "Couldn't you have called?"

"I thought it would be quick. I thought we'd be done in time for me to make it home." She sounded sincere, but I was still pissed.

"Well, there's food in the fridge if you want it. It was one of my better roast chickens. Help yourself. I'm going to bed."

She walked over to me and tried to put her arms around me, but I pulled back. "Don't be angry. Please," she said softly.

"I can't help it. We'll talk in the morning. Will you BE here in the morning, or will I get another note?"

She ran her hand along the edge of the couch, looking as if she might cry. "I'll be here."

I turned on my heel and walked into my room, saying goodnight over my shoulder as I went.

I hated fighting, especially with Bella. I could see the conflict in her face tonight, but I had conflict of my own.

I slipped under the covers of my bed, the cool sheets not providing any comfort. I lay there awake and agitated, but with my eyes closed, until I heard her come into the room some time later. She was quiet, thinking me asleep. She slid into bed, and I was finally able to go to sleep, knowing she was right beside me.

It was a fitful sleep. I had so many things I wanted to say to her. I had made a decision during my night alone; one that I worried would drive us even farther apart.

The morning brought no new clarity, just the awareness of the deepening cavern between Bella and me. She woke first, following her normal morning routine. We spoke in polite formalities but said nothing else.

I smelled food cooking in the other room, and when I was done getting ready, I made my way into the kitchen.

Bella had made a pot of coffee and toast, which she was eating while standing reading the paper.

"Hey," I said, knowing we couldn't put this off any longer.

She looked up with a look I hadn't seen before. Stress, sadness, defeat.

"I'm so sorry about last night, Edward. I wanted to be here," she said, dropping the toast and the paper.

"It's not just about last night."

She looked down. This was obviously not a surprise to her. "I know."

"Look, I understand how hard it's for you to deal with the press and the fans and all that. I get it. But I always thought that even though it was tough, it was still worth it to you."

"Edward…"

"Please. Let me finish. I thought that if we were good together when we were alone, it'd be enough to sustain us when things got rough. But lately, I'm not so sure about that."

Her face turned sheet white, and she gripped the counter. "What are you saying?"

"I've hardly seen you. How can we have a relationship when I don't see you?"

She began to cry, which made me feel horrible. The last thing I wanted to do was add to her pain, but I couldn't keep pretending that things were copacetic.

"I'm trying. Obviously I'm failing, but I am trying."

"I want to marry you, Bella. And all of this…just…fucking kills me."

"Are you asking me?" Her teary eyes bore into mine.

"No. Not like this."

She buried her face in her hands and sobbed. I moved to her and pulled her into my arms. I couldn't just let her cry and not comfort her, no matter how upset at her I was.

"I hate this. You don't talk to me," I said. "I saw you that night you got a ride home after the ordeal at The Penguin. I saw you with Alec.

Her eyes shot up and she pulled away, panic-stricken. "Nothing happened with Alec."

"I believe you, Bella. But I also saw the way he looked at you. I've recognized it in his eyes the times I've seen him since then. And I saw how he comforted you, which is something you haven't let me do in a while. I'm not naïve, and I can see what he wants. All I want is to be that person you come to, but you don't seem to want that."

"It's not like that."

"You know what sucks? There's a part of me that thinks you'd be right to want him. He can give you a normal relationship, which I can't."

"Don't say that…please."

"I've decided to go up to Washington to see Jasper. I need to clear my head."

"You promised." Her voice was shaky.

"Promised what?"

"Promised you wouldn't leave me."

"Shhh…I just need a little time. I think you do, too."

She took a deep breath and sighed. "When are you leaving?"

"Tomorrow morning." I tried to make eye contact with her, but she was avoiding it.

"Will you call me?"

"Bella, please don't think I'm happy about this. I love you. I want us to be together. Of course I'll call you."

She wiped her tears and tried to compose herself, picking up a glass of orange juice and taking a sip. I just watched and waited for her reaction. She said nothing.

"Are you going to be okay?" I asked, needing something to break the unbearable silence.

"I don't have a choice, do I? Can I convince you to stay?"

I shook my head and looked at the floor.

"Then there it is." Her voice had a bite to it. This wasn't the hurt Bella from moments ago. This was the 'you're the sonofabitch whose leaving me' Bella.

I tried to comfort her again, but she backed off.

"Just go, Edward. If that's what you have to do, then go."

She set down the glass and quickly walked past me. I followed her into the bedroom where she was gathering her things. I couldn't tell which emotion was overpowering her more - grief, shock, anger or pain. She seemed like she'd crawled back behind her carefully constructed wall I'd spent months breaking down.

I couldn't talk to her when she was like this. She needed time to think. Anything she said right now would be out of anger and spite, and I didn't want that.

I just stood in the doorway watching her gather her things until she stormed past me towards the front door.

"I'll call you later," I said as she pulled it open.

"Don't bother. I'm working tonight."

"Bella, please don't be like this. I love you."

"I'll talk to you later, Edward. Have a safe flight."

And then she left.

_What just happened?  
_

I went for a run, needing to think about anything except our fight. That definitely could have gone better. I wasn't sure what I expected, but I did know I never wanted to see Bella looking at me like that again. It tore right through me.

I went over to Emmett's in the afternoon just to get away. He didn't say much about my leaving, which was surprising. He always had an opinion.

I felt like shit. I wanted to call Bella and tell her I would stay, but I knew I couldn't. As much as I wanted her, I couldn't live like we'd been doing. I needed more.

I barely slept that night. The moonlight streaming in my windows lit up my room just enough so I could see. This house, that held so much promise, felt empty and cavernous. The alarm the next morning was jarring and loud. It felt like I had just barely closed my eyes. Like a robot, I went through the motions of getting myself to the airport, using a driver to avoid parking problems. I checked my bags and went through security. I thought the last time I was in an airport I'd never have to say goodbye to Bella again. Now I was leaving her voluntarily. Granted, it wasn't permanent, but our future was anything but certain to me.

I waved to Jasper once I got into Sea-Tac. His presence was comforting to me. He grabbed my bag from me, and we walked the short distance to his car.

"So," he started once we were on the road. "As much as I love having you visit, I get the feeling this is about more than that. You look like someone just beat the shit out of you."

"I just needed to get away," I lied.

"From what? Work? Bella?"

I leaned my head back on the headrest and looked out the window. "From everything."

He didn't bring it up again the entire ride home, which made me extremely thankful. Jasper knew me well enough to know not to push me.

"Alice has been dying to see you, so I hope you don't mind but I invited her over tonight."

I smiled as much as I could. "Sure, I'd love to see Alice."

"She wanted to make you dinner," he said, smiling.

They were obviously still really hitting it off, and it made me happy to see him in a healthy relationship for a change. Alice was a sweetheart.

I was nervous about seeing her, though. She was one of Bella's best friends. I wasn't looking forward to the Spanish Inquisition into my relationship. I sure as shit didn't have any answers for her. I couldn't reassure her about anything. I just didn't fucking know.

I finally filled Jasper in on what was going on with Bella and me. I wanted to get his opinion. Since I moved out to California, I hadn't opened up much to him, thinking that things would work themselves out with a little time. The truth was, the more time that passed, the worse it got, and I could use the advice. Surprisingly, he didn't offer me much. He told me to trust my instinct and it would all work out.

I hoped he was right. I hoped my coming here hadn't been a mistake.

We arrived at Jasper's place, and he got me settled. Alice wasn't due for a few hours, so I took the opportunity to get unpacked and check emails. Of course, Victoria had sent me several 'urgent' emails, which I ignored. I'd deal with Victoria later. I certainly didn't need to have my mood compromised any more than it already was.

"Edward," I heard Alice yell from the other room. "Get your butt out here."

She always did know how to make an entrance.

I walked down the hallway and was engulfed in a hug. "Hi there, stranger," she said. "I brought stuff for risotto. I hope you're hungry."

Watching Alice cook was a different experience. Unlike Bella, with her cleanliness and meticulous measuring, Alice was a hurricane. By the time she was done, every dish in the house was dirty.

We ate and laughed. It was nice to be among family and friends. I felt human, happy even, at least as much as the situation allowed.

"So, when are you going to tell me what's going on?" Alice said, dropping her fork.

"I don't know what to say, Alice. I haven't really even seen Bella much, and when I do, I'm never sure what's going to cause her to freak out. I've tried to be supportive, but she just keeps pushing me away."

"She loves you." Alice didn't really even wait until I was done talking. "I've talked to her a lot, and she's as confused and upset as I've ever seen her, except when it comes to you."

"That's just it. You can say that to me. She can say that to me. But that's not what I see. I see her confiding in everyone else _except_ me. I see her throwing herself into her work to avoid facing life with me. But then we have these moments of clarity, when we're honest and all is good. It's making me crazy because I don't know how to fix it."

"You can't fix it," Jasper said, finally offering his opinion. "This one is all on Bella."

"I agree," Alice said. "But I know Bella, and she won't let you go. Give her time."

She reached over and patted my arm. I gripped it and said, "That's what I'm trying to do."

We talked some more after dinner, but I was tired and really just wanted to go to bed. I said goodbye to Alice whom, I had to admit, had given me a lot of food for thought. It was good to get her take on things; Lord knows I couldn't figure all this shit out.

The next morning I realized I hadn't called Victoria back and woke up to several more emails and even a few texts.

I picked up the phone and called her.

"Did someone die or something, Victoria?" I said sarcastically into the phone. "Why all the urgent messages?"

"_I'm working on getting you an interview with the folks at Vanity Fair, but I think it would be good to increase your face time with the media before then. That mess with Bella helped, but we'll need more than that."_

"Mess with Bella?" I asked, irritated.

"_Yes. You may not like it, Edward, but having your face in the tabloids increases your demand tenfold. It's important to time the stories to maintain consistent exposure. That little bit about Bella was a PR windfall."_

"Time the stories? PR windfall? That's my fucking life you're talking about. Please tell me you didn't have anything to do with what was printed. I swear to fucking God…" If Victoria had anything to do with that shitstorm, I was going to fucking kill her.

"_Don't you think you're being a little melodramatic? Quit acting like a child. You wanted fame. You wanted money. Well honey, you got'em. Now don't start crying about the side effects."_

"Victoria, did you have anything to do with what was printed about Bella? I mean, anything at all?"

"_Don't get your panties in wad…"_

"Victoria!"

"_Look, background checks are just part of my job. It's my job to know and understand who exactly it is you're dating. It's all public information. Anyone could have leaked it."_

"But anyone didn't leak it, did they?"

"_It was in your best interest, so what does it matter?"_

I knew it right then - Victoria had violated our non-disclosure agreement. She'd never admit to it, and I was sure she had an air-tight defense, but I knew the truth.

"I'm not doing any more interviews until further notice. Cancel my engagements. I thought it was clear what I wanted, but you just keep on pushing. You'd better be damned sure nothing more appears in the tabloids about Bella. It doesn't really matter to you at all, does it? The fact that the stories are hurtful and untrue?"

"_Everyone knows the tabloids use creative license with their stories. Don't worry your pretty little face about it."_

"Not a word gets printed, Victoria. I mean it."

"_So touchy."_

"I'm done with this conversation. Goodbye."

I hung up and paced the room. I thought of Bella and all she'd been through over those articles. I thought of how much they had affected my ability to have a normal relationship with Bella. Victoria had violated my trust and sacrificed my happiness for personal gain. Whether or not she actually believed it was in my best interest was still uncertain, but I wasn't about to let this go unchecked. I didn't trust Victoria any farther than I could throw her.

I dialed Bella's number, hoping I could tell her what I found out. She didn't answer, and I didn't leave a message. Instead, I texted her.

_Please call me. It's important. ~E_

Nothing. Fuck.

After making a few calls, including one to my lawyer, I went for a run, despite the freezing cold rain. It woke my body up and was just the break I needed. When I got back, I turned on the shower as hot as I could stand it and just let the water run over me.

I thought about the sexy showers I'd had with Bella; how her body had melded into mine, and how she felt in my arms. I recalled the look on her face when I told her I loved her. The good things.

Needless to say, I stayed in the shower for longer than I intended. I could relish my memories and pretend everything was okay.

I finally emerged to a steam filled bathroom. I quickly threw on some jeans and started to comb my hair.

Jasper appeared in the doorway, leaning on the doorjamb.

"Hey Edward," he said. "There's someone here who wants to talk to you."

I looked up as he moved to the side to see her standing behind him in my room. She looked like she'd been crying and her hair was wet from the rain.

"Bella?"

* * *

**A/N: So, how are you feeling? Do you hate Bella? Hate Edward? Understand them both? Hate me? LOL.**

**I've loved reading your reviews. Many of your reactions conflict with other readers. Many of them surprise me and are totally not what I expected. It's fun to see how different chapters evoke different emotional responses. Just do me a favor and hang in there with me, no matter what you're feeling. I have a plan!**

**You guys know by now that I can't do angst just for the sake of it, but this needed to happen. Bella needed a slap in the face to make significant changes in her life. **

**The next chapter will be up on Tuesday night since you had to wait for this one. **

**Thanks to my betas Viola Cornuta and TwiHeart who make my words pretty and hold my hand. Also to my pre-readers, Sunfeathers, ellierk, and Dana1779, I appreciate your words of support so much!**

**Next up, we'll get inside Bella's head and see what led her to Washington.**

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	25. Chapter 25 History Repeating

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. ****Chapter 25: History Repeating**

* * *

**Bella**

Being at work was a welcome distraction from the other shit going on in my life. I felt like I was teetering on the edge of sanity, potentially snapping at any time. I was never like this – moody and irritable. I just wanted to feel happy again.

My work made me feel important. I felt like I mattered. But most of all, I was surrounded by people whose problems were infinitely bigger than my own, so I could put things into perspective.

Alec had been really supportive, despite having had to cover for me on more than one occasion because I was off crying. I was an emotional wreck, and so incredibly tired. I wanted to talk to Edward, but he was too close to the situation. I needed objectivity, reason.

I could feel myself pulling away from Edward, just like I'd done with Jacob, but I couldn't help it. I honestly couldn't face him and see the hurt in his eyes. I couldn't stand the thought that I was failing him, which I knew I was. Edward was getting more and more restless, but I didn't know what to say to him to make it better. I felt trapped between what I wanted and what I needed.

So when I got the text from Edward about making me a special dinner, I knew it was an olive branch I had to take. He wanted to just be us again, and we both needed it.

Unfortunately, Dr. Banner had other plans for me. The surgery he pulled me to assist on was supposed to be quick – in and out. But we had complications, and before I knew it, the clock read 8:00. I felt horrible about missing Edward's dinner, but I knew he'd understand once I told him it was out of my control.

By the time we got out of post-op and was on my way home, it was almost 10:00. I finally pulled out my phone and saw all his missed calls and texts.

Fuck.

I drove as fast as I could to Edward's place, hoping I could do some damage control. He was reasonable. He'd understand it was surgery. I scurried in the front door and could still smell the remnants of something cooking, adding to my guilt.

Edward was not understanding at all. Far from it. He was angry and hurt, and, in a way, I could see his point. I knew I'd have been worried if the shoe was on the other foot, but it was out of my control. I thought he understood what my profession entailed, but it was obvious he didn't. The look on his face when he left me to go to bed broke my heart.

He was pissed. I'd fucked up. Typical.

I was supposed to be at the hospital early the next day, but I feared if I wasn't around for our talk, Edward would be even more furious, so I called and pushed back my shift.

I got up before Edward, unable to sleep due to my anxiety over our tense situation. Edward was sleeping next to me, half exposed by the sheets. God, he was beautiful. He looked so peaceful as he slept, but I knew once he awoke, his face would look much different; his masculine features would furrow with anger. I sat on the bed next to him and gently ran my fingers through his hair while he slept. I was failing him, just like I had always expected.

I shook off those thoughts and got up to brush my teeth. Maybe the mundane routine of getting dressed would ease the tension I felt. Of course, it didn't. There was sadness in his eyes as we spoke casually, but I wasn't ready to face it.

I made my way into the kitchen to make some coffee and breakfast. I knew I was running away from him, but I needed just a few more minutes to formulate a plan. The look I'd seen in his eyes last night scared the shit out of me. It seemed like he was going to break up with me, like he'd had enough. I just wanted a few more minutes to know he was still mine.

He finally emerged from his bedroom, and it took all my strength not to throw myself at him and beg, but I was frozen. The look was back. It was not good.

I just started babbling. "I'm so sorry about last night, Edward. I wanted to be here."

His steely gaze met mine. "It's not just about last night."

"I know."

And there it was. The shoe dropping. It wasn't about my surgery or my work. It was more than that – something I couldn't fix.

He tried to talk to me, but I only heard every other word, as if I were underwater. All I kept thinking was, _"He's going to leave you."_

I wanted to vomit. I wanted to run so I didn't have to hear the words come out of his mouth.

My head snapped up when I heard him say, "I want to marry you, Bella. And all of this…just…fucking kills me."

Was Rosalie right?

But then he confirmed that, no, she wasn't. He wasn't asking me. It was all a hypothetical situation. He maybe wanted to marry the Bella he knew in Guatemala, but not me, not this fucked up moody absentee girlfriend; a fact that was confirmed when he immediately announced he was leaving.

I wanted to curl into myself to somehow protect my heart from what I knew was happening. He was really leaving. He was really leaving because of me and how I'd fucked up. Like I always did.

For all his talk of loving me and accepting me, he was going. I suddenly felt angry and hurt. I pulled myself together and gathered my things to leave. If he wanted to go, and I couldn't stop him, then he needed to get the fuck away from me, because I honestly didn't know how much more I could take.

I looked up to the blue sky once I was outside and cursed. "Haven't I paid my dues, God? Haven't I earned a little fucking happiness?"

I stormed off to my car and slammed it into reverse. I drove and drove, not even caring where I ended up.

How had Edward and I gotten to this point? I loved him more than any man I'd ever known, and I knew he felt the same way about me. Why wasn't it enough? Why couldn't I just be happy with what I had and not fuck it up?

Alec called, no doubt wondering where I was, but I was in no mood to talk so I switched off my phone.

I came to stop at a beautiful spot that overlooked the ocean. The water glistened under the glare of the sun. It looked so serene from up here. I wished for that kind of peace in my own life.

I grabbed my phone from the passenger seat and dialed Rosalie.

"Bella?" Rosalie asked, her voice gruff. "What the fuck? It's so early."

I looked at my watch and winced. Just because I woke up at the crack of dawn didn't mean the rest of the world did.

"Sorry, Rose," I said, my voice obviously revealing the fact that I'd been crying. "I shouldn't have called like this."

I heard shuffling on the other side of the phone. "Sorry, I had to go into the other room. Are you okay?" Rose asked quietly.

The water works started in full. "Uh uh," I muttered, shaking my head as if she could see me. "Edward…left."

"What? No, that's not possible. What happened?"

"I fucked up. Again." The reality of that statement made me feel like shit.

"Bella, tell me what's going on." Her voice was kind and empathetic.

"It's been bad for a few weeks. I'm trying so hard to be strong and not let all the publicity and things get to me, but I'm only human. The tabloids have printed such awful shit about me, and even though I know I shouldn't care, _I do_. And then Edward's so sweet, but _everywhere_ we go, there's someone wanting something from him. And I can't live my life locked away just the two of us. Oh Rose…I don't know what the fuck to do."

"Listen to me, Bella," she said, using her big sister voice. "You love each other. You're great together. You can work this out."

I chuckled as I sobbed. If only that were true.

"But he's gone. And he promised…"

"Bella?" Rosalie interrupted.

"Yeah?"

"He's not Jake."

"I know," I said, sniffling.

"No, I don't think you do."

"Rose…"

"I'm here for you, sweetie, you know that. But you've been carrying around that mountain of guilt for long enough, don't you think? Are you really willing to lose Edward over this? You're my sister, and I love you, but it's time to move on. Stop pushing him away."

"I'm not…" What was she insinuating? That I'd intentionally driven him away?

"Just think about what I said, okay?"

We hung up with promises to talk later, even though I was hurt by her accusations. I threw the phone on the passenger seat, let my head fall back against the headrest and closed my eyes.

I looked at my watch and sighed. I was already late to work, and even though I had no desire to be there, I didn't really have much choice.

I did my best to focus, but all I could think about was Edward and our fight. I was a wreck. I was just about to leave the hospital after my shift when Alec walked up to my office door. "You outta here?" he asked.

"Yeah, I'm just shutting everything down."

"I'll walk with you."

We made our way into the parking structure, which was dimly lit. The only sound to be heard was the wind in the trees and distant traffic. I appreciated his company as I wasn't in the mood to be alone.

We got to my car first, and I popped the trunk to put my stuff inside. Alec leaned against it when I shut it, so I sat next to him.

"Want to talk about it?" he asked.

"About what"

He raised his eyebrow at me. "It's not hard to see you've been distracted today. Is everything okay?"

"No, not really. Edward and I had a fight, and now he's leaving for Washington in the morning. I don't know what to think."

Alec pulled me into a hug, and I hugged him back. The human contact felt good, and I welcomed it.

"I'm sorry, Bella," he whispered. "I don't know what he's thinking, leaving you."

"He…"

Before I could finish, Alec's lips were on mine. His tongue brushed up against my bottom lip, and my mind was racing. This was wrong. He was my friend.

I pushed his chest and stepped back, wiping my mouth with my free hand.

"No, Alec. That was wrong." I shook my head and looked down at the ground, ashamed I'd put myself into such a compromising situation.

He rested his hands on the trunk and dropped his head. "I don't get you, Bella. You come to work crying all the time. You're always being hounded by photographers and shit. You hate it. You seem to hate everything about your life with him, and yet you won't do anything about it."

"You're right. I haven't done much about it, but that's going to change. You've been really great, and I'm lucky to have a friend like you, but that's all there is."

I felt horrible. Had I done something to lead him on? Was I responsible for this?

"I don't understand why you want him so badly, when he's obviously not right for you."

"Because it's always been about him."

Alec left, and I sat down in my car. As I spoke the words to him, I realized what I'd said was true. It was always about Edward, and it was time to prove it.

I put the car in reverse and drove again, this time with purpose.

I pulled into a parking stall, turned off the car and sat for a few moments.

_You can do this, Bella. _

Slowly, I climbed out of my seat and shut my door. The wind was blowing, causing a chill to flow through my body. I wrapped my arms around myself to stay warm as I walked along the pathway.

I came to his spot and kneeled. I hadn't been here since the funeral; just another example of how I'd failed even in his death.

In my mind, I saw Jake's face when we got married, all smiles and nerves. I remembered the feeling of wearing a veil in my hair and being happy. I recalled all those late nights during my residency when I'd sneak in, and Jake would already be asleep. And I saw his face when he left.

He didn't deserve to die. Not over me.

"Hi, Jake," I said, wiping the leaves from his tombstone.

I sat down on the grass next to him.

"I know I haven't been here in a while. I…didn't know what to say. But, I'm just…so sorry."

That was the crux of it. Sorrow. Regret. So much regret.

"I'm with someone now; someone who treats me really well and makes me really happy. Being back here in California, working and all of that, with him living here has been hard. I can feel myself falling into my old habits, and then I think of you."

I ran my fingers through the grass. "As upset as I was when you left, I understand it now. I blamed you and resented you for leaving for so long. I even resented you for dying, but now I can see I needed that to make a change. I needed to see there are some things worth fighting for.

"I used to think if you loved me enough, you'd accept me as I was. But that was bullshit. I needed to do some accepting, too, and I never did. For that, I'm sorrier than you'll ever know. I'm sorry that our last words were hateful. You were my best friend, and even though we probably shouldn't have gotten married, you were my rock. I'm just sorry I never let you see that.

"I don't know when I'll come back, Jake. I need to see if I can fix things with Edward. I just wanted you to know it wasn't all for nothing – you leaving me, you dying. I've learned, Jake. I finally understand what you were trying to tell me. I can let you go now."

I stood and stared at the writing on the tombstone for a while. Jacob's window was closed. His time to make amends and be happy was over, but mine wasn't.

I walked to the car, and before I drove off, I pulled out my phone and made a few calls, solidifying my plans. I wanted to call Edward, but what I needed to say couldn't be said on the phone.

I was nervous on the flight. I'd spoken to Alice, and she assured me he'd be okay with this. I didn't want to intrude on his space, but I couldn't just let him leave without a fight.

I was numb as I drove to Jasper's house, hoping I wasn't getting lost in the process. I was never very good at driving in bad weather. All I could think about was Edward and making things right again.

I chuckled to myself, thinking about my trip to New York and the obvious similarity to this one. How many times I did I need to do this before we could finally be happy?

I'd made a lot of decisions in the last day; ones I knew would be life changing. But Rosalie was right; it was time to move on from my past. I'd inadvertently allowed Jake's memory to alter my future. Edward saw it. Rosalie saw it. But I was too wrapped up in my own pain to see the damage I was doing to my relationship.

I almost didn't knock on the door, scared of what lay on the other side. At least until I faced him, I could think this would work. I could think he'd open the door and be happy to see me. But once I knocked, my future was murky again.

Jasper answered after I mustered up some courage, and Alice was standing right behind him. She squealed when she saw me.

"You came, Bella!" Alice's arms flew around me. "He's going to be so happy to see you."

Still stunned from being attacked by Alice, I struggled to keep my footing. "I don't know about that."

"I think he'll appreciate the gesture," Jasper said once Alice let go of me. "More than you know."

I valued Jasper's opinion very much, not only because he knew Edward so well, but because he was very reasonable and commanded a certain respect. There was definitely an air about him. When he talked, people listened.

According to Jasper, Edward was in the shower. I sat with Alice in the living room, feeling like I was going to burst, until Jasper motioned for me to follow him. I played with the hem of my shirt nervously as we made our way down the hallway to a bedroom door, which was slightly ajar.

Jasper pushed it open and walked inside. I stayed behind, but he motioned for me to follow him.

I heard Edward rustling in the bathroom as Jasper leaned against the door jamb.

_Oh God. Oh God. The moment of truth._

"Hey Edward," he said. "There's someone here who wants to talk to you."

I stepped out from behind Jasper a little so Edward could see me.

He was wearing jeans, but no shirt, and my God did he look gorgeous, but I couldn't be distracted from his face. His expression changed when he saw me to one I couldn't read.

"Bella?"

I nodded, and Jasper turned and left, pulling the door closed behind him.

"Hi," I said lamely.

"I'm surprised to see you." He set the comb he was using on the counter and turned to lean against it.

I wanted to run to him and hold him.

"Yeah…this was kind of a spur of the moment thing."

He looked down at his body and then back up at me. "Let me just finished getting dressed and we can talk, okay?"

"Oh yeah…sure…" I motioned with my thumb over my shoulder "…um…I'll just be out in the living room with Alice and Jasper."

I shuffled out of his room, feeling my face heat up. He didn't seem happy to see me. In fact, his face and body language were completely unreadable. I wasn't sure what I'd hoped for, but I was now even more nervous than before.

"So?" Alice asked when I walked back into the living room.

"He's getting dressed, and then we're gonna 'talk'," I said, making air quotes as I said 'talk'.

Alice came over and gave me a hug. "It'll be okay."

A few minutes later, Edward walked into the room, shoving his hands into his pockets. He looked nervous, too, which made me feel slightly better.

"Alice," Jasper said, standing. "Let's go get some coffee."

I smiled meekly as they gathered their coats and left, thankful to have some alone time with Edward.

"So," I said, rocking back and forth on my heels. This was harder than I thought it would be.

He motioned for us to sit, so I obliged, thankful for the brief delay.

"I've been thinking about a lot of things, Edward," I said, sounding oddly bold and confident as I faced him.

"Yeah, me too."

I still had no read on him.

"I'm not willing to lose you – not for my job, or because of my issues with Jake or the damn paparazzi."

"Bella," he said, pulling his knee onto the couch as he turned toward me. "It's not that simple. We've been here before."

"I know I must seem manic to you, but I've been trying to work through some things in my head. When the stories about me came out, I wanted to run away and hide. I'm still adjusting to life with a public figure, but I was never mad at you. I've always loved you more than anything."

He grabbed my hands and squeezed, but pulled them back quickly.

"I love you, too. So much. But all that stuff that comes with me isn't going to change, and I don't know how to fix it. I'm not sure it can be fixed. One thing I did find out, though, is Victoria was behind the stories about you, so hopefully once my lawyers get involved, we can move on from that."

"Victoria did this?" I was furious. How could she have looked both Edward and me in the face and told us her story about how it was all in Edward's best interest and then go and do something that blatantly hurt him? What a bitch.

"Hey, she's gone. I was going to replace her anyway, but now I have motivation. But I can't guarantee someone else won't print something ugly. And when they do, I don't think I can handle it if you push me away again."

"That's not going to happen," I said, my voice sounding more desperate than I wanted.

"Like I said, we've been here before. I thought things were going great, but then one thing happened and everything changed between us. Are we really that fragile?"

"You were right," I said, making real eye contact for the first time.

"About what?"

"About everything. My job. Alec. All of it. I've had my priorities mixed up, but I'm going to change."

"I don't want you to change, I just…"

"I quit my job. And I'm putting my house on the market."

"What? When? Bella…"

"Listen to me. I've thought about this a lot. Those things are part of my past. They were a part of me before Guatemala – before us. But I'm not the same anymore, and I can't go back to Newport Beach and act as if I am. What matters to me is being with you. I can't even imagine not having you in my life. Those things? They're a small price to pay."

"But you've worked so hard. Where will you live? What will you do?"

"Well, I've thought about opening up my own practice. I've been in pediatrics in some fashion my whole career, and I think it would be nice to go back to more of a personal practice. I can still do what I love, but I can do it anywhere. I want to live where you want to live. I want us to live together."

"What happens next time someone prints something unflattering?" He was visibly upset.

"You know how hard it's been for me, but I think I've gone through our whole relationship waiting for the other shoe to drop. I've been expecting failure, which was becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy. I won't let anything come between us again. Those who don't understand history are bound to repeat it, and I won't repeat my past. I've learned, Edward. I won't do that to you anymore."

"I'm…stunned," Edward stuttered. I'd never seen him speechless before.

"Stunned in a good way?" I said as I reached over and rubbed his cheek.

He nodded but didn't say anything for a few moments. "What made you change your mind?"

I sighed and stood up, walking to the table where my purse was. Fishing inside, I pulled out the tabloid with our picture from the gala on the cover. We were unaware there were even any paparazzi there and looked really happy. He was looking forward, while I was looking at him.

"I've been so upset about so many things for a long time. There was Jacob and the photos, and it all just constantly upset me. Who can live like that? When this was printed, I was so upset. But I picked it up the other day and really studied at it. All I see when I look at this now is two happy people in love. I don't see any of the other bullshit. I know I'll never look at anyone else the way I look at you. Just look. This is real."

He looked at the photo and smiled. "You looked so beautiful that night."

"Can you forgive me?" I asked, my hands shaking a little.

"It was never a question of forgiveness, Bella. I just needed to know you felt the same way as I did. As I do."

"I love you," I said as tears began to fall on my face. "I'll always love you. I'm so sorry I didn't make it a point to show you each and every day, but I promise that'll change. From now on, I don't want to make any decisions without you. There is no _me_ without _you_."

His lips were on mine in an instant, soft and warm, making my insides tingle, just as they had during our first kiss in Guatemala. That time seemed so far away, but I finally felt like the person I was down there was back. I wouldn't live in the past anymore, because I had Edward beside me. And he was my future.

"Thank you," he said, suddenly breaking our kiss.

"For what?"

I should be the one thanking him.

"For not giving up. For believing in us enough to make such huge sacrifices."

"Hey," I said, lifting his chin to meet my gaze. "It's not a sacrifice. You are what I want. It just took me a long time to realize the rest of the stuff is just filler."

He kissed me again, and this time, he didn't stop.

_Never look back again_, I thought.

* * *

**A/N: Well, there it is. Do you understand Bella a little better now? She's finally forgiven herself for Jake and can move on without guilt. Thanks to reader83 for the idea of her going to talk to Jake.**

**I've had a shitty week, and my poor betas, Viola Cornuta and Twihart, have had to bear the brunt of that. So thank you for holding my hand and reassuring me when I really needed it. Also much love to my pre-readers Sunfeathers, ellierk, and Dana1779. **

**Next up, we'll see where they go from here.**

**Don't forget to leave me a review. I really want to know what you think!**

**Have a very happy holiday, and I'll see you next week!**


	26. Chapter 26 Full Circle

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. **

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**Chapter 26: Full Circle**

**Edward**

I walked out of our room, still groggy from sleep, and Bella was already up and moving. She was showered and in her scrubs.

"Morning, baby," she said, walking over and giving me a quick kiss.

_How was she so perky already?_

"You off to work?" I asked, scratching my head.

"Yeah, Emily Thompson just had her baby on Tuesday, so I told her I'd stop by for a newborn checkup on my way in."

"Tell her I said congratulations," I mumbled as I poured myself a cup of coffee.

The whirlwind that was Bella in the morning disappeared after a few minutes and the house fell silent. I leaned against the counter and unfolded the paper to read it. It was June, which meant it was overcast in the morning. I welcomed the reprieve from the afternoon heat.

Bella had moved in shortly after my trip to Washington. Although I felt guilty about her giving up both her home and her job, she assured me it was what she wanted. If the past few months were any indication, I'd say she was right where she needed to be.

After the sale of her house, we had a long talk about where we wanted to live. Although Bella was willing to move to Washington if I wanted, I knew this was her home. For someone from Southern California, a move to the rainiest place in the country would be a severe adjustment. So, we decided to stay. As much as I wanted to be near my brother, I really liked it here. Plus, we had Emmett and Rosalie nearby, so we were among friends.

Bella originally wanted to start her own practice, but after researching it, decided to buy into an already established one. It couldn't have been further from the sterile environment she had been working in previously. The primary doctor was retiring, and she took his place. There were two other doctors in the practice, both of whom got along with Bella very well. Most of all, the practice was personal. Bella knew her patients, and they felt comfortable with her. When dealing with children, and their worried parents, a personal touch was extremely important.

If I liked my house before Bella moved in, I loved it afterward. She brought a woman's touch and warmth it didn't have before. I felt at ease here.

Not long after Bella came to Washington, a tabloid came out with pictures of Alec kissing Bella. Bella was pissed off that they had invaded her privacy. Naturally, the story was spun to be a much bigger deal than it was. She was understandably hurt but took it in stride, and I was proud of the way she handled it.

I, on the other hand, was jealous as hell, and the irony of me being jealous over pictures of Bella in the tabloids was not lost on me. I finally felt like I understood how she must have felt back when we first got back from Guatemala. She had told me what happened with Alec while we were still in Washington, and I believed her. She was much more concerned with how I took it than anything else. I appreciated her concern – it was not easy thinking about another man kissing her – but I trusted her. She'd been honest about what happened, so it wasn't a huge deal. Alec, however, was worthy of my hatred, and he had better hope I never run across him. I also hoped he knew that preying on vulnerable women under the guise of friendship was pathetic.

My writing had been going really well. I was writing the story about Guatemala, which brought back incredible memories. I hadn't told her yet, but I had booked Bella and me a trip to go back. I told myself it was for research, but I knew that was only partially true. I missed it there and cherished my memories of our time there. It had permanently changed me in a way I could never explain. I was whole now. Better.

After I read the paper, I showered and got dressed. The later it got in the morning, the more nervous I became.

I pulled open my sock drawer, behind the executive length dark socks I never needed in California, and reached in the back to find the small velvet box that had been hidden there. I'd purchased the diamond solitaire months ago. Looking back, I could see that we weren't in a place back then to get engaged. I'd wanted to hold on to Bella so badly I thought it was the right thing to do. I thought it would make us stronger.

Now I realized it wasn't the engagement ring or an impending wedding that would bring us closer. Bella needed closure, acceptance. She had to deal with a past that haunted her. There was nothing I could have done to speed up her process of healing. She had to let go of her former life all by herself.

I could completely relate to that. Being in Guatemala, in such extreme conditions among such genuine and amazing people, put life into perspective. Both Bella and I had spent our lives working toward success as we knew it to be defined – wealth, a sense of accomplishment, material possessions, respect of our peers. But, I'd much rather have the respect of Carlisle, or Marisol, or any one of the people we helped in Guatemala, than almost anyone I knew before I joined the relief effort. I couldn't explain it. The people there lived life as if each day could be their last, because it could. Tragedy and disaster were a part of their lives. Yet amid all that was an undeniable spirit of vitality, appreciation. They appreciated every gift life brought them. I wanted to emulate that.

As I'd seen in the days of the horrible mudslides, life was fragile, precious. How could Bella and I have come back from that unchanged? How had we honestly expected to step back into our lives as if nothing was different?

I was glad I had waited to propose. We needed to find ourselves. We needed to rediscover what we wanted out of life and how each other fit into those plans. We were in a much better place now – happier and solid.

Bella was not the type to want a lavish proposal. I knew skywriting or a proposal on a Jumbotron at a baseball game wouldn't work. I wanted it to be us.

Bella walked in the door at 5:30, which was normal now. I loved that she didn't have such crazy hours anymore, and she made it a point never to miss dinner. I was becoming quite the cook, and we enjoyed that time to decompress. It was a routine I cherished.

After dinner, I suggested we go outside and have a bonfire on the beach. It was a full moon, so everything glowed. We grabbed our chairs and lugged some firewood down to the fire pit and lit it up. Bella even ran back to the house to get stuff for s'mores. It was casual, but perfect.

The wood crackled, and we both were mesmerized by the fire.

"Bella, I have something for you," I said nervously.

She looked up and her face lit up, causing my smile to instantly match hers. I couldn't look at her like that and not smile. She made me infinitely happy.

I reached in my jacket pocket and pulled out the billfold and handed it to her.

She looked confused as she used the light of the fire to read what was inside.

"Plane tickets?" she asked, looking at me as though I was crazy. "Where are we going?"

"Just look," I said, nodding my head to urge her to continue.

Her radiant smile was back as realization set in, and she leapt from her chair and hugged me.

"I'm so excited! When are we going?" The enthusiasm in her voice was like a child on Christmas Eve.

"Next month. It'll be the one year anniversary of when I got there."

She sat back in her chair. "One year. Is that all? God, it seems like so much longer."

"I know. A lot has changed. It's funny. I remember meeting you. Carlisle was introducing me to the staff and showing me around the camp. I was captivated by you."

"Heidi thought you liked her. She was ready to pounce on you when we went camping."

"Heidi thought that?" I asked, stunned. I'd never had any interest in anyone other than Bella.

"Oh yeah. I may or may not have been a little jealous." She smirked at me, and I laughed, pulling her chair closer to mine.

"I only wanted you," I confessed, kissing her softly.

"I'm so excited we're going back. I can't wait to see all our favorite places again."

I reached down and took a sip of my wine. The moisture in my mouth seemed to have disappeared as my nerves assaulted me. Setting the plastic cup down in the sand, I reached into my pocket once again and gripped the velvet box tightly.

I pulled it out and held it in my hand. It was pretty dark, despite the glow of the moon, so Bella didn't really notice what I was holding.

"I'm glad you like my surprise. I've been thinking about Guatemala…and I just…I wanted to go back." Bella looked at me, noticing my nervous stammering but not understanding the reason behind it.

I continued, "I…uh…I thought we could get married there." I exhaled loudly

There, I said it. I slowly handed her the ring box.

She gasped and put one hand over her mouth while the other one reached out for the box. "Edward!"

I rubbed my hands together nervously. This was fucking nerve-wracking.

After a few breaths, she turned her eyes down to the box and slowly pulled the lid open, gasping once again when she saw the ring.

It was a simple ring, yet classic. A single diamond in the middle sparkled brilliantly. Set into the platinum band were tiny diamonds that went all the way around.

"I…I'm…oh my God…" Now it was Bella's turn to stammer.

"Will you marry me, Bella?"

She leaned over and kissed me sweetly, and I could feel the tears on her cheeks.

"Yes. A million times yes."

There were a few times since I'd known Bella when I thought my emotions might get the best of me; when we'd first kissed, when we'd first made love, when she told me she loved me, and now.

I didn't know I could feel this happy, this complete. I wanted to pull her inside of me and hold her there. She was a part of me now, and I knew that would never change.

"I love you so much. I promise, I'll spend the rest of my life trying to make you happy." I didn't take marriage lightly. Especially being famous and seeing so many marriages built on material and shallow things. I wanted more. I wanted what my parents had and what I knew was a rarity these days.

And I knew I could have it with Bella.

She looked at me and put her hand on the side of my face. "I never thought I could feel like this. For so long, I didn't think I deserved this kind of happiness. But I'll take it, and I promise I'll never look back."

* * *

**A/N: Yay, they're going back to Guatemala! We only have the epilogue left now. *sniff***

**If you've been reading and haven't left me a review, please do! I want to hear from you! What did you like? Dislike? Want more of? Less of? Seriously, I'm trying to use FanFic as a way to improve my writing, and it can't be done without feedback! **

**I have to send out some love to my betas, TwiHeart and Viola Cornuta. I really value your feedback – more than you know! Thanks also to my pre-readers – ellierk, Dana1779, and Sunfeathers.**

**The epilogue will be up next week. Shoot me a review for a teaser! **


	27. Chapter 27 Guatemala

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. **

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**Chapter 27: Guatemala**

**Bella**

Our friends, once they heard about our engagement, were excited for us. All of them at some point or another expressed to both me and Edward how much faith they had in us, despite our trials, especially those who knew us in Guatemala and had seen us in the early days of our relationship.

Emmett asked if he could officiate over our wedding, but I knew I only wanted one person to do the honor – Carlisle. He had been my voice of reason. He kept me strong when all I wanted to do was fall apart. He made me realize that there are bigger things other than myself. He gave me back a sense of purpose when I thought I'd lost it all.

Edward also had deep respect for him. Although Carlisle wasn't that much older than us, he was wise beyond his years. He'd helped Edward find his wings down in Guatemala at a time when Edward desperately needed to fit in and contribute.

Edward had long since given Victoria the boot, which was a huge relief for us. He hadn't pressed charges but promised to pursue it if she didn't leave quietly. He found new representation easily, and we were both very pleased with her.

The media obsession around Edward had peaked when it was discovered that Tanya Denali had been sleeping with Aro Volturi and was now pregnant. Naturally, Aro denied the rumors, but that brought Edward's relationship with her into the spotlight again. Although the media never really went away, I learned to cope with the intrusion better. Edward was real, and I learned that as long as he and I were good, nothing else really mattered. It wasn't always easy, but I was through shutting Edward out. He, better than anyone else, knew what it was like.

After the whole Tanya debacle, things slowed down as far as the paparazzi went. Some poor celebrity always seemed to be getting into a fight or getting arrested, and that kept Edward out of the spotlight. That didn't mean we weren't recognized - we were - but it was cyclical. In addition, his new agent, Bree, really listened to him. She was remarkably perceptive and had already made a huge impact on his career and where he wanted to go.

Carlisle was already in the field elsewhere but agreed to take a short leave to attend our wedding. The paperwork to get married in Guatemala was too much to deal with so we opted to have our official ceremony on the beach in front of Edward's house, with just a few guests, and the honeymoon in Guatemala. Carlisle had agreed to officiate, and we were eternally grateful for his continued self-sacrifice at our expense. Bree had led the media to believe we were planning an elaborate wedding the following summer. We didn't want anything to hamper our special day.

The sunset on the day of our wedding was spectacular - a collage of reds and oranges. Edward looked radiant in khakis and a white Tommy Bahama shirt with embroidered detail. It was casual, yet so him. The sun made his fair skin glow.

I was nervous, but the overpowering emotion I felt was happiness – pure, unbridled happiness. I didn't want to make a huge fuss over the day; I'd been there, done that. I didn't want to get lost in the planning and stress everyone out. Instead, I wanted to keep the focus on what was important.

That didn't mean I wanted to look dumpy, though. I chose a simple, silk gown that was soft, yet fit snugly against my body. It had a deep vee neckline with embroidery right under the bust line. It was simple and elegant, but mostly I knew Edward would love it.

I didn't embellish my hair or wear a veil. I just let the wind carry my hair, which hung in loose curls as I walked up the small aisle to my awaiting groom.

When the ceremony was over, we celebrated over wine and appetizers at Edward's house. Carlisle, Alice, Emmett and Kate were the only non-family members invited. It was intimate and special.

The following day we left for Guatemala. We shed our fine clothes, and instead opted for rough wearing shoes and cargo shorts.

"I'd completely forgotten how hot it is here," I said to Edward as I wiped my brow upon exiting the plane. I felt like I was standing on the sun.

"I know. I'm sticky already."

"Oooh, I like you sticky." I smirked at him and chuckled, but he was too hot and distracted to pay much mind to my weak attempt at sexual innuendos.

The cabins we had stayed at on the lake so many months before had been rebuilt after the devastating landslide. They didn't have the same rustic feel that they had before, but, after all, when we were here last, there was so much sexual tension between Edward and me that we hadn't paid much attention. One thing I did recognize was the incredible beauty that surrounded us.

Despite the heat, the bugs, and the poverty, I felt at ease here. It was serene and reminded me of the only other time in my life besides this moment when I was truly happy.

Edward and I had seen and been through so much since then. We'd left here strong and united, and it was only after we'd endured our lives back home that we'd realized just how united we were; how strong our foundation was. Any number of things could have caused us to come crashing down, falling apart, but they didn't. We were as strong as ever, and I knew if we hadn't had all those obstacles, we wouldn't have been ready to take the next step.

After we got settled in our room, we decided to go for a swim. The water was warm, yet still provided a cool relief from the sweltering heat. I floated in Edward's arms, with my legs wrapped around him as I let my head fall onto his shoulder.

"I'm really happy," I said softly.

"This is nice, isn't it?" His hands moved up my back as I gripped him tighter with my legs.

"Do you remember the last time we were here?" I said, pulling back to rest my forehead on his. By this time, the late afternoon sun cast sparkles onto the water, reiterating the natural beauty and serenity of our surroundings.

His hand slid down my ass as his fingers slipped underneath my bathing suit. "I've had fond dreams of that trip for a long time."

"Back then, it was taboo to touch you," I said, throwing my head back in the water. Edward's lips followed, and he began to kiss my neck. "It's not taboo anymore."

"No, it isn't, Mrs. Cullen. I can touch you whenever, however I want."

I pulled my head out of the water and looked at him intensely. "I like it when you say that."

"You're mine to touch as I please." His hand came around to my breast as his thumb ran over my nipple.

"No, not that. Although, that's nice, too." It was hard to concentrate with his fingers working their magic.

"What then?" he asked with a smirk.

"Mrs. Cullen."

"Ah, that. Just another slight difference from the last time we were here." He loved playing with me, but all joking aside, I knew he liked saying my new name as much as I liked hearing it.

"Just slightly." I leaned in to whisper in his ear. "I have an idea."

I began to wiggle my hips against him, and he smirked as understanding dawned on him. "What kind of idea?"

"I want my _husband_ to make love to me."

His lips were on mine in an instant and his hand fisted into my wet hair. "Nothing would make your _husband_ happier, let me assure you."

He carried me the short distance to our room. The smells and scents of our surroundings were familiar and comforting as I let him posses me in a way I'd wanted so much on our previous visit. I let him take me and make me his, feeling full with the knowledge that this time when we left, it would be together – always.

I didn't want the night to end.

We hardly left the room or the water for several days. I was anxious to see the WFP camp, even though most of our close friends were gone. It reminded me of happy times. It was nostalgic to drive through the village. El Fandango was still standing, and even though I had no real recollection of it, I smiled as we passed the location of our first kiss. This place had so many firsts for us.

Near the end of our trip, we made the hike up the pyramid as we'd done right before Edward left Guatemala. I half expected to be met with bad news as we sat atop the majestic ruins. I recalled how I'd felt when he told me he was leaving, and although it was unnecessary, I pulled him close against me. I wanted to remind myself that he wasn't leaving me this time. I needed the reassurance that this wasn't the same, even though the emotions I felt back then were all bubbling to the surface.

"I have one more surprise for you," Edward said, kissing my forehead.

"If you say you're leaving, I'm going to kill you," I joked, giving him a small nudge.

"No, sorry," he said, laughing as he nudged me back. "You're stuck with me."

I grabbed his hand and led him over to a step to sit down. "You know how well I handle surprises. You'd better just get it over with."

I tended to associate surprises with negative things, and so a sense of dread filled me.

"Hey," he said in his sexy, soothing voice. "Look at me."

I obliged, and he gave me a sweet kiss.

"I found Grace."

I felt the air leave my lungs in a whoosh. "What? How? Did you…"

"Hey, hey, hey," Edward said, making a futile attempt to calm me down. "I talked to Carlisle. He's kept tabs on her so he pulled some strings for me."

I threw my arms around his neck and kissed it as I squeezed him tightly. I hadn't realized until he said her name just how badly I'd missed that little baby girl. She had been through so much in her short life, and I couldn't stop the tears from flowing.

"So, we get to see her?" I said, wiping my tears.

"Well, that's actually what I wanted to talk to you about. I know how much you love her, and I remember your promise to Marisol before she died. I know we've never talked about it, but I was thinking that maybe we'd adopt her."

I was stunned silent. I literally couldn't speak. I just sat there, with my mouth hanging open, trying to formulate a response. Of course, I'd thought about adopting her. But when I left, my own life was in such a state of turmoil, I didn't think it fair to her. Then, I was so busy I hadn't had time to even think about the logistics.

"Can we even do that? Isn't it hard to adopt from a foreign country?" I was stuck in the details of how to do it, but as soon as the words were out of my mouth, I realized I hadn't answered his question of should we do it. "Are you sure you want to do that, Edward?"

"I saw you hold her. I saw the look in your eyes when you thought she was dead in the mudslide. And I saw the look you had when you had to let her go. She's a special little girl to both of us, and as long as you're comfortable with it, I think we should. You know, for Marisol."

I smiled. It was so like Edward to say that. Sure, he wanted me to honor my pledge to Marisol, but he'd forgotten that _I'd_ seen _his_ face when he thought she was dead, too. He loved her as much as I did.

"Well then, for Marisol, we'll do it." The smile that came across his face made my heart soar.

He immediately launched into the research he'd done, which, I was surprised to find out, was extensive. What little I knew from my time here was that all foreign adoptions had been basically suspended. Even if one was granted, the adoption laws in Guatemala could be tricky to navigate, if not impossible. The fact that she was orphaned helped. There would be no parental release necessary. Also, because we had local connections through our work here, Edward was able to speak to some people in powerful positions. All we had to do was stay longer than four days in the country and have several blood tests run. It seemed impossible.

"How did you pull this all off? I mean, it's nearly impossible to adopt kids here." I was astounded with the idea that we could be leaving with Grace in only a few short days.

"Well, you've certainly seen the downside of my being a celebrity," he said with raised eyebrows. "Let me show you the upside."

The entire climb down the pyramid, he told me all about the strings he'd pulled and the work his lawyer had done to make this happen. I wanted to be annoyed that he'd done all this without consulting me, but I couldn't. He knew nothing was set in stone, but he also knew I'd never let that baby girl out of my arms if I held her again. For that, I loved him more than ever.

I found I could hardly control my nerves on the way to the orphanage. It had been nine months since I'd seen her. She could be walking by now. She'd look and feel different.

"Are you okay?" Edward asked, gently rubbing my bouncing knee as we made the drive to the neighboring town.

"Don't tease me," I said, smiling weakly as I squeezed the life out of his hand. "You know I'm a mess."

He laughed out loud. "Yeah, I can see that, baby."

The orphanage was on the outskirts of town. It was run down, and I worried about how well Grace had been cared for here. Carlisle had assured me she'd have nothing but the best care available to her. Still, it was hard to see evidence of that from the looks of the place. I should have known the orphanage, like everything else here, was about so much more than appearances.

Inside, there were several women working and playing with the children. They were laughing and giggling. Although primitive, there was a small place for the kids to play outside.

An older woman approached us. Edward began speaking to her in Spanish. I was preoccupied looking for Grace, so I didn't even listen to what they were saying. She ushered us past several rooms and outside to a small patio. There were three or four children playing there, but my eyes went straight for the tiny girl in the corner with big, beautiful eyes.

It was her. I knew it was her.

Tears ran down my eyes. "Hija?" I said, never wanting the word daughter to ring true more than I did at that moment.

I held my arms outstretched to her, but she didn't come. The woman explained that Grace was a shy child, although sweet and mild mannered. She also wasn't walking, although she was quite adept at getting around by other means. I could be patient. I would be patient. This little girl had survived a hell of a lot, and I wouldn't add to her trauma.

We sat there for the rest of the day playing with Grace. The doctor in me wanted to give her a full exam, but I knew that would have to wait. For now, we were just Edward and Bella getting to know our new daughter. She was an absolute delight. Her smile looked so much like Marisol's had. I never knew the father, but Grace's features were delicate and sweet and she definitely favored her mother. She was as beautiful now as she had been when she was born.

We reluctantly left the orphanage that afternoon. I couldn't get little Grace out of my mind.

Later that night, I rested my ear against Edward's chest as he lay on his back in our bed. I could hear his heart beating, still faster than normal since we'd just made love. He played with my hair, gently massaging my scalp as I relaxed into him.

"Are we really going to do this?" I asked as I rested my chin on the back of my hand on his chest.

"You mean Grace?"

"Yeah."

His hands moved from my hair to my cheek. "We can pull the trigger tomorrow if you want to. If you're asking me my opinion, then I'll tell you I've never seen you happier than when you're with that little girl. It feels like it's the right time for us. But I want you to be sure. I know I've done a lot of this legwork without including you, and I don't want you to feel pressured or rushed. I only did it so we had options. That's it."

I played with the hair on his chest, breaking our eye contact while I thought about what he'd said. I knew he would never pressure me. I didn't feel pressured. I felt relieved; because I knew I couldn't handle any more goodbyes in my life. There had been too many – with Jake, with Edward, and with Grace. She would fit in our family and have a happy life. Edward was right; it was the right time for us and for her.

"I want to take her home."

Edward pulled me up his body so I was laying flush against him. His arms engulfed me as he hugged and kissed me sweetly.

"Well then, tomorrow we can go get our daughter."

Daughter. The word brought tears to my eyes.

"I love you so much. Not just for Grace, but for everything. You know me so well, and I'll never be able to tell you how happy you make me."

"The feeling is entirely mutual. Being here in Guatemala seems surreal. It's hard to believe what a different place we were in when we were here last. I'm happy about the difference, even if we had to go through some rough patches to get here."

"We're going to have a daughter." It sounded especially foreign coming from my mouth.

"Yes, we are."

The next morning, I couldn't wait to get back to the orphanage and complete the adoption. I had to hand it to Edward and his lawyer, they hadn't missed anything.

After we'd been at the orphanage for about an hour, the nurse from the day before brought us a bag filled with Grace's limited possessions. The woman's smile was kind as she gave Grace a final hug goodbye. She stood and squeezed my hands, silently telling me she believed this precious child would have a good life with us. It made me elated just thinking about it.

Surprisingly, Grace didn't cry much as we left. We'd built up a rapport the day before and this morning, so she was comfortable with us. I knew she might relapse into sadness once she realized she was really gone, but I was happy for her resignation and acceptance now. She just stared out the window of the car until her eyes grew droopy and eventually closed. I couldn't take my eyes off her.

I felt Edward's hand on my own and turned to look at him as he drove.

"It's real," I whispered.

He smiled and squeezed my hand, pulling it to his lips to kiss it. "It's real, baby."

The flight home was grueling. Grace did, in fact, have a meltdown once she realized she was no longer in her familiar surroundings. We tried to calm her down, but she was difficult to console. I stared down any passenger who gave me a stink eye, surprised at my seemingly automatic mama bear response.

Edward finally got her to sleep on his lap. Her little fingers were wrapped around his as she rested against his chest. I could understand the sentiment. I, too, was often comforted in his arms. They both looked so happy.

I brushed a strand of hair from her face and tucked it behind her ear.

_You'd be proud, Marisol._

I leaned over and brushed a kiss on Edward's cheek and then one on Grace's cheek.

My family. It finally felt right.

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**A/N: *sniff* That's it, well almost! My pre-readers have asked for a future shot to see how our new family is adjusting to life back in the states, so I'll try and work on that for you guys! Check my profile for pics of their wedding attire and adorable baby Grace!**

**Major love to my betas – Viola Cornuta and TwiHart. I can't imagine this process without you! Thanks for everything! **

**To my pre-readers – ellierk, Dana1779, and Sunfeathers – a huge thank you for your support and kind words throughout. I love you guys so much!**

**To my readers – you are what have made this worthwhile. I've loved your comments and knowing I've touched you in some way. Thank you for supporting me. I've so appreciated the pimps and the recs and the reviews! A million thanks, and please don't forget to leave me your thoughts! **

**So, what's next? I am currently rewriting my first fic, **_**What Happens Now**_**. That should start to post in about a week or so, maybe less. **

**I'm tossing around a couple of ideas for my next fic as well. Possibly a sequel to StR? Or possibly something a little darker? Maybe vamp? Or maybe something completely fluffy? I'm open to all plot bunnies, so if you've got any ideas, let me know! Otherwise, please add me to author alert (not just story alert.) This definitely isn't the last thing I'll be doing. **

**Also, I do Tweet about what I'm up to, so follow me to get updates. I'm at wandb_ff.**

**Thanks for the fun ride. *muah***


	28. Chapter 28 Release

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. **

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**Chapter 28: Release**

**Edward**

I was a nervous wreck. Today was the day of my book release and signing, and Bree had me running around all morning. I just wanted it to go according to plan. Bella's meticulous nature had rubbed off on me.

I'd spent the last eighteen months writing, and my book was finally ready to be released. It was an historical fiction about a young couple traveling through Guatemala and Central America. I hoped it would open people's eyes to the realities of life there and provide insight into the incredible struggles, yet enormous faith of the people. I was very proud of my work, and it had truly been a labor of love.

I grabbed my phone out of my pocket and texted Bella.

_You guys going to make it on time? Remember it's at noon. ~E_

She texted back immediately, and I had to laugh when I read it.

_You're worse than me. Now I know where Oliver gets his impatience. See you at noon. ~B_

I was predictable, I guess, always worried about things being perfect. Oliver was our six month old son, and he wasn't known for his patience. He certainly kept all of us on our toes. Bella and I hadn't exactly been trying for a baby, but we weren't preventing it either, so although we were happy, it was a bit of a surprise when Bella found out she was pregnant. We'd expected to have to wait a lot longer.

Oliver Edward Cullen was born on October 3rd at 4:15 pm, much to the chagrin of his older sister, Grace, who was none too eager to share the spotlight. Over the last few months, though, she'd really come to love her little brother and was even quite protective of him.

Bella was still working in her practice, which she really enjoyed. The research she'd done in her previous job had been widely recognized, and she'd been invited to speak at several conferences on the subject of childhood cancer. It would always be something near and dear to her heart, but her own practice was much more suited to our life.

I watched the kids a few hours a day while Bella was at work, but it was impossible to get anything done with them around, so we had a nanny come to the house to help. Our daily life involved a lot of balancing of our schedules, but we'd gotten into a pattern that worked for us.

Life with two kids was certainly hectic and kept us busy, but it was a good kind of chaos. I found myself unable to remember what we did before they came along. I became used to the near constant noise in our house. It made our house a home.

My book signing went exceedingly well with a huge turnout. It was exhausting, but one of my favorite parts of my job to get to meet my readers. Afterwards, we had a small reception for family and friends at our place so I could thank them for all their love and support. Grace and Jane, Alice and Jasper's daughter, ran around on the grass playing tag. They giggled and hid behind the adults, who tried to carry on conversations amid the screams of laughter.

"Hey, I hear congratulations are in order," I said to Emmett as he approached. He had just proposed to Rosalie this week, and I hadn't had a chance to congratulate him yet.

He gave me a half hug and chuckled. "Yeah, I couldn't let you have all the fun."

He joked, but I knew he'd been thinking about asking Rosalie to marry him for a while. The rest of us knew it was just a matter of time.

"We're happy for you," I said. "So, when's the big day?"

"Don't worry. You'll be the first to know. Bella and Rosalie have been busy as bees with the planning. I told Rose just to tell me when to show up."

I laughed. Bella really was anal-retentive, and I recalled the precision with which she planned our small, informal wedding. I could only imagine how she'd be planning something more elaborate. Rosalie was the same way.

"Daddy," I heard a small voice say from behind my knees. "Uppy, uppy."

I reached down instinctively and picked Grace up. She was growing like a weed, and I wondered how much longer I'd be able to carry her like this without throwing out my back.

"What's up, mija?" I asked, giving her a kiss on the cheek.

"Doggy," she said, grimacing as she pointed to the black ball of fur in front of me, lifting her feet to protect herself.

I laughed. Jasmine was a medium-sized dog and completely harmless, but she thought she was tough. "It's just Jasmine, sweetie. She won't bite."

Grace buried her little face in my neck and squeezed me tightly so I could protect her from the imminent attack of our house pet. I hugged her back, loving the feel of her little limbs encircling me. I hadn't known what to expect from parenting, but it was the little moments like these when I realized how happy my family made me.

We made a point of speaking Spanish to Grace and talking to her about her heritage. It was important to us to honor that, and we looked forward to taking her back to Guatemala one day.

"Sweetie," Bella said as she passed me holding a tray of food. "Can you bring that tray of cold cuts from the kitchen?"

I handed Gracie off to Emmett, who immediately threw her in the air, eliciting a squeal of laughter, and I walked into the kitchen.

I felt Bella's arms come around my waist and leaned my head back against her shoulder.

"You having a good day, baby?" she asked.

I nodded and turned around in her arms, pulling her into me. "I am. I can't believe it's finally published."

She reached up and brushed a hair away from my face. "Well, you've worked really hard. You deserve it."

I leaned in and kissed her sweetly. "Thank you for believing in me and for throwing this party. I love it."

"How else could everyone show you how proud we are of you?"

"Well, we'll see if the book sells," I said, shrugging.

"It doesn't matter if it sells one copy or a million. What's important is that it came from the heart."

God, I loved this woman.

Just then, the monitor in Oliver's room came to life, indicating he was up from his nap. Bella made a move to get him, but I stopped her.

"I'll get him," I said.

"But it's your party?"

"I don't mind."

She ran her hand along my cheek, smiling, and turned to grab the cold cut tray. "Okay, I'll see you outside."

I climbed the stairs and opened the door to my son's room quietly. The room was darkened, the shutters drawn closed, so my eyes took a moment to adjust.

I walked over to the crib and Oliver was beaming up at me, kicking and happy.

His dark brown eyes were just like Bella's, and his smile was just as captivating.

"Well look who's awake?" I returned his eager smile.

I felt a surge of pride flow through me. I had a wonderful wife and two beautiful children. We were so fortunate, and each day I tried to forget the little things that bothered me and focus on that.

I tried to remember that, even amid the devastation of Guatemala, the people there felt undying devotion toward family and friends. I strived to emulate that devotion with my own family.

In that moment, standing over Oliver's crib, while he smiled and kicked at me, just waiting for me to pick him up and hold him, I knew it had all been worth it. Everything I had been through had gotten me to this point. Had I made any different decisions along the way, I might not have been standing here. I might not have been so lucky in life.

I was eternally thankful – for Guatemala and the adventures I'd had there, for Bella, for Grace, for Oliver. For everything.

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**A/N:** ***sniff* So, that's it. I hope you enjoyed this story. It's been a fun ride with you all. Thank you for your support. I appreciate it very much. Please leave me a review with your parting thoughts! **

**This story is infinitely better because of my betas – TwiHart and Viola Cornuta. I can't thank you guys enough. Thanks, as always, to my pre-readers, who make me smile. **

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**And with that, I click the "Complete" button. Thanks again for a fun ride, and I hope you'll stick around for my new (and improved) stories. **


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